I: Idiots are invincible

There's nothing better than the sound of my shoes hitting the tile floors of my workplace. I like that sound more than most things and more than I probably should. But fuck it-I'm allowed to think of myself as important as much as I want, and no one can stop me.

I wasn't always important, I didn't always think of myself this way. But thanks to many years of my schooling being surrounded by idiots, and then entering the workforce to find it ultimately the same, I know I am.

But I'm not a total asshole; I'm only one to those who need it the most. Being a necessary asshole changes lives, you know. I am living proof of such a fact.

Since the years I was in elementary school, I was the stereotypical tomboy, with my mushroom haircut and scrapes on my knees from running around like the little heathen I am. I blame three older brothers, but that's beside the point. In elementary school, I learned how to be an asshole for the first time.

There was this kid, you see. The poor thing was not very intelligent, and what he lacked in brains he made up for in annoyingness level. For some reason, I became the victim of the annoyingness, and I had no choice but to find a way to defend myself. But even if I shot the most vicious remarks his way, he just laughed it off. Idiots are apparently invincible. And in the human race, there are far too many idiots.

Things did not get any better as we got older and recess was removed from our social lives. Instead, he started showing up in not only my lunch hour, but some of my classes as well. I couldn't get rid of him. And you know how it goes in junior high: people naturally become more annoying anyway, so his level was off of the scale completely. More than once I found myself in the principal's office, practically tearing out my hair as a result of his obnoxiousness.

Finally, high school came around, and for the first semester, all was quiet. I had enough room in my brain to breathe and focus on myself for once, instead of hiding from the little red-haired cretin that wouldn't leave me alone. And then, second semester, he was in all but two of my eight classes. Six periods a day with the cretin, the king of annoying. And in high school, it was even worse, because he had a car, and he actually found friends just like him.

It was like he was breeding his own annoyingness through spores or something.

With some pulling of strings and a hell of a lot of hard work, I graduated a semester early and enrolled in college immediately. I graduated a semester early from college, but not because I was in any hurry to get away. In college, I finally lost the freak.

Or so I thought.

About the time I entered the job market at full force, the events involving Cloud Strife, ShinRa, and Sephiroth took place. I figured it was going to be a huge pain in the ass to find a job with the panic, but I had forgotten about my connection: Elena, one of my close friends from school, worked for ShinRa. She made her magic work, and soon I landed myself a job in ShinRa.

Of course, these things that come so easily also come with a catch or two. The first catch was seemingly obvious: as a new member of the "team," I was assigned the most dangerous and dirty tasks they could give me, to test me to see if I was really worth the trouble. The idea didn't bother me at all until I walked to the helicopter garage to fly out with my partners for the day and I saw the guy standing there with a headset on.

He had a smart-ass look on his face, naturally just there without him really trying. Red hair, the same color as mine, was spiked around his face, and when he turned his back to me for a moment I saw a long ponytail trailing down from the back of his head. He was wearing a Turk's uniform like me, but without a tie, and his shirt was neither buttoned nor tucked-in. Still, he looked like the experienced one in the group, and that was what terrified me.

"FUCK!" I shouted when I saw him. He just looked at me blankly.

It was indeed the same cretin from my school years.

"Are you the other new person?" he asked, sounding bored and a bit confused. I recognized his voice right away. The other guy there looked new to me, and he was definitely confused.

"Is there a problem?" he asked, trying to sound cool and intelligent. I ignored him.

"Is this some sort of sick joke?" I hissed, glaring at the red-head, who slowly smirked.

"What, you afraid of heights?" he teased. "You're May, right?"

I wanted to scream-he had pronounced my name wrong, to top it all off. Had this not been a wonderfully high-paying job, I would have walked right then and there. But I had gotten this far; I thought I could get away from him if I could just pull through this.

"MAE. Like "my," but don't say it like some uncultured hick like I know you're about to, Reno."

Reno raised an eyebrow, confusion written all over his arrogant face. "You know me? Well, I guess I'm not TOO surprised. I mean, I'm one of the top dogs here at ShinRa." He chuckled under his breath, and I sighed heavily.

"Let's just get this mission over with," I insisted, walking toward the helicopter. I was hoping that ShinRa was as big as it seemed, and that this mission would be the only time I'd ever have to see his sorry face again. If that had been the case, I don't really know what would've happened.

Reno and the other noob followed my lead, and soon the three of us were in the helicopter, waiting to get clearance to take off. We would be meeting Elena and another guy named Tseng at a mountain to retrieve some special something or other blah blah blah. At the time, I wasn't paying attention to the details. I was just trying to figure out how I would survive a half-hour long flight with Reno as the driver.

Fuck my life, I thought, glancing at the other new person. He didn't look like he was cut out for this mission shit at all. And then there was Reno sitting up in the front, whistling to himself as the helicopter lifted off. He was all chill. Well, of course he was. He had the controls in his hands. He knew what was going on. We didn't, and so I sat in thick tension, arms crossed.

Thankfully, Elena would be there waiting after only a half hour, and hopefully she would be riding back with us. I didn't know who Tseng was, but I didn't really care-there was no way he could be as bad as Reno.

But first we had to get there, and that meant trusting Reno to fly us out there, completely focused and professional.

To my horror, Reno instead looked over his shoulder at me, smirking.

"So how have you heard of me?" he asked as I twitched, terrified of us crashing. I didn't want to die in the hands of an idiot.

"We went to school together," I answered through clenched teeth. "All twelve years."

"Really?" he said, and I facepalmed without thinking. "You do seem kinda familiar, if I think about it, but whatever. School was school."

He shrugged, and I wanted to wring his neck. "School was school"? Maybe for him, but HE wasn't the one being tortured by someone else's idiocy!

"I mean, I didn't keep any of the friends I had or anything, so it's not like it mattered."

"…You really have no memory of being in school with me, do you…"

"…Not really, no."

I didn't know if he was just a wonderful bull-shitter, or legitimately telling the truth, but the thing that surprised me was that there was a glimmer of maturity to his words, and I wondered where the hell he'd picked THAT up from.

I felt a smite of pity for the other guy with us, who had no idea what was going on and sat there rather blank-faced, completely disinterested.

Reno didn't say anything after that, and I was tired of hearing his voice anyway, so I sighed heavily and slammed back in my seat. The rest of the flight was spent in silence; all we could hear was the drone of the helicopter blades above us.

Finally, after traveling through some thick fog, and after silently panicking that Reno would crash and bring us all to our untimely and only slightly deserved deaths, I heard a familiar voice crackle through the internal radio system.

"Tseng! Look at this!" Elena's voice gasped. They had found whatever the hell they were looking for, apparently.

"Paydirt," Tseng confirmed.

"Not a pretty sight, is it?"

"Who cares, just get the damn thing," Reno said, impatiently tapping his finger against a lever. The view cleared to reveal a large mountain range.

"Reno! The chopper!"

"You got it."

Sitting upright, Reno grabbed the control stick and flew us down into the mountains.

"I hope you two are ready for this," he said. I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not, which bugged me. Ready for what? They didn't tell us a damn thing before leaving, other than how to shoot a gun, which I've known for a while, thanks.

Maybe that was the point. Maybe we were supposed to be tested over how well we could handle being unprepared. I mean, anyone can be trained for a circumstance, but how many people can react well in chaos when unprepared? I think that was the real test we were supposed to undergo.

As we flew deeper into the mountain range, the grey sky and clouds changed to darkness, slowly engulfing our helicopter. I touched the gun on my lap, just to make sure it was still there. None of us knew what was coming.

Suddenly, the scenery around us blacked out completely. There were lights in the distance; I assumed them to be Elena and Tseng. The only source of light for us, however, was the glowing dashboard of the helicopter.

"Go," Reno commanded us as the helicopter landed roughly. "I'll cover you from behind, just go to the others!"

"Are they the lights?" the other recruit asked stupidly as I jumped out of the copter. Reno didn't answer him, and I realized that this really WAS a test to weed out the dumb ones.

A single gunshot rang through the area, and I saw one of the lights waver, then sink down to the ground.

"Elena!" Tseng's deep voice rang through the darkness. I lifted my pistol to the air, trying to pinpoint exactly where the shots came from as I ran toward the other light, which was approaching us quickly. The other recruit trotted behind me, and eventually Reno caught up with us. I was still leading the group into the darkness toward the light, which was bouncing along.

Another few gunshots were fired from the other end, and the other light, just feet away, came crashing down. A box came skidding over to my feet.

"Pick it up!" Reno commanded me, so I scooped it up quickly with one hand, keeping my gun ready with the other hand.

"Go!" Tseng gasped, and the new recruit took off back toward the helicopter. Reno and I lingered a moment, as if debating on whether or not to help him. Was he really as close as he seemed? Where was the danger that threatened us anyway?

And then, a flurry of gunshots scattered at our feet. Backing away quickly, both Reno and I fired back into the direction of the shots. They kept shooting back. It was total chaos, and I prayed I didn't accidentally shoot Tseng or especially Elena.

The strangers were getting closer, and it became obvious to me that they wanted whatever I was holding badly enough to follow us as far as they needed. We picked up speed, nearing the helicopter.

Reno jumped in first; I saw that the other new guy was already sitting in the back. They were still shooting at us.

"Hold this!" I shouted at the new guy, tossing him the strange-looking box.

Literally seconds after I had passed it off, I heard a gunshot and felt something hit my left shoulder, then an incredible pain. They had hit me. They were getting closer.

"FUCK!" I screamed, throwing myself into the passenger seat and placing my right hand on my shoulder.
From the glow of the dashboard I could see I was bleeding pretty heavily, and it hurt to move my left arm, with the exception of my hand. "GO!" I shouted at Reno.

The chopper lifted off shakily; I could still hear bullets whizzing by us.

"What is this thing?" the new guy asked, holding the box in his lap and looking down at it with a curious look on his face.

Before Reno could answer him, before I could even blink, a bullet shattered through our windshield, and another followed, nailing the new guy right in the cranium. He fell backward violently, the curious look replaced with one of surprise.

"Shit," Reno muttered under his breath, trying to concentrate on piloting.

I sat there, trying to relax while my shoulder gushed blood all over me and my seat. Those were not ordinary bullets. I don't know what they were, but they weren't the same shit WE had been shooting.

And as for the box, Reno never answered the guy's question. What was the point? he told me later. The guy hadn't survived to find out the answer.

But I had. I survived the wound, though the scar is still there to this day.

That box we risked our lives for was just the beginning of our problems in the new generation of ShinRa. And because of the events of the past, it was ShinRa's duty and destiny to take care of it.

I was the only new person to survive the tests involving that box.

As I turn down the hall, making my way down to my shared office, I hear the unmistakable chatter, the voices of my two best friends, coming from the break room.

"Fuck that, he thinks Cloud will just up and go with us?" one says.

"Apparently so," the other replies gruffly.

"Yo, what're you fools up to?" I say, poking my head into the room.

"Fuck off, Mae, we're not the fools here this time," Reno says, a pout crossing his face.

"Hey now, so I make one mistake in my whole life calling you a fool at this very instance. You could at least explain your reason for PMS to me."

"He's just mad that the boss is making him go to Healin for Cloud's sake," Rude says.

I roll my eyes, used to the tantrums by now.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Reno is one of my best friends now. After that mission, something about him changed. Maybe that was the maturity pill he needed for me to be able to stand him. But regardless, we had to work together in the end, and in the end, we became friends.

Rude is simply another Turk who works for ShinRa. He's a lot quieter than both Reno and me, but he knows how to speak when he does talk. Hey, every group needs the level-headed quiet one to balance things out.

This is the way things are now. The only thing to complain about now is the trouble that box brought us.