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This is based off of ThorneScratch and twigcollins' beautiful collection of things Sephiroth has spoken on the phone that he never thought he'd have to. It is on LJ: thorne-scratch./145125.html?thread2005733
Sorry it's so short.
If anything seems glaringly off about anything/one, tell me please. Also read 'n' review, pretty please...puppyeyes
In Which Sephiroth Is Properly Inducted Into What It Means To Be In Charge Of Zack
Sephiroth strode into his office on the 96th floor of the Shinra tower, relieved to be out of the clutches of President Shinra and the other department heads. Sitting in his desk he found a note from his friend Zack's former superior officer and trainer, Angeal. Opening it he found a short, neatly-written message in Angeal and, surprisingly, Genesis' handwriting.
Zack made First recently, you're now his superior officer and responsible for him. I hope you kept all that bootlegged stuff from Cosmo Canyon and Gongaga Zack gave you for the holidays. Please don't shoot your answering machine.
-Angeal
You're going to need it all. I suggest you stock up on more. Goddess be with you.
- Genesis
Sephiroth blinked at the note for a moment before crumpling it up and throwing it in the trash just as the phone rang and his secretary entered the room with some papers for him to sign.
Two weeks later:
Kira walked into Sephiroth's office with a sheaf of papers regarding a joint SOLDIER/Shinra general trooper training mission on complaints of a monster infestation. So far it'd been a pretty normal day, except for when that idiot Palmer, who took lard (of all things!) in his tea, came through the halls, two hours late for work, raging that his car was missing.
The instant she stopped in front of her boss' desk she knew the (relative) normalcy of the day was up.
"No, I don't think Palmer's car can run underwater… Yes, even if you try real hard." Sephiroth spoke into the phone wearily with a harried look on his face. On the other end Kira could vaguely hear the voice of one Zack Fair. As usual his voice was full of an insane joy for life and mischief and today it held no small bit of trouble and chaos.
"No, even if the car does run, I doubt the phone is going to work once you're underwater. Zack, just bring the car back, leave it at Palmer's mistress's house for all I care, just bring it back NOT full of water….I don't know, let me ask Kira."
Looking at her he asked, "Does Palmer have a mistress?"
"Not unless it's as of today. Tell him to leave it outside the Honey Bee. They check their lot around noon everyday to make sure any of their customers who left their vehicles got them back. If it's still there they call them at the number they have. If they don't know whose it is they do a license check." She told him.
"Did you hear that? Good. You have one hour….No, one hour and that's it….ONE. Good-bye." With that he hung up, and sat staring at the phone for a moment before reaching out to take the papers Kira held. "Angeal and Genesis weren't kidding. This is the third time this week he's done something like this, and last week he apparently kidnapped a general trooper. I'm not sure what Angeal meant about shooting the answering machine, though…"
"The Turks got a new guy a few weeks back. Batshit insane. Keeps leaving Tseng with all sorts of crazy shit on his answering machine when he loses his temper he shoots it. Been driving Elena and Rude up walls, too. He called Tseng when he was drunk the other day, left him with a few lines of 'Copacabana.' He's not all that bad of a singer, actually.
"How do you always know everything that goes on with the Turks? And where were you that you heard him singing? Not to mention about the Honey Bee." Sephiroth asked her but before she could answer and he could figure out the suddenly worrisome look on her face Hojo busted in, entirely red-faced.
"One of my test subjects is missing and I know that that Soldier First acquaintance of yours has it! I want it back now! Or else!" Hojo bawled.
All Sephiroth could do was look at the man at tell him that Zack had been running errands all day and hadn't been anywhere near Hojo's labs for the last week. Kira slipped out after that and nearly ran to the women's bathroom where she fell to the floor laughing and gasping for breath.
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