AUTHOR NOTE - I was listening to a song called It's Not Over by Daughtry today for like the millionanth time. I was singing it to myself when I was walking home from my friend's house later on and an idea popped into my head.
I think the lyrics from this song fit perfectly with the chapter 'the end' from New Moon when Edward leaves. Even though the original is sung by a man just imagine it's a woman ok. I promise you it fits.
DISCLAIMER – Twilight and it's character belong to Steph Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
Exerts are used from New Moon, Chapter 3 'The End'.
Please, please review my first songfic and let me know what you think.
It's Not Over.
BPOV
Edward was taking me for a long walk in the woods because he had something important he wanted to talk to me about. I thought of many things he could want to say but what he came out with was so unexpected and sent me into a downward spiral of hopelessness.
"Bella, we're leaving."
I thought on his words. I knew I was ready to be with Edward, of course I was but why did it have to be now.
"Why now? Another year" I questioned.
Edward looked at me; I could tell by his expression that he was trying to think of the right thing to say.
"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."
I looked at him for a moment pondering the new information he had just given me. Yes, it was sooner than I expected but I understood Edward's plight. None of the Cullen's wanted to raise suspicion and neither did I.
"Okay, I'll come with you." I said.
Edward frowned, taken aback by what I had just said.
"You can't Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you."
I answered him in a heartbeat. He had to know that we needed to be together.
"Where you are is the right place for me." I protested.
"I'm no good for you, Bella." Edward answered as he looked away from me and down to his feet.
"Don't be ridiculous. What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing! You are the best part of my life."
I held back a sob as he gazed back at me, with a straight and deadpan face.
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay." I cried.
"As long as that was best for you," he forced.
I was losing him, I could feel it. I never thought that this could happen. I thought he loved me so much. Why was he trying to make me stay?
"NO! This is about my soul isn't it?" I screamed through endless tears.
He looked back down at the ground momentarily, his mouth twitching for the slightest moment. When he looked back up, it wasn't my Edward staring back at me, this was a version of Edward that I did not know. Yes, his eyes were still Topaz like they were a minute ago, but now they were hard and glazed, not the deep liquid I had been so used to. I knew before he even open his mouth that I had lost him, he just hadn't confirmed it yet.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words clear and precisely, almost as if he was trying to convince himself of them.
As what he just said registered in my mind, I wanted to scream a million things at him; I wanted him to know how I was feeling.
I was blown away, what could I say?
It all seemed to make sense
You're taking away everything
And I can't do without
There seemed to be a long pause as Edward stared at me awaiting a response. I couldn't open my mouth as everything all sunk in. All I could do was continue on with my subconscious rant.
I try to see the good in life
But good things in life are hard to find
We're blowing away, blowing away
Can we make this something good?
My mind managed to settle, but I knew full well that as Edwards 'admissions' continued as I thought they would do then my inner voice would continue also. I knew why I would never speak to Edward, no matter how much he hurt me now I could never hurt him with these words. I didn't deserve him, I always knew that and it was just a matter of time before he realised it for himself. So, if he wanted to leave me I would understand why, yes it would kill me inside and I don't know how I would carry on without him but it was his decision, I couldn't make him stay. All I could manage to stutter out as this realisation hit me like a ton of bricks was,
"You...don't...want...me?" It confused me to say those words to the man I thought I would be with forever, but they were true and it was a question I had to ask.
"No." That was all he said as he stared at me whilst I fell apart inside. That is when the voice inside began again. This time however, I had to say something. How could he not want me after everything he had said, everything we had been through?
I bounded towards him as he stood there motionless and expressionless as a statue and began pounding on his chest. Where was my Edward? He had to be in there somewhere. He had to know how much I love him. That is when through a fit of cries and uncontrollable beating on him that I screamed,
We'll try to do it right this time around, let's start over
I'll try to do it right this time around, it's not over
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground
This love is killing me but you're the only one, it's not over
No pain seemed to cross his eyes as I forced these words of torment upon him; I really had lost him forever. I knew that even though he didn't love me anymore and was leaving me, that he still wouldn't want me to hurt this way. These thoughts were confirmed when he said, whilst looking out into the trees,
"Of course, I'll always love you...in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm...tired of pretending to be something I'm not. Bella, I'm not human."
He looked back at me, the icy planes of his face were obviously not human, but I knew that since the moment I laid eyes on him. He was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen and he had the kindest soul even after this I was still sure of that. I was fighting a losing battle, his mind had already left with his family, and he was just here out of courtesy.
"I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." He said as he fidgeted, the uncomfortable tension between us becoming too much.
At first all I said was "Don't do this," in my most vulnerable voice but as much as I tried to stop myself fighting a lost cause any longer I knew it was no use. I had to fight for me, for us.
I've taken all I can take and I cannot wait
We're wasting too much time
Being strong, holding on
Can't let it bring us down
My life with you means everything
So I won't give up that easily
Blowing away, blowing away
Can we make this something good?
'Cause it's all misunderstood
"You're not good for me Bella." The words spilled out of him as soon as I finished my own verbal attack, and it was with that one sentence I was beaten. He had turned the words around on me so that I had no argument.
He was right; I was no good for him. He was this perfect 'man' who could do so much more with his existence than spend it with plain, simple me. He was so smart, cultured and exciting whereas I was book smart, I only knew my own little world and I was for want of a better word, boring.
I could fight no longer, he had won already. I would let him go, even though it was the last thing that I wanted. He deserved more than what I had to offer.
"If... that's what you want." I said hesitantly.
Edward nodded. I wondered what he saw on my face because for a split second my Edward came back and the version of him that I had been screaming at had disappeared for that short moment. His eyes were liquid again and were staring straight into my soul. However, as fast as my beloved Edward appeared he left again and I knew it was the last time I would see him stare at me that way.
"I would like to ask one favour." He asked "if it's not too much".
I looked up at him. As much as this was hurting me down to the core I still couldn't refuse him anything. He may not love me anymore, but that didn't mean I didn't love him, and I did more anything in the world. It was with that notion that I nodded.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid." He ordered quietly.
I nodded again, not totally convinced that I meant it.
Once again that shouting voice in my head returned and as I glared at Edward, with cloudy eyes I let the voice scream subconsciously not wanting to lose the emotional control I was grabbing onto for dear life.
We'll try to do it right this time around, let's start over
I'll try to do it right this time around, it's not over
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground
This love is killing me but you're the only one, it's not over
My body now knew that we had lost him, the shaking proved that. It was just my mind and my heart that needed to convince themselves now that this was all actually happening.
Suddenly I became very dizzy and it was hard to concentrate. The trees infront of me began to wobble and the blood was pounding hard in my head. If he was going to leave like he said he would, it would have to be soon. I wasn't going to hold it together much longer, and I didn't want him to see how much this was truly affecting me.
"I promise that this is the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this ever again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." He tried to make this clear to me, obviously thinking that this would make it better, if anything it only made it worse.
I wanted to say something; no I needed to say something. I had to make a last ditch effort to make him see sense. The voice inside my head was shouting at me to say something but as I stood helpless before him the words which I could have thought to put to him wouldn't reach my mouth and were destined to stay forever locked in my mind.
You can't let this get away
Let it out, let it out
Don't get caught up in yourself
Let it out
My inner voice was still protesting with me, trying to get me to say something, anything but it was useless, well that's what I thought until he said the next thing and my mind suddenly became flooding with possible ideas.
"Goodbye, Bella," he whispered in a quiet, peaceful voice.
"Wait." Was all I could choke out as he began to turn away, readying himself for his departure.
He faced away from me but didn't move. I think he could sense that there was one last thing that I wanted to say, and he was willing to listen.
Let's start over
I'll try to do it right this time around, it's not over
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground
This love is killing me but you're the only one, it's not over
I know I had said that already, but it was all that would escape my lips. I thought he was leaving because I had done something wrong and I wanted him to know that I was going to change if he was willing to stay and try. These words seemed to portray that.
Edward remained in the spot; the only movement was the rise and fall of his shoulders as he took unnecessary breath. He was getting ready to respond, but what he came back with was not what I expected and it gave me one last moment of hope that was not fated to last.
He turned back to me and closed the distance between us slowly. He took a gentle hold of my wrists and as my breath hitched at his touch he leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead tenderly and for the briefest instant.
As he did this my eyes closed, unable to fathom what was happening. Edward pulled his lips away and whispered into my ear,
"Take care of yourself."
By the time I opened my eyes to look at him he had gone. The only thing proving he had just been here was the leaves on a small vine maple which shuddered with the wind of his passage.
Now he was gone, gone from my life I let the sobs and hysterics take hold, I could no longer find the strength within me to even stand. As my body gave out on me I collapsed to my knees and pulled myself into a small ball. The wet bracken soaked through my clothes and my hair as I continued my crying fit on the ground.
Edward had been gone only ten minutes, but he would be far away from Forks by now along with his family, the only true friends I had ever known. As I sobbed I let out one last burst towards him, knowing in my heart that he wouldn't hear my pleas, but found myself crying them none the less.
Let's start over, It's not over, oh yeah
This love is killing me but you're the only one, it's not over.
