One: Bonding Experiments
This contains an unhealthy dose of suggestive adult themes. Reader's discretion is advised.
It was creepy and all Dirk did was stand there, staring at his back. He could feel it.
"Well?"
"What do you mean 'well'? This is disturbing as hell."
"I thought you'd say that... or something like that," Dirk said and fumbled with his jacket before taking out a pair of sunglasses, green and striped with white. he placed them over his eyes and smiled, seemingly proud, "So, I got this."
Todd snorted. "That doesn't help."
"Help what?"
"The-" Todd sighed and turned back to the subject, "Never mind."
Dirk shrugged and stood there, still. Todd walked over to part of the wall and swallowed, knowing he should've been grossed out completely but he just couldn't find the care for it. The Polaroids all had different people but all pictures had the same theme in an almost constant, lewd manner. He turned back around and nearly yelled when Dirk stood just a foot behind him, who somehow found his way behind Todd, so silently. Todd shook his head and stared at Dirk.
"How many?"
"Only 46," Dirk answered with a certain whine that Todd noticed the man couldn't help but add with almost everything he said; habit eight, Todd counted.
"ONLY?" Todd asked in disbelief that quickly faded when he turned back around to look at Dirk's wall. "Holy shit, Dirk."
"I don't think so. I think they're quite terrific," Dirk replied, looking at what he probably thought was a masterpiece that Todd only saw as complete insanity.
"How many were still alive?"
"45."
"...What happened to the one?"
"Well..."
Dirk's lack of answer and substituted pause gave Todd a shiver.
"Forget it." Todd turned to the door and almost passed Dirk when the taller body blocked his way. Todd looked up to find Dirk with his normal, cheery face.
Though the grave voice of, "I didn't tell you to leave yet," constricted Todd of moving at all.
After a pause, Dirk smiled and patted Todd's shoulder. "I'm only joking. Let's grab a bite to eat and figure out this case." He smiled wider and turned to the apartment door, already making his way out of there.
Todd gave one last quick glance inside the red room before catching up to Dirk's yellow back. This was by far the weirdest habit Dirk has ever shown him.
"Nine," he said under his breathe.
"What are you?" Todd asked cautiously.
"A detective."
"Yeah. You keep saying that but what the hell is up with that... THING I just saw?"
Dirk stopped on the sidewalk, just five steps away from his corvette. "Well, Todd, I am a detective," Dirk paused and Todd just shook his head, more confused, "but... I was... am... still am... aaaaa... detective. In this way, I can keep track of the cases I've had or encountered. Which is many. Ish. Partly. Few."
Todd's eyebrows raised and his mouth formed a thin line. He knew that Dirk wouldn't exactly answer his questions the way he'd like, or anyone would like Dirk to so Todd sighed before asking something easier... kind of, "Who are you doing those things for?"
"No no no no no no no. I don't work for anyone... exactly," Dirk fiddled with nothing in his fingers as he continued, "I work for the universe, Todd. The universe tells me what to do. I simply just... detect." Dirk got into the driver's side and Todd reluctantly followed. "I'm a holistic detective. I thought you knew."
"I do but... you can't help the thing?"
"I mean, I CAN help it. It's simply because the people I come across in my cases are..." Dirk thinks and turns the key of the expensive car, "Unavoidable. Besides, I never meet the wrong person."
"So, you can't help it?" Todd rests his case.
Dirk pursed his thin lips together and looked at Todd with that downward tilt of his head; habit 10, precisely unless habit 5 counts as the same thing. "Yes, Todd," He gave in, "That is why it's called a habit, I believe."
Todd didn't even nod in understanding. He just sat there, bracing himself for Dirk's horrible driving, figured as habit 2.
Honestly, Todd didn't exactly want to do this but Dirk complained and complained about how much he didn't really bond with his assisfriend and how it was such a horrible thing to do, on his part. Also, having Dirk as is 'boss,' it was quite inevitable that he'd have to do what he says: "Why don't you count my habits or quirks. It adds to the value of our friendship and how much you really know me, Todd." Besides, Todd's already a true believer of this 'universe' thing; being part of this agency, he had to be.
Once they'd arrived in a nearby fast food restaurant, Todd rushed out of the car and held his hands up, receiving a raised brow from Dirk. "What are you doing?" Dirk asked.
"I'm someone that's been relevant to this case, right?"
Dirk nodded, still seeming confused of what Todd was getting at.
"So... how come you haven't done any... THING to me yet?"
Dirk raised both eyebrows and thought about it. He walked around the car towards Todd who alertly backed up with every step which he later found embarrassing because Dirk was just going inside the restaurant. "I believe you're right Todd. That is unlikely of me. I guess that's one reason why you're a special case."
Todd turned slightly red, not knowing if that was a compliment or an insult hidden as a compliment. In all honesty, to someone like Dirk, it could've been both.
"Why didn't we just eat inside?" Todd finally asked.
"Did you want to watch me more aggressively than gently, push someone against a wall, closest one, nearby,and rip their clothes off, also quite aggressively, if there were an unavoidable person, as I explained, inside?" Dirk answered after swallowing, completely unaltered by that descriptiveness.
Todd stopped chewing and shook his head. Dirk smiled, satisfied by the reaction, and kept eating as he scanned the streets while in the corvette. Which was now a bright red because the blue one was lost somewhere but Dirk insisted that the Corvette was a trademark in their lives that they couldn't quite leave out yet.
Dirk's scraping plastic fork silenced after tons of scratching and Todd looked to his left. "What is it?" He asked, picking out sausages from the fried rice.
"If I left for an hour or two, would you still be here?" Dirk asked, his hand already on the handle of the door. Todd stared at Dirk before looking outside to see who has caught Dirk's universal radar. He spotted a young man, early twenties, walking down the sidewalk with heavy groceries, and distinctive red hair that most definitely would catch Dirk's eye. It almost made Todd jealous but Dirk wouldn't even care; it's his universal, 'can't help it' thing.
Todd nodded and Dirk smiled, gratefully as he slammed the door closed in which Todd locked right away as Todd's eyes watched Dirk come up to the boy and help with the weight.
The man left in the car sighed and closed the Styrofoam package of sweet and sour pork that Dirk left behind on his seat despite having a complete revelation on how sweet AND sour could be ingeniously combined. Todd laughed quietly and clambered over the bucket seat and plopped onto the back, laying down. He kept the take-out on his passenger seat at the front, cooling and uneaten.
Todd thanked for the shaded windows as he slowly extended his arm and traced his fingers against the low roof of the corvette, sleepily waiting. It's already been half an hour, he saw on the clock.
He wondered, wishing his mind just wouldn't, about how good of a time Dirk was having right now. He thought about how Dirk told him that he didn't have sex with him and used his 'habit' because he was 'a special case' and all Todd thought of was how wonderful Dirk's long lashes would feel against his cheeks. "...That's not fair, Dirk."
Todd closed shut his sight and placed his forearm over his ocean eyes, willing himself to sleep. He thought about how the hell his life turned out like this because of one completely atypical person. "Not fair at all."
Notes:
I sincerely hope you enjoyed that. First fanfic and all, it's kind of reassuring to know that I don't have to please everyone. But now I'll have to at least try.
Bear with me and read. Thank you.
Also, please do not mind the part where Dirk explains his job again. Todd asked what he was "again" because he now had a different perspective on Dirk because of the discovery of his habit and so Dirk simply answered.
