Seeing things and never fully letting yourself register them is safe. We all have boundaries, some of us limited by our emotions. That's why I can't let myself realize what's wrong. There's no reason to pull attention to myself. I'll keep living, i'll keep acting. I'm constantly trying to fnd my place in this small rainy reservation.

My name's Kim Conweller i'm 17 years old, and a student at La Push High school. I stand at about 5'2". I look a lot like the rest of the kids down here. Russet skin, dark brown hair, and eyes to match. Nothing that extroadinary.

Everything sounds fine, doesn't it? Well, I left out a major detail of my description.

I weigh 187 pounds, technically considered obese. No matter what angle I'm looking at, I hate my reflection. Every other girl here is a twig. My weight's my biggest insecurity.

I've lost weight actually, my heighest was 214. Before the weightloss, I was binging and purging. I restricted my calories as long as i could until I ruined everything with the binging. I started losing weight the healthy way, and I've been seeing results. I've felt depressed lately with binging ,purging, restricting, and self harm coming back. It's just not my choice anymore. I'm not anorexic or bulimic though. I'm fine, I have enough real problems to focus on right now anyways.

At school, I have a descent amount of friends. In a small town like this, every prolem looks a million times worse. That's why everyone's talking about a select group of guy's at the high school. I've never really talked to any of them, my body stole my confidence. Their names are Jake, Embry, Paul, and Jared. Everyone's saying there on steroids because of there newly developed muscles. Growing 2 feet in 2 weeks was insane.

Embarassingly enough, for as long as I can remember I've had a crush on Jared. A complet waist of time really, nobody wants a fat girl. He's too good for me. I'm so tired of my weight holding me back.

I mean yeah i've had friends tell me I'm not that big, but they're only saying that to make me feel better. I feel bad for them to hangout with me, just because they feel sorry for me. I sighed as I pulled myself out of a daydream. Too many boring classes, but on the bright side I sat right beside Jared. Assigned seating ofcourse, but i'm not complaining. He hasn't looked at me once though, something constantly on his mind?

I sat there trying to figure him out, as he turned to pass me a handout. I stared right at him not expecting him to look back, but he did. One of the most frightening things I'd ever experienced. I immediatetly froze, every insecurity finding it's way back to me. My breath stopped and my heart was racing. I was desperately waiting for him to look away but he didn't. His eyes had lit up and he was smiling.

I was near tears, I hoped he didn't notice. With his eyes glued to me I couldn't stop my thoughts "You know what he's looking at fatass." "Did you honestly think he could ever like something, like you?" "He's amazed he finally found someone completley disgusting to torment." With that I had to look away, but right before i saw the greatest pain in his deep brown eyes. Before anything else could happen, I was saved by the bell.

~~~~~COMMENT?~~~~~

I'm wondering if it's a bit much? Although all of the insecurities are real. Yay for the first chapter! I'm gonna laugh so hard if I don't get a response :) I'm hoping for one though, I put some effort into this.