Looking In

A Cry for Help
1st year, April

The petite, still prepubescent figure walked sedately down the manicured paths of Lillian Academy for Girls, just another first year high-school student making her way during the sunny April afternoon on this, the first Saturday of classes. Properly dressed in well pressed pleated uniform with scarf evenly tied at the collar, small charcoal-colored purse demurely held before her with clasped hands, she drew no notice. Just one more leaf hiding…in plain sight…in a forest.

This place is so peaceful, she mused for the umpteenth time. A wonderland of serenity. So unlike the rowdiness across the hill, filled with boys driven by testosterone to do the craziest things. They're cute really, sweet even, when looking at them from the outside in. Unfortunately, I'm not on the outside where I should be.

Arisugawa Arisu pondered again the twist of fate that had placed her in Hanadera, rather than where she felt at home…where she was now. She knew she was fortunate compared to some. Her mother and sister were supportive. Her father, a world-class violinist and her most beloved inspiration, had been phenomenally sympathetic, having twice gone so far as to take her with him as his daughter, rather than as his son, on international performing tours. Once to Europe and once to America, at the age of eleven, she had met and performed with people like herself who had overcome gender challenges to rise to become classical vocal or instrumental masters.

The loss when her father passed away a little over three years ago, when she was barely 12 years old and mid-way through 6th grade, had been devastating. That had been the start of her troubles, beginning with her enrollment at Hanadera middle school at the insistence of her paternal grandfather, an alumnus, who severely disapproved of Arisu and wanted his namesake, Kintarou, to embrace his role as the male head of his family.

Grandfather means well, I know. He'll just never understand. I know he's in ill health and I don't want to disappoint him, and I know from a practical matter that my inheritance and position as an Arisugawa is for Kintarou and not Arisu, but I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

Arisu rubbed her left arm as she replayed again in her mind the forceful shove on the first day of high school at Hanadera. She had landed wrong on her arm, fearing at first that it was broken and might harm the one thing in life that consistently brought her any real joy…her music. She was used to the teasing, but being manhandled was unusual even in her experience. She'd cried, giving her assailant exactly what he wanted and granting the crowd that gathered a show she knew she'd be months living down. She still wasn't sure how she would have made it out had it not been for her newest savior, Fukuzawa Yuuki. Her thoughts shifted as she felt warm remembering that moment, the sense of safety as Yuuki helped her off the ground and led her away with his arm protectively around her shoulder…glaring at the ones who had been laughing.

Stop it, Arisu! There's no sense in going down that road. You're not like the others at school. Yuuki-kun doesn't see you as a girl, just as someone in need…and his ridiculous gallant streak couldn't help but save me. It could have been anyone...he'd have done the same. That's just who he is, and it's his greatest charm. You're not a boy who likes girls, or even a boy who likes boys which are certainly well known at Hanadera. You're a girl in a boy's body. A freak…unprecedented.

A girly boy fit only for derision and the butt of jokes, not anyone's respect or affection.

Her breathing caught in a gentle sob as she found herself having come full circle, arriving back at the Maria-sama statue that stood along the entrance pathway from the outside world to the Lillian high-school facilities.

It's time to go back home, she told herself. The thought of again leaving this safe haven, the place, middle school and now high school, that she had come to now for three years to find refuge, made her stomach churn. Every time it was getting harder and harder to break away…to leave. Despite her best efforts she felt tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew she had best settle herself or she'd make a scene and the illusion might burst, destroying her one remaining outlet before the impending onset of puberty finally wrecked her hopes and dreams forever with no need of help from her foolishness.

Placing her bag under one arm, she put her hands together and closed her eyes in prayer, both in an effort to look unremarkable despite her frail emotions at the moment as well as to send her supplication to Heaven.

Maria-sama, please help me! I have nowhere else to turn now and the noose is tightening.

"Are you okay?" Arisu was jarred from her thoughts by a gentle voice and a light touch on her shoulder. She opened her wet eyes and looked to one side to see a tall, mature figure in a Lillian uniform with luxurious black hair, stunning golden-hazel eyes, and sharp features wearing a concerned expression. "I couldn't help but notice you were crying. I don't want to intrude, but I also didn't want you to think you were alone whatever the problem is."

Arisu's emotions were so terribly close to the surface at that moment that she burst into tears, burying herself against the gentle girl's left shoulder. She felt a free arm lightly encircle her own shoulder and a hand gently stroke her hair.

"It's okay, kohai, whatever it is. I know where there is some hot tea waiting if you'd like to join me for a while. It strikes me that you could use some company at the moment."

Part of Arisu felt the trap closing on her, knew the danger for discovery this presented. She existed at Lillian only insofar as she didn't exist. But most of her didn't care at this one moment in time. Here was someone showing her compassion, caring in a time of need. Someone not related to her, and therefore obligated to care. Not the rough ribbing of even those boys at Hanadera who were her supporters or protectors, but the gentle caring of a female. The caring she herself wanted to share with others, but which was appreciated by neither man nor woman coming from the likes of her. Something about this girl screamed trust into Arisu's soul. She gave into the desire to go with the illusion and allowed the woman to lead her along, finding herself holding and leaning against the woman's soft arm as they went.

"I suppose I should introduce myself since I haven't seen you before that I remember. My name is Kanina Shizuka. I'm a second year here at Lillian."

***PGBR***

Arisu had never gathered the courage to enter the buildings at Lillian middle school, and this was her first foray onto the high school grounds. She was surprised at the difference in the architecture from the facilities at Hanadera.

Even their walls are softer, finer, and more appealing, she mused, her sense of despondence returning despite the remarkably reassuring presence of Kanina-sama.

Since she had no idea where they were going, Arisu simply allowed herself to be led. She was glad even a proper Lillian first year could be excused right now for not knowing where things were given they'd have attended the high school for only a week. Still, she felt some anxiety that circumstances might test her. Only her sense that Kanina-sama truly meant her no harm kept her from breaking into sobs again, this time from fear and anxiety. She had become adept at discerning "safe" people over the years, and her intuition was rarely wrong now. She usually managed to stay safe by sticking to such people, or at least ensuring one of them was present at all times.

It seemed to Arisu their destination must be about as far from the main doors as humanly possible. Several hallways and two flights of stairs later, the pair arrived at a large room filled with objects very familiar to Arisu from a lifetime of intimacy with them. "The music room!" Arisu exclaimed with more enthusiasm than she had felt for some time. Her anxieties faded to the background as her joy at entering perhaps the most dreamed of room in Lillian rose. She parted from her guide to examine a magnificent harp which sat, currently uncovered, near a grand piano. A stand with music, the classic Bach Praeludium I by the look of it, sat to one side of the harp. Atop the piano was a violin case, open, with the bow and violin in plain view inside. There were chairs lined up in rows, filling much of the rest of the room. Cases for instruments were neatly placed in racks along one wall. Despite the number of objects present, everything was organized and had a grace to it. Even the Lillian music room, with its primacy implied for strings rather than for brass, felt more a home to her than Hanadera's.

"You like music, um…" Kanina-sama's awkward pause reminded Arisu that she had yet to identify herself to the generous girl who had saved her from her fit of despair before Maria-sama.

"Arisu," she allowed simply, hoping she could avoid lying or providing her family name without causing serious offense. Her enthusiasm damped down again and she waited to be either prompted for her family name or perhaps even chastised for her rudeness in not smoothly offering it as would be proper.

"Arisu-san. It suits you," Kanina-sama said with a gentle smile that belied no sense of offense. "You have some experience with music?"

"A little," Arisu allowed, careful not to cage herself. If I share how much I love music, she'll question why she hasn't seen me in classes all week, given she's obviously active here. I wonder what her instruments are? Or perhaps with that lovely voice she sings? Arisu loved singing despite it never being a strength of hers compared to her instrumental skills, but she had begun avoiding it passionately given her voice had just recently begun to show signs of breaking. The handful of times it had happened the previous month had been a jarring reminder that her days of hope were numbered. Just looking at her peers, even Yuuki-kun, when she was at school was a further brutal reminder of her fate.

"Perhaps you can share some of that over tea and cookies? I will go get both if you'll wait here a little while. Make yourself at home, Arisu-san. It would warm my heart if you found this room as much a refuge as I do." Again, that gentle but warm smile that was already becoming incorporated into Arisu's shield against the despair that was growing by the day in her heart, this after only knowing of Kanina-sama's existence for less than 30 minutes.

"Thank you, Kanina-sama," Arisu said with a bow of gratitude and respect. She watched as the jet-haired girl turned and exited the room, leaving the door slightly ajar as she departed.

***PGBR***

"Aika-sensei?" Shizuka announced with easy familiarity as she entered the teacher's office where she had only recently parted from her mentor, Fujisawa Aika, the orchestral and voice instructor for Lillian Academy. She used her mentor's given name only when they were alone. Still, she felt honored to have been granted that rare privilege, a mark of respect her teacher made clear she conferred only to those whom she saw as a peer in skill and dedication.

A tall, mature figure with long dark hair and sharp features wearing the conservative dress of a Lillian teacher stood from a desk and began walking across to the entrance of the room where Shizuka stood. "Shizuka-chan," the woman began with similar familiarity that changed with circumstances, "I thought you were on your way home."

"I was, but I was intercepted," Shizuka began explaining. "I was walking past Maria-sama, ready to give my respects, when I noticed this girl, a new first year by the looks of her, crying quietly and trying to cover it up through a prayerful stance. As you know, I'm normally not one to get involved in others' troubles, but something about this girl troubled me. I've never before felt the kind of despair I feel from her. It disturbed me, and I felt compelled to help her. I chose to give her some gentle reassurance."

Shizuka paused uncomfortably. Her mentor continued for her with a smirk, allowing some of her working-class Osakan upbringing to come through as often happened when she felt humor, "She buried herself in your chest and bawled her eyes out, right? I know you don't like hysterical or even just highly troubled people, Shizuka-chan. I'm really surprised you got involved."

"So too am I," Shizuka admitted more primly than her teacher, with a sigh and downcast eyes. "I can't explain it, but I somehow know this is not characteristic of her, that she's only losing control of her emotions because she truly has been pushed to the limits of her remarkable endurance." She raised her eyes to again look at her mentor, trying to convey the veracity of her feelings.

Aika's expression, which had been smiling due to her initial sense of irony in the situation, became more grave and she bit the edge of her lower lip in thought. "You have a gift of seeing to the core of people, Shizuka-chan. A gift I have always admired. If it was anyone else, I'd wonder if you were dealing with a fan who was a very fine actress."

Shizuka's head shook to denote her certainty that this was not the case. "No, I've dealt with those since middle school," she said with evident distaste. "Not only am I sure that's not the case, I also am sure she doesn't know of me at all. Again, I've never seen her. Note also that she buried herself in my arm, not my chest. I must believe she's one of the handful of transfer students we get each year as the middle-school classes transition to high school."

"Hmmm, what's her name?"

"I don't really know," Shizuka admitted with a mystified expression. "She shared only that her name was Arisu. She didn't give a family name, and I chose at that moment not to pry."

"Hmmm, I'll admit I didn't look closely at the list of transfer students." Aika turned back to the office and sorted through some papers, eventually finding what she was looking for. "Hmmm, we had two dozen transfer students and none of them have that name. It seems she was dodging even by giving her name, pretty weakly too since it's a popularized English name. Alice in Wonderland."

"I didn't get the sense she was lying." Shizuka shared with a perplexed furrowing of her brow.

"Well, by the simple fact that you're here, obviously you settled her down and sent her on her way. We can look for her next week and try and sort it out then."

Shizuka took a deep breath and let it out before saying, "Not exactly. She's currently in the music room. I came here under the pretense of collecting tea and some cookies, but in reality was hoping you'd come up and get a sense of the girl for yourself."

"You're telling me you, the storied Rosa Canina, the model of reserved detachment for her entire generation, brought home a stray?" Aika considered her star student with a raised eyebrow. "You realize if the newsgirls catch wind of this you won't hear the end of it for a month at least. Your friendship with the new editor won't protect you when it's something like this. You know as well as I do the exact conclusion they'll jump to and all the rumors that will fly. You've told me you don't want to go down the soeur route."

"Yes, Aika-sensei, I'm painfully aware of it. That's one reason why I want to involve you, it gives me plausible deniability." Shizuka smiled for the first time in the interaction.

"In other words no one would question me, the model of bleeding-heartedness for her generation, and so you want to foist her on me. Why do I feel like a mother whose daughter just brought home a puppy found eating out of the garbage behind the house? Mama, can I keep her?" That last was said playacting a child doing just that.

Shizuka had no response given the truthfulness of it, and so just nodded and stayed silent, smile remaining on her lips.

"Well, dear 'daughter', lets see what this new puppy of yours looks like. Just realize, having brought it home, you're now liable for her care, feeding, and training. You must learn responsibility, young lady!" Aika said this with teasing melodrama, playing the role of said fictional mother to the hilt as she walked past her dearest student and out the door toward the music room. Shizuka's smile widened as she turned to follow, enjoying the easy interplay with her most beloved teacher and mentor.

***PGBR***

It was only as they approached the music room that Shizuka realized she had forgotten to get tea and cookies, her original reason for leaving Arisu. She was about to mention this to Aika-sensei, who was still walking before her, when the sound of piano play brought both of them quickly to a halt. Emanating from the room was a solid rendition of Prokofiev's Sonata #3, played at full speed with the notes intact. The performance was not only technically precise, but the 'heart' often absent from student performances was clearly discernible if perhaps still uncertain…something reasonably attributable to youth and inexperience, or perhaps the emotional state of the artist. While perhaps not the best performance of the piece Shizuka had ever heard, it ranked very near the top of pretty extensive experience. It was profoundly clear the claim "only a little" had been a monumental understatement on the part of this young kohai.

"Shizuka-chan," her teacher whispered as she turned her head back to her student behind her. "You didn't mention she was gifted." It was clear from her voice and what little of her face Shizuka could see, that her teacher was sincerely irked at this omission.

"My apologies, Fujisawa-sensei," Shizuka responded with formal contriteness. "I asked her and she denied significant musical experience."

"Well, add that to the list of red herrings our dear little Arisu has tossed us."

The two continued to listen as the piece was completed. By unspoken consensus, neither moved and they continued to listen attentively for any other indications of talent. They weren't to be disappointed. It wasn't long before they heard the sound of a violin's tuning being confirmed.

"I left my practice violin out again after we were done together, didn't I?" Aika whispered ruefully.

"I wasn't going to mention that," Shizuka acknowledged with smirk. Shizuka had learned to police up the instruments after practice herself given her teacher's tendency toward absentmindedness about such important, but non-audible, details. When it came to details which could be heard, however, Aika had no equal in Shizuka's extensive experience.

Anything else the two were going to say was cut off as the sound of a violin playing Wieniawski's Polonaise Brillante No.1 streamed from the room. Shizuka was stunned at the proficiency, both technical and artistic. This was a hard piece to play, especially alone given Arisu had to imply the accompaniment at the very least of a non-existent piano. Arisu's piano effort had suggested skills worthy of the top high-school players in Japan, perhaps better than Shizuka's own accomplishments and she was one of the two most capable pianists on campus along with the standing Rosa Chinensis en bouton. This violin play was professional level, insomuch as the practice violin at hand would allow. Shizuka was familiar with that particular instrument, and could easily discern any loss of perfection was due to it and not the player, who in fact was rapidly adjusting her play to accommodate the deficiencies in the instrument.

Shizuka could see her mentor become unsteady and carefully back herself to lean against the wall. "Two prodigies at the same time in my care," Aika mumbled to herself, although Shizuka heard it…and had to agree. There was now no doubt in Shizuka's mind that this girl was her equal with her given instrument. Unlike some who might feel pangs of jealousy at the potential competition, Shizuka actually felt relief.

It will be nice to have someone to share the spotlight with. It makes no sense to feel this way after just having met her, and there's no way it could happen until I sort my feelings out for Rosa Gigantea, but for the first time I can imagine giving my rosary to someone. Everyone has flaws, and always before I have been repelled by the flaws of those I meet, especially in those younger or less experienced than I. In this girl, I want to help her…to comfort her through them and guide her beyond them even though I have no idea what they are. Oh, what Aika-sensei would say if she knew that, in truth rather than simply in jest, I really have fallen so far.

The Wieniawski piece was followed by excerpts from Elgar's Enigma Variations. Shizuka knew that Aika-sensei had a particular soft spot for more modern British compositions, and Edward Elgar was a favorite of her teacher's. Aika-sensei's expression showed clearly that the performance was having a profound impact. The Elgar piece was short, and ended far too soon for the clandestine audience. Both women were hungry to hear more, lots more.

"Shizuka-chan, if you can find any more strays like this, you have my heartfelt permission to bring them home."

Given Shizuka's incipent feelings toward the girl eliciting the reaction, the simple praise coming in Aika's own quirky style from her mentor warmed her heart. This was the woman who, along with her family, had fed her gift for over four years now, and she was very grateful to her.

Just as the two shared looks indicating they believed that would be it, the sound of a harp being plucked drifted through the slightly open door. A few moments' patience was rewarded as the sound of J.S. Bach's Praeludium met their ears. After the initial few notes, the artist incorporated the melody of Gounod's Ave Maria while expertly maintaining the older Bach foundation as well. The combination was amazingly seamless for so young an artist, performed at speed, with no obvious sense of the stripped notes common from lesser players. A simple enough piece under many circumstances, but done with heart and complexity not found with a common wedding player.

"Aika-sensei, she's now played every one of the three instruments that just happened to be left out and available in that room. The Praeludium was the only piece of music out there given we were practicing the Ave Maria earlier. You know as well as I do that it didn't include the Gounod arrangement." Shizuka was perceptive enough of herself to realize the pride she was infusing in the statement and prepared herself for a come back quip from her mentor, but she quickly gathered that Aika-sensei was oblivious to anything but her own feelings at the moment.

Aika-sensei looked to Heaven with hands clasped before her. "Piano, violin, and now harp. I've died and gone to heaven," she said to herself, then turned her head to face Shizuka. "Okay, time to see how your remarkably talented puppy handles performing a trick. Shizuka-chan, stand at the door and accompany her. I want to hear the two of you together right now." The emphasis on the last two words was unmistakable.

The look in the teacher's eyes could only described by words such as 'hungry' and 'driven'. Then again, Shizuka felt similarly. She yearned for her voice to fly with the notes the girl was weaving from an instrument many played but few ever truly mastered, but which when properly performed was among the vocalist's dearest friends given the harp complimented classical voice in ways no other instrument, not even the storied piano, quite did. There was just something about a plucked string that a hammer could never replicate.

I wonder if she plays harpsichord? Shizuka quietly moved to fully open the door, grateful the girl seated at the harp had her back to the door and toward the rows of empty chairs. At the next logical point to slip into the piece, Shizuka let forth her best effort.

The harpist stumbled briefly at the sound of Shizuka's first few notes, but recovered quickly and then adjusted on the fly to playing accompaniment, just the Bach harmony, rather than solo the combined piece…another professional trait that was immediately noticed by Shizuka and presumably Aika-sensei. Shizuka lost herself in her music, increasingly confident of and comfortable with her accompanist. Given they had never performed together before, and in fact had begun mid piece with one of them not even expecting it to be a shared effort, the result was phenomenal. By the end, Shizuka was downright greedy to keep this girl around.

"In the name of all Maria-sama holds holy, where have you been all my life?" Shizuka heard Aika-sensei express from behind her, her emotion evident from the extent of her accent. She watched the girl sitting at the harp jump at the new voice. Arisu bounced up and spun around, standing straight, to take in her surroundings. Shizuka had known the girl only a few brief moments, but she could already see in her wild eyes anxiety roiling up in her. Once again she felt her heart go out to the girl.

She looks like a trapped animal, and we're blocking the exit. Someone has hurt this child. It's obvious to me now. If I ever get my hands on whoever it is, it will not be pretty! Aloud, though, she said simply, "Your sense of 'a little' in regards to your musical experience needs some calibration, Arisu-san." Shizuka drew Aika-sensei into the room and away from the door. At the same time, she opened herself to presenting as gentle and disarming a smile as she could muster. "You are a truly gifted musician and I am honored to have performed with you. I truly pray it won't be the last time. Please let me introduce you to my own mentor, Lillian string and voice instructor Fujisawa Aika."

Far from reassuring Arisu, Shizuka could see Arisu's anxiety was growing. Her eyes kept darting, and her hands were fidgeting. She's responding like she's been caught doing something wrong. I don't get it. Something about her isn't adding up, not just her responses but something else as well. I just can't place it. It's vexing since I'm so used to gauging people perfectly, and here when it matters most I can't do it.

"Arisu-san, your gift is incredible," Aika began again. "I realize classes have already started, but I will move Heaven and Earth to move you straight into my advanced strings class if you'll agree to it. I realize you exceed even those students, but as Shizuka-san here can attest I work hard to ensure those who exist at the top are still challenged. I must assume you have tutors as well to have achieved the level you're at with these three instruments?"

Arisu nodded, but clearly wasn't reassured at all my Aika-sensei's words. Shizuka could see tears forming again, and a quivering lip. Before Shizuka could do or say anything else, Arisu began sobbing. "I apologize for taking your valuable time, Fujisawa-sensei and Kanina-sama. You have been most gracious," she exclaimed in a rush and with a brief bow, her reasons for such sentiment mysterious insofar as Shizuka and especially Aika-sensei were concerned. When the girl began running forward, Shizuka expected to be the recipient of Arisu's buried face again, but instead she dove through the door and didn't stop before she was out of sight. The sound of her fleeing footsteps faded quickly down the hall.

"Well, that didn't go well at all," Aika expressed with a mix of exasperation and confusion, misery and defeat. She allowed herself to plop into a nearby chair.

"Don't be so sure, Aika-sensei. She may not be going very far, or if she does we may have the key to finding her."

Aika looked in confusion at her student, who was pensively making her way to the piano where she picked up a small bag. Arisu's purse, clearly forgotten in the heat of the moment.


***Background Note***

If you Google "Wieniawski's Polonaise Brillante No.1" and choose the first YouTube option, the Master's performance by So-young Son that is at the top, you get a sense of my mind's eye as I envision Fujisawa Aika and Arisugawa Arisu playing the piece at some later date together. Like one of the commenters, I too like the accompanist at the piano. She looks fun. :-)

My story draws as canon only from the four seasons of anime. Elements I've gleaned from the light novels, both Maria and Buddha, may slip in occasionally at my discretion, but I do not feel constrained in the least by the novels. My goal here is to take two spectacular minor characters, in this case Rosa Canina and Arisugawa Arisu, flesh them out and weave them back into the main story in more-or-less seamless fashion. I hope my effort brings enjoyment to some.

Keep in mind if you feel either Arisu or Rosa Canina are OC now, realize the time of this chapter is over 10 months before we first meet Rosa Canina and maybe 15 months before we meet Arisu. We've seen how much the main characters change in the course of a year due to growing together. Shizuka and Arisu will also experience growth along those same lines.

I hope this story is well received. I have lots more ideas for story chapters in the same timeline and may push them out if there is interest and as time allows in life and without stealing too much away from Voices of the Present, my (currently up to 75k word) SP! magnum opus. Voices of the Present is the story of my head, this is the story of my heart. I would love to tell Arisu's story, my take on it at least, and show how it weaves inobtrusively forward and backward into the anime story we all love so much. It's all in my heart, just a matter of getting it out.