SUMMARY: If SLOZAC had been aimed at an older demographic, it might have looked something like this… Zack and Cody have moved into the Tipton Hotel in Boston, MA, at a time when puberty is beckoning. They deal with friends, peer pressure and especially girls. The older guests have a hard time of it too…

DISCLAIMER: The only thing I own is the idea of making SLOZAC more 'mature' and 'realistic'. Disney owns the characters and the settings; it even owns some of the dialogue I use, you may recognise some of it. Credit to DarkElements10, from whom I have borrowed the idea of one episode per chapter.

WARNING: This chapter contains frequent swearing, implicit drug use, sexual references and very mild violence.


Hotel Hangout

They had moved to a hotel in Boston, MA. It was posher than anywhere they had ever stayed, that was for sure. It was almost like living in an apartment.

Twelve year old identical twins Zack and Cody Martin had been shunted from state to state their entire lives but at last, they had found somewhere that felt like home. Now if only their mother could spend more time with them…

At thirty eight, Carey Martin was still attractive. Many of her admirers stated she didn't look a day over twenty one, which flattered her and disgusted their sons. She was also single, following a divorce from the fading rock star, Kurt Martin. After the divorce had been finalised, Carey had had a string of boyfriends, who Zack and Cody all hated. None of them lasted very long. An aspiring singer, Carey hadn't broken the music industry, something she was bitter about. She had resigned herself, then, to singing on cruise ships and swanky hotel clubs – like the one at Hotel Tipton, where she now resided.

Carey was lucky she had this gig – another month and she would have had to hand the boys over to Social Services and as bitter as she was about what life had given her, she loved her boys and would have done everything in her power to keep them with her had Social Services come knocking.

About a couple of days after the Martin family had moved in, Carey was straight into rehearsals. She sang on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights and rehearsed for a few hours during the week. Today, it was Wednesday afternoon and the twins had followed her into the lobby from their suite on the twenty third floor. They wanted a lift to the park but Carey was busy. She had told them at least three times in the elevator alone and the journey from the twenty third floor to the lobby was about thirty seconds long.

"It only takes about two minutes to drive there," Cody whined as they stepped into the lobby, which wasn't very busy for the moment. "Why can't you take us?"

Carey sighed in frustration. "Because, for the last fucking time, I have to learn new choreography." She ignored their whinging. "Mr Moseby's my boss and if he says I need to rehearse, I rehearse." She smirked as an idea came to her. "Maybe… the choreography will be something like this." She mimed shimmying down a pole, tossing her head back and licking her lips.

"Mom, stop that!" Zack hissed, moving his hands out as if to cover Carey up. "Never do that again, people are staring!"

"Don't even do it in private," Cody added, his eyes boggling in shock.

Carey snorted, still smirking. "I was joking, boys, sheesh." She started sheparding them towards the hotel entrance. "Go on now, scat. Go and play with your friends or something."

"We don't have any friends, Mom," Cody sighed. "We only started at school this week, remember?"

Zack nodded. "People pick on the new kids."

"Suck it up!" Carey frowned. "You can make friends at the park, now go! Jeez, it's not like we're gonna be moving anytime soon. This is a permanent contract I have."

"Not if you pole dance," Zack retorted. He spun around, mimicking Carey. He was about to suggest that the hotel catered for a different sort of clientele when he bumped rather hard into a table, which held an expensive, ornate vase. It wobbled and then fell of its stand.

"Oh fuck," Cody said. Zack spun around at the same time, just as a Mexican bellhop yelled "Shit!" and dived for the vase, from his position at the entrance. He caught the vase, but just barely.

"Don't fucking swear," Carey scolded.

"No swearing in the lobby!" came a stern voice from near the candy counter. It belonged to the manager of the Tipton Hotel – and Carey's boss – Mr. Moseby. At forty years old, he was still a bachelor, though not really eligible. He had no intention of settling down and getting married, preferring to be a workaholic. Some of his employers thought he was gay, although they never mentioned it to his face.

Mr. Moseby hurried over to the bellhop now, looking relieved that his precious vase had been saved. "Esteban, thank you. That was a good catch."

Esteban the bellhop got back to his feet, looking smug. He threw the vase high into the air, to horrified gasps from Mr. Moseby and Carey, and swearing from Zack and Cody. Esteban deftly caught the vase, winked at Carey, placed the vase back on the stand and resumed his place back at the entrance, whistling. Carey looked flustered.

"Cool!" chorused the twins. Mr. Moseby stalked over to Esteban and began telling him off. Carey took advantage of the twins' distraction by hurrying off to her rehearsal, leaving Zack and Cody alone in the lobby.


Later that evening, Mr. Moseby left his office after talking to his boss and the owner of the Tipton Hotel franchise, Mr. Tipton, on the phone. The latter was calling about his spoiled heiress daughter, London.

Mr. Moseby spotted London talking to Maddie, the 'candy counter girl'. London was wearing a coral orange, flowing halter top and coral pink trousers. Her outfit could stop traffic.

"London." Mr. Moseby approached the counter. Maddie quickly busied herself with work as London turned at the sound of her legal guardian's voice. She was heavily made up. Mr. Moseby was always saddened by London's obsession with cosmetics, amongst other materialistic pleasures. She was only fifteen; she had precious few years left of being a child and she should spend them wisely, in his opinion.

"I'd like a word with you," Mr Moseby began.

"Ugh, can it wait? I've, like, been invited to a premiere tonight." Without waiting for a reply, London started to leave.

"Hold it!" Mr. Moseby always tried to be patient with London but it was very taxing. "That's what I'd like to talk to you about. I've just had your father on the phone, who said that unless your grades improve, you are grounded. That means no parties, no premieres and certainly no shopping."

London gaped at Mr. Moseby. "Ugh! That is so unfair! What about Daddy's new wife? She's, like, allowed to drop out of college!"

Maddie was eavesdropping. London's life was always exciting and glamorous but she had no idea that Mr. Tipton had married again, and to a girl hardly older than her daughter, no less.

"That's different," said Mr. Moseby, although he did not say why. "He also insisted I hire you a tutor."

"Ugh," London sighed again. "I've, like, told him enough times, education and me totally do not mix."

Maddie couldn't stop herself. "Education and I," she corrected.

"Stay out of this, bitch," London snarled.

"London," Mr. Moseby warned.

London sighed. "Sorry, Maddie," she mumbled.

"Whatever," was the reply.

"Now, as I was going to say before you interrupted," Mr. Moseby resumed, turning to Maddie. "Madeline, you're a very smart girl. You can be London's tutor."

"No!" London burst out.

Maddie bit her lip. "I don't know, Mr. Moseby. I'm really busy, what with schoolwork and all the part time jobs I'm juggling. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but…" she trailed off.

"I'll pay you for it, of course," Mr. Moseby said.

"Deal." Normally, Maddie wanted nothing to do with London. In this case though, she needed all the money she could get, to support her family. What was a couple of hours tutoring between enemies?


Thursday lunchtime saw Zack and Cody eating their lunch alone, in the corner of the yard in Buckner Middle School. They sat apart from the various cliques and ate their soggy sandwiches.

"Wanna skip class?" Zack suggested.

Cody looked horrified. "No!"

"Dude, chill. I was just saying." Zack suddenly gasped. "The Drew Crew!"

"Huh?"

Zack nodded. The Drew Crew were the toughest crew in the twins' year, no contest. There were loads of rumours going around about them: they went to high school parties, they were dealers… Zack and Cody had even heard that Drew, the leader, knocked up a fifteen year old, although they weren't sure if this was true or not.

"They're so cool… I wanna hang with them," Zack said wistfully.

"Me too," Cody agreed, not as wistfully.

Drew and his crew walked past them. They might have ignored Zack and Cody if the former hadn't called, "Drew! What up, my nigga?" Zack held his fist out.

The Drew Crew stopped. Drew stepped forward. He had his hood up, presumably to make himself look tougher.

"What did you just call me?" He stepped towards Zack, who didn't say anything at first.

"I said, what did you just call me, clone?" Drew pushed Zack hard. Zack landed on his bottom and Drew spat at him.

"C'mon," he told his crew. They left, sniggering at Zack and Cody.

Cody helped Zack to his feet. "You wanna hang out with them?"

"Yeah," Zack huffed, slightly winded.

A boy and a girl had watched this exchange and had felt sorry for the twins. Now, the girl spoke up at Zack's words.

"Give it up, dude," she said. She dressed similarly to Zack, in combats and baggy shirts. "You don't wanna hang with them, they're a bad crowd. You're lucky they didn't stab you; that could be because metal detectors are up in the entrance though," she added.

"It's very therapeutic, getting stabbed," said the boy. He giggled and Zack and Cody looked at each other nervously.

"He's a glue sniffer," said the girl, like it was no big thing. "I'm Max, by the way. You must be Zack and Cody. This is Tapeworm; he was new here before you."

"Tapeworm?" Zack scoffed. "What kind of a name's that?"

"He ate thirty hot dogs in twenty seconds and got tapeworms. It was kinda nasty; he was crapping them out. Had to stay off school for, like, a month," Max explained.

"Cool!" said the twins.

"You're not bad," added Zack. "Wanna hang after school?"

Max didn't want to sound eager but she failed. "Sure!"

"No one's ever been nice to us before!" Tapeworm announced what Max didn't want to reveal. Neither Zack nor Cody knew what to say in response to this, so they ignored him. Max was used to Tapeworm's random outbursts; she just smiled at him and patted his arm.


"It's so cool that you guys live in a hotel," Max said as they stepped out onto the twenty third floor.

"Yeah, I guess it is," Cody said. The novelty had worn off somewhat since they'd moved. Zack and Cody stopped outside their suite and opened the door.

Carey had her back to the kids, so she didn't see them come in. She didn't hear them, either, as she was busy miming into a hairbrush and grinding to the music in her head. Her remaining hand brushed over the top off her chest and swept over her tummy.

"MILF!" Tapeworm muttered in awe.

"MOM!" Zack said loudly. Carey jumped and dropped the hairbrush. She readjusted her shirt, panting.

"What the hell are you doing?" Zack asked. Cody was in shock; his mouth was open and he was blinking hard. Tapeworm was doing the same but for different reasons.

"For your information, I was practising a dance routine," Carey said in a dignified voice. She noticed Max and Tapeworm. "See, I told you you'd make friends!"

"Mom…" Cody muttered in embarrassment, finding his voice.

"Whoa, is this yours?" Max asked, noticing the stereo by the wall.

"Yeah but I was just rehearsing -" Carey trailed off as Max turned it on and began break dancing to the hip-hop that Carey had queued up. Max's hat fell off, revealing pigtails.

"Whoa," said Cody, watching her dance.

"Whoa," said Zack, looking at her hair.

"Meh," said Tapeworm. Max only danced to show off. Tapeworm found it slightly annoying.

Carey clapped when Max finished. "That was amazing! That's what Mr. Moseby's looking for. Can you teach me some moves?"

"You don't mind, do you?" Max asked the boys.

Zack shrugged. "We can go play a video game," he suggested.

Cody and Tapeworm nodded and they left the girls to it.


Maddie had taken a break from her shift at six; she had an hour to tutor London before it started again. If she hadn't taken on the tutoring job her shift would have run straight through from four until eight as normal. As it was, Mr. Moseby had broken her shift up to make it a little easier.

She had ten minutes left now before her shift started again and so far, London had been nothing but insufferable. Not for the first time, Maddie wished her family didn't have financial problems.

"How's your research on Italy coming?" she asked, trying to sound interested.

"Eh," said London. "I've, like, placed an order for this gorgeous Italian dress. It, like, totally comes with a crocodile skin clutch, made from, like, real crocodiles!

What a stupid bitch, Maddie thought. "Have you done any research at all?"

"No," said London, in a tone that implied it should have been obvious. "That's, like, boring. I've been ordering clothes instead!"

Maddie finally gave up. "I'm off, my shift starts soon." She smiled to herself as she thought of the hot lifeguard who would almost definitely come over to the candy counter and order gum.

"What are you smiling about?" London asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," Maddie said automatically.

"Who is he?" London asked slyly.

Oh, what the hell, Maddie thought. She had to tell someone who wasn't immediate family and London was as close to a friend as Maddie had. Sort of.

"Lance, the lifeguard. I like him but, like, he doesn't know I exist, know what I mean?"

London stared at Maddie. "Um, no. Guys throw themselves at me, like, all the time."

"Really?"

London nodded, smirking at the thought of knowing something Maddie didn't. "Yeah, see, you're, like, too eager and guys totally hate that. You need to play it cool, play hard to get. Like, tonight, don't show up then, when he next sees you, he'll be, like, obsessed with you." What sane guy would be interested in her?

Maddie was nodding. "OK, so… play it cool, right?"

"Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen," London quoted.

"Cool, so that means I can go home early! I'll have to tell Moseby something's come up," Maddie planned.

"Uh huh." London was back online shopping and was paying no attention to Maddie's annoying, whiny voice.


Zack and Cody were not expecting another run in with the Drew Crew the next day but as they were walking down the courtyard with Max and Tapeworm, Drew called out to the twins as they walked past.

"Yo, clones!" Zack and Cody jumped and mentally braced themselves for another attack.

"Is it true you live at the Tipton Hotel?" Drew asked.

Cody frowned. "Who told you?"

"Tapeworm was telling everyone," Max announced sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Well, yeah, we do," Cody said redundantly.

"I don't believe you," Drew shot back.

"Our mom sings there!" Cody retorted.

Drew shrugged as if to say so what? "I heard they employ hot chicks to serve ice cream and shit by the pool in their bikinis," Drew said.

"They don't wear bikinis but they are hot," Zack spoke up.

"Naw, I still don't believe you," Drew said. He looked around, then beckoned the twins over to a quiet corner of the courtyard. "You better prove to me that you live there. If you don't…" He left the threat hanging.

"Fine, come with us after school," Zack said. "We can prove it."

"Alright." Drew started to walk back to his crew but changed his mind and returned to the twins. "Oh and, uh, don't invite those two," he indicated Max and Tapeworm, "They're not cool." Laughing slightly, he made his way back into school with his gang, leaving a confused Max and Tapeworm with and awkward Zack and Cody.


Lance arrived at twenty five past four to start his shift. He noticed with relief that Maddie was back. He had gone down to buy his gum last night and she hadn't been there. She was so bangable. Underage, but bangable. He sniffed roughly and sauntered over.

"Hey, I'll have some gum." He enjoyed the sight of Maddie jumping and becoming flustered at the sight of him.

"Oh, hey! Sure," Maddie replied breathlessly.

"So, uh, where were you last night?" he asked.

"Um…" Maddie remembered what London had told her last night. Would playing hard to get really work, or had London been tricking her? She had said it always worked… so how many guys had London had? She was only fifteen.

"I had other stuff planned," Maddie said, trying to sound aloof.

"Oh," Lance said. He knew exactly what Maddie was doing but he went along with it anyway. "So, are you going to have, like, other stuff planned tonight then?"

"Um…" Was Lance going to ask her out? "May-maybe, why?"

"I was gonna take you out for dinner after you finish work but if you're busy…"

"Erm, you know what? I can always cancel my other plans," Maddie said hurriedly.

"Sweet." Lance gave a lopsided grin and paid for his gum. "I'll see you tonight." He winked and walked off. Maddie watched him go, her heart beating fast, unaware that London had come out from an elevator and was giving her an odd look.

"My advice work then?" London smirked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah it did. Wow." Maddie felt very flustered.

"See? I, like, told you. So, like, what are you gonna wear?" London asked.

"Um, I dunno… um, jeans?"

London stared at Maddie again. "Ugh, you freak! Fine, just this once you can, like, borrow something from my closet. Wait there."

"I don't have a choice, I'm working," Maddie muttered to herself as laughter and talking erupted from the revolving doors.

Zack and Cody led the Drew Crew into the hotel. They could see a buffet table laid out with food samplers and, seeing no one around, they helped themselves.

"Man, this is tight!" Drew said admiringly as he grabbed some finger sandwiches.

"Can you pass the hummus?" one kid called down the table.

Mr. Moseby saw them as he was talking to a guest about special deals for tourists.

"Excuse me, ma'am." He strode down the ramp to the gaggle of kids. "Excuse me, this buffet sampler is only for guests who spend two thousand dollars a day. It is not for little children like yourselves."

"Aw fuck off, old man," Drew called. They all laughed and Mr. Moseby's mouth fell open in shock.

"Yo Cody, where's the pool?" Drew asked.

"Follow us, guys!" Cody cried and with a cheer, the gang headed to the elevators.

Mr. Moseby sighed. He had really not appreciated being sworn at and he really did not want Zack and Cody and their rowdy friends in the hotel at all; but at least they were out of his sight for now.


Zack and Cody led the way up to the roof of the hotel. There were plenty of sun loungers, which a few of the kids grabbed; a sizeable Jacuzzi where some kids headed for, rolling up their pants as they did so; and a cabana where a member of staff handed out towels for a living. Lance has returned to his chair, still feeling pretty good about himself after scoring a date with Maddie. As no one was in any real peril, he decided to text his friends to brag about the pussy he was getting tonight.

Zack and Cody settled themselves into sun loungers next to Drew, who was enjoying a massage. A pretty girl wandered over with ice cream and they all helped themselves. Like Zack had said, the girl wasn't wearing a bikini; she was in a dark green vest top and skirt to match the colours of the hotel. This didn't seem to bother Drew and his gang. Drew tried catching the eye of the girl serving ice cream but she was a good ten years older, so she ignored him.

Drew laughed as he dug into his ice cream. "Yo, this place is the shit," he proclaimed.

Zack and Cody looked at each other excitedly.

"I think he likes us!"

"Yeah, we're finally in with the cool kids!" Zack and Cody had never been considered popular in any of their previous schools – maybe because they were never there for very long. They had always been ignored because they were the new kids or because some of their peers had this weird stigma about identical twins for whatever reason. But now they were in with Drew, they felt almost untouchable. People would respect them at last. People would be intimidated, even.

Max walked out onto the roof, followed by Tapeworm. She didn't like how Zack and Cody were suddenly blanking her now in favour of guys who only liked them because they had access to one of Boston's swankiest hotels. But maybe, a part of her thought, if Drew had accepted Zack and Cody, maybe he'll accept us, too.

It was worth a try.

Tapeworm had wandered over to the ice cream girl, who now had an empty tray. "Hey, where's all the ice cream gone?"

Drew sniggered, prompting sniggers from those around him but thankfully, not from Zack and Cody. Drew didn't respond to Tapeworm, which is what I would have done, to be fair, Max thought. She looked over at the nearby Jacuzzi, where two guests were climbing out. What better way to get to know people than in a Jacuzzi?

She nudged Tapeworm and nodded to the Jacuzzi. "How about a quick dip?" she asked in a loud voice.

Drew was out of his chair immediately and into the Jacuzzi, his cronies following suit. Zack and Cody weren't too far behind and soon Drew's Crew and the twins had managed to fill up the Jacuzzi, leaving no room for Max and Tapeworm.

They're not going to accept us, Max realised. It was still worth a try, though.

"Hey, budge up, guys," she said.

"Awww." Drew turned around and smirked. "Why don't you play with the babies in the baby pool?" It wasn't particularly mean but Max flushed with hurt all the same.

"I wanted ice cream," Tapeworm sulked.

"Oh – they sell it at the cabana over there," Cody said helpfully. Zack frowned at him slightly as Max and Tapeworm headed off. Being friendly towards a glue sniffer and a rumoured lesbian weren't going to score any points with Drew.

Luckily though, he seemed to think that Cody had sent them off for a different reason. "Good thinking, let's ditch 'em. C'mon, guys." Drew and his crew started to get out of the Jacuzzi.

"Cool, I'll just tell them -" Cody began, before Zack hit him.

"OW!"

"Dude," Zack hissed. "We're ditching them. They're not cool anymore. They're freaks."

"It'll hurt their feelings though," Cody protested, looking back helplessly as they followed Drew's Crew towards the elevator.

"Dude," Zack said again. "D'you really think they have feelings? Tapeworm's a druggie, he only cares about himself and when he's gonna get his next fix, he doesn't give a shit about us; and Max is a selfish dyke bitch," he added harshly, before looking to see if Drew was listening.

Cody sighed, torn. He liked Max and Tapeworm, they seemed like genuinely nice people, despite their problems. On the other hand, didn't he and Zack long for popularity? They certainly wouldn't get it if they continued hanging out with Max and Tapeworm. Cody turned back towards Zack and the others and followed them into the elevator.


Carey saw them only a few minutes later, on her way to rehearsals. The lobby was packed with kids, much to the chagrin of some of the older guests.

"Hey!" Carey called as she passed her boys. They were at the buffet table, helping themselves to food. It seemed Drew's Crew – not to mention several more kids from their year, who had turned up at Drew's insistence – had ignored Mr. Moseby asking them not to eat from the table.

"Hey," Zack replied.

"You've got popular," Carey remarked, staring around the lobby.

"Yo Zack," Drew called over. "More finger sandwiches?" He pointed to his empty plate.

"'K," Zack replied.

"Moseby's not going to be very happy," Carey said. Indeed, since the arrival of more kids, Mr. Moseby had been torn between booking guests in while the receptionist was on a break or going over to confront Zack and Cody.

"We were thinking of moving them out of the lobby anyway," Cody replied. Carey nodded and continued more quickly to rehearsals.

"Yo," Zack said, making his way back to Cody. "I asked Drew if he was gonna get more people round and he laughed and said not today."

"Thank God," Cody sighed. "I was thinking we move them back upstairs, to the games room? It'll get them out of Moseby's way."

Zack looked over at the manager, who was getting increasingly agitated. "Good idea." He raised his voice so that the kids could hear him. "Alright, listen up!" It took him a while before everyone had stopped what they were doing. "Follow us to the games room!"

The kids whooped and followed Zack to the elevators. He looked over at Mr. Moseby, who looked relieved that all those children would be out of his sight for the rest of the day.


Maddie was in two minds after her date with Lance, which had just finished. She had planned to go home and think about it but London had texted her before the date, telling Maddie to see her afterwards.

She was at the door to the penthouse suite. She rang the doorbell and London answered a minute later.

"Date finished?" she frowned. Maddie nodded and London dragged her in, down the hall and through a door into her living room, where they sat on her pink couch.

"Tell. Me. Everything," she demanded.

"Oh! Um, well…" Maddie began hesitantly. "He's nice and everything and the food was nice but… I don't think it's gonna work."

"Why not?"

"Um…" Maddie squirmed. London stared at her almost coldly.

"He tried having sex with me!" Maddie blurted. She blushed bright red.

London shook her head slightly, uncomprehending. "And?"

"And I'm so not ready! How do I tell him?" Maddie cried.

"I dunno. I've, like, always had sex with the guys I've dated. Isn't that, like, what everyone does?"

Maddie shook her head now in disbelief. "No!" Her cell phone rang. The caller ID said Lance. "Shit! It's him! What do I do?"

London sighed. "OK. If you really, like, don't wanna have sex with him then you, like, totally dump him."

"I can't," Maddie whispered. "I-I don't know how."

"Oh. My. God." London stared at her. "Are you, like, a retard? Tell him you're totally not into him. You, like, have to end it if you're, like, gonna be frigid."

Maddie tried not to look hurt. She pressed answer, wondering what to say. "Hey Lance!" she chirped, trying to sound cheerful.

London's doorbell rang again. She left Maddie, that socially awkward bitch, and went to answer the door.

It was Moseby. "London!" He looked genuinely pleased to see her. "Working hard?" What the hell did he mean? Was Maddie meant to be, like, tutoring her or something right now?

"Um… yeah!" It was the right answer; Mr. Moseby beamed.

"Wonderful! I just need a quick word with her." He made to go inside but London stopped him.

"Um, she's, like, in the middle of a totally important phone call."

Mr. Moseby frowned. He'd thought she had been lying about studying. "London, I've just had your father on the phone again. He says this time that if you flunk on any test between now and next summer, you'll be attending parochial school."

London didn't know what parochial meant but she knew that Maddie went to one of those schools. She really didn't want to see Maddie at school. She could barely avoid her at all as it was.

"Ugh! Fine!" She slammed the door in Moseby's face and stormed back to the living room. Maddie had evidently come off the phone; she was looking shocked.

"I can't believe I made another date with him!" she moaned.

"Get over yourself," London snapped. "I've just been told that I, like, might be going to parochial school if I flunk anything!"

"Well, maybe if you worked hard and applied what remaining brain cells you have, that won't be a problem for you!" Maddie shot back.

"Yeah? Well, if it, like, means not seeing you more often, then I'll totally start doing that, bitch!" London said.

"Fine!" Maddie was pissed off. She saw London's math book and threw it at London. It narrowly missed knocking her out. "You've got a math test tomorrow; you better study hard!"

"Fine! And FYI, maybe if you got laid last night, you, like, totally wouldn't have this problem with Lance!" London yelled as Maddie loudly saw herself out.


It was dinner time. Normally Zack and Cody would be tucking in to burnt whatever but not this time. Tonight, they were entertaining what seemed like half the seventh grade but really was only about ten kids.

"This is going so well!" Zack grinned. Cody's stomach rumbled as it digested the ice cream from earlier. He still felt guilty for ditching Max and Tapeworm yesterday but he wasn't going to tell Zack that.

As Zack stood, staring around the room in delight, Esteban the bellhop came in.

"Zack, Cody!" He hurried over. "I have a message from Mr. Moseby.

"What?" Cody asked.

"He says your friends need to leave the premises immediately. He says he tolerated them yesterday by the pool but no more!" He bowed slightly and left. Cody had known this would eventually happen. Zack, however, looked nonplussed.

"But they're our friends! We can't make them leave!"

"They're not our friends. They're not even Drew's friends. These are just the hangers on," Cody reminded his brother, indicating with a spread of his arm.

Zack sighed. "Now what?"

"You deal with these lot," Cody planned. "There're still some on the roof, I think it's Drew's Crew. I'll talk to them since you can't say no to Drew, you queer."

Zack scowled and shoved Cody hard. He regained his balance and left, stopping only to flip Zack the bird.


Lance smirked when he saw Maddie. She had her back to him and was reaching up to a high shelf. He glanced at her ass and his smirk widened. He'd do her tonight, for definite. He twitched at the thought and began to walk over.

Maddie heard him whistling. Shit! She froze with her back to him. I need to end this. She felt him tap her lightly.

"Hey." She turned, smiling falsely. She let him kiss her, rather longer than she'd have liked.

"So," Lance began. "How about we hit the Jacuzzi?"

It was now or never. "We need to talk." Maddie hadn't meant for it to sound harsh but it was too late now.

Lance frowned. "Why? Is something the matter?" He leaned forward to kiss her again but she moved away.

"Yes, there is." She took a deep breath. "I can't see you anymore Lance. This isn't working." Maddie turned away, with red cheeks and her heart thumping, so she couldn't see Lance's reaction.

He had never been dumped before, he usually did the dumping. The frigid bitch! He didn't say that to her face though, he respected women enough for that. The stupid slut, she didn't have the guts to look him in the eye when she'd dumped him. He sighed angrily and stormed off back to his shift, almost knocking over London as she walked in.

London didn't notice Lance, she was too busy being smug. She saw, with a hint of schadenfreude, Maddie, with her head in her hands. She almost went straight for the elevator but something stopped her. If it hadn't been for that geeky bitch she would've flunked. London growled under her breath and went to see Maddie.

"Hey." Maddie's head shot up but when she saw it was London she relaxed.

"Oh, hey." There was an awkward silence as they remembered their row last night. "So, um… how did your math test go?"

"D plus!" London held up her marked paper. "I, like, passed but only just. Daddy's pleased but he said I could, like, totally do better."

"Well done!" Maddie smiled but it was still awkward between them both.

"Yeah." London wasn't looking at her.

"Oh! Um… I just broke up with Lance," Maddie said, attempting to restart the conversation.

London looked at her sharply. "Broke up? Were you two even, like, properly going out?"

"Maddie blinked. "Um, no but…"

"Whatever." London walked off. Maddie was so infuriating, trying to be friends with her. Does she, like, not realise I don't like her? London thought. She grew more irritated when the elevator doors opened and a stream of kids ran out just as she was about to get in. London swore under her breath. Sometimes she really hated this fucking hotel.


Cody raced onto the rooftop. Quite why he was in a hurry, he didn't know.

There were two kids in the Jacuzzi, as well as Drew's Crew, who were playing basketball. Cody decided to deal with the two kids first.

"Hey guys! Sorry to say this but you need to leave," Cody announced. The two kids looked at Cody for a second before resuming their conversation. Cody sighed. "There's a heated swimming pool with two water slides at the St. Mark's Hotel across the road." He highly doubted that this existed in the rival hotel but it had done the trick and got the kids out of the Jacuzzi, dragging their clothes and towels behind them.

Now for Drew, Cody thought. He mentally steeled himself for possible assault and racial slurs against white people.

Fortunately, Zack arrived on the scene. He was always the better talker.

"Everyone downstairs is gone," Zack reported. "How about up here?"

"It's just Drew and his crew left."

Aw, man." Zack looked over. "OK, Drew's still cool with us, he won't take it bad."

Wanna bet? Cody thought.

"Yo, Drew!" Zack called. Drew looked looked up from his basketball game and grinned.

"Hey, clones! Wanna play?" He indicated the limited space they had.

"Actually," Zack began. "It's kinda time for you all to leave."

Drew smirked. "We're in the middle of a game here."

"Sorry but we were told all kids who aren't guests here need to clear out," Zack said.

Drew laughed and shook his head. His gang laughed too. "Man, you guys need to lighten up. We'll leave in our own time."

"No!" Cody burst out, annoyed at Drew's attitude. "That doesn't work for us! We're sick of you using us just to get into the Tipton, so you can have access to the food and the Jacuzzi and the games room and the girls. That's why you need to leave now!"

Drew had stopped laughing. "Man, I thought you guys were cool -"

"No you didn't!" Cody retorted. "Like I said, you only liked us 'cause of all this." He spread his arms out for emphasis. Everyone on the roof had fallen silent.

"Yeah? Maybe you're right. Actually, no, wait – you are right. No one in their right minds would wanna hang out with you dumb fucks anyway – that's why you hang out with those two loser druggie shits." Drew and his crew laughed again. "C'mon guys, let's go."

As Drew started to leave, he casually threw the basketball behind him. His aim had been powerful though and the ball smacked into the aerial that stood on top of the hotel. It fell, knocking out the TV, radio and Internet reception and causing the wires that were held in place to come apart from the loops securing them.

"SHIT!" came the response from Zack, Cody and many of the guests as they froze in shock.


Mr. Moseby was not happy. Fortunately, Carey was heading towards him on her way to rehearsals. He would have a word with her about her boys and what they had done over the last couple of days and she could think of a suitable punishment for them.

"Carey!" She stopped and smiled vaguely.

"Make it quick, I have rehearsals."

Mr. Moseby gave her a stern look. "I've had to use hotel staff to round up the mob of kids your children call friends, who have been running amok in my hotel for the last couple of days. I am not best pleased."

"Hmm." Carey frowned slightly and was just about to hopefully reveal the boys' punishment when there was an almighty crash and several screams from nearby.

"What the fuck?" Carey cried as she and her boss turned to look out of the window. They didn't even need to move to see the aerial dangling by its wire, swaying dangerously in front of the hotel just inches off the ground.


"Fuck! I can't believe we broke the hotel!" Zack said.

With Cody's help (Drew's Crew and the remaining guests had fled the scene) he had grabbed the end of the wire so the aerial wouldn't take what was left of the wire with it. Now the twins were heaving and straining with the effort of trying to pull the aerial back up. It was a wonder that they hadn't gone over with the aerial, Cody thought.

"Need some help?" came a dry voice from behind. It was Max. She and Tapeworm stood watching Zack and Cody struggle.

"Please," panted Cody. Max and Tapeworm walked forward and grabbed hold of some wire.

For a while the four of them didn't talk; the effort it took just to pull the aerial back up using the end of metres and metres of wire was too great. If they had talked, Zack and Cody would have apologised for ditching their two true friends, who in turn would have confessed to overhearing their fall out with Drew.

What he had said was true; Max and Tapeworm were loser druggie shits and they cared about it a lot. In a way, Max was glad Zack and Cody hadn't stuck up for them; any denial of Max and Tapeworm would have been a lie, anyway.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Carey had run onto the roof. She looked livid. "When I told you this was your home, I meant treat it with respect, not fucking destroy it every chance you get!"

"Help! Please!" Zack groaned. His arms felt like they were going to drop out of their sockets. Carey sighed but went to help.

It took a couple of hours but the five of them eventually pulled the aerial back up. None of them could explain how they got the strength to do that. There wasn't a lot they could do afterwards except to leave it in the hands of the TV cable company, which meant that TV, radio and the Internet would have to remain down for a while.


A FEW DAYS LATER

Normal service had resumed at the Tipton Hotel. Zack and Cody had been very lucky that Mr. Moseby had decided not to press charges against them for damaging the hotel. The aerial had come close to knocking out random pedestrians, to say nothing of guests entering or leaving the hotel. The damage it could have caused to traffic had the situation been worse was unthinkable.

Drew hadn't been so lucky. Thanks to the number of witnesses on the roof, he was charged with dangerous vandalism. Zack and Cody didn't know what his sentence had been but it was probably a lot worse than cleaning out the Jacuzzi for two weeks, while Max and Tapeworm – who they were friends with again – watched them on sun loungers, eating ice cream.


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