Story: This Life, Lived In Perfect Symmetry
Author: Liam the lemming
Beta: captainlove (thanks again dude!)
Rating: T (for language and references to Things Boys Do *ahem*)
Warnings: Expletives, lashings of innuendo
Word count: 4772
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything related to it.
Story summary: Kurt's forgotten something important, and Dave's reaction takes Kurt completely by surprise.
A/N: Finally, the epilogue to Perfect Symmetry I promised months ago! Sorry it took so long, and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it. =)
This Life, Lived In Perfect Symmetry
"You're freaking out again."
"Don't even start, Rachel. I remember what you were like when you auditioned for Fanny."
Kurt was having a minor meltdown, and Rachel was, surprisingly, the voice of reason. It was quite the role reversal for them: normally, Rachel was the highly-strung diva and Kurt the comparative oasis of calm.
Comparative, of course, because Kurt was now rehearsing for the play he'd been picked for. The role he'd fought for, just as Rachel had fought for her role in Funny Girl. The role he'd always dreamed of playing, and had resigned himself to never having.
He would be Elphaba. The Elphaba.
It had all sprung from the idea of taking an established play and putting a whole new spin on it, as had once been done to Othello. Kurt and Dave had befriended Adam, a lively senior from England with a taste for unorthodox concepts - his performance of Baby Got Back with his troupe, Adam's Apples, was so far removed from the original that it left Kurt and Dave slack-jawed in amazement - and he'd casually been skimming Patrick Stewart's Wikipedia page when he noted his portrayal of a white Othello in a "photo-negative" production with a majority black cast.
Adam decided Wicked could do with a similar treatment - only this production would be gender-flipped. It was only an amateur production, but it had attracted the attention of a few notable members of the NYADA faculty. The phrase "be careful what you wish for" had never rung so true: Kurt had his dream role firmly in his grasp, but with the attention of a considerable cross-section of the student body and the interest from faculty members the pressure was mounting.
His dream was starting to take on a slightly nightmarish hue.
"Yes, I remember," insisted Rachel. "I tended to overreact, freak out and generally fall apart at a moment's notice. I am not letting you make the same stupid mistakes I did. It almost cost me the role!" she barked commandingly. "You are not going down that road," she proclaimed, urging Kurt to fight the rising panic.
"You're not the boss of me," grunted Kurt through gritted teeth.
Rachel flipped an eyebrow up. "Apparently I'm not the critic of you either," she sniffed. " You seem to have that base covered and tied up in ribbons."
Kurt's fretting suddenly lost its foundations as he realized Rachel was sassing him in a very ... familiar way. "Wait, what?" he blurted. "Where the hell did you learn to get sassy?"
Rachel's eyes spun like slot machine dials. "Uh. Here?" she observed dryly, gesturing to the apartment. "I've been living with both of you for over a year and a half, and I've known you both longer still. If I hadn't picked up a little sass by now, I'd be a lost cause."
"Next thing you know, you'll be just as rampant as us too," snarked Kurt, knowing full well Rachel had been putting herself out there quite a bit after Santana and Quinn had paid her a visit in the wake of her and Finn's parting of the ways.
"Oh, shush !" retorted Rachel. "You two ganged up on me with Quinn and Tana to shake me out of my funk, don't be surprised if I actually take your advice and find my leading man," she grinned. As sure as Rachel and Finn had been about their chances of surviving a long-distance relationship, the fates had intervened: Finn had caught someone's eye back in Lima and had fought to resist her inevitable charms, and even Rachel had struggled to keep at bay the unexpected brace of potential suitors who had taken a shine to her - even more so after her plaudit-winning performance as Fanny Brice.
Rachel urged Finn to be honest about the distractions they'd both come up against, and together they agreed to a break after a heart-to-heart in order to try to work out their muddled feelings. Ultimately, the break became a split as they both realized their confidence had grown to the point where they no longer depended on each other any more.
They'd stayed friends, but it always felt a little awkward when either of them came close to discussing a relationship either one was in. They both hoped for the best for each other in that regard: it just felt weird talking about it. They promised to stay off the topic for the sake of their friendship, and for the most part it seemed to work. Kurt and Dave were relieved: anything that reduced the drama in their shared household was eagerly welcomed.
"Well, go on, then," sniffed Kurt airily. "Go out and meet up with your fancy man while I stay here and work my ass off." He paused. "Bitch," he muttered under his breath enviously. There was no heat to it, of course - the two traded blunt barbs on a near-daily basis, much to Dave's amusement. They were his cabaret.
"Hey, I've earned a little time off!" rebuked Rachel, unable to keep the amusement from her tone. "That's why I get to go out and have some fun while you stay in and rehearse."
"Of course, it'd have to be like that, wouldn't it?" grunted Kurt. "Everyone's out having little romantic liaisons while I'm saddled with rehearsals on Valent-"
Kurt's mind snapped into place like a steel trap. It was February.
"Holy shit, Dave! It's Februwurruh, wurruh... wuh, wuh... whoa."
Two years. Oh crap.
No. Two years and a week and a half. So ten days ago...
Double crap with a crunchy crap topping.
But Dave hadn't even mentioned it. He'd forgotten their anniversary last year - although, admittedly, his course had been crazy busy around that time. His workload had bloomed unexpectedly and it all caught him a little off guard, so it was entirely understandable that he'd let it slip. Kurt had reassured him it was fine, and they had this huge special romantic day together once the dust had begun to settle.
But this time there was nothing holding Dave back. Why hadn't he brought it up?
He... he must still love me, surely? I mean, he... no, he's been giving me space lately. Maybe it's not just to give me room to go bananas over rehearsals. Maybe he... maybe he's trying to show me it's coming to its natural conclusion.
Oh god, there's nothing natural about this ending. I can't lose him! I need him!
The mere thought sent a stream of tears down Kurt's face. The idea of losing Dave felt physically painful, like someone had stuck a knife in his guts and yanked it sharply upward. Before he could string a coherent thought together, he was sobbing.
Rachel had been waiting for Kurt to realize they'd missed their anniversary. All she could do was hold him and wait for the tears to subside. She'd already discussed it with Dave, so she knew what came next, but she knew she couldn't intervene.
The next step had to come from Dave, and Dave alone.
The more he thought about it, the more horrible it became.
Rachel had left Kurt alone, as her considerable reluctance came off worst against his resolute insistence that ruining her night wouldn't help anyone. She hated leaving Kurt in the state he was in, and left him with the hope that he may have just overthought everything. In the end, it was all she had to give him.
And now he sat alone, the Wicked script laying unheeded in his lap, as he contemplated his folly. He'd thought they'd last forever. He'd thought this was for keeps. He'd thought...
Oh, who was he kidding?
He'd always had this worry, in the back of his mind, that his feelings for Dave would fade away, that his love for him wouldn't last. They were young, after all; that kind of thing did happen. Evidently, it hadn't happened with his mom and dad: they'd loved each other right up until her dying day. And Paul and Helen still seemed remarkably close. They'd all found love at a reasonably early age, and it had stayed strong.
But he'd often wondered if they were more the exception than the rule. He'd always feared his feelings would wither on the vine.
He'd never stopped to think he might not be the one whose feelings dissipated first. The more he considered it, the more it made sense that Dave's feelings, such was their intensity, were practically destined to burn out sooner.
It didn't help that they butted heads now and then. Kurt had honestly hoped those days had long since gone, but even a few months ago he'd stupidly brought up Dave's past with a mutual friend and it was only Dave's politeness that had stopped him from storming out. He'd looked hurt all evening, and it took Kurt a lot of convincing later to explain that he'd only brought up his past to illustrate how far he'd come, and that he was by far the one person in his life he was most proud of.
Maybe Dave still remembered that evening. Maybe it had left a more painful scar than he'd ever chosen to reveal to Kurt.
Or perhaps it was merely masked by all the other scars he bore. Kurt's freak-out before Nationals when he discovered Dave had invited Carmen Thibideaux. Their bust-up when Dave had discovered he'd been coaching Finn and Azimio behind his back. The fiasco with the kiss at Scandals. His own shocking attitude in the aftermath of the break-up with Blaine.
And none of it came close to the recollection that Dave had honestly thought, at all , that Kurt had suggested that suicide was a reasonable way out of the bullying he'd encountered that fateful October.
Perhaps Dave was better off without him after all, if they had such a history of trouble communicating well.
But where did that leave them in the meantime? They both lived here in Bushwick. The same attic apartment. The rent paid for in half by Dave's parents. If Dave moved out, Rachel and Kurt would most likely have to find somewhere new.
And if he stayed... seeing him every day and not being so close to him any more? Could he even bear that?
A dull ache began to develop in the pit of his stomach. The immediate future suddenly seemed certain to be dreadful, not just due to the break-up but its aftermath. But he knew delaying it would only be putting off the inevitable.
He'd have to have this out with Dave the moment he came home.
As he waited, he recalled last year's equally haphazard anniversary. They'd made it through, and Kurt was understanding about it all, but had Dave taken it as a sign that things might not last?
Kurt called Dave in from his relentless studying. His workload had really blown up in his face over the past few weeks. He'd been trying to keep him on an even keel - or, at least, keep him regularly fed. "Dave, honey," he called out. "C'mon, you gotta eat sometime."
Kurt could hear Dave grunting, most likely in frustration at some aspect of his work which was eluding him for now or just taking its time getting done. Nonetheless, he'd made his way to the kitchen. The smell, pleasant enough from the bedroom, hit him full in the face. "Jesus," he gasped. "Kurt, what is that?"
"Carole's lasagna," crowed Kurt. "I finally talked her into giving me the recipe. I told her we were wasting away to nothing, and she caved!"
Dave couldn't help but chuckle at Kurt's subterfuge. "Kurt, you meanie!" he chided playfully, taking his seat.
"C'mon, if it gets us a meal this good, I think I can call it an act of kindness," grinned Kurt in return as he served up one portion each.
"Oh man," sighed Dave, relishing in the scent as the meal lay before him. "I can't imagine ordering something this good at a restaur..."
Dave's commentary came to a dead stop, his face morphing into a mask of dread.
"Kurt," he asked finally, his voice small and timid. "What's the date?"
"Does it matter?" smiled Kurt, knowing full well what point Dave was trying to make, and trying himself to steer him gently away from it. He still had a lot of work on his plate, and Kurt was keen to help him avoid distractions.
"Kurt, don't do this, please!" begged Dave, more forcefully. "Tell me what the date is. I have to know."
I need you to tell me how long it's taken me to remember our anniversary.
Kurt walked round to Dave and wrapped his arms around him from behind, resting his head forward on Dave's shoulder in a hug. "It's February 4th," he stated, gently but persuasively, "any time we want it to be."
Dave wasn't buying it. "Kurt, that's an excuse," he grunted, angry at himself for missing such a momentous occasion.
"No, it's not," retaliated Kurt forcefully. "It's a decision. Your workload is insane right now, you need to focus on that. It'll be out of the way soon, and then we can celebrate. Hell," he chuckled, "we might even throw in a little celebration of this workload being behind you!"
Dave let out a shuddering breath. He wanted to believe it, but it all felt too simple. It was sensible, and it meant they'd be able to give themselves over to it without anything lingering in the background, but... their anniversary. Their first anniversary.
And he'd missed it.
What did that say about him?
For all Kurt knew, Dave was still dwelling on it, especially now, and Kurt's own forgetfulness may have set Dave's mind. He wouldn't know until Dave got home.
There was that small mercy, at least.
The sound of Dave's keys in the door rang out like the rattling chains of the Ghost of Christmas Past. An overblown interpretation, of course, borne of his wild imagination, but the sound chilled his blood just as surely as any ghost may have done.
He let his head droop toward the script. He couldn't bear to watch Dave's return home, knowing what was most likely to come with it.
Dave immediately knew there was something badly wrong. The look of abject misery writ large across Kurt's body language practically shone through the apartment like a warning beacon. "Hey babe, what's wrong?" he asked, his words filled with concern.
Kurt glanced up toward Dave, trying to find the words, to say... what? What could he say? He opened his mouth, but nothing came. He looked away, and looked down once again at the script.
Dave made the best guess he could, given the signals, and his heart sunk. "Oh god," he groaned. "Tell me they haven't abandoned it after all the work you've put in."
Kurt guffawed mirthlessly at the guess. "If only it were something that mundane," he croaked, trying to hold back the tears.
Dave was staggered by Kurt's sentiment. "That mundane?" he gasped. "Kurt, you've been focused on this thing for over a month! I know how much it means to you, how can you even say that?"
Kurt braced himself for the worst. "Because there's something worse," he gulped. "Something I forgot. Something that should have happened over a week ago."
A look of sudden understanding swept the alarm from Dave's face, swiftly replaced by an apparent calm. "Our anniversary," he nodded. "Yeah, I know," he added, his calm never breaking.
Unlike Kurt's heart, which felt like it could shatter at any second. The calm could surely only mean one thing: Dave had already made peace with... with...
He still couldn't bear to phrase it in his mind. With the end. With our break-up.
With leaving me.
Part of him urged him to fight for what they had. "But... but you never said anything..." he pleaded.
Dave's expression changed once again, to one of mild amusement mixed with... concern? Kurt didn't yet dare to believe. "The pressure you're under? Of course I didn't," smiled Dave. "You're rehearsing to be Elphaba, for god's sake," he grinned.
Kurt still needed assurance that he wasn't misinterpreting Dave's intentions. It didn't seem like he wanted to break things off with him. "But... but our anniversary...!" he urged, rising to his feet, the script falling to the floor.
"Can wait until after the run," assured Dave, gently but resolutely as he made his way over to Kurt, "and maybe intermingle with a celebration of how successful it all was."
It all sounded a little familiar. Like last year. But Dave had seemed so... hurt at missing their anniversary then. Kurt fought to swallow down the lump in his throat, a tear rolling down his cheek.
Dave reached down and picked up the script, handing it to Kurt as he reached out with his free hand to take Kurt's. "And it will be, y'know," he beamed proudly. "It's gonna be awesome."
Kurt tried to convince himself everything was suddenly fine. He failed. "But... god, Dave," he choked tearfully, "what does this say about us?"
Dave paused briefly, thoughtful and reflective. "Actually," he concluded, "I think it says more about the notion of anniversaries."
The point was so utterly lost on Kurt his tears dried up in the moment. "...what?" he spluttered in confusion.
Dave smiled once again, and tried to explain his point. "We're crazy busy, a lot of the time," he continued. "And it's likely we will be for most of our lives. Hell, there's not even a guarantee our anniversaries, birthdays, any of that stuff will even coincide with us being together. Me being off meeting a client, you being tied up with rehearsals and performances, maybe even press junkets. Our lives are gonna be hectic, and they're not gonna politely give way just because it's one special day in February."
It made perfect sense to Dave. Why run their lives to a calendar?
It made horrible sense to Kurt, who took it to mean their lives were going to come between them. "Are you saying... we're doomed?" he croaked miserably.
Dave flicked up an eyebrow, and a resolute frown settled. "The fuck I am," he declared insistently.
Kurt took a moment to digest this reaction. It wasn't over. So... oh. Right. "Then... okay, well, that's... that's good!" he concluded, his certainty stretching and filling the void where his uncertainty currently lay. "That's... wait," he asked, the uncertainty pushing back. "What are you saying?"
Dave grinned at Kurt's confusion. It was adorable. "I'm saying, why let a calendar dictate when or why we can celebrate our relationship?" he explained. "Hell, I celebrate it every time I fuckin' see you, babe," he breathed earnestly. "Every time I hear about you doing some awesome thing. Every time I hear you sing. Every time I get to tell you how well things are going at college, because it's all stepping stones toward a happy, stable life together at the end of it."
And Kurt hadn't figured this out for himself? He suddenly felt like the village halfwit.
And the village was New York fucking City. Jesus. "Oh god. I really should have thought about all that," he winced.
Dave chuckled at Kurt's moment of self-flagellation. "So yeah," he concluded. "Fuck anniversaries, we can celebrate us anytime we choose. It's like you said last year, babe," he added, recalling Kurt's observation the previous year. "It's February 4th, whenever we say it is."
Kurt couldn't help but grin. "I did say that, didn't I?" he nodded eagerly. Dave nodded right back, beaming. It stirred something within Kurt; still, with Dave, something usually did, and it didn't take much. "I uh... don't suppose we could squeeze in a little celebrating this evening?" he asked, grinning coyly.
Kurt's coy grin was one of Dave's major weakness, and he was all too eager to obey. "Oh, we can squeeze in as much celebrating as you want, babe," he assured him, his eyes twinkling. The two boys fell into each other's arms and kissed like they'd been apart for weeks.
"Y'know, if we ever get married," observed Kurt as they came up for air, "and lets not even touch that one right now because it'll turn into a bramble patch," he urged with a nervous chuckle, drawing a hearty laugh from Dave. "If we do, the whole anniversary thing could get a little weird," he noted.
"Nah," disputed Dave. "It's not like birthdays. We were born once. That happened once for each of us. Being each other's husbands?" he emphasized, drawing the comparison. "That'd happen every fucking day. We'd have any day we choose to celebrate that," he shrugged, Kurt still wrapped in his arms.
"One might say the same about our wedding day," suggested Kurt, spotting the obvious wrinkle. "That'd only happen once too."
"Yeah, but..." started Dave, and paused to consider his argument. "Look, our wedding day..." he began, before being derailed at the notion that it might happen too soon. "Not that I'm even giving that half a thought," he added urgently, "because you're right, fuckin' college right now, that'd be nuts," he warned hurriedly, drawing giggles from Kurt. They were well and truly on the same page there.
Dave calmed slightly, seeing that the potential bomb had been defused. He continued his point. "That day would be a one-off," he observed. "Any celebration of that day in particular would be such a weak echo of it, it'd almost be like paying it a disservice. That day would be its own celebration. Also," he added, "it'd be kinda silly to celebrate a celebration of us, it's like we're one step further removed from the point of it."
The understanding came over Kurt like a sunrise.
"And the point is," stated Dave intently, "we're amazing together. And we will always be amazing together."
The simple logic of it all blindsided Kurt, his mouth falling agape. "My god. You really are one of the smartest people in my life," he drawled in delighted astonishment.
Dave played a familiar trope. "Well, I don't like to brag, y'know?" he grinned with a familiar mock-bashful shrug.
Kurt shot it down in a heartbeat. "Fuck that!" he barked excitedly. "Shout it from the rooftops. Do you have any idea how sexy it is to be athletic and intelligent?" he retorted, almost growling the sentiment.
Dave's grin grew into a wide beaming smile at Kurt's reaction, lighting up his whole face. "Sounds like something worth celebrating," he replied hungrily, after a beat.
"Hallelujah!" growled Kurt hungrily, beaming from ear to ear, dragging Dave to the bedroom.
Dave and Mark sat together in the bleachers, watching the players practice, honing their eye for talent. Dave had already figured out how to gauge a player's temperament, as well as their dexterity and agility, and it had helped him more than he'd realized both on the field and off it.
"So they all know you're gay?" asked Mark, still incredulous.
"Sure," nodded Dave amiably. "I just dropped Kurt into the conversation one time when they were all suggesting I wasn't getting any because they'd never seen me with a chick, and a few of them just sat there, struck dumb," he chuckled.
"And you never got any grief from them?"
"Not really," shrugged Dave. "One or two of 'em freaked out a little, but nothing like how my friends at high school reacted. Back then, some of 'em couldn't even deal until Kurt intervened after the stoopid thing, and I had to get a little more... forceful with a few others."
Mark grinned. "I love how you call it the 'stoopid thing'," he chuckled.
"Well, it was!" asserted Dave. "If it'd worked, I wouldn't be here now enjoying the life I've got! And how awesome is my life right now?" he smiled, trying not to feel too smug about how well things seemed to be going for him.
"Well said, man," nodded Mark. "So, uh... how forceful did you have to get?"
"Well, I got two of 'em suspended, and one expelled," explained Dave, as Mark's jaw dropped. "Remember I mentioned Kurt's ex, Blaine?"
"The guy who outed you?" recalled Mark. "Yeah, you mentioned him last week, you said he and his boyfriend were going through some... stuff?" he concluded, not sure if he wanted the details of the stuff in question.
"Yeah, I won't bore you with the details," smiled Dave.
"Cool," nodded Mark, visibly relieved. He was cool with Dave's sexuality, but that didn't mean he wanted to know too much.
"Well, I unmasked him as the guy who outed me and we all kicked his ass, then we framed three of the guys who'd done the worst of the bullying," continued Dave. "One got expelled, and the other one from the football team took a lot of hard tackles until he started to get the message."
"Damn, dude," gasped Mark. "What did Kurt say?"
"He was there!" grinned Dave. "It was his idea to frame the three douchebags!"
"Holy shit, that's amazing," chuckled Mark. "Your boyfriend is a fucking mensch."
"Yeah, I know," smiled Dave. "I'm such a lucky bastard."
"So, uh, has he figured out he missed your anniversary yet?" asked Mark. He paused. "You're taking that awfully well, by the way."
"Eh," shrugged Dave. "I did it last year, so I know how he's probably feeling. I've got a plan to make it all a total non-issue."
"Oh? What's that?"
"I'll put it to him this way: 'Last year I forgot about it, this year you forgot about it... how about from now on we just forget about it?'" grinned Dave.
"Uh, putting it that way almost makes it sound like you're gearing up for a break-up," cautioned Mark. "Just saying."
"Hmm, you could be right," nodded Dave. He thought for a second or two. "That could go totally in our favor, actually," he grinned.
"Really?" queried Mark skeptically.
"Totally!" replied Dave, suddenly enthused. "He'll be so relieved about not losing me, he'll totally go along with the idea. And besides," he shrugged, "I kinda hate having to stick to a single date for this shit anyhow. I wanna surprise him, you can't do that when there's all this expectation on a specific day."
Mark looked thoughtful at Dave's revelation.
"Do not pull that on Michelle," grinned Dave. "I know you're thinking it over, and I can tell you, she will not understand. You both need to be on board for it to work out, and she never will be!"
Mark's shoulders sagged as he sighed. "Yeah, you're right," he grumbled in resignation. He paused. "Man, you and Kurt fit so fuckin' well together," he smiled, pondering the lifespan of their relationship. He paused again. "I don't mean that way," he clarified urgently. The less time he spent with his mind straying unwelcomely into... that stuff, the better.
Dave chuckled at Mark's reticence to even be misunderstood for a moment. It'd long been one of the things he enjoyed about their friendship. He nodded in understanding, and allowed Mark to get to the point he was clearly getting to.
"You fill in the gaps of each oth... no, there's gotta be a better way to put this," he spluttered, to more giggling from Dave.
"We fit together like two perfect jigsaw pieces?" suggested Dave.
"Really not a better way, dude," grimaced Mark.
"C'mon, man!" chortled Dave. "There's really not that many ways to put..."
The ideal phrase suddenly came to him.
"Perfect symmetry," he mused, as much to himself as to Mark.
"Huh?" asked Mark.
"It's like... well, like you said," volunteered Dave. "We're both basically the same shape - psychologically, emotionally, spiritually - but from different angles. And when we lock together, the gaps just disappear."
"Holy crap," drawled Mark. "Yin and yang. Dude, you're yin and fucking yang!"
Dave beamed at the notion. "I think I prefer the 'perfect symmetry' idea, personally," he grinned.
"Either way," shrugged Mark eagerly, "that's easily it. Man, that's totally you guys."
A lascivious grin spread across Dave's face.
"...What?" probed Mark uneasily, knowing Dave well enough to expect the worst.
"Just thinking about us... locking together later on," giggled Dave.
Mark recoiled, grimacing. "DUDE!" he wailed. Just because he could see it coming didn't mean he'd learned to handle the impact. Still, he was learning. Slowly.
At least he knew for sure that Dave would keep his ...symmetry to himself.
And Kurt, of course.
A/N: I may yet write a few one-shots based in the Perfect Symmetry universe, but don't count on it. :) After the time it took me to write this, I don't want to go making promises I end up breaking.
Either way, I'm glad I got to dish this one up to you all. Thanks for reading, everyone. =)
- Liam
