Author's Note:
Hoy boy. How do I explain this one?
Well, I start nursing school next week, right? And since I'm new to this whole adult thing, I was breaking down with nerves today. Needless to say, I needed the power of One Piece to sooth my nerves! Rather than re-read Thriller Bark for the 857th time, I decided to help out my being chunked into the world with a bit of help by them. Making my times at school not seem so bad compared to this.
This will be an irregular series of Straw Hats in jobs I deem to be hell or just humorous of their presence. Plus I need to practice humor writing. Yes, Carmen is based off me. No, my name is not Carmen.
Hope you have fun reading this!
"And you want that in a large, right?"
"No! I said a small!"
"But if you get a large, think of how much you get for only a few cents more!"
"Are you mentally challenged? I want a small, for crying out loud!"
Luffy sighed and slouched out of frustration. "You're sure?" He extenuated his plea.
"Luffy!" I screeched, yanking the head piece from him. My first day as Vice-Manager, and already the stupid kid had caused four people to drive away in anger, two of which waved fingers into our windows. No one but him wanted Drive-Thru duty, and I was beginning to wonder why. I placed the contraption on my head as Luffy cried out in annoyance. "Welcome to Buggy Burger, I'm sorry, what was your-"
"DO YOU THINK THAT IT'S FUNNY THAT I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR THIRTY MINUTES ATTEMPTING TO BUY A BURGER?" The woman snarled.
"No, not at all, ma'am." I punched a few buttons on the register. "Now, that's one small burger and a medium water. Anything else?"
"I had better get a fucking discount."
"The burger is free, just for you. My apologies. Your total is then…" I looked down in horror at the machine. "…Free. Please pull around."
I heard the rev of an engine and hoped that this woman wasn't going to be a muscle builder. To my delight and relief, she was just large in a softer way. I hurriedly snatched the order from Usopp's hands and shoved them out the window. "Deeply sorry." I feigned care in my voice. "I do hope you'll co-"
"Don't count on it." She threw a handful of cigarette butts into the window and slammed on the gas. Removing the headset, I rounded on the three closest employees. Luffy, Usopp and Brook; all of which shrieked when at the sight of my face.
"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?" I shouted, shoving the headset in Luffy hands.
I hate when more than one person talk at once.
"How could you not want a large burger?" He groaned, playing with the headset. "I was trying to help the costumer."
"Why are you yelling at me?" Usopp demanded on top of Luffy's explination, adjusting his backwards cap. "He's the idiot who gave her a hard time!"
"You should have stepped up!" I squished the bridge of my nose. "Brook, where is your hair net?"
"Yohoho! I cannot fit it around my quite voluminous hair!"
Aggravation driving into my temples, it was all I could not to smash Brook in the face. Today was the worst first day of any job in the history of fast food restaurants. In addition to Luffy's hold up of the driving costumers; I had caught Zoro sleeping peacefully in the kid's place pit, Robin's nose in a book while she should have been watching the fries and Nami counting the money in the register as costumers screamed their orders and fury.
"Just…try to put it on, okay?" I clasped my hands together, begging the Skeleton. "So if the manager comes in, I won't be dead."
"If I may…see you pan-"
I hushed him with a half yell of frustration. "Not again! I said no!"
You see, that's why I took Brook of register duty.
"Erm, Carmen?" Usopp tapped my shoulder. At least someone here knew my name.
"Yes?"
"I think you might want to take a look at the smoothie machine."
What now? "I thought I told Franky to fix it, if he's slacking off I'm goin- ARGH!" My hands flew to my hair as my eyes met the sight of something at least five times bigger than the actual smoothie machine I had found dented and broken two hours ago. Instead, it was larger, brighter and had more tubes than I could count. Spewing great quantities of smoothie all while soft jazz played from the depths of it's metal body. And was that…is that an alarm clock on the front? "FRANKY!" I hollered.
I dashed over towards it, leaving Luffy to tend to the Drive-Thru yet again. Shoving past Brook, who was fighting a net over his afro, I skidded a halt in front of the contraption. My mouth gaping at it, all I could so was make choking noises of anger. Sanji leaned from out the kitchen window to look at me.
"Ah, Miss Carmen, what has made a blissful sight like you cry out?" He swooned.
"Not now, Cook!" I snapped. "FRANKY WHERE ARE YOU?"
The door to the janitor's closet boomed open, and out stepped Franky. He was wiping his hands off on one of our napkins. "Oh, hey Carmen! Did you see the smoothie maker? How super is it now? I call it: The Super Smoothie 7000!" He pressed a button and a neon light flashed atop it with it's own name.
"It's….I don't…why…is that jazz?" I pointed at it with my shoulders stooped in defeat.
"It is! I was building the alarm clock in and thought to myself: 'Hey, Franky, you know what smoothies makes you think of? Jazz!'" He patted the machine, it rumbled and poured more smoothie into a cup. "It's also touch activated. And here, in this little door is a bottle opener and -"
"We don't need all this!" My hands flew back to my hair. "I just need a machine that makes a delicious icy beverage for people! NOT A STERO!"
"Then you won't like the adjustments I plan to make to the Playground do you?"
"TOUCH IT AND YOUR FIRED!"
"You need to take a chill pill, bro!" Franky shrugged and took out a wrench. "I just made some super advances on-"
"Fix this." I needed aspirin, I needed it before my brains painted the ceiling and the walls. Going through the kitchen, I swatted off Sanji and tried to force Chopper into a net as well. I then gave up and decided that my brain's health was more important than figuring out how an animal wears a net. Taking a deep breath, I went to the door marked: MANAGER'S OFFICE.
The water jug in the corner bubbled as I poured it's contents into a paper cup and made my way over to the desk to get the pills. My trip was cut short by…snores? Oh, you have got to kidding me.
"WAKE UP, ZORO." I kicked the green-haired man over as he slept. His mouth open and drooling it's nastiness all over my carpet. It took another kick and my cup full of water to actually force his eyes open. He sputtered and rubbed his chest where I had planted my foot.
"What was that for?"
"Why are you sleeping here?" I thought for a second. "Or at all?"
"Because I'm tired?"
"Get back to work."
"But I don't like the way those costumers look at me. Like, I'm such a freak." He stood up, dusting off his rear.
"Zoro, you have green hair."
"So? It's natural."
"NOT REALLY!" I pointed to the door. "Now go take orders and give feeble meaning to your dull, dull life!"
Snatching the pills from the desk and gulping them down dry, I followed Zoro out the door. If I didn't follow him, he'd go sleep in a booth, I bet. Once again, I beat off Sanji and was greeted by utter catastrophe as I went out the kitchen door.
Why does this keep happening? Angry cries came from the counter area. Either Robin, Nami or Zoro had done something to upset people. And so help me God, if it's Zoro, I'm calling the World Records for fastest screw up after a scolding.
The shouts became clear as I neared the front.
"I should get two dollars back!"
"Sorry, but we have instigated a tip policy. Two dollar of each payment goes to the woman who took your order!" Nami jeered into the face of a boy with pink hair.
The boy didn't believe her. "What if I had had exact change? Then what?'
"Then you'd be kicked out." She smiled. "You're order number is 492, NEXT!"
"NAMI!" She turned to look at me, her face falling under my authority over her. Her hand instantly hit the register and it chirped open, she then drew out two bucks and threw them to the boy. Amazingly, she had done this all without looking. Her grin didn't ebb my bad mood away.
I dashed to the front, and put my hands on the counter. "I'm so sorry, sir! We have no policy of the sort and if you want I can give you a discount on your next order."
"No, it's fine." He sighed, took his order number and trotted off.
I rounded on the red-head, who backed down and giggled fretfully. "Look! Don't be mad at me!"
"Oh, I'm mad at you."
"It was Zoro! He told me such a policy existed!"
Zoro stopped taking a costumer's order and scoffed. "I did not!"
Robin finished the receiving an order. "You know, we should put out a tip jar. That would help Nami quit her little obsession."
Seconds away from punching all three of them, the only thing that held me back was the sound of a car horns bleating deafeningly from the Drive-Thru hole. Screaming, I ran to try and catch Luffy's doings, but was stopped by Franky who started to tell me about how he could make the machine launch the drinks to the consumers. As I tried to get away from him to help Luffy, Brook ran by with the net I had given him tangled in his ribcage.
He cried out and ran into Usopp, who spilled the fries with the order number of 492 written on its side he was carrying to the counter all on the floor. The Cook leaned his head from the kitchen window and began to shout about how this was disgrace to his work, as Nami refused to give the pink haired boy new fries without pay. All while Robin took out her book, Chopper tried to calm down the room and the car horns from outside were still beeping.
"EVERYBODY, SHUT UP!" Boomed a voice from over head and the place fell as silent as a grave. Oh no. OH NO. It was my boss…Mr. Kuma!
I turned to see his tan face inches from mine, his usual book firmly under his arm. My blood froze over as he gave me a menacingly plain look. Gulping, I waved at him slowly. "Hello…Mr….Kuma…"
"Carmen," He straightened up and liked his thumb. "Where would you like to work if you could work anywhere?"
"Um…Gamestop?" I pleaded.
He flicked the pages of his book and tore out a page. Once he handed it too me, I knew what it was. "Then I suggest you apply there. And all you guys should too." His eyes looked over the shop from behind his glasses. "Since you're all fired."
"Aw, that sucks." Luffy tossed the headset out the window and took off his visor. "Well, let's go find a new job!"
My mouth was gaping as I rested my shoulder on the front of the Super Smoothie 7000.
Franky forgot to take off the touch activation.
And those white pants were brand new too.
A/N:
I would buy the Super Smoothie 7000.
Can you guys guess who the pink haired boy is?
Thanks for reading!
