She sat on the edge of the toilet, her long hair erratic and her hands shaking as she gripped the little stick. She willed for the positive sign to just be a figment of her imagination, but there it was. After three tests that all came back positive, Lily could not deny it any longer: She was pregnant. Tears racked her body. How could she and James been so stupid? There was a war outside their window and they were caught in the crossfire. The world was dangerous, especially when you were a prime target to be killed. How could she have let this happen? How?
It was stupid enough to get married back in June. But it was even more stupid to be pregnant. She was only nineteen, almost twenty, much too young to become a mother. Much too young to be in a war. What was she thinking? She wasn't ready for this, James wasn't ready for this, he was still an overgrown child. The way the world was, it was so dumb, oh so dumb to even think of having a baby! What world would this baby be in? Voldemort was growing stronger day by day and the world was growing darker… How could they have done this?
Lily stared at her reflection, tears running down her face, her red hair in a huge mess. She realized how young she looked. She wasn't ready. A soft knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. "Lily? Are you alright?"
James. Of course she couldn't keep this from him. "Lily?"
"I'll be out in a second!" Lily couldn't hide her voice from cracking. A tear ran down her face and sobs once again made an appearance. "Lily, you don't sound okay." James knocked once more. Lily sucked in a breath and took a hand to wipe away her tears. "Lily, I'm coming in,"
James' sentence was cut short as Lily opened up the door. Her husband looked down at her with concern. "Oh Lily, what's wrong…" He trailed off as he noticed the pregnancy test in her hand. "Lily, what is that?" He asked curiously, running a hand through his messy black hair. "It's a muggle thing, they call it a pregnancy test." Lily replied as James took her hand in his. "What does it say?" He asked, pulling her close to him. Lily started crying again, "It's positive." James smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "Let's go in the living room, we can talk about this and you can sit and relax."
"How can I relax, James?" Lily said and pulled back. "There's nothing relaxing about this!" Lily said, trying to pull out of his grip. "Honey, try and calm down, this isn't good for you."
"Shut it, James! Nothing about this is good, how could you do this to me?" Lily turned away from him, pushed past him and out of the bathroom door. She walked to the living room, collapsing on the couch.
She looked at the Christmas tree that the two of them spent so much time carefully decorating a couple weeks ago. The snow outside the window made for a great backdrop, falling gently, giving Lily a sense of peace for a moment. It was fleeting, as the panic that was haunting her made a quick return. No matter how picturesque the scene was, it did not hide the fact that they were in the midst of a war, a mad-man hell bent on ruling the world, stamping out all that he considered "impure". How could she even have thought of bringing a child in the world? How could she have been stupid enough to have let James go without a condom that night? Why?
She heard a stirring overhead and felt James' hand on her shoulder. He was holding out a cup of eggnog. "Its your favorite." He said as she took the cup from him. Lily looked at him, annoyed, as she sipped the eggnog. "Feeling better?"
"No. I'm about to bring a child into a world of war. I've already won mum of the year, practically." Lily said, putting the cup down. "Don't think like that, love."
"Enlighten me, dear."
"Yes, we messed up big time."
"If you used a condom, we wouldn't be here."
"Lily, let me finish. Yes, we messed up and this world is in the midst of a war, but this child will be loved. We are the targets for that crazy fucker, but we will persevere. I have you by my side."
James leaned over and hugged his wife, kissing her cheek softly. "I love you." Lily leaned into him, James continued to hug her, rubbing her arms. "We will get through this. We will survive." James tilted her head up and he kissed her. "I promise."
"I'm glad one of us has optimism." Lily groaned, rubbing her stomach. "Are we telling anyone about this?" James asked. Lily bit her lip. "Is it really safe to even think about telling anyone? Especially in the situation that we currently are in, public enemies number one?"
"I just thought your mum would like to know. I know I'd tell my mum if she was still here."
"In time."
"Lily, Gladys doesn't really have all that much time." James gently said, reminding Lily of the cancer her mum was fighting. "Give me a couple days." Lily said, turning and stretching out across him, her face on his. "How are you not scared at all James? You were more scared asking me out, thinking I was going to turn you down again."
"One of us has to stay calm. What good would it be if both of us were freaking out?"
"Touché. I'm just taken aback at how grown you've become."
"We're going to be parents. I'd hope we're grown."
"You know what I mean James. You've aged well. I've fallen in love with you for a reason." Lily laid her head down, James' hands rubbing her back relaxing her. "I swear, I'll protect you and this baby with my life. I promise. This baby reminds me of why I'm fighting. So our child and all children will live in a safe world. We're fighting for the kids." James said, determination in his voice. "I know, I know." Lily said, her eyes starting to droop. "It's been a hectic day, hasn't it?"
"Yes. I've been thinking that maybe it's just been stress but after running to the bathroom for the third time in two hours, throwing up, and taking the third pregnancy test this week, I couldn't deny it any longer. I'm pregnant. And that scares the hell out of me, James." Lily said. James continued to rub her back, signaling that it was okay to let all her feelings out. "I'm scared, James, I'm simply scared." Lily cried. "So am I, but honey, we'll get through it. I promise"
Lily nodded her head against him, drifting off to sleep. James kissed her on the forehead, holding his wife against him. The fire crackled in the background and the pair could pretend it was just them and attempt to have a bit of happiness in the strange and scary times they were living in.
