WELL HAI! xD I was going to write more of Never Think this past weekend, (expect more of that SOON!) but I decided to just start a new story; and I decided I really am too lazy to continue, so I made it into a oneshot. It didn't take long to write, because this all happened to me. Well, I should clear some stuff up. A great deal of this is TRUE, but there are a lot of parts where it's actually fiction xD Like, my name isn't Lilly - I don't look like that, my ex's name isn't Joe, etc. :D OBVIOUSLY. I'm not a sophmore, and .. yeah. Ohkay, well - very few parts are fiction, actually. Aha. But the "personal messages" that I provided in this oneshot are actually real and what my ex said.

Bottom line, I was bored - it was 12:30AM and I felt like writing.

LOE ALERT! xD

Well, yeah. ENJOYYYY!

.review.

-Nesssssssssssss3

--------------------------------------------

And all the words we never say come and now we're all ashamed

And there's no sense in playing games when you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over

Why is it over?

Lilly Truscott's 'Alltel', green cellular phone sung out the lyrics as her ringtone played. The small girl solemnly reached for the phone to the left of her computer desk, answered in a fragile "Hello" to her best friend Miley.

Lilly was still absentmindedly shocked from the sudden unwholesomeness she felt. The devastating song reminder her of ... him.

"Oh! AND LILLY! Right when our eyes met, I totally …"

Lilly's mind wandered somewhere else as Miley was going on about who knows what at this point. Joe and Lilly were chatting – correction: fighting - right before Miley's call reached her own cellphone. She had an urge now… that he sent her something back to her "I'm sorry, we lost the game" message. Maybe it was all in her hallucinating head. Still, with her mouse she clicked on the mail symbol to the top right of her screen, a last shred of hope lying in the middle of her diaphragm.

Of course, there was a message present.

"And then we ran away into the sunset on his white and brown horse, Lils."

"Uh-huh." Lilly responded, dazed and scanning her eyes over the very few sentences found inside. She gasped slightly.

"Are you paying attention?" Miley accused

"Gotta go!" Lilly rushed through the receiver

"LILLY!"

Apr 21, 2009

Re: Re: Re: Re: Renaissance

We didn't lose the game, we just got bored of it... Fuck games, games are for children, EXCEPT FOR YAHTZEE! That's a game for MEN!! Ahaha.. And now, I promise, this is my last message, I know how happy you are.. I finally shut the fuck up.

Bye..

(block user)

(mark as spam)

Reply | Delete

Lilly sighed as tears ran down her cheeks, staining her face like razorblades.

Glancing back at the personal message that Joseph sent to her just 3 minutes ago made her have no excuse as to what to feel. She pulled herself up from the chair positioned in front of the computer desk and monitor in a corner of her yellow walled room and went to examine herself in the mirror leaning against her wall.

Pulling her hair out of the fancy bun it was curled in, she ruffled her blonde waves while tossing her pony-tail holder onto her muddled dresser. Then the girl fell back onto her blue and green comforter resting on her mid-height bed. Everything about Joe she thought she loved. Thought.

Staring up at the plain white ceiling of her cramped room, black lines of wet mascara mixed with salty tears escaped from her eyes; gravity pulling them down to her hairline, making a mess all over her face due to the angle she put herself at. Lilly shut her eyes tightly – ignoring the silent sobs - and tried to drown out the noises of children screaming happily down the street. Why was her window open tonight? Oh, wait; leaving it cracked for Joe. If he would only climb in like he used to…

Taking a deep breath, Lilly tried to retain herself again. Lying in her dimly lighted bedroom, she must have looked undeniably horrid. Her dirty blonde hair was just slightly waved that morning; still keeping it's fix because of all of the product shoved into it and the beach-blonde highlights fading away every day because the sun has not yet to come out and shine in Ohio like it used to in California, still stuck in the very beginning of spring, almost winter still. Her gray-ish blue sweat pants, micro fiber to be exact, were frayed from being worn so often. A white tank top, that was really just an undershirt, clung to her small and almost porcelain torso.

So far, not too terrible. Honestly – Lilly would look like that almost any day. But her face was the dead-end point of "not bad" because this section of her body?

Her face was bad. …And that wasn't just a nonsense comeback used by immature kids.

Sick of the screaming, the fighting with her parents – she was almost at a loss of her mom because cancer had claimed her mother so deviously, Lilly felt she couldn't take fighting and sorrow all at the same time. Somehow the frustrated feelings found a way to break out onto her face, maybe stress lines of some sort. Zits from the unfortunate "perks" of being a teenager, being a girl made it worse because of monthly problems. Attempted makeup that was thrown on her skin – the basics – smeared around her cheek bones, eyelids, and forehead. Worse of all, pain found in her eyes.

Lilly knew that it hurt a lot of the people, ones that she loved, seeing her this way. She couldn't fix that void of taking-over hurt.

She tried to get over Joseph for the past few months now. He moved on, so why couldn't she? Her eyes still shut tight, trying to think of reasons why – she realized it was due to the fact that she loved who he was, who he used to be, so she could quite possibly still be hypnotized. Why she held on to old history? That she couldn't find an explanation for.

Lilly knew that Joe deserved much better than herself. Lilly used to look like a good girl, always glowing and so full of life. 'Happy' to describe it, mainly. Lately she covered things with a halfhearted smile, choking through her fears of trying to forget past things and future events for a temporary time. Joe knew Lilly's deepest secret. She knew it hurt him more than anything, she made promises to stop. Joe just didn't seem very willing to Lilly. Maybe this was all her fault, actually. Was she too shallow?

Lilly inflicted pain on herself. Knowing relief could never be permanent but still wanting to just sit in a bathroom corner in a school stall, tiles pressed against her backbone. It happened before.

Now, though, Joseph had a new and fantastic girlfriend. A perfect height for his convenience, mid-length and dead straight hair. A popular one, understanding, blonde, dyed hair, everyone liked her, if there was a problem; she'd cover it with a fantastic smile, and she's one of Lilly's close friends. There wasn't any flaw at all with this girl. That must be what Joe thinks, too.

Lilly and Joe just clicked from the start, however. The thing that used to make Lilly smile was that things between the two just happened – which, to her, seemed pretty magical. But isn't that just an excuse for every relationship? Ever since the fresh new day of 6th grade they were tightly bonded. As being a sophomore now, it was generally a while. Maybe that was why it hurt so badly. He was a solid block – there when she needed, loyal. She didn't want to cling to all of the past threads, be one of those stupid, crazy ex-girlfriends. But they've been just.. close.. for a long time. And that one time, where he said he loved her – staring directly into her eyes… SHUT UP. She screamed at herself in her head. She had to stop wandering on about February 13th and put it all in a locked chest in her head, never to be opened again. Reminiscing killed Lilly all the time. Destroyed her heart and her mind like never before. Every memory was like fifty stabs.

Joe knew that it wasn't Lilly's time. Things between the two got more fucked up as the days went on, each day Lilly took another pound of the world on her shoulders. Yet, the stupid boy still said "bye-bye" almost in a lovesick melody tone of voice.

And to make it better, as she glanced out her window; the rain was pouring down on her driveway and on top of all of the almost-blooming pear trees in her front yard. She looked back at her ceiling, sighing and then second guessed her chances for the first time in a while. Turning her head back to the window that was cut out next to her bed against the wall, she saw that abruptly the rain stopped, a few drizzles here and there collided with the sun peaking from behind the clouds. Directly parallel to her, she noticed a faint rainbow. Maybe, just maybe, it was hope. It seemed sudden, but it was still present.

She slowly dragged herself back to her computer screen and saw – to her surprise – another message.

Apr 21, 2009

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Renaissance

I'm sorry.

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(mark as spam)

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