A/N: Just a heads up, this is a VERY sad. But hopefully, I'll write a happy ending for this one soon enough.

Thanks to Bells of Tomorrow for beta-ing this for me. I really appreciate it!

And I don't own them, still...the check hasn't cleared yet. :)


You knew it would be tough. It always was.

Hell, it was hard with Jordan, and you were resigned to the end of that relationship. After all, she had been sleeping with other men before the divorce was even final.

You had no idea things would be this tough with your Newbie…even though he was no longer your Newbie.

It wasn't supposed to be like this—you and Newbie were supposed to last forever, in it until the end, whatever mushy crap Newbie felt like spewing until you effectively shut him up. Things were supposed to be different, because you two were different.

Things had started out good, too. For about a month and a half, things went very smoothly. You had even started to believe that maybe this would actually work out for good. Any little problem was easily talked about and fixed, and even all the time spent together in and out of the hospital didn't seem like overkill.

But soon enough, the honeymoon period ended. And soon after that, the relationship began to go downhill. Problems became bigger; fights began. Words were said and tears were shed (Newbie's of course) and the both of you got hurt. Every one of these fights ended the same way: Angry make up sex with nothing discussed. Every problem, big or little, was pushed to the back to be dealt with later. You knew Newbie wanted to talk about the problems, figure out the solutions, but you couldn't. You were never good at the whole talking things out, anyways. You knew it had to be fixed and talked about eventually though, if the relationship was really going to last. But for some reason, you could never bring yourself to turn eventually into now. Later on, you realize this was the beginning of the end.

Finally, The Fight occurred. The fight that ruined the still young relationship; breaking hearts and taking hopes and dreams down with it. Newbie had approached you to talk about the latest problem, and you tried to deflect the talk.

He blew up. You reacted.

Accusations were yelled on both parts, and punches were thrown into walls and pillows. After hitting the wall so hard it cracked, Newbie stormed off. As he did, you think you heard him mutter something that sounded like, "And to think, I thought I was in love with you," but you weren't sure. You were sure that Newbie was close to tears on his way out, though.

About five minutes after Newbie left, the reality of the fight sunk in. In anger and defeat, you picked up your scotch glass and threw it across the room. Unfortunately, it did nothing to help you feel better. Resting your head in your hands, you tried to figure out what to do to lift your spirits. You debated going after Newbie, but your pride stopped you from doing so.

And that was the end of the brief relationship. What both of you thought would last a lifetime only lasted for about three months before exploding like a dying star.


The next few weeks were, not surprisingly, awkward. The day after the fight you called in sick. The combination of seeing Newbie, the hangover from the alcohol consumed to make you feel better, and the thought of all the glares and lectures you would receive throughout the day were just too much to bear. You knew it would have to happen eventually, but the more time before it did, the better.

The first time you ran into Newbie at work (a whole week afterwards, thanks to shift and patient shifting as well as just plain avoidance) went as well as you thought it would. You refused to look at him for long, and you refused to call him Newbie or a random girls' name as well. Instead, it was entirely professional; calling him "Dr. Dorian" and using what you hoped was a neutral tone.

The first time you called him "Dr. Dorian," you managed to briefly meet his gaze, hoping to get your point across that this was strictly professional now. You noticed the flash of pain in his eyes and felt the reflection of it in your heart. It didn't get any better the other times you had to interact with him.

Plus, Newbie had the support of most everyone in the hospital. You had spent so long perfecting your cold hearted bastard routine that everyone refused to believe the way you were at the beginning of the relationship wasn't an act. Everyone had warned Newbie about you prior, but you assumed it had to be worse now that it had ended. Yet, while Newbie was hearing "I told you so," you were hearing silence.

Undoubtedly because of the influence of the Newbie fan club, life at the hospital was hard for a while. It was tough getting consults as well (and when you did, The Todd was the one who showed up) and the nurses seemed to go out of their way to make your life more difficult when it came to helping you out. When the Newbie fan club was forced to speak to you, you had to hear both Carla and Barbie lecturing you about hurting him. At least Gandhi refused to talk to you altogether. He would pass surgical consults for your patients to other surgeons, and would go out of his way to avoid you at all costs. You actually preferred this to Carla and Barbie's meddling.

After two weeks of this treatment, things started to return back to normal. The Newbie fan club continued to ignore you for the most part, but this was better than the lectures you had been receiving earlier.

You kept on surviving; spending your nights with scotch and drinking away thoughts of Newbie. It was getting easier to ignore the flash of pain every time you spoke to or saw him around the hospital. You didn't know if that was a good thing or not.


Three weeks after The Fight, you found out Newbie was beginning to move on.

It was a mistake, really, that you had come upon this piece of information. You were walking to the Nurses' Station to pick up a chart when Newbie was meeting with his date, which was no doubt set up by Carla. You froze in shock, and for the first time in about two weeks, you met Newbie's eyes. You immediately turned and walked off, chart forgotten. It wasn't your place to be jealous. Not anymore.

You told yourself that you were imagining the feeling that someone was watching you walk off.

That night, the finality of it hit you. A few tears left your eyes, but you blamed it on the scotch you were drinking. You didn't cry, even over Newbie, who was no longer Newbie anyway.

He was now JD.

Soon after, you passed out on the couch; scotch glass in hand, bottle on the table. In your dream, someone kept knocking on a door that you could never quite reach.

The next morning, you woke up with a hangover and bleary red eyes. While you were getting ready for another day at the hospital, you wondered if transferring would be a good idea - A chance to start fresh. You were figuring out where you could go when you noticed a piece of paper shoved under the door. Picking it up, you recognized JD's handwriting right away.

He's no you, but maybe that's why he's perfect for me.

After reading the note about five times, you rushed to the hospital, hope beginning to form in your chest. You had to talk to JD, try to get things back to the way they were. When you arrived at the hospital, you saw JD sitting at the Nurses' Station, talking and laughing with Carla. For the first time since the break up, you felt a smile begin to tug at your lips as you walked over to meet them, the note clutched loosely in your hands.

However, you were unable to reach them before JD's date from the other night showed up. When you noticed him, you felt the note begin to crumple as your hands began to make fists. Once JD spotted him, his face lit up, and he jumped off the counter to meet the other guy. You stood back and watched the two for a second before turning and walking off.

The note fell from your hand, forgotten.

This time, you tried to convince yourself that someone was watching you walk away, but you knew that if you stopped to see, you'd only see JD and his new boyfriend talking to Carla, completely oblivious to your presence.

As you began to walk to Kelso's office to ask for a transfer, you knew that the relationship with Newbie (no, he's just JD now) was over for good.

fin


A/N 2: Feel free to leave any comments or complaints for me...even if its a rant wondering how I could do that to the characters. Because, really I don't mind. Promise.