"Spinelli

Crimson Party – a Jackal Perspective

"Spinelli?" Maxie approached Spinelli at his table in the coffee house.

"Greetings, Maximista. You are looking lovely today. As always."

"Thank you Spinelli. How are you today?"

"I'm well. Though the weather is dismal." He referred to the steady drizzle outside.

"Well, as long as it clears up by Saturday, I have a killer dress to wear to the Crimson party and I would hate to have to cover it up with a rain coat." She smoothed her slightly damp hair absentmindedly.

"Oh? The uh – Crimson party is Saturday?" Spinelli knew very well when the Crimson party was. Maxie had been talking about nothing else for weeks and, try as he might, he could not work up the nerve to ask her if she would allow him to escort her. He had been pumped up the day he had talked to the stern, yet romantically gifted, Ms. Miller. He had even tried to kiss Maxie but his fumbling, ineptitude and flailing had resulted in a misplaced hand on, of all places, Maxie's breast. The worst part of the whole thing was that Maxie hadn't even had the good grace to be offended! She had thought he was being a good pal by trying to wipe a spot off the designer dress she had been wearing.

It was embarrassing really. If it had been Logan, she would have smacked him across the face. But she didn't even think he was man enough to be a pig. But how could he not think of her in a sexual way?

When he had walked into the office all pumped up to tell her and show her how he felt, there she stood, in that dress that looked like walking sex. A dress of pure bordello red, cut down to where no decent dress had any business being cut to. How did she keep it from revealing exactly what she wanted every man to notice anyway? But that was neither here nor there. The fact remained that she didn't even think of him as a man. She even asked him to unzip the dress for her. He nearly passed out from anxiety before he finally got up the nerve to unzip her, revealing even more of the naked, pale flesh he so desperately wanted to see. But she just playfully romped off to get dressed and then proceeded to walk around with her top undone, lacy bra exposed as if he were completely asexual. He should be completely insulted. But instead, he was even more helplessly smitten by her. He had tried to tell her - told her that she was the pinnacle of beauty and sexual allure and she seemed to be responding. Until he had been distracted by that blasted computer. The one time he had wanted to smash it to pieces.

He realized that she had been talking and he had been staring at her eyes, a dippy look on his face. He straitened up and tried to concentrate on what she was saying.

"So, anyway, I was wondering if, you know, you would like to be my date?"

He blinked as if he was Jason. "Y- I'm sorry, your date?"

"Yeah – you know, date, like I wear a dress and you wear a suit and we go in the same car, date?"

"Maximista is asking me out on a - date." His ears had to be deceiving him. Surely, he was having one of his fantasies. Except that it was not in noir black and white and he was not wearing a fedora or smoking.

"Well, sure. You have helped me out so much and you are like, pretty much my best friend. For a guy anyway. It's not like I can ask Sam to go with me. And there isn't any guy that I am interested in right now so…"

"Oh." There it was, the dreaded F-word. His chest felt suddenly tight and his heart sank. "Yeah, sure, Maximista, I would love to be your escort for the evening. Do you want me to pick you up?" He plastered a fake smile on his face as his heart broke.

"No – why don't I meet you at Jason's. I mean, do you really want to face Mac and do the whole, protective father thing?"

"Most assuredly, no." He didn't tell her that, if she gave him a glimmer of a chance, he would gladly endure any tortuous rite of passage in order to win her.

"Great, so you'll need to rent a tux, ok? This party is going to be fun." She picked up his muffin and started pulling the top off it in pieces as usual. But instead of it driving him crazy, it depressed him.

"Of course Maximista, it will be great." She would never feel the same way he did. In fact, no woman ever would. He probably would die a virgin, forever relegated to faithful best friend, pseudo-date, last-minute, back-up plan status.

PART II

Saturday arrived for Spinelli with the dread usually reserved for executions and tax audits. Not that he ordinarily would dread seeing Maxie. Usually, it was exactly the opposite; usually, his world turned from black and white to color when she walked into the room, like Dorothy entering Oz. But this night was going to be torture. To see her dressed in a beautiful gown, forced to escort her to a party where every man in the room would be looking at her and her eyes would be roaming the room searching out men to flirt with. Every man in the room would be eligible for her attentions, except him. The buddy, the pal, the pathetic creature that was only asked to go as a stand-in for a real date.

He picked up the tuxedo that she asked him to rent, but he had no interest in how it even looked on him. What difference did it make? Nevertheless, he would make himself presentable as a favor to her. As empty as he felt, he would never make her regret asking him to go.

As doomsday hour approached, his disquiet increased. He wished he still smoked pot, but Stone Cold had unfortunately, broken him of the comforting habit. He surfed the Internet aimlessly and went into a couple of gaming sites only to win effortlessly and unsatisfyingly. He tried to play pool with Stone Cold, but theoretical physics did not seem to translate to the pool table and he kept flubbing shots that looked easy.

Sighing inwardly, he looked at the clock, it was nearly six and he would have to start getting ready if Maxie was going to come by at seven to begin their sham of a date. He went to his room, started the shower and unzipped the tuxedo hanging on the door. He stared at it for a minute, wishing he could somehow transform himself into a suave, confident guy that Maxie would notice and see could herself with. It was a futile wish. Spinelli stepped into the shower and let the water thrum over his head and neck, fighting against the thoughts that tormented him.

When he stepped out of the shower, he wrapped a towel low around his hips and walked into his room, a second towel over his head as he dried his hair off. He hadn't remembered turning on music before he went into the shower but then again, his brain was completely fried.

"Um." Maxie's voice came from the other side of the towel. He yanked it off his head and his eyes grew wide. She was standing next to his computer and had obviously been fiddling with the music program. She was in a floor length, beaded black dress that made her look like a siren singer from a 1930's movie, it was cut low in the front and had a red flower between her breasts. Her hair was wavy and was carefully styled to look as if she had just had a steamy roll between the sheets. Her face was flushed as was the rest of the usually pale flesh that was revealed by the skimpy dress. "I - I'm sorry Spinelli. Jason said to come up." She fiddled with her hands as if she didn't know what to do with them. But Maxie always knew what to do. "I – uh – sh - should I wait downstairs?"

"You look - beautiful." Spinelli couldn't believe he was going to be going to be her date for the evening. Even though it was just a date in the academic sense, he never thought he would ever so much as talk to a woman as gorgeous as she was. But she was forever out of her reach.

Spinelli realized all he had on was a towel and instead of being mortified, he was rebelliously indifferent. After all, if she didn't think of him as a man, why should it matter if he was in a towel or not? "Um - No – that's all right Maximista. I just have to get dressed. You can stay." He went to his dresser and pulled out black socks, a pair of boxers and a tank tee shirt and then went back into his bathroom. When he emerged, he was shaved and wearing the tank and the tuxedo bottoms. Maxie seemed to stare at him but he figured she was thinking about what he was going to do with his hair. He went to the mirror, put some goop in his hair and combed it back from his face. He knew nothing and cared nothing about fashion or style but he knew his usual haphazard style wasn't going to cut it for tonight.

He put on his dress shirt and then stared at the bow tie wondering how on earth that strip of fabric was supposed to form a bow. "Could you tie this for me?" Maxie stared at him as if she was in another world. "Maximista?"

"Hmm?" she emerged from her reverie.

"Do you think you could help me with this thing? I have no idea how to tie it. I should have gotten the clip on but I knew Maximista would not approve." He smiled. Maxie stood in front of him and expertly tied his bow tie for him. He imagined this would be what it would be like to have her as his wife. It was a cruel fantasy that he allowed himself.

"You are unusually quiet tonight Maximista."

"What?" She seemed to snap out of a trance.

"Are you nervous about the party?"

"The party? Um – oh – yeah, a little I guess, I mean, Kate's put so much into this launch and I really want it to be a success for her. And this party will have a ton of designers and models and clients. I just really want to make a good impression, you know?"

"Of course Maximista, The Jackal will do his best not to embarrass you." He turned from the mirror, his image satisfactory.

"Huh? No – no that's not what I meant. I'm sure that you'll be fine Spinelli." She smiled her usual smile at him. Whatever had been on her mind, she must have shaken it.

"we'd better get going – we don't want to be late after all."

"Um – yeah. Don't want to be late." She smiled again.

PART III

The ballroom at the Metro Court had been transformed into a fantasy in black and red. Spinelli looked around at the splendor. He swallowed an incredulous chortle at the absolute ridiculousness of Damian Millhouse Spinelli at a fashion magazine launch party. He felt like a gate crasher, like an alien at the White House.

"I kind of feel like we're going to the prom."

"I wouldn't know Maximista. I never attended one."

"There's Kate. C'mon." Maxie took him gently by the hand and pulled him across the floor towards Kate Howard who was in red and black as well.

"Hi Kate."

"Good evening, Maxie, great dress. Spinelli, you are looking very well tonight." Kate looked surprised at his transformation.

"Good evening Fashionista, and may I say that you put even the most beautiful roses to shame this evening."

"Spinelli, how is it that you have not swept a woman off her feet by now?" She glanced sideways at Maxie.

"A mystery that may never be solved Fashionista."

"Well, you two have a good time tonight. Maxie, remember to say hello to Mr. Galliano and Isaac, alright?" Kate waived a waiter over with glasses of champagne.

"Of course Kate. I wouldn't miss it."

Kate waved to a couple coming in the door and glided away towards them.

"The Fashionista is in her element."

"I know, I want to be exactly like her someday. She knows everyone and everyone is in awe of her. Can you imagine anyone more glamorous?" She took a small sip from the champagne. "Did you want me to get you a soda Spinelli? I know you probably don't care for this stuff."

"No – that's ok, Maximista. This will be fine." He took a sip and tried to cover a face that looked as if he had swallowed turpentine.

Maxie laughed and took the champagne glass out of his hand. "Let me get you a soda. I had them put some on ice especially for you." She returned with a cocktail glass full clear fizzing liquid.

"What's this?" He looked suspiciously into the glass.

"Orange soda. It's all natural. No artificial colors." She looked at him with eagerness that he liked her new discovery.

Spinelli looked at it in disgust. How could they mess with the Nectar of the Gods? He took a tentative sip. "Hey! It is orange soda! Once again, the Jackal is in awe of your innovativeness. I don't suppose you have any all natural barbecue chips hidden anywhere?"

"Maybe later." She giggled.

"OK."

He sipped quietly at his drink and followed her around from designer to designer and model to model basking in her presence and seeing her glow as she discussed fashion and the latest gossip of the style world. He understood nothing but he was enjoying watching her network like she had been born to it. She introduced him as an Internet executive. He knew he looked young but in today's technological market, most Internet executives were barely old enough to have graduated from college. They seemed to accept it and then ignored him.

A little while later, Maxie's face fell. "There's Lulu." She sighed. He knew Lulu had been getting on her case a lot. He wished that Lulu would stop telling Maxie she was stupid and would just go ahead and quit the job. It was obvious she only kept the job to irritate Maxie. And Maxie did not have very high self esteem as much as her bravado would suggest otherwise. And he knew that while Maxie might not be as book smart as Lulu, the fashion world was Maxie's domain like the cyber world was his.

"Hello Maxie, Hey Spinelli." Lulu seemed irritated that Spinelli was with Maxie. She after-all was alone after being chased by droves of men for so long it was an uncomfortable occurrence that she should be at an occasion without a date. "so, everything looks great."

"Thanks."

"Why are you thanking me? We both worked on the party Maxie." Lulu's eyes flashed.

"Huh, yeah sure, and if left to your own devices, we would be having cocktail weenies on paper plates tonight. I am sure Kate appreciates the fact that I saved us all from your own poor taste."

"Look Maxie, you may be Kate's first assistant but that doesn't mean you get to talk to me any way you - "

"Ladies, ladies. Let's quiet the hostility. Perhaps it would be best if you retreated to opposite corners for the duration of the festivities?"

"Sure Spinelli." Lulu said reluctantly. "Save me a dance though, OK?"

"Thanks Spinelli. I'm sorry to have started something with Lulu but she just makes me so mad, you know? I mean she did nothing to help with tonight and yet she wants to take credit. I mean – "

"Maximista has worked very hard on this party. I have witnessed it. That is why you should spend no more time thinking about The Blonde One and concentrate on having fun."

"Thanks Spinelli. You're right. No more talk about Lulu. Do you want to dance?"

Spinelli accepted and they walked towards the dance floor. The band had just struck up a slow, old fashioned tune and Spinelli was glad for the excuse it would give him to hold Maxie close, if only for a short while. He held out his hand to her and when she took it, he twirled her around and into his arms. Her body was warm and he held her close, feeling the music and aching to kiss her. He wished he had the nerve. Her face was so close to his, a mere inches. But he knew that she wouldn't want him to. A friend - that's what she had said. And he knew all too well what that meant. His heart ached.

When the music stopped, Maxie pulled away. For a moment, she stared into his eyes as if she wanted to say something. He was about to ask her and then she looked away. She grabbed a glass of champagne off a passing tray and drank it quickly.

"Maximista should be careful. Alcohol is a dangerous drug." He wondered what had bothered her so that she felt the need to drink.

PART IV

The rest of the evening passed quickly and Spinelli wished it could last longer. He knew that spending an evening, at a party with Maxie dancing and smiling was a one time thing. But before he knew it the night came to an end and he and Maxie said goodnight to Kate. Spinelli drove home and tried to ignore the fact that she seemed to be watching him. He wondered what she was thinking.

He drove along the streets leading to her house and wished he could get lost or run out of gas. Anything to delay the end of this night.

Maxie broke into his thoughts. "No – Spinelli, don't drive me home."

"Where does Maximista wish to go? Dr. Robin's?"

"Take me to the Penthouse. Jason won't be there, right?"

"No, but, w-why does Maximista wish to return to Stone Cold's residence?" he looked over at her with confusion. This didn't make any sense to him.

"I don't want to go home is all. Can you? Please?"

"Of course Maximista. Whatever you desire." He couldn't believe that his wish to make the evening last longer was coming true. He thought perhaps she didn't want Mac to know she had been drinking or maybe Mac was working and she didn't want to be alone in a house that no longer had a little sister.

Maxie closed her eyes and leaned back in the seat. Spinelli glanced at her still wondering what was going through her mind as he changed his route to his own residence.

"Here we are. Are you asleep?" Spinelli turned off the car and took the keys out of the ignition.

Maxie opened her eyes and stared at him. "No. I'm awake." She reached over and ran her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes, feeling pleasure at the sensual feel of her hand yet wishing she wouldn't toy with him; his pain was so close to the surface.

"Can we go up now?"

"Once again, the Jackal must ask, why does Maximista wish to go up to the Penthouse?"

"Don't over think things Spinelli. OK?"

"Alright." He acquiesced; he would do what she wished always.

PART V

"Um – can I get you something? I think we have some herbal tea or perhaps a soda?"

"No. I'm fine." Maxie stood in front of Spinelli and fiddled with his tie as if she were deciding something.

"Ok. D - do you want to watch TV? I convinced Stone Cold to get Sci-Fi Channel."

"Mmm mm." Maxie pulled at one end of his tie releasing the fabric then unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. She stared into his eyes and Spinelli thought he would lose his mind. Was she flirting with him? Was she drunk?

"Maximista? I - " She put her fingers on his lips to stop his questions. An eternity passed between them as he searched her face for permission. She had kissed him before. Several times. But it was always as a friend, never more. Did he dare? His heart was threatening to burst out of his chest. He watched his hands as if they belonged to someone else as they skimmed her bare shoulders. Stroking her collar bone with his thumb, she shivered and he felt his knees quake. Man up! Do it!! He thought to himself. Grasping her shoulders gently, he pulled her towards him and brought his lips down to hers.

He could taste the champagne on her lips. They tasted so much sweeter than he imagined they could. When she had kissed him before, he had been unable to think or to comprehend what she was doing until it was over. He had never had the chance to savor. Her mouth parted slightly and he felt her tongue gently and timidly search out his. A sigh escaped his throat and he thought he would die from the feelings he was having. This kiss was so much more than he thought it could be.

Though he had not been drinking, he felt a giddy drunkenness fill his head. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers curled into his hair and she pressed the length of her body to his. Maxie Jones is kissing me. I am kissing Maxie Jones. Were the only comprehensible thoughts in his head. He could barely breathe and didn't want to. Breath was unnecessary; he had Maxie. If only for this moment and never again, he had Maxie.

Maxie's hands went back to his shirt and proceeded to open his buttons one at a time. A little moan from her lips brought him back from the brink of insanity. He pulled away slightly but when he did she tried to pull him back. "Wait. Maximista - wait." He held her away as she tried to kiss him again knowing he had to be the clear-headed one. As much as he hated what he was about to say he knew he had to. "Maybe - we shouldn't do this. You've - been drinking." His breathing was short and his heart beating loudly and he knew he would curse himself forever for stopping what was obviously a drunken mistake on her part.

"I'm not drunk Spinelli."

"Yes. Well. You aren't entirely sober either." He caressed her hair. "You don't want to do something you'll regret later." He stepped away from her and felt the earth drop away. His body felt cold after holding her. "The Jackal will get you something to change into – you can sleep in my room tonight. The Jackal will sleep down here."

"You don't have to do that."

"Yes, Maximista – it's for the best – the most intensely difficult thing the Jackal – I - have ever done is push you away. I care about you too much to take unfair advantage of you. I would be - ashamed of myself and heartsick if you regretted your choice to be with me. If you still feel this way tomorrow, I will be overjoyed. But right now, you need to have - time to think." He looked away and bounded up the stairs to get her some pajamas before he could change his mind.

PART VI

Spinelli finally fell asleep slightly before dawn, he had stared at the living room ceiling for hours thinking himself an idiot for turning Maxie away. She was sleeping in his bed and he was sleeping on the couch. How many men would think he was a lunatic, a coward, a feeble minded idiot. But what he had said to her was true. If they had slept together and then she regretted it, it would have been as if someone had eviscerated him with a dull knife. Being another man to take advantage of Maxie's poor decision making processes would be impossible to live with. A sleepless night and a lifetime of "what ifs" was the price he would gladly pay to avoid that.

A few hours later, light pierced his eyelids, making sleep impossible. He knew he had not been unconscious long when he heard a shuffling coming down the stairs. He kept his eyes closed, hoping that Maxie would think he was still asleep. He knew he had done the right thing but what if she thought he was a virginal wimp? He felt her sit on the edge of the couch and he opened his eyes. She was wearing the red warm up suit he had left for her to put on last night. It was far too big on her and she had pushed the sleeves back. Despite the slightly ridiculous wardrobe and obvious lack of sleep, she looked beautiful.

"Good morning Maximista."

"Good morning, Jackal" Maxie played with the hair across Spinelli's forehead. He just watched her as she mustered up the courage to tell him that she had made a mistake last night. That she just wanted to remain friends. That she didn't think of him that way.

"I just wanted to tell you that – last night – I – " she sighed with the difficulty of what she was about to say. Spinelli braced himself for the familiar 'just friends' speech. "Well – it was - the most romantic thing any man has ever done for me." She leaned down and whispered in his ear. "Thank you Damian Spinelli." She pressed a firm kiss to his lips and then stood up as if embarrassed. "Meet me for lunch at Kelly's?" Before he could reply, she grabbed her dress off the arm of the chair and rushed out. Spinelli lay staring at the door, stunned. He grinned and threw an arm over his face. The girl was exasperating and wonderful.

10