AN: Heeeey, tis my first story/one-shot, I just thought of it randomly and I know Ed would have died after the failed transmutation if this really happened, but I'm just going to ignore that fact. Hope you enjoy! :D
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist nor do I own the locations mentioned and characters portrayed in it. Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa-sensei.
It started as a normal day in central HQ. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and a certain Colonel was slaving away at his paperwork, sweating slightly due to the gun pressed to his forehead. The day would have stayed average if Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, had not shown up.
"Fullmetal, why are you carrying a rock?" drawled Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist and Edward's commanding officer.
"I'm not carrying a rock," Snarled the Elric, "Isn't that right Al?"
Five seconds pass by as Roy stares at Edward while Edward stares at a rock in his hand.
"See! Al agrees with me...Why are you staring at me like that Bastard?"
"...Are you talking to the rock?"
"I told you! He's NOT A ROCK!"
Five more seconds pass with Edward's outraged expression and a flat stare from Roy.
"...You can't believe that pet rocks are real, seriously Fullmetal, you have to grow u-"
"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE NEEDS IMAGINARY FRIENDS TO HELP HIM REACH THE COOKIE JAR BECAUSE HE'S TOO SMALL TO REACH THE CUPBOARD, LET ALONE CLIMB ONTO A CHAIR!"
"..."
"WAIT! That's not the point! He is NOT a pet rock! He's my brother!"
"..."
"WHAT! It's true Bastard!"
"...Are you feeling alright Fullmetal?"
"I was until I saw your ugly mug! Let's go Al!"
Thus, the Flame Alchemist was left staring after his potentially insane subordinate while he stomped away, complaining to a rock he believed to be his brother.
"What did you say to make Edward so mad, sir?" Questioned Hawkeye as she re-entered his office, busy polishing her gun.
"Apparently his brother is a rock."
"It's true, sir."
The Colonel whipped his head around to give her an incredulous stare.
"After his failed transmutation he couldn't find anything to tie his brother's soul to, so he grabbed a near-by rock."
