I looked at the black and blue spots on my arms. They were slowly becoming less.
I smiled a little.

It's not that bad.
Nothing is wrong.
I'm doing great, I'm not hurt, I'll survive, it's worth it. He stays now, from time to time.
I don't care how many times he beats me up.
I don't care how hurt he is now.
Nor do I care about how much shame he carries with him.
Or how much shame he brings on me.
Me, me as the hokage, I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't bring shame on my village by letting an criminal hurt me, love me, be my friend. They should have been prepared for it though. I have let the whole world down trying to keep him up. I'd keep him up on my pinky, even if he was the one who cut off all my other fingers.
My body ached now. It's not only because of him. I have work. Lots of work. I work overtime to meet him. Then again I can't sleep because of him and that makes me work more. I don't really know how this affects my work because of that. He sometimes even helps.. in his own way; by judging my choices.
It's funny isn't it? I listen to him. What would the people say when they knew an s-ranked criminal was making choices about them?! they would hate me! they would hate me for life..

The door opened aggressively. I pushed my armpipes down while pink hair swung above a pile of papers. "These people are annoying the shit out of me! what do they think, that you're a god? that's I'm a fucking demon angel thing? I'll kill them one day!" Sakura threw the files on his desk. "I already picked out some thinking files you'll have to do together with shikamaru. " I smiled brightly at sakura, though, she, of all people could probably see through it "you're tired, get some sleep, go get the day off"
I agreed. Since there was no way in arguing sakura either way.
Sakura's thing right now, is not even advising me, it is getting shikamaru and me to do stuff. We are the ultimate team.. We are also ultimately lazy, even when grown up. Sometimes even the ultimately scaruy team; and them I'm talking about I'm talking about ino and sakura, came together again to kick our asses, and get us back to work. To tamari's absolute annoyance of coures. She never really had something with ino, it's still basically the same. I would say they are just being jealous, foolish (since ino doens't like shikamaru) but whatever, if they like to fight who am I to stop them? The hokage. Okay good point, but there is no way I'd risk my life stopping these ladies.

I walked out, thanking sakura as she took my work over.
Walking through the city on days like this was horrible. I loved the attention, usually. But no one likes too much attention when you're tired. No one. I don't like the stares, I like the smiles, but not the fact they are all directed to me. I love the morning greetings, but sometimes they get too much.
I looked at my old apartment. The good old days, when sasuke was here and I was the little annoying guy. I would give so much to go back, proudly yell "Believe it" when people say I wouldn't be hokage. How much I would have loved to see myself now, I'd finally believe my own words. I honesly will find myself going to the people doubting me back then yelling "Believe it!" in their face.
I smiled at myself.
I could be proud.
If he hadn't been here. Not that I want that. I'd die if he'd leave now.

The black cloak had hidden the whole body. Still he knew al too well who this was. At least, naruto knew who's grave this was. It was mikoto uchiha's. Naruto had put the new stones there himself after he had become hokage. Pain had blown it all away, tsunade never had the money or the chance. Naruto had paid extra attention to the uchiha's graves, even though he knew it was unfair, he couldn't help it. Even if he knew he could never visit them without the whole village loosing their mind.

But now, he was here, and this guy was here too.
Naruto was certain, even if it was only by the way of standing, and walking, this was sasuke. It was the last damned uchiha. Naruto's best friend. Or ex best friend? whatever they'd call it.
With rilling legs naruto walked to the graves. To the man in black.

"Naruto" He heard before he could even come close.

His heart flipped. His belly turned. His mind lost it. Sasuke's voice had matured even more. Or maybe it had just been an incredible long time since naruto had heard it? Whichever it was, one simple word, no, naruto's own name out of sasuke's mouth made him loose it.
But he was the hokage, he needed to suppress these feelings.
"sasuke"

He sounded calm indeed. He sounded powerful like he was.

"Or should I say mister hokage now?" Sasuke laughed sarcastic, making naruto sick.

"No, naruto's fine" Sasuke turned around. He looked so mature. So beautiful. Like he always had. But now.. Naruto could appreciate it. Every single look at sasuke was a special moment.
"I'm looking for something, a small box with our families stuff"

"It might have been blown away by pai-" Withing seconds naruto had a swort against his neck. "Or it's buried here"
As the sword left, naruto breathed calmly. He thought about what to do. What would happen if he's be seen with sasuke.
"I'll let someone get it for you.. But you need to leave before someone sees you here"

"You're scared someone's going to kill me? Because they're all hokage's dogs, they won't" Sasuke bit at the blond. Probably thinking of what itachi had done while saying so.

"It's dangerous for me, not for you, now leave, I'll leave the box in the woods next to these stones"

Then, within seconds, sasuke was gone.

I pushed my face into my pillow. My head hurting thinking of the times me and sasuke had met up. I'm not even sure how it became like this. How me giving him something turned into this relation? How many times has he pushed his lips on mine and then cursed at me, left? How many times has he told me that he wouldn't come back, that I'd never see him again? How long has this been going on? All I know is that it's been too long. That it's horrible, I'm childishly putting my own feelings before others needs.

Every time he comes here I become more selfish. I start to accept the way he treats me more. Where did the little kid that yelled at sasuke go? has it disapeared? Or was it never like that? Did I yell because the danger was not there?

"What are you thinking off, crying like a baby?" The calm voice filled his room. Sasuke was next to me. I turned my head to look at the ceiling. "What are you doing coming into my village without permission?"

"I'm meeting the hokage. If you don't believe me you should ask him" I looked at sasuke. How could someone not fall for this, for him? blaming me would be foolish, everyone would fall for his cold sassyness.

" Oh, okay then I guess it's fine" I stood up and walked to my big kitchen. The house feeling less cold with the two of us. It had been like that for quite some time.
"You want something to drink?"

"Sake"

"not drinking again.." Naruto sighed. knowing where this would end up.

"What?" Sasuke said pissed.

"you never talk sober" I looked at him, a glare answering me

"I'm not planning on talking to you at all! be glad I do, fuck this, I'm leaving"
My eyes went around the room. Afraid he would really leave. Afraid my weeks of waiting for one visit would be in vain. All the pain I had thinking about him slashing through my mind. Missing him hurts so much more than the bruises and kisses. So much more.

"No, stay"

"Sake then"

"One sake for the stuck up asshole" Naruto mumbled taking a bottle of sake and handing it to sasuke.

"Say narutoo.. have you smacked the people who wouldn't believe you would be hokage yet?" Sasuke said, his bare chest showing even more because, i don't know he hates shirts even more when he's drunk?

"No sasuke, I can't, i'm the hokage"

"Pff, that's why I hate this, I can beat up whoever I want"

"But you don't"

"Shut up foxboy" Sasuke's voice was suddenly a little less mysterious. Which made me feel amazing. It made me feel like we were close together. Sasuke moved closer to me and pulled my hair. Here we go. Again. "Naruto, let's have sex tonight"

"I can't" He pulled my hair and pushed me down.

"It's not that hard"

"Sasuke, I can't.. I'm not going to bring shame on the whole village" Within seconds sasuke's first was on my jaw, pain going through my body. Surpisingly it didn't break on the spot. "I'll burnyour shamed village down!"
My arm burned as my raised them and let my fist connect with sasuke's nose. "Goddamnit naruto"

Am i really lving for these moments? For the way he beats me up drunken, because we both can't accept feelings when sober?

"Sasuke leave" Okay, I'll leave, and I'll stay away"

yes that's the way it should be. That should get rid of all the problems.

"no, no, stay.. I'll have sex with you, just stay" Sasuke walked my way, my jaw still hurting like crazy, his nose bleeding, my body ruined by his anger rages. "Naruto I hate myself" he said softly. "I killed itachi, and you.."

I nodded. " it's not your fault" "Everyone hates me" "People hated me to"

He'll regret this when he wakes up sober.

Sasuke pushed his lips on mine in the most aggressive manner. He pushed me on the cough, pulling my shirt out. tears from all the tension coming out of my eyes. Neither one of us really minding it. As his hand slipped into my pants. "we're two lonely boys" I whispered in his ear as his hand gripped my hard on. Sasuke smirked, licking my ear.

Suddenly I heard the door close. My eyes snapping to the door, seeing the pin hair quickly walking off.

"Shit, fuk, fuck fuck fuck" I stood up and walked to the door.

"You're going outside with a hard on?!" Sasuke yelled. Shit. His voice was that way again. He was going crazy again. "Going after your girlfriend?! have fun naruto! have a great life waking up with an headache from the pink hair!"

"sasuke calm down" I walked his way.

"FIRST I NEED TO CALM DOWN AND THEN I HAVE TO LEAVE! IT'S ALWAYS LIKE THAT! SO YOU CAN REGAIN YOUR PERFECT FUCKING LIFE!" I close my eyes. Knowing he was right. I did always send him away for my perfect life. But here was everything I loved, and his selfishness was going to ruin it. My voice tightened, almost gone

"That's right.. you are in the way of my perfect life" I whispered. As I got hit in my face. In my belly. Until I was bleeding. I couldn't move. I took it. I took it because this was the last time he'd beat me up like this. The last time I let him leave.
When I laid on the ground. Parilyzed. I started talking "sasuke, leave.. I'm going to protect my village"

"I never liked the village, so I didn't want to come back when you told me.. But I came back to you naruto"