I have let the Capitol control me for these past few weeks, but I am not going to take it anymore. I am fed up off this bullshit. These clothes, this makeup, it is not me and I have had enough. Not only have they been controlling my life since me and Peeta won the games, but now they want to throw us back in! I know they won't stop until I am dead, I will not give them the satisfactory of controlling my death. If I am to die then I will decide how. Hanging won't cut it, I am not as good as Gale at knot tying so I would probably fail at that. I am not brave enough to cut myself, plus I would probably pass out before I finish bleeding t death so anyone could find me. The only thing that comes to mind is drowning. I could escape the fences and find a pond, no one would find me there.
Once I had found a deep enough pond I took a few deep breaths before putting my face into the ice cold water. After a minute or so I started to run out of breath, I placed my hands over my head to keep my head under the water, I had come this far, I wasn't going to quit now. I could feel my lungs filling with water, they were screaming for air, but I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction. I started to feel a little light headed, but I tried not to fight it. By now my lungs had started to burn, it was a horrifying pain, like all my organs had lit up in flames. After winning the games I always thought my death would be easy, painless, maybe die as an old woman, but I guess I was wrong. My heart was slowing, I couldn't wait until the moment it stopped and I would be gone forever.
Just as I felt myself slipping into unconsciousness, I remembered, not only was I going to be in the 75th Hunger games, but Peeta would be too. Or Haymitch, but I have a bad feeling it would be Peeta. I can't leave him alone, he has no one. I am 100% sure he could defend himself, he has become an excellent survivalist and I am sure he doesn't need me, however the Capitol will more than likely target him so his chances are lowered. I can't kill myself now, I have Prim, my mum. I can't leave them. They definitely need me. What am I doing? Why am I always doing things without thinking? As soon as these thoughts race through my head I drag my head out of the water and take the deepest breath I ever thought was possible. I coughed up some water then they laid there on the hard, wet ground gasping for more air. My eyesight it still dizzy and I don't think I can stand up yet. So I just lay there...
