Angsty...beware...i think im in love with angst...its addicting...R/R please :)
She wasn't much of a people person. She never had been, and she never would be. She usually had a hard time reading Booth, even as far into their relationship as they were, she could hardly figure out times when he was upset from when he was angry.
Still, when he walked into her apartment, she could sense something wasn't right. The way he hadn't kissed her when he entered the apartment. How he hadn't even touched her. The nervousness that was plainly spread across his usually relaxed face. The way that his eyes wouldn't meet hers.
She watched as he walked into her apartment, looking around nervously like an animal stuck in the headlights. She followed him silently; curious to what he was doing.
He stopped, turning to face her and she bumped into him. He caught her quickly, but he didn't smile as she caught her balance.
They stood in the middle of her apartment, the sun casting long shadows across her floor, and drifting warm golden light across their faces. It would have been comforting before but not now.
She looked up at him expectantly, trying to catch his eyes. He still wasn't looking at her. This wasn't a good sign. He was supposed to pick her up for dinner. They were supposed to be seeing a movie.
"Booth shouldn't we be going? We're going to miss the movie."
He finally looked at her, and she could see that his usually warm eyes were dark and clouded. Something was definitely wrong.
"We're not going to the movie."
She frowned, taking a step towards him trying to bridge the awkward space between them. What was going on? They were never awkward.
"What? Why?"
He looked at her, and she could see the pain across his face. Had something happened that she had missed?
"Because we need to talk."
Booth watched her as she comprehended the information. He felt horrible about this, but it had to be done. He hadn't even kissed her when he walked into the apartment. He hated himself for that.
She was confused. "Talk? We talk all the time."
He sighed, jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He couldn't help but notice how gorgeous she looked, her dark hair sprawled messily across her bare shoulders, the black tank top she was wearing contrasting perfectly against her milky skin.
"No, I know we do Bones. This is more important. Do you want to sit down?"
She looked up at him in misunderstanding, shaking her head. "No I don't want to sit down. You don't have to baby me Booth."
"Ok, but what I'm going to say, probably isn't going to be the best news."
"You're acting weird Booth. Is something wrong? Are you ok?"
She took a step towards him, touching his arm lightly, as her glassy blue eyes met his. All there was in them was worry…for him. She had no idea.
He pulled away from her, not able to do this when she was looking at him like that.
"I'm fine Bones---,"
A look of misbelieve crossed her face. "You're fine? Why won't you touch me then? You won't kiss me. This week, you've been different…"
She trailed off, and he could see how much his distance had affected her. He hated himself for that.
"This isn't just about me…it's about us Bones."
She looked confused. "Us?"
"Us. You and me, as a couple," He took a deep breath before he finished, making sure this was what he wanted. What was right. "I don't think its working."
It hit her like a punch in a stomach, the aching feeling immediate. Did she hear him right? This couldn't be happening. Not now…not like this. He had promised.
She managed to get out a word, but mostly she was speechless. "What?"
He didn't meet her eyes, instead concentrated on the wood paneling of her apartment floor.
"I don't think that we should be together anymore Bones….its just not right anymore."
She swallowed, trying to regain her composure. "Right? Science is right, skeletal remains are right, bone fragments, facial reconstructions. Those are all right. They can be defined by an amount of research and variables…you and me…cannot be defined in those terms."
He watched her eyes flash with intensity as she spoke. He shook his head. "That's not what I meant. What I mean is that…I don't think that we're ready for this. I don't think I'm ready."
He could see her quickly wipe away the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. "I don't understand. We were happy. Or at least I was."
Taking a step towards her, he reached out to caress her cheek, his thumb tracing over the defined lines of her cheek bones.
"Bones, this isn't about being happy…I can't be in a relationship, where you're constantly trying to push me away."
She took a step away from him, wrapping her arms around herself protectively, anger in her eyes.
"I don't push you away."
His voice was stronger, and she could see the frustration evident. "Yes you do. There are times when you let me in…when I feel like everything's going to be alright. But then you close me out again Temperance…there's a wall around you constantly. I'm done trying to push through it."
She took a step towards him, her voice rising. "You know the reason why I kept the distance between us, just because of this. Everyone eventually decides that I'm not worth the effort, that it won't matter if they leave me…and you did…you are."
He clenched his jaw. "This is not about me abandoning you. You know that I wouldn't."
She shook her head. "Yes it is…you told me that it wouldn't end…that you wanted to be with me, but you don't."
"Jesus Temperance I wanted to be with you! I still do…it's you that doesn't want me."
"I didn't want you Booth…I needed you, I still do. Want and need are different, you don't need me."
"God, I need you Bones. I needed you when Parker was in the hospital for his operation and you couldn't bring yourself to come. I needed you when I tried to tell you how I felt and you just through it in my face. I can't need someone who won't be there."
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe its hard for me to do this? That I can't let people in as easily as you can…" She looked down, hating to admit that to him.
He nodded. "I thought you had let me in…but you hadn't. You never did."
"I tried Booth…I'm still trying…don't even think of saying we'll be friends. I can't be friends with you."
"I'm still your partner last time I checked."
She shook her head, her vision blurring with the hot tears stinging her eyes. "No. You're not…partners don't abandon each other."
Booth's fist clenched instinctively with the frustration. He didn't want her to act like this. It was making him regret his decision. He wanted to be right.
"Don't you think its time to get over the whole abandonment issues; I say enough time has passed by!"
He wanted to hit himself the moment the words left his lips. It was the wrong this to say. It wasn't true at all. He knew how long those kinds of wounds took to heal, and hers were definitely still wide open.
He watched as her face crumpled, and the tears freely rolled down her cheeks. "I can't believe…I can't believe you would say that to me."
He tried to step towards her, but she backed away quickly. "Bones I didn't mean---,"
"No that's exactly what you meant! I trusted you…and the reason I still have issues is because of people like you Booth…the ones who pretend to care. You used me."
He shook his head, her icing glare sending shivers down his spine. "That's not true."
She quickly wiped the tears away, but he could see that her body was shaking. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her it was ok. "Get out."
"Temperance."
"No, get out Booth. I don't want to talk to you anymore. You made it perfectly clear that we're over."
"Bones, I didn't mean to hurt you."
She glared at him, her voice breaking. "You did. Now leave. You don't deserve to be here."
"No."
"Fine, then I'll go." She stormed past him, but he grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him. She looked into his eyes, and for a second he thought she was going to stay.
"Let me go Booth." He could hear the tears in her voice.
She twisted out of his grasp, grabbing her keys and slamming the door hard behind her, before he could stop her. Booth stood in the middle of her apartment as the sun quickly set, setting on everything that was familiar, and leaving him to wonder if his decision had been right.
Right now it felt like the worst one he had ever made in his life.
Not only had he hurt the one woman, who he truly cared about, but he had screwed everything over so much, it felt like it was beyond repair.
It felt like they was beyond repair.
I'll fix it...i promise :)
