Maria shuffled along the hall bumping into one of the lockers as she went "great" she exclaimed as she dropped her books. She heard the bell ring as she was trying to gather up her papers.
"Late for class again...Maria you are such a loser." she muttered to herself as she fell to one knee picking up her numerous papers with one hand and stuffing them into her bag.
"I don't think so." Maria quickly looked up to see who the mysterious male voice was. It belonged to David Carson the new guy, he bent down to help her out.
"Thanks." Maria said curtly trying her very hardest not to get lost in his big blue eyes.
"You're welcome." he said with a smile that just made Maria feel so at ease that she felt as if she could stare into that smile all day. Realizing that she was staring she began to feel shy.
"Um...gotta go...late and all." she quickly said feeling her cheeks burning, she turned to walk away but he caught her arm
"Cool maybe I'll see you at lunch, it's Maria right?"
"yeah." was all she could blurt out.
"I'm Dave..." he began.
"I know who you are." she couldn't help but stare directly into his deep blue eyes. She had never seen eyes like his before deep blue almost violet with specks of emerald green so unusual so exotic so sexy.
"Okay, so you wanna have lunch today or what?" he broke her chain of thought.
"Okay." she managed to get out.
"Okay, then it's a date."
With that, he walked off down the hall leaving Maria in a state of shock. She felt her cheeks, they were on fire. She was actually blushing at the thought of this guy out of absolutely no where had asked her on a date.
***
"Liz, this is like a normal date like with a normal guy.......I am so excited!" Maria excitedly whispered to her friend as she sat down for her first period class.
"No Maria, what this is lunch with the 'new' guy, who I might add you like know nothing about." Liz didn't even look at Maria, she was too busy taking notes from the board. Maria hated the way that Liz was always the voice of reason that bought her back to earth "And besides, what about Michael." as she uttered his name she slowly put her pencil down and turned to look at Maria. "You can't seriously tell me you're over him already."
"Liz, like I said, I'm Teflon babe".
Maria quickly opened up her books trying not to notice that Liz was still staring at her. Only when she felt Liz's eyes turn away did she let her face relax. She didn't want to show that she was really hurting for him.
Michael had left her life just as quickly and with as much drama as he had entered it, and Maria had come to accept that. Of course she had cried in private for weeks sitting by the window in her room. She could never share with Liz or Alex the absolute devastation that she felt each and every day that she spent without him, or that she secretly hoped and prayed he would change his mind and come to her just as he had done that night.
That night when he had needed her so much. That night when she finally knew that she was in love with Michael Guerin. And the night she had thought he was in love with her.
Maria closed her eyes as her memory took her back to how she held him in her arms as he shivered and wept and how she wrapped her tiny body around him and protected him from the outside world. There was no one else at that moment. They were the only two people in the whole world that existed. No Max, or Isabel, or Valenti, or Liz. Just her and Michael.
She took a deep breath and quietly exhaled. No more tears Maria she whispered to herself not today anyway. Morning classes seemed to go so slow for Maria. All she could think about was her lunch time date.
When the bell rang for lunch she realized that she didn't know where to find David and that he wouldn't know where she usually sat. She sighed in frustration and thought that maybe it was better this way, she'd rather eat alone.
Walking into the outside eating area she sat at her usual table reaching into her bag to pull out her lunch. Only when she heard the crinkling of another brown paper bag did she realize that there was someone else at the table. It was David.
"Hey." he said calmly taking his lunch out of his bag and setting it down on the table in front of him, pretending not to notice Maria's level of excitiedness for fear of embarassing her.
"Hey. Oh my god, I was just thinking that what a bummer I didn't tell you where to meet me and the whole lunch time thing was a wash and you happen to sit exactly where I am. Wow that is so like cosmic."
David smiled, he couldn't help but giggle slightly, "No, I kinda asked your friend Alex where you'd be. We have phys Ed together third period."
"Oh. Checking up on me huh?"
"Yeah, sorta."
'Well this is new for me. No one's ever stalked me before."
"Well, I've never stalked anyone before either so we're learning this together."
Michael had never wanted to do anything together with Maria. He had trouble even saying the word under great coersion and here was this guy who Maria hardly even knew contemplating their togetherness.
As she laughed and began to relax in the company of her new friend Maria tried not to notice the eyes from across the courtyard that were fixated on her.
"God Michael, could you be any more obvious?" Isabel leaned over and whispered into Michael's ear. Michael was leaning on a pillar drinking a coke. He couldn't take his eyes off what was going on at Maria's table. Isabel had startled him, he hadn't noticed her come up behind him. But he didn't want to let it show.
"What I know more than any of you, is how Maria is always running off at the mouth how could she be so stupid. I mean she knows that we..she can't trust anybody." he said matter-of-factly never taking his glare off her table. He heard Maria burst into laughter and saw this strange boy she was sitting with touching her cheek as if to brush something away. Angrily he threw his half empty can to the ground stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned to walk away, but Isabel followed.
"What's bothering you more Michael, the fact that Maria may accidentally let it slip about us or the fact that she's moving on?" Isabel put her hand on his arm and looked into his eyes as if for reassurance. Michael's heart melted he could never be hard hearted to Isabel he loved her, he always had.
"Look Izzie, how many times do I have to tell you it's me and you now. That's the way it is, that's the way it has to be." he put his hand on her arm, but it was more to keep her at a distance than to draw her close.
"I know I was just making sure that's all." they stood in an uncomfortable silence for a moment. Neither of them knowing exactly what to say next but still staring right into each other's eyes.
Breaking the hold suddenly Michael quickly murmured something about being late for class and rushed off down the hall leaving Isabel standing in the middle of the hall.
"But it's lunch..." she said so quietly that even she had trouble hearing it.
***
Maria couldn't keep herself from constantly touching the crumpled piece of paper in her pocket. Even as she was clearing her tables that afternoon in the crashdown her mind was constantly thinking about it.
"I can't take this anymore!" she said it so loud that Michael looked over from the kitchen. He saw Maria take off her apron and walk out towards her locker. He stared at her as she walked across the crowded room. He laughed quietly to himself as he thought how she so suited the ridiculous uniform she was wearing, curiosity getting the better of him he followed her into the back room. When he walked in, her back was to him, and she was on the phone
"Great you can pick me up from here at about 10:30pm. Yeah that's when I get off.......uh huh.......yeah I'm glad I called too. Okay David. Bye."
Maria hung up the phone she turned around feeling that someone was standing behind her, but there was nothing but a swinging door.
Michael watched in tortured silence as he saw the tall sandy blonde boy come rushing behind Maria and put his hands over her eyes, the pain of seeing her run her small hands over his fingers seemed to cut him wide open, the closeness of it all infuriated him.
'How fake can you get Maria?' he thought to himself as he quickly walked past them not bothering to say goodbye or to let them know he was going home for the night. So Maria would have to lock up alone. He slammed the door as he exited the Crashdown but he didn't turn back to see if she had noticed.
Maria was too wrapped up in David's deep blue eyes to even notice that Michael had gone. When she did realise that he was, she felt a pang of sorrow and relief maybe she was over him after all.
"Wait right here." she giddishly told David
"I just need to grab my coat from my locker and then we can go okay?"
David watched her as she scurried to the back room. He had enjoyed their conversation during lunch. Maria had an infectious way about her that just made you want to smile and he did when he thought of her. He had never intended to get to know or even like Maria. His job was simply to observe and yet, even though he had only just made contact with her he couldn't help the warmth he felt on the inside when she was near. Consumed in his own thoughts, he hardly even noticed that she was standing in front of him, waving her hands backwards and forwards in front of his face.
"Earth to David. Are you okay? You were like a million miles away."
"Just thinking about the meaning of life." he stared at her as she put on her coat thinking to himself how much Maria reminded him of someone he once knew. Once loved.
"Yeah, well my life won't be worth living if I don't get home before 11, so lets scoot." she led him out the door so she could lock up the cafe.
"OK. OK. And if you're good, I might even buy you an ice cream from the all night place." as he reached over to help her lock the top latch of the door his arm brushed against her face. He felt a shiver all over his body and a tingle from the inside out. 'Please don't let me fall for this girl' he thought to himself.
"Oh you are so on." Maria walked on ahead of David leaving him leaning on the Crashdown door. He was having difficulty breathing, he wasn't sure if it was from the thin air or the way Maria made his heart race when she was near him.
***
Maria could hardly breathe when she closed her kitchen door talking with David seemed so natural so easy, she felt at ease with him, she felt safe like she didn't have to work at getting through to him. As she walked up to her bedroom she smiled. Maybe life does go on without Michael after all. Just thinking about him made her heart ache. Flopping down onto her bed, she felt a single tear roll down her cheek. Closing her eyes and sighing deeply she thought, 'Then again, maybe not.'
pt 2
Michael lay awake in his bed staring at the ceiling it was cold and he could feel himself shiver but he couldn't move he just lay there staring and thinking.
"That should've been me." he thought bitterly.
"I should be the one to make her laugh, to make her smile, I should be the one to walk her home to make sure that she is safe." he thought to himself as he slowly closed his eyes trying his very best to drift off into a deep sleep.
"God - it should be me." he said the words slowly and purposefully out loud and to his surprise he felt a hot tear roll down the side of his cheek. Wiping it away quickly he sat up trying to stop the immense beating of his heart. The silence of his room seemed to suffocate his thoughts so he got out of bed and put on a shirt.
He walked into the kitchen and opened up the fridge all there was, were a half eaten pizza from god knows when and a bottle of tobasco sauce. He wasn't really hungry but the thought of going back to bed only to think about her made him dizzy so he decided to go for a walk to clear his mind, something he had been doing quite a lot of lately. He had no idea where he would go he would just walk where his feet would carry him
Out underneath the big black sky dotted with crystal coloured pinholes Michael felt free and able to breathe. Looking into the deep dark blackness Michael never felt alone and he was always filled with hope. He walked past the crashdown, past the UFO centre, past the library, he just kept walking and walking until eventually he found himself where he knew he had been heading all along, outside Maria's window.
He stood still just staring up he could see that the light was out so he knew that she would be sleeping. He giggled as he remembered how she softly snored when she was in a deep sleep, his smile turned into an expression of pain as it dawned on him that he would never hear that cute snore again. Running his fingers through his hair he reminded himself that it was best not to get involved with Maria she wasn't part of his life anymore because he had a destiny, he had Isabel, lowering his head he walked on not turning back.
David stood in the shadow of the trees and watched in silence as he saw Michael walking down the street turning up the collar of his coat he began to follow him.
"My God Maria what do you mean you're seeing him again?" Liz closed her locker door and stared at her best friend. "I mean you know nothing about this guy nothing and you're willing to just throw yourself at him." Liz linked her arm with Maria's and they moved off down the hall.
"I am not throwing myself at him." said Maria trying to defend herself, but it was to no avail Liz stopped in the middle of the hall and pulled Maria to the side.
"Please Maria who are you trying to kid? The aqua-bra?" as she said the words Liz ran her hands over Maria's larger than normal breasts revealing that she was indeed wearing her breast enhancer. Both girls began to giggle.
"Well there was nothing left in my closet." Maria managed to blurt out before falling into a fit of laughter. She looked at her friend and she knew that Liz was in no way convinced but she was smiling so that was a start.
"Listen," Maria said putting both her hands on Liz's "My heart has taken all the trampling it can take so I am not going to get into anything serious with David. It's just fun but the minute I plan on walking down the aisle with this guy, I'll give you a call okay, but for now remedial Science calls." with that she gave her friend a big hug and flew off down the hall in the opposite direction, before Liz could say anything.
Liz carried on down the hall she saw David standing alone by the lockers. He was very handsome she thought. Golden blonde hair with the most vivid blue eyes she had ever seen. He was tall with a not too slim build and a smile the size of Nebraska. As Liz approached him she tried to run through her mind exactly what she was going to say to him, but everything seemed to melt away as she stood before the statuesque albeit handsome stranger. He had his back turned to her searching through his locker for the text books for his next class without turning to face her he calmly said,
"Is there something I can do for you Miss Parker?"
"Well as a matter of fact there is. Mr. Carson isn't it?" even though she knew perfectly well what his name was, she didn't want to give an air of familiarity to their conversation. He turned to her and folded his arms. "SO what is it?" he was smiling and he looked relaxed but there was something about him that made Liz feel uneasy, on edge.
"It's about Maria and your intentions towards her." as soon as the words left her lips she felt her ears begin to burn red hot. 'What a stupid thing to say' she thought to herself.
"My intentions towards her?" he replied coolly in a half mocking tone. Slowly he closed his locker and began to walk away from Liz.
"Yes." She said half running to keep up with his lengthy strides. "Look it's just that she's been through a lot lately and I wouldn't want anybody taking advantage of her vulnerable state."
"Listen Liz," David stopped in the hallway to face the tiny brunette. "I like Maria a lot but the truth is, I don't know her very well so I guess I don't have any intentions towards her other than to hang out have a good time and maybe just maybe gain a new friend." With that he began to walk off again leaving Liz clutching her books close to her chest and looking somewhat dumb founded.
He only managed to walk a few paces when he turned back to her in his best attempt to be reassuring. He looked directly into Liz's eyes. "I would never do anything to hurt Maria Liz, if that's what you're worried about. I have no ulterior motives. I like her that's all." The lie stuck in his throat like foul tasting bile, he knew that sooner or later the truth of why he had come to Roswell New Mexico would be revealed and that Maria would be hurt beyond anything she had ever known or could imagine.
He just hoped he would be gone when action would be taken against the royal four. That was the saving grace of being a scout. Once surveillance had been taken, intelligence passed on to the right people, your job was done. One did not have to stick around to see the consequences, which usually resulted in death.
He closed his eyes and thought back to another time another life when he had lived and loved every moment of everyday. He thought of Vayla. Young, sweet and blonde full of joy and life, his mind remembered how she looked how she felt, how she tasted. He recalled the warmth and feeling she had drawn out of him and he recalled how he had ultimately, caused her to be no more.
After Vayla's death he had reminded himself over and over again that he would never allow himself to feel that way again. Yet when he was around Maria, he felt the strange tingling of warmth permeating from his insides and much to his dismay it made him feel good.
When he opened his eyes he realized that the hall was empty and that he had been standing on the spot for some time. "Damn it." He cursed to himself and broke into a light jog toward his class.
Two months had passed since David had entered into Maria's world and for the first time it seemed as if she were happy. To put it simply he was the total opposite of Michael Guerin, he was never defensive with her, he never put her down, and he never once had made her cry. He loved to spend time with her and it wasn't just to make out, sometimes they would sit together for hours just so they could be close. It made Maria feel so alive, so joyous to know that somebody wanted her, that someone needed her, that somebody needed her to need them. Then why, she wondered, did she miss Michael more than ever.
"Michael are you listening to me? You've been staring into space for like ten minutes. Michael, hello?" Tess gave Michael a less than friendly push to snap him out of his trance, it seemed to do the trick Michael turned slowly and purposefully toward her.
"Tess," he said quietly and calmly "Never do that again." With that he gave her a look of disdain and then walked away from her without another word.
She looked back in the direction that his gaze had been fixated she saw the unusually cute, for a human, David Carson and Maria sitting in Maria's favorite spot sharing an ice cream. They seemed so close, so comfortable together as if they had been a couple forever. She usually held no interest in what the humans got up to but in recent times things between everybody had been tense more than usual and she knew it was mostly because Maria had started seeing this David person. As she stared at the seemingly happy couple there was something that caught her attention about Maria that she had never bothered to notice before. She decided to make nothing of it and then ran to catch up with Michael.
While Tess considered herself still very much of an outsider in the small town of Roswell, she had come to have a quasi sort of closeness with Michael. Of all the podsters he was the most like her, an insider always on the outside, and just as Tess was having problems with Max, the measures that Michael had taken over the past months to avoid Isabel as much as possible indicated that things between the two of them were not good either. Everyone especially Tess knew better than to bring it up though, something had changed in Michael since they had opened the message that had been left for them from their home planet. It seemed as if he were more angry and yet more silent. Max had dismissed it as fallout from Agent Pierces death but Tess had suspected it was more and she was right. He spent so much time on his own more than usual he even avoided Max, all he did was navigate and study star charts in hopes of finding another connection between the symbols in the cave and a star sign or a translation of some sort. In a way Tess felt sorry for Michael because he acted as if he were a person who had lost so much when in her opinion he had the world -no- the universe at his feet.
After racing to catch up with him, Tess had bugged him into treating her to a late lunch at the Crashdown before he started his shift. He reluctantly agreed more out of his own hunger than accommodating her. As they ate in silence she stared at him, they hadn't said a word to each other since they had seen Maria and David earlier on in the day. Without looking up he began talking. "Tess, I know what your thinking. I feel it and I can hear it. You're thinking why if I'm so happy about being with Izzy am I so angry all the time?"
This line of conversation that Michael was taking shocked Tess but she decided it was in Michael's best interest to see where it was headed. She didn't take her eyes off him hoping that if she stared long enough he would look at her.
"Something like that except I thought it was sadness." she almost whispered. Michael was quiet for a while then in a shaky voice he began.
"Sadness, anger, fear it's all the same to me. I can't separate them. That's why it hurts so much, that's why I can't stand to be around anyone anymore especially Isabel. I feel like I can't breathe." Tess tried her hardest not to look surprised, she put her hand on Michael's arm.
"But I thought you loved her. That's what you told her isn't it?" "Tess," This time he looked up, straight into her eyes. "That's just it. I do love her but it's different than how I feel about...." he trailed off into silence.
"Maria."
"It's like... I guess you wouldn't understand." he pulled his arm away as if touching her were causing him pain. Tess looked at Michael and she felt his pain.
"But I do understand Michael, you love her because you feel obligated to her." Thinking that Tess had misunderstood him Michael cut in.
"No that's not it."
"Michael let me finish".....she took a deep breath.
"What I'm saying - what I was trying to say, is that you and Izzy are the same in a way that you and Maria could never be. And you've shared things with her over the years that make you so much closer than a brother or even a lover to her and for that you have feelings for her, but its different than how you feel about Maria. You don't feel hair standing on the back of your neck when Isabel is close to you. You don't get dizzy from the mere thought of her, you can't smell her from like a mile away and your body doesn't physically ache to touch her, wrap yourself around her, and breathe her into you at every waking minute. Michael what I'm trying to say is that you love Isabel, I know you do, I've seen it, but it's different from the love you feel for Maria, you are in love with Maria in every sense of the world." Tess drifted off into a silence. Michael was quiet for a while he kept his head down because he knew that she was wiping a tear from her cheek.
"How did you know?" he asked tentatively.
"Because Michael that's the way Max feels about Liz. That intense soulfully connected love and I can't compete in another lifetime maybe but here and now in this life everything has changed except of course my feelings for him. But I've come to accept this lot I've been given. I'll take Max's love anyway I can get it even if it is the leftovers. Isabel deserves more than that from you, you need to tell her."
"It's not that simple."
"It is so Michael just tell her how you feel."
"No, not with her, I mean with Maria she's moved on, she's happy."
Tess thought back to what she saw that afternoon but she didn't say anything to him, she didn't think he was ready to hear what she had to say. So for the moment she concentrated on the matter at hand.
"This isn't about Maria. Michael, that is something separate that you will eventually have to deal with - but this problem, this pain between you and Izzy it's all you so you need to fix it." She thought that he would blow at this point if there was one thing that Michael hated was being told what to do. But he didn't react harshly he just looked at her with a hurt look on his face as if she had ripped out his heart.
"I know....." Once again things fell silent. Tess rose from her chair and smiled attempting to break the somber mood that had fallen upon them.
"Listen Michael, love to stay and chat all day but I've got things to do, Thanks for lunch maybe I'll see you later huh."
"Yeah maybe." As Michael turned his attention back to his cherry-cola, Tess made her way to the door. Michael called after her. "Your wrong you know, about Isabel deserving more than you Tess. You deserve to be happy too."
What he said stopped her in her tracks and she turned to him and smiled saying nothing. She blew him a kiss and walked out the door. He was so busy staring at her leave he didn't notice Maria approaching from the other side of the Crashdown.
"Hey loverboy, when you've finished blowing kisses at yet another one of your less than normal girlfriends, your shift started like fifteen minutes ago." With that she turned on her heel and walked away. As she did all Michael could think about was how delicious she smelled.
"Late for class again...Maria you are such a loser." she muttered to herself as she fell to one knee picking up her numerous papers with one hand and stuffing them into her bag.
"I don't think so." Maria quickly looked up to see who the mysterious male voice was. It belonged to David Carson the new guy, he bent down to help her out.
"Thanks." Maria said curtly trying her very hardest not to get lost in his big blue eyes.
"You're welcome." he said with a smile that just made Maria feel so at ease that she felt as if she could stare into that smile all day. Realizing that she was staring she began to feel shy.
"Um...gotta go...late and all." she quickly said feeling her cheeks burning, she turned to walk away but he caught her arm
"Cool maybe I'll see you at lunch, it's Maria right?"
"yeah." was all she could blurt out.
"I'm Dave..." he began.
"I know who you are." she couldn't help but stare directly into his deep blue eyes. She had never seen eyes like his before deep blue almost violet with specks of emerald green so unusual so exotic so sexy.
"Okay, so you wanna have lunch today or what?" he broke her chain of thought.
"Okay." she managed to get out.
"Okay, then it's a date."
With that, he walked off down the hall leaving Maria in a state of shock. She felt her cheeks, they were on fire. She was actually blushing at the thought of this guy out of absolutely no where had asked her on a date.
***
"Liz, this is like a normal date like with a normal guy.......I am so excited!" Maria excitedly whispered to her friend as she sat down for her first period class.
"No Maria, what this is lunch with the 'new' guy, who I might add you like know nothing about." Liz didn't even look at Maria, she was too busy taking notes from the board. Maria hated the way that Liz was always the voice of reason that bought her back to earth "And besides, what about Michael." as she uttered his name she slowly put her pencil down and turned to look at Maria. "You can't seriously tell me you're over him already."
"Liz, like I said, I'm Teflon babe".
Maria quickly opened up her books trying not to notice that Liz was still staring at her. Only when she felt Liz's eyes turn away did she let her face relax. She didn't want to show that she was really hurting for him.
Michael had left her life just as quickly and with as much drama as he had entered it, and Maria had come to accept that. Of course she had cried in private for weeks sitting by the window in her room. She could never share with Liz or Alex the absolute devastation that she felt each and every day that she spent without him, or that she secretly hoped and prayed he would change his mind and come to her just as he had done that night.
That night when he had needed her so much. That night when she finally knew that she was in love with Michael Guerin. And the night she had thought he was in love with her.
Maria closed her eyes as her memory took her back to how she held him in her arms as he shivered and wept and how she wrapped her tiny body around him and protected him from the outside world. There was no one else at that moment. They were the only two people in the whole world that existed. No Max, or Isabel, or Valenti, or Liz. Just her and Michael.
She took a deep breath and quietly exhaled. No more tears Maria she whispered to herself not today anyway. Morning classes seemed to go so slow for Maria. All she could think about was her lunch time date.
When the bell rang for lunch she realized that she didn't know where to find David and that he wouldn't know where she usually sat. She sighed in frustration and thought that maybe it was better this way, she'd rather eat alone.
Walking into the outside eating area she sat at her usual table reaching into her bag to pull out her lunch. Only when she heard the crinkling of another brown paper bag did she realize that there was someone else at the table. It was David.
"Hey." he said calmly taking his lunch out of his bag and setting it down on the table in front of him, pretending not to notice Maria's level of excitiedness for fear of embarassing her.
"Hey. Oh my god, I was just thinking that what a bummer I didn't tell you where to meet me and the whole lunch time thing was a wash and you happen to sit exactly where I am. Wow that is so like cosmic."
David smiled, he couldn't help but giggle slightly, "No, I kinda asked your friend Alex where you'd be. We have phys Ed together third period."
"Oh. Checking up on me huh?"
"Yeah, sorta."
'Well this is new for me. No one's ever stalked me before."
"Well, I've never stalked anyone before either so we're learning this together."
Michael had never wanted to do anything together with Maria. He had trouble even saying the word under great coersion and here was this guy who Maria hardly even knew contemplating their togetherness.
As she laughed and began to relax in the company of her new friend Maria tried not to notice the eyes from across the courtyard that were fixated on her.
"God Michael, could you be any more obvious?" Isabel leaned over and whispered into Michael's ear. Michael was leaning on a pillar drinking a coke. He couldn't take his eyes off what was going on at Maria's table. Isabel had startled him, he hadn't noticed her come up behind him. But he didn't want to let it show.
"What I know more than any of you, is how Maria is always running off at the mouth how could she be so stupid. I mean she knows that we..she can't trust anybody." he said matter-of-factly never taking his glare off her table. He heard Maria burst into laughter and saw this strange boy she was sitting with touching her cheek as if to brush something away. Angrily he threw his half empty can to the ground stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned to walk away, but Isabel followed.
"What's bothering you more Michael, the fact that Maria may accidentally let it slip about us or the fact that she's moving on?" Isabel put her hand on his arm and looked into his eyes as if for reassurance. Michael's heart melted he could never be hard hearted to Isabel he loved her, he always had.
"Look Izzie, how many times do I have to tell you it's me and you now. That's the way it is, that's the way it has to be." he put his hand on her arm, but it was more to keep her at a distance than to draw her close.
"I know I was just making sure that's all." they stood in an uncomfortable silence for a moment. Neither of them knowing exactly what to say next but still staring right into each other's eyes.
Breaking the hold suddenly Michael quickly murmured something about being late for class and rushed off down the hall leaving Isabel standing in the middle of the hall.
"But it's lunch..." she said so quietly that even she had trouble hearing it.
***
Maria couldn't keep herself from constantly touching the crumpled piece of paper in her pocket. Even as she was clearing her tables that afternoon in the crashdown her mind was constantly thinking about it.
"I can't take this anymore!" she said it so loud that Michael looked over from the kitchen. He saw Maria take off her apron and walk out towards her locker. He stared at her as she walked across the crowded room. He laughed quietly to himself as he thought how she so suited the ridiculous uniform she was wearing, curiosity getting the better of him he followed her into the back room. When he walked in, her back was to him, and she was on the phone
"Great you can pick me up from here at about 10:30pm. Yeah that's when I get off.......uh huh.......yeah I'm glad I called too. Okay David. Bye."
Maria hung up the phone she turned around feeling that someone was standing behind her, but there was nothing but a swinging door.
Michael watched in tortured silence as he saw the tall sandy blonde boy come rushing behind Maria and put his hands over her eyes, the pain of seeing her run her small hands over his fingers seemed to cut him wide open, the closeness of it all infuriated him.
'How fake can you get Maria?' he thought to himself as he quickly walked past them not bothering to say goodbye or to let them know he was going home for the night. So Maria would have to lock up alone. He slammed the door as he exited the Crashdown but he didn't turn back to see if she had noticed.
Maria was too wrapped up in David's deep blue eyes to even notice that Michael had gone. When she did realise that he was, she felt a pang of sorrow and relief maybe she was over him after all.
"Wait right here." she giddishly told David
"I just need to grab my coat from my locker and then we can go okay?"
David watched her as she scurried to the back room. He had enjoyed their conversation during lunch. Maria had an infectious way about her that just made you want to smile and he did when he thought of her. He had never intended to get to know or even like Maria. His job was simply to observe and yet, even though he had only just made contact with her he couldn't help the warmth he felt on the inside when she was near. Consumed in his own thoughts, he hardly even noticed that she was standing in front of him, waving her hands backwards and forwards in front of his face.
"Earth to David. Are you okay? You were like a million miles away."
"Just thinking about the meaning of life." he stared at her as she put on her coat thinking to himself how much Maria reminded him of someone he once knew. Once loved.
"Yeah, well my life won't be worth living if I don't get home before 11, so lets scoot." she led him out the door so she could lock up the cafe.
"OK. OK. And if you're good, I might even buy you an ice cream from the all night place." as he reached over to help her lock the top latch of the door his arm brushed against her face. He felt a shiver all over his body and a tingle from the inside out. 'Please don't let me fall for this girl' he thought to himself.
"Oh you are so on." Maria walked on ahead of David leaving him leaning on the Crashdown door. He was having difficulty breathing, he wasn't sure if it was from the thin air or the way Maria made his heart race when she was near him.
***
Maria could hardly breathe when she closed her kitchen door talking with David seemed so natural so easy, she felt at ease with him, she felt safe like she didn't have to work at getting through to him. As she walked up to her bedroom she smiled. Maybe life does go on without Michael after all. Just thinking about him made her heart ache. Flopping down onto her bed, she felt a single tear roll down her cheek. Closing her eyes and sighing deeply she thought, 'Then again, maybe not.'
pt 2
Michael lay awake in his bed staring at the ceiling it was cold and he could feel himself shiver but he couldn't move he just lay there staring and thinking.
"That should've been me." he thought bitterly.
"I should be the one to make her laugh, to make her smile, I should be the one to walk her home to make sure that she is safe." he thought to himself as he slowly closed his eyes trying his very best to drift off into a deep sleep.
"God - it should be me." he said the words slowly and purposefully out loud and to his surprise he felt a hot tear roll down the side of his cheek. Wiping it away quickly he sat up trying to stop the immense beating of his heart. The silence of his room seemed to suffocate his thoughts so he got out of bed and put on a shirt.
He walked into the kitchen and opened up the fridge all there was, were a half eaten pizza from god knows when and a bottle of tobasco sauce. He wasn't really hungry but the thought of going back to bed only to think about her made him dizzy so he decided to go for a walk to clear his mind, something he had been doing quite a lot of lately. He had no idea where he would go he would just walk where his feet would carry him
Out underneath the big black sky dotted with crystal coloured pinholes Michael felt free and able to breathe. Looking into the deep dark blackness Michael never felt alone and he was always filled with hope. He walked past the crashdown, past the UFO centre, past the library, he just kept walking and walking until eventually he found himself where he knew he had been heading all along, outside Maria's window.
He stood still just staring up he could see that the light was out so he knew that she would be sleeping. He giggled as he remembered how she softly snored when she was in a deep sleep, his smile turned into an expression of pain as it dawned on him that he would never hear that cute snore again. Running his fingers through his hair he reminded himself that it was best not to get involved with Maria she wasn't part of his life anymore because he had a destiny, he had Isabel, lowering his head he walked on not turning back.
David stood in the shadow of the trees and watched in silence as he saw Michael walking down the street turning up the collar of his coat he began to follow him.
"My God Maria what do you mean you're seeing him again?" Liz closed her locker door and stared at her best friend. "I mean you know nothing about this guy nothing and you're willing to just throw yourself at him." Liz linked her arm with Maria's and they moved off down the hall.
"I am not throwing myself at him." said Maria trying to defend herself, but it was to no avail Liz stopped in the middle of the hall and pulled Maria to the side.
"Please Maria who are you trying to kid? The aqua-bra?" as she said the words Liz ran her hands over Maria's larger than normal breasts revealing that she was indeed wearing her breast enhancer. Both girls began to giggle.
"Well there was nothing left in my closet." Maria managed to blurt out before falling into a fit of laughter. She looked at her friend and she knew that Liz was in no way convinced but she was smiling so that was a start.
"Listen," Maria said putting both her hands on Liz's "My heart has taken all the trampling it can take so I am not going to get into anything serious with David. It's just fun but the minute I plan on walking down the aisle with this guy, I'll give you a call okay, but for now remedial Science calls." with that she gave her friend a big hug and flew off down the hall in the opposite direction, before Liz could say anything.
Liz carried on down the hall she saw David standing alone by the lockers. He was very handsome she thought. Golden blonde hair with the most vivid blue eyes she had ever seen. He was tall with a not too slim build and a smile the size of Nebraska. As Liz approached him she tried to run through her mind exactly what she was going to say to him, but everything seemed to melt away as she stood before the statuesque albeit handsome stranger. He had his back turned to her searching through his locker for the text books for his next class without turning to face her he calmly said,
"Is there something I can do for you Miss Parker?"
"Well as a matter of fact there is. Mr. Carson isn't it?" even though she knew perfectly well what his name was, she didn't want to give an air of familiarity to their conversation. He turned to her and folded his arms. "SO what is it?" he was smiling and he looked relaxed but there was something about him that made Liz feel uneasy, on edge.
"It's about Maria and your intentions towards her." as soon as the words left her lips she felt her ears begin to burn red hot. 'What a stupid thing to say' she thought to herself.
"My intentions towards her?" he replied coolly in a half mocking tone. Slowly he closed his locker and began to walk away from Liz.
"Yes." She said half running to keep up with his lengthy strides. "Look it's just that she's been through a lot lately and I wouldn't want anybody taking advantage of her vulnerable state."
"Listen Liz," David stopped in the hallway to face the tiny brunette. "I like Maria a lot but the truth is, I don't know her very well so I guess I don't have any intentions towards her other than to hang out have a good time and maybe just maybe gain a new friend." With that he began to walk off again leaving Liz clutching her books close to her chest and looking somewhat dumb founded.
He only managed to walk a few paces when he turned back to her in his best attempt to be reassuring. He looked directly into Liz's eyes. "I would never do anything to hurt Maria Liz, if that's what you're worried about. I have no ulterior motives. I like her that's all." The lie stuck in his throat like foul tasting bile, he knew that sooner or later the truth of why he had come to Roswell New Mexico would be revealed and that Maria would be hurt beyond anything she had ever known or could imagine.
He just hoped he would be gone when action would be taken against the royal four. That was the saving grace of being a scout. Once surveillance had been taken, intelligence passed on to the right people, your job was done. One did not have to stick around to see the consequences, which usually resulted in death.
He closed his eyes and thought back to another time another life when he had lived and loved every moment of everyday. He thought of Vayla. Young, sweet and blonde full of joy and life, his mind remembered how she looked how she felt, how she tasted. He recalled the warmth and feeling she had drawn out of him and he recalled how he had ultimately, caused her to be no more.
After Vayla's death he had reminded himself over and over again that he would never allow himself to feel that way again. Yet when he was around Maria, he felt the strange tingling of warmth permeating from his insides and much to his dismay it made him feel good.
When he opened his eyes he realized that the hall was empty and that he had been standing on the spot for some time. "Damn it." He cursed to himself and broke into a light jog toward his class.
Two months had passed since David had entered into Maria's world and for the first time it seemed as if she were happy. To put it simply he was the total opposite of Michael Guerin, he was never defensive with her, he never put her down, and he never once had made her cry. He loved to spend time with her and it wasn't just to make out, sometimes they would sit together for hours just so they could be close. It made Maria feel so alive, so joyous to know that somebody wanted her, that someone needed her, that somebody needed her to need them. Then why, she wondered, did she miss Michael more than ever.
"Michael are you listening to me? You've been staring into space for like ten minutes. Michael, hello?" Tess gave Michael a less than friendly push to snap him out of his trance, it seemed to do the trick Michael turned slowly and purposefully toward her.
"Tess," he said quietly and calmly "Never do that again." With that he gave her a look of disdain and then walked away from her without another word.
She looked back in the direction that his gaze had been fixated she saw the unusually cute, for a human, David Carson and Maria sitting in Maria's favorite spot sharing an ice cream. They seemed so close, so comfortable together as if they had been a couple forever. She usually held no interest in what the humans got up to but in recent times things between everybody had been tense more than usual and she knew it was mostly because Maria had started seeing this David person. As she stared at the seemingly happy couple there was something that caught her attention about Maria that she had never bothered to notice before. She decided to make nothing of it and then ran to catch up with Michael.
While Tess considered herself still very much of an outsider in the small town of Roswell, she had come to have a quasi sort of closeness with Michael. Of all the podsters he was the most like her, an insider always on the outside, and just as Tess was having problems with Max, the measures that Michael had taken over the past months to avoid Isabel as much as possible indicated that things between the two of them were not good either. Everyone especially Tess knew better than to bring it up though, something had changed in Michael since they had opened the message that had been left for them from their home planet. It seemed as if he were more angry and yet more silent. Max had dismissed it as fallout from Agent Pierces death but Tess had suspected it was more and she was right. He spent so much time on his own more than usual he even avoided Max, all he did was navigate and study star charts in hopes of finding another connection between the symbols in the cave and a star sign or a translation of some sort. In a way Tess felt sorry for Michael because he acted as if he were a person who had lost so much when in her opinion he had the world -no- the universe at his feet.
After racing to catch up with him, Tess had bugged him into treating her to a late lunch at the Crashdown before he started his shift. He reluctantly agreed more out of his own hunger than accommodating her. As they ate in silence she stared at him, they hadn't said a word to each other since they had seen Maria and David earlier on in the day. Without looking up he began talking. "Tess, I know what your thinking. I feel it and I can hear it. You're thinking why if I'm so happy about being with Izzy am I so angry all the time?"
This line of conversation that Michael was taking shocked Tess but she decided it was in Michael's best interest to see where it was headed. She didn't take her eyes off him hoping that if she stared long enough he would look at her.
"Something like that except I thought it was sadness." she almost whispered. Michael was quiet for a while then in a shaky voice he began.
"Sadness, anger, fear it's all the same to me. I can't separate them. That's why it hurts so much, that's why I can't stand to be around anyone anymore especially Isabel. I feel like I can't breathe." Tess tried her hardest not to look surprised, she put her hand on Michael's arm.
"But I thought you loved her. That's what you told her isn't it?" "Tess," This time he looked up, straight into her eyes. "That's just it. I do love her but it's different than how I feel about...." he trailed off into silence.
"Maria."
"It's like... I guess you wouldn't understand." he pulled his arm away as if touching her were causing him pain. Tess looked at Michael and she felt his pain.
"But I do understand Michael, you love her because you feel obligated to her." Thinking that Tess had misunderstood him Michael cut in.
"No that's not it."
"Michael let me finish".....she took a deep breath.
"What I'm saying - what I was trying to say, is that you and Izzy are the same in a way that you and Maria could never be. And you've shared things with her over the years that make you so much closer than a brother or even a lover to her and for that you have feelings for her, but its different than how you feel about Maria. You don't feel hair standing on the back of your neck when Isabel is close to you. You don't get dizzy from the mere thought of her, you can't smell her from like a mile away and your body doesn't physically ache to touch her, wrap yourself around her, and breathe her into you at every waking minute. Michael what I'm trying to say is that you love Isabel, I know you do, I've seen it, but it's different from the love you feel for Maria, you are in love with Maria in every sense of the world." Tess drifted off into a silence. Michael was quiet for a while he kept his head down because he knew that she was wiping a tear from her cheek.
"How did you know?" he asked tentatively.
"Because Michael that's the way Max feels about Liz. That intense soulfully connected love and I can't compete in another lifetime maybe but here and now in this life everything has changed except of course my feelings for him. But I've come to accept this lot I've been given. I'll take Max's love anyway I can get it even if it is the leftovers. Isabel deserves more than that from you, you need to tell her."
"It's not that simple."
"It is so Michael just tell her how you feel."
"No, not with her, I mean with Maria she's moved on, she's happy."
Tess thought back to what she saw that afternoon but she didn't say anything to him, she didn't think he was ready to hear what she had to say. So for the moment she concentrated on the matter at hand.
"This isn't about Maria. Michael, that is something separate that you will eventually have to deal with - but this problem, this pain between you and Izzy it's all you so you need to fix it." She thought that he would blow at this point if there was one thing that Michael hated was being told what to do. But he didn't react harshly he just looked at her with a hurt look on his face as if she had ripped out his heart.
"I know....." Once again things fell silent. Tess rose from her chair and smiled attempting to break the somber mood that had fallen upon them.
"Listen Michael, love to stay and chat all day but I've got things to do, Thanks for lunch maybe I'll see you later huh."
"Yeah maybe." As Michael turned his attention back to his cherry-cola, Tess made her way to the door. Michael called after her. "Your wrong you know, about Isabel deserving more than you Tess. You deserve to be happy too."
What he said stopped her in her tracks and she turned to him and smiled saying nothing. She blew him a kiss and walked out the door. He was so busy staring at her leave he didn't notice Maria approaching from the other side of the Crashdown.
"Hey loverboy, when you've finished blowing kisses at yet another one of your less than normal girlfriends, your shift started like fifteen minutes ago." With that she turned on her heel and walked away. As she did all Michael could think about was how delicious she smelled.
