Inside Vs Outside
The guild I had always dreamed of joining accepted me as one of them. All of the people I had admired from Sorcerer weakly, they all treated me like I was family. I never felt at home while I was living in the Heartfelia Mansion. But here, in Fairy Tail, I feel at home. I feel like I belong. Or so it seems. I admit, I love being a part of Fairy Tail, but recently I have been feeling too weak to belong here. I feel like am not a real member of Team Natsu, I feel like dead weight. I don't think I belong here. I just don't.
When I look at Erza and see her strength just radiate off of her, I see her beauty that hides beneath the armor. When I look at Gray, even though he is always half naked, I see all the power he holds in just one look. He and Natsu. But when I look at Natsu, he has fire always around him. He is strong and confident, full of strength, the team leader, the reason why we are a team in the first place. I know that Erza and Gray are powerful, but I feel that Natsu is the most powerful. Then, there is me. I am small, delicate, and useless.
The best I can do is summon spirits to my side, they fight and I don't. I sit on the sidelines and watch while they get hurt or I get in the way. I'm always in the way. No matter what, I always end up getting us into trouble or worse, I get someone hurt. Just the other day when we were coming home from a job, I didn't do a single thing accept get in the way and Natsu ended up saving me. Again. I'm always getting saved.
So lately, I have been considering leaving the team. Going on my own for a while on some smaller jobs, see if I can buff myself, or maybe just leave Fairy Tail altogether. I'm not strong enough to be a Fairy Tail wizard. I wonder how ashamed they really feel about having me on their team. They say that celestial wizards are powerful, my mother was powerful, but then there is just me. I am nothing. Just dead weight.
"Lucy, hey you home?" I heard Natsu's voice call out to me from the kitchen. I roll my eyes great, he is going to eat all my food again.
"Yeah, give me a minute!" I call out. I get out of the bath tub, release the water from the tub, wrap my towel tightly around me and walk out of my bathroom and go downstairs into the kitchen to see Natsu with his head in the fridge and his butt sticking out.
"Luce, are you making dinner soon? I'm starving?" he pulls his head out of the fridge and looks at me.
"I was going to eat at the guild tonight with Mira Jane, why?" I instantly feel self-conscious. Natsu. The only person I have had feelings for, that weren't hate. I'm not sure when, but I recently started realizing how I really felt about him.
When I think about Natsu, I remember all the times he used to sneak into my window at night and fall asleep in my bed. I remember when he would roll over in his sleep and wrap his arm around my waist and bury his nose in my hair. I would remember having to share hotel rooms with him on jobs, sometimes we would have to share a bed. I also think about how often him and Happy come over to eat dinner with me. In fact, they do it almost every night. But what I think of most is when Natsu starts opening up to me about different things. For example, Igneel, he tells me about him a lot. He tells me about Lisanna, how they were when they were younger.
Whenever Natsu and I go on jobs alone together, it kind of feels like we get closer. I know that when he looks at me he sees me as nakama, but I wish he would look past that. I'm not sure he even knows what love is, besides the kind that your family shows you. But as long as Natsu still considers me to be an important friend or family member of his, then, I suppose that is best. But when he looks at me, like how he is right now, my heart skips two beats and I am reminded of how I feel.
"Luce?" he says and snap out of it.
"Yeah, okay. Help yourself to whatever you like, I'm going to go and get dressed then head to the guild." I say as I walk back up the stairs to my room.
I hear clatter in the kitchen, then a bang, then Natsu shout shit and I know he has broken something. In all honesty, it doesn't faze me anymore. I am so used to him breaking things in the kitchen that I just don't care. I look around my room, my window was open, meaning he came through the window earlier. I walk over to my walk-in closet and pull out a pair of dark skinny jeans and my red tube top.
Before getting dressed, I take a look at my thighs. I see the scars from where I had cut myself living in the Heartfelia Mansion. Looking at them, makes me sick. But yet, I still want to inflict the same harsh touch to my skin as I once did. It's not like anyone would notice, I don't wear skirts that's often anymore, so why not? I shake my head, I could possibly get kicked out of Team Natsu, that is why.
I get dressed and throw on a pair of black ankle high heeled boots, grab my keys, and head down stairs to leave. I walk past the kitchen, the sounds of clatter still going, so I'm guessing Natsu is still fixing himself some dinner. I make sure I grab my house keys as well before shouting to Natsu to shut the window on the way out if he left tonight and began my usual walk to the guild.
As I was walking on the ledge, I watched the sun sink beneath the sky. It was a bright and vivid orange, but it was beautiful. The hints of pink and red were what really it the feel that the sky was on fire, lit by dragons roaming around. I look toward the guild and see it come into view as I am walking down the streets of Magnolia. I look at the streets, seeing the people getting their last items needed to make dinner before they go home to their families. Some of the people are just coming out of their homes, they're attending the night life of Magnolia.
I reach the guild doors, which were open wide at this time of day and walk right on in. I see everyone all talking and the guild is as loud and cheerful as ever. I take a seat at the bar and wait for Mira to come and talk to me. I see her down farther talking to Laxus, he was probably ordering another beer or maybe trying to hit on Mira. I smirk at the thought, I could see him doing that. I look behind me to get a look at the guild.
Juvia was hidin behind one of the pillars watching Gray talking to Erza about going on a job. Looking over the left at another table, I see Levi talking with Gajeel. Levi's little fan club sitting next to her glaring at Gajeel the entire time. Looking more the left I see the Thunder Legion, minus Laxus, all talking together. At the back I could see Alsak and Bisca with their daughter, they were all enjoying cake. Everyone was talking with someone and I was sitting here alone. Even Happy had someone to talk to.
"Lucy, I'm so glad you are here. I'm sorry I took so long with Laxus, you know how he can get about his liquor." Mira laughs as she approaches me. Indeed I do know.
"It's okay, Mira, so what are we eating for dinner huh?" I say.
"It's a surprise, but I first need to talk to you in private. Where no dragon slayer ears can hear," she makes a glare at Laxus who just smirks.
"Office?" I say as I get up and she nods.
"Meet ya there and I'll even bring the food." With that she walks into the back where the kitchen is and I walk up the stairs into her office and take a seat on the magenta soft and plush chair.
I wonder what she would be so important that she would need to talk to me about. Am I going to be asked to leave Fairy Tail? I frown at the thought. Or maybe, Mira needs me to do her favor? That sounds a little more reasonable. I wonder if she wants advice, no, she doesn't need any advice from me. Then it dawned on me, maybe she just needs someone to talk to. Mira, the happy and adorable and loveable Mira might need someone to listen to.
I hear the door open and see Mira, followed by Laxus, come into the room. Both carrying trays and both with a smile. See Laxus smile like he has some sick joke planned sickens my stomach, but I make no move to be fowl. I just sit and stay quiet. I watch as Mira takes a seat in the chair next to mine that is the exact same but instead a different color and Laxus takes a seat in the leather desk chair.
"Lucy," Laxus says to me and look at him.
"Yes, Laxus?" I answer.
"I need your help for a specific S Class job that Master assigned me. I asked Mira to bring you in, because… Well, face it Blondie, I can't come up to you out of nowhere." He scoffs at the idea and I roll my eyes.
"Yes, you could have." Mira says and glares at him. I look at her as she looks back at me and smiles. "Lucy, Master asked me to pass this onto you. He need you to go with Laxus for a couple of months. You go after dinner, you won't need to pack anything, and you cannot tell anyone." She says.
"This is a direct order from Master?" I ask the both of them. They both look at me and nod. I raise an eyebrow and say, "So, what are we doing for this mission?"
Laxus smirks at me before answering and I could just tell from his smirk that I wasn't going to comfortable doing this, "I hope you're comfortable with getting intimate, Blondie, because in order for this mission to work… I'm going to be up in your skirt."
