Crimson Insomnia
By: Danni Lynn
Chapter 1: Silent Agonies
Whispers of unspoken agony lifted on up towards the sky and twirled dancing along the wind as the bits of broken rubble and diminished debris laid scattered in a strewn string on a cracked and aging road. As once towering buildings crashed in on themselves, while the wail of sirens erupted into the air. This night was not the song of birds but the song of death as oozing liquid dripped from soaked flesh.
The night held no moon as the stars were few to none. There was no light in the sky as there was no light all around. Disbelief kept strangers at bay as hearts filled with deepening sorrows yet hatred began to gnaw away at their souls, and all of one being, was the cause of all of this tragedy.
There she stood, with all of her glory, all of her beauty and magnificence, but what laid at her feet was none of the things that she was and would be. This was beyond her outer looks and maintained innocence. She lifted her hands up to see what was there, stained upon her skin.
A small gasp was wrenched out of her throat, almost close enough to be a scream. Her mind went unhindered of all the things that had happened but yet the kettle still burned with her anger. She didn't feel hollow or sad, she felt...excited.
She closed her hands into fists and let her arms fall to her sides. This was an unexpected outcome...but a great one indeed. She had sinned for the first time and with that first sin, came the unbearable burden of guilt. She pushed it away and spun on her heel out of the ruins and into the night. Blood trialing every step of the way.
;' )
~+!Serena!+~
A shriek of utter terror roared into the night as a petite blonde bolted straight up in her bed as she clutched wildly at herself, scratching, pulling, tearing at her skin, her face, her clothes. Sharp, deep, self-inflicted lacerations soon began to draw beads of blood as they dripped from tan flesh to white satin sheets.
Tears welled up at the corner of her eyes as a racking shutter ran through her as she sobbed quietly into her hands as her chest constricted in panting heaves. Her legs instinctively curled up to her in a protective manner as she buried herself deeper into her own psychic world. Perfect blonde hair wrapped around her like a blanket of sorts as it trailed far past her shoulders and rested lightly at the base of her spine, as her bangs curved mid-way into her face but cut in a jagged manner.
Thick blankets laid on the white carpet, disregarded in the middle of the night, forgotten by the wearer. A full moon hung eerily in the sky, as it cast daunting shadows of the tiny woman's figure onto the floor in a high, titled arch as the bed and dresser were mirrored in the shadows' darkness as the light came streaming from the open sliding glass doors that led out onto the balcony.
The room was practically barren except for the clothes that hang in the open closet and the digital clock that stood on the dresser next to the bed. The white walls and white carpet with the one window, gave the apartment a melancholic feel to it, as if the room wasn't occupied by a living being.
As the pain ceased and the whimpering child soon grew clam, she wiped away her drying tears and took a deep breath as she clutched her torn shirt in an effort to feel for something that was physical. Glancing up with tired and somber eyes, she stared at the clock that illuminated a pale orange glow that read 2:37 A.M., with a drawn out sigh the blonde girl rubbed her swollen red eyes in an attempt to ease the sleepiness that dwelled in its depths.
With little strength, she clambered out of bed and placed her aching feet onto the cold floor, at first she stood swaying in an uneasy fashion, but she soon found balance as she shuffled slowly towards the bathroom, careful not to run into something in the darkness. Leaving the safety of her bedroom, she staggered unevenly onto the tile floor as she gasped at the numbing shock of the frozen floor.
The heater in her apartment complex had been broken for about half a year, but nobody bothered to fix it as spring approached with the warmer months, as fall came early this year, the winter chills were already settling in even though it was just late September.
The solemn blonde leaned forward over the counter and flicked the dim bathroom light on, with a mere twitch of the wrist. Her eyes were sullen and cold as a deep gash ran the length across her cheek and was bleeding heavily. Her dark green, Panthers' insignia shirt was ripped and stretched at the collar and chest as blood soaked the tip of the collar from a cut that had been the result of a knife wound to the neck on a training exercise she had the day before.
In years past, she was finally at the climax of her most potential beauty, as her curves and busting chest were completed with a highly perky butt making her body the perfect specimen as of the ideal woman. Alas, her body was perfect but she wasn't. Her soul was cracked and her heart was shattered. She was a lost child without a mother. She was a believer that had gone astray. She was a person that was forgotten in the world.
With an agitated sigh, she picked through her medicine cabinet and dug up some swabs and a band-aid for her cuts. Her lack of sleep was nothing new, but lately she was attacking herself while she was unconscious which was rapidly becoming a problem. She had slashes that marked her stomach and legs and some along her arms and face. When she had finished stanching the bleeding and bandaging herself up, she went back into her bedroom and changed into some easy work out clothes as she grabbed her ID and gun case.
~(-.-)~
One shot, another. Twist, turn, duck and fire. Aim for the vitals not the heart or the head. Leave them bleeding, don't take a risk unless you have to.
Her chest rose and fell silently as she breathed through her nose as she leaned against the wall and suddenly leaped out around the corner and rolled as she fired two rounds at the enemy that stood motionless in the center of the hallway. The stuffed dummies had holes in their gut as she reloaded her gun, but the sudden feel of a knife pressed to her throat caused her to narrow her eyes and her blood run cold.
With a quick intake of breath, she slid her legs down backwards as she knocked her attacker's feet out from under them, as she spun and placed a gun towards their forehead. Then she had a gun pointed at her, as her attacker rose steadily to their feet, their face concealed in the darkness of the room. They circled in a wide arc, but she didn't dare drag it out long as she lunged for the side but rolled backwards as she struggled to find the knife on the ground, her pursuer's hot breath sounded close in her ear as she took the butt of her gun and smashed it into their face, with a satisfactory crunch they reeled backwards just as she found the knife. Jumping onto the fallen figure, the tiny woman gripped the knife securely in her fist as she gently press the side of it to the attacker's jugular vein.
With a victorious smile, she chuckled darkly as she whispered in a deathly voice, "Got you." The sound of clapping broke the silence as bright lights flickered on, instantly blinding her for a few seconds as she adjusted to the new lighting. The colonel walked forward with a pleased grin tugging his lips as he applauded her win. "Excellent work, Serena, excellent indeed. When your informer instructors told me you were top notch, you most certainly are. You pass, my dear." He spoke in an exclamatory tone as he took her hand and kissed the top with that feral smile of his, always mocking but always sincere. Serena got off the the man, whose nose was bleeding and angled in an unnatural way, as she nodded and stood up. Stretching, she placed her gun in its holster at her waist and returned the knife to the nose broken man with handle facing him.
"So, when am I to leave?" She nonchalantly swaggered her way towards the exit with the colonel in tow. She had been up since two that morning and went to the base's warehouse training block and did her morning exercises, but when the lights flickered off and the click off the door being locked, she knew she was finally being tested. "Ah, my dear it is not where you think, you are not yet finished all the way." His voice was gloating as it hinted secrets. Serena stopped and turned to look at him, with an eyebrow raised in question. "Where am I heading then?"
His smirk spoke nothing, which irked Serena even more as she opened her mouth to speak, someone else came in and told her. "Tokyo." Was the reply, as a tall, blonde haired man with kind but icy blue eyes that stared at Serena with contempt on his face but gave no hint of self-amusement. "General." The colonel bowed his head in respect as Serena stared wide-eyed, her mouth suddenly dry as her eyes glazed over. "Its time to go home, Serena." The General frowned as he stepped closer to the fragile child that stood before him. "Andrew." She whispered before a flash of red, hot pain enveloped her.
.
The fear coursed through her as they all stared at her, wide-eyed with shock that was quickly being over come by anger. She backed up, her hands lifted in front of her in protest. "NO." She murmured as her body began to shake as they began to circle around her. "No, no, no, no!" She screamed as she leaped high and let her wings spread wide into the air.
The dark sky hinted for rain as the clouds hung heavily in the night, as those left below glared at her. "Traitor!" They shrieked as their disgust for her was evident on their face. A sudden jab of pain stabbed her in the belly as she dropped in towards the ground but she gained control as she tried to pick up speed on the wind.
She flew away with only a cowardice grace to denounce her earlier beauty, her tears blinded her as she began to grow tired from the tolls she had taken. Her body was bleeding as her sword was heavy in her palm. She headed towards the ground, far far away from all the anger and hate. Away from her mistake.
Kill, kill, kill... they chanted in a deathly tone in her mind as they made her legs collapse beneath her and sent pricks of pain bolting along her skin.
Who was she? She had committed the worst act of all, with whispering voices inside her head. Was she losing her sanity?
This was not her war. This was not who she was to be. This was not the path that she was suppose to travel.
Ah, but yes, this was not for atonement but to equal out the debt she had done. To bring pain to others who do not deserve it, must be valued by the one who had done the wrong dueings by balancing out the fair. To give something is to gain.
Opening her eyes slightly, she was instantly blinded by a light of sorts that pierced deep into her skull, with a sharp yelp of surprise Serena searched for her knife that was always strapped at the base of her waist but as patted herself down, no knife was to be found. With a quick grunt of anger, Serena spread her legs and tilted her body sideways in hope of finding the floor, but muffled voices stopped her as she craned her neck and listened.
"What's wrong with her? Why'd she faint like that?" A deep, strong voice boomed with a demanding tone, silence making it more and more aggressive. She cringed realizing who the voice belonged to, the Colonel.
"That information is personal, and if you want to know you should ask her, yourself, Kain." Andrew's cold monotone voice answered him. Remembering the kind and gentle like features, her Andrew had held made it hard to believe he was a General of war. He was never good at anything and wasn't aiming to be in college so after his old man took a turn for the worst and kicked the bucket, Andrew was left with nothing but the Arcade, even that had its down fall. It's business was failing anyway so it wasn't such a surprise that it went bankrupt.
Everything that he considered home was gone. He was broke, almost homeless, and lost. When the war started, he joined the American military as a sort of suicidal plan, so he could at least die in battle as a hero, but Fate had different ideas with what to do with him.
Speeding his way among the ranks, and the youngest Japanese General in history, Andrew was an expert in war and a madman with guns and strategies. Her Andrew, was simply not the same and the thought of that, made her heart bleed in so many ways.
Opening her eyes and getting up, Serena startled the two men that sat across from each other at the table in the staff break room. They stared at her in dismay, afraid that she had heard their heated argument. Shaking her head, and keeping her face blank, Serena opened her mouth and spoke, "What reason do you have to try delving into my past, Kain?", the Colonel cringed as he stood up and walked over to her. She stared up at him, eyes cold. Of course, the colonel and her had shared a type of relationship she had never had in her previous relationships, but that time had long since passed and now she was a soldier preparing to head for war and he was the one making that happen.
"Look Serena, I'm only concerned on your well-being. I don't want you to do stupid things just because your emotions got in the way and if Tokyo is going to make this happen, then I don't want you there." Kain explained as he knelt down and tried to caress her face. Serena pulled away with glaring eyes, he knew that she melted in his grip and that his touch would forever be a part of her, but she just couldn't commit to him, not when she knew that he shared her heart with someone else. She just didn't have the mental preparation to handle that, so she broke it off as soon as he proposed to her.
Crossing her arms and making her body language scream 'Leave me alone!', Serena snapped back at him with a cruel and snide comment, "You can take you and your concern else where, it isn't needed. You are not need. Anyway, you can't make that call. He is the one to say or not on whether I am ready to go." It still stung to say those things, but she had long since decided to close off her heart from the world, and this was part of the attitude adjustment.
She didn't need people to baby her, if it was only a way of means to make her soft. To make her break to their demands. Serena couldn't allow that to happen, not when her sins were too heavily placed and too many people pitied her. Even Andrew knew little to none on what her current situation was. All he knew was that there was a bad falling out and she dropped everything and left.
To pay for her punishment, she decided she was just going to disappear and join the army. Her plan was very much similar to Andrew's, but instead of dying a needless death, she wanted to save people and let them know the true story behind the scenes of war. To uncover the veil that shrouded the lies in darkness. And if that meant, going to Tokyo and reconcile with the past, then by gods, she would do it.
Raising her head and staring the General right into his icy gray eyes, she nodded. Andrew smirked and tilted his cap in resignation. "Alright, Serena I believe you. Its time to face your past, and take that training. Your a one of a kind soldier, it'd be a waste to not let you prove to people what you can do." He laughed as he jumped onto the balls of his feet and slapped Serena hard enough on the back as commemoration that even the colonel flinched at the sound of it. Serena simply blinked and smiled a sickly sweet grin.
"So when do I leave?" She asked as they headed for the door of the tiny break room. Andrew sipped his mocha in silence as his sharp gaze stared at nothing in particular while the gears in his head began spinning with infernal things that might have a just cause or a even worse outcome. "Tonight."
O.O
"God dammit, Andy!" Serena screamed as her fist made contact with the wall of her apartment building, as her heart clenched in shudders of pain. This soon? She gloomily thought with blood pouring steadily down her arm, the burn of cut flesh held no fraction of her attention as she removed her hand from splintered wood and shattered dry wall.
Letting her arm fall to her side, she stood unwavering on her feet, unable to bear the emotions of past transgressions. She knew this was her fault. She knew that 'her' was her fault. She knew they blamed her. She knew somewhere in Andrew's heart, he had never forgiven her. Of course, she told him the truth, he had loved 'her' at one point. Now her sin laid at the dirt next to her feet, and if she was not careful, the ground she tread on may just swallow her whole and tear her to shreds.
Serena shook with not physical pain, but the pain of having the knowledge that they had once hated her and had forgiven her for her sin. They had said it wasn't her fault. They had said it would have happened to anybody. They had said it was an accident, the Will of Fate. What they hadn't said was that they secretly wished that they had never met her.
Tugging her lips into a scowl, Serena shook her head. That wasn't right. What they hadn't said wasn't that they secretly wished her away, but that they simply wished that they could hate her. It would make life so much easier. With that thought echoing in her mind, Serena's shoulders slumped in defeat and she leaned her back against the wall, letting her gaze drift to the ceiling in silent agony.
Her sin was amongst her own, and as the years went by she had tried again and again for amends with the Heavens, but not even one unworldly or earthly being had answered her call. Maybe Fate was set of her self destruction.
Sighing, the miserable blond, could only watch with a heart filled with sorrow as the fan twirled around and around, hoping somewhere in her burdened soul that this reality that she lived in was a nightmare. A dreadfully long nightmare.
"How did my life end up like this?" She murmured to the waiting demons that she knew were lodged somewhere in her mind, staying quiet as to not give way to their true intentions. To let her know that they were plotting her future demise, not like she wasn't already heading there herself.
"Oh, yeah...I did this." She whispered as she lifted her hand and outstretched it towards the fan, examining the godly gifts of her perfect body, but frowned when she got sight of the jagged nail scratches that marked various parts of her arm and dyed the tips of her nails a base brown.
She was in an apartment alone, living far away from her family and friends in a distant place in Japan. She had to get away from Tokyo. When she left, she never said goodbye. Taking only her basic needs, she had disappeared into the night like all the other misfits that whisked away into a world they knew nothing of. Leaving everything she had ever known and loved behind, with only a letter scrawled with an apology and a meaningless excuse to give explanation to her leaving.
Now, after the seasons had changed and the moon had rise and waned for so many times that she couldn't count, in a blink of an eye she had left Tokyo for three years. So for being gone for three long years, she was heading back to the origin of her mortality. To face the past that she still hadn't learned to cope with. What a cruel twist for Fate to play.
Without her knowing, a few stray tears had leaked out the edges of her eyes and rolled silently down her cheeks. Then suddenly, out of the blue like a bolt of lightening, horrid images of her sin plagued her mind's eye, as snippet after snippet flashed rapidly in her head. Screaming, she clutched her head in agony as she gripped her hair in her fists, pulling at them hard enough that her knuckles turned white.
At one moment she saw one image with golden hair tainted with blood, then another with a blurred face with the sound of angry shouts echoing, yet in the midst of it all, she wasn't aware of the pain of the new wounds or the sound of her own voice screeching in a baritone so high that it was a miracle the windows weren't broken.
Then there was a bang, and the world went dead into silence. Hearing nothing but the sound of her own heart beating in a rapid pace, Serena crumpled onto the floor, cerulean eyes wide and wet. The only motion that was coming from her unmoving body was the soft trickle of her tears pooling to the floor.
Yet, as her glazed eyes stared unfocussed out into space, seeing what really wasn't there but only a memory buried in her bleeding heart, she caught sight of worn black boots. Similar to the ones she had with her uniform. Then, another memory took over her, one less bloody, though not less painful, if not more, about worn boots such as the ones she was looking at. How many a night had she shined them till it reflected like a mirror? Such professional boots should never get dirty, she had once laughed. Now, as she watched those seemingly same pair of boots come closer and closer to her, she caught sight of dirt and holes in the boots as if they weren't treated with respect.
Sighing in a low toned whistle, she laughed as she opened her mouth and closed her eyes. "Those shoes are dirty. You should shine them." She teased to whomever that stood above her, giving them an aloof smile before darkness began to encase her surroundings. The last thing she heard was a deep, low yell of her name passing between the lips of the opposite gender.
({:~*)
It had started with simple things such as bursts of anger or odd acts of violence, then as days began to pass, the negativity increased ten fold and the magnitude of the situation had rapidly became a problem. Now, it was too late. The one thing she had been afraid of, was the very thing that she was catering to.
The fact that she hadn't foreseen this coming was no fault of anyone else, but of her own. How do you not notice things that go on within yourself? Only pure stupidity could achieve that. So she wanted to believe.
Staring at the soft dirt that had been newly unearthed, the petite blond could only gaze quietly at the ground with unhidden misery. She had brought this upon herself, she reasoned and this was her reward for falling into the trap. No, she wasn't perfect, but she should have known what was to happen.
Now, all she could do was bear the weight of her sin and stand above the ground as they laid below, silenced forever by the mistake of a misguided princess.
=\
Gasping for air, Serena jerked awake, startled by the sudden sting of pain in her cheek. Placing a hand to her burning face, she quickly scanned her surroundings for any possible dangers, but all that her eyes fell on was just the sterile white room she vacated...except the gorgeous young man that was standing above her with a terrified expression written on his face.
Bracing herself into a mental defensive shield, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting her hand that cupped her cheek fall to the sheets with a soft thump! While exhaling her intake of oxygen, Serena opened her eyes, letting them burn with a passionate seething that she reserved for him.
Her frigid expression caused the man to cringe and take a step back subconsciously, unaware that the petite woman before him emitted a dangerous aura. "Kain, why are here?" She icily demanded as she began to pull the white sheets off her, ignoring the blubbering man that stood doubtfully on his feet.
Feeling the atmosphere cackle with hostility, Kain watched Serena with worried eyes, afraid she might do something harmful to either herself or to him. The first more possible than the latter. Hardening his resolution, Kain let his defensive side drop completely, he let his emotions flow out of him like an open book in big, bold letters. "I came in without permission. I'm sorry. I still have my old key from when..." He trialed off, unsure if he wanted to finished the sentence.
Cursing herself silently for having not changed the lock sooner, Serena raised an eyebrow at the man she called Colonel on the battlefield, obviously irritated at his lack of answer for her question. "No shit, Sherlock. Didn't take a Holmes to figure that one out. So, again, Kain, why are you here?" Putting emphasis on her words, Serena patiently waited for his answer, looking for some excuse to beat him till he bled. Wanting some way to vent her frustrations.
"I came because I wanted to check up on you and congratulate you on passing your last test." Kain nervously replied, unsure if what he said would make the ticking time bomb before him blow up or stay neutral.
"Two problems with that, one, I am not a child and do not need to be 'checked up on' and two, its not like I just killed Hitler, so there should be no 'congratulating' when all I did was do what I was trained to do. Which was be a soldier." Serena mockingly jeered at him, unwilling to take his excuses as legitimate reasons for being in her presence.
Studying his appearance, she couldn't say that some part of her did enjoy the fact that he had come to see her, but that portion was nothing but a fraction and a larger part of her wanted nothing but to push him away. His brown almost gingerish colored hair glowed a rust red in the florescent glow of her night lamp, as his emerald eyes beamed with the perseverance of a child, determined but loving.
Suddenly, his worried expression faded into annoyance as he shoved his hands into his pockets and scowled down at her. All his caring facade gone. "What is so wrong with actually caring about you, Serena?" He practically yelled at her, throwing his hands up in a wild gesture, she stared at him startled.
"When will you let me in? I waited for you for two years! Two god damn years! And what do I get? You shut me out!" He was literally shaking her with his huge hands on her shoulders, she winced at the painful pressure he was adding, but noted to keep her expression neutral. "I kicked you out for other reasons." She whispered feeling her heart shake as he rapidly became angrier and angrier.
"Oh yeah! What was it, Serena? What was it you said to me? Tell me!" He screamed as he frantically watched her with wild eyes. Feeling fear creep into her heart she mumbled his answer, but he only shook her more.
"Louder!" He shrieked and suddenly, she couldn't hold it in anymore. The fear, the pain, the anger, the sadness. All that was entrapped into her heart, that she had carefully locked away was instantly released in a furry that she had to let it out. Let it pour from her veins till all that was left was just her and her bleeding heart.
Bouncing to her feet and poking one long sharp finger into his chest, she poured her soul out to him. "I didn't let you in because I couldn't trust you, dammit! I pushed you away because you shared my heart with another! Because I don't have the right to be happy! God dammit Kain, there! There is your fuckin' answer!" She screamed at him as she crumbled to the floor like a house of cards.
As she stared at the ground withering in her sorrow, she clung to his pant's leg with tears streaming out of her eyes and a lump in her throat. He gazed at her broken figure and lost all previous aggression he had towards the guarded blonde. When she had walked out on him, he had been lost for a little while and for all the time that they had become separate individuals he had blamed himself, but after months of thinking all he came up with was why she left him. Why?
Now, he wasn't so sure he liked that answer he had been so desperate to hear. Looking at the shattered female before him, he felt his heart swell with pity. Whatever the reason for her distrust towards him and the fact she thinks she doesn't deserve to be happy must have truly demolished the woman he thought he had known so well.
Bending down and gently resting his hand onto her shoulder, she flinched at his touch and he cringed at the thought that she was afraid of him. "Look at me Serena." He demanded as he slightly shook her, trying to gain her attention. Seeing she gave him no response he repeated himself, "Look at me." He sternly implied and at the roughness of his tone, Serena glanced up at him.
Tears still leaking out of her eyes, she watched him with a wary expression. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm sorry for hurting you, but Serena, I love you, I never meant to get angry, its just sometimes I can't figure you out and that drives me insane." He apologized, hoping to make her feel better. Her face softened and she gave him a ghost of a smile.
"Say it again." She whispered to him and he smiled. "I love you." As soon as the words passed his lips he could have sworn he saw something die in Serena's eyes, but it was nothing but a flicker as she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his chest.
As the warmth of his body, seeped into her, Serena fell asleep peacefully wrapped in Kain's arms, for once not being plagued by nightmares that would soon become much more real than one would think.
When Serena was fading off into dreamland, her last thought was that she wanted to stay in Kain's arms forever, yet as soon as her mind process the thoughts her heart felt a twinge a pain and her mind called the name of another man.
Here you go my readers. This story has a bit of a twist that my other stories never had. I'm basing this solely on a different format if you are aware of my past writings. So please be kind and review.
-Danni
