Title: In My Time of Dying
Character(s): Tony DiNozzo
Pairing(s): None
Genre(s): Angst
Episode(s): Set toward the end of "SWAK"
Crossover(s): The title comes from an episode in the second season of Supernatural, but there's no crossover of characters.
Word Count: 554
In My Time of Dying
I lie here, under the blue light of the isolation ward, thinking about life. Kind of a strange thing to think about when you're dying, but, there it is. I'm thinking of all the things I've done that I wish I hadn't, up to and including opening that stupid letter. I think of all the things I didn't do and now wish I had. At the top of that list is my relationship with my co-workers. People I've worked with in the past have been just that – people I work with. But, these people could have easily become family – if I would have just let them see the real me. I actually think I could have trusted them with a deeper level of 'me' than just the narcissistic-playboy-clown that I let the rest of the world see. It's too late with Kate and McGee. They've always bought my act hook, line, and sinker. Abby never did, and Gibbs can see through it when he wants to, so there's that.
My thoughts go back to Kate. They just kicked her out and I can see her crying in Ducky's arms just outside the isolation room. I'm touched that she wanted to stay with me as long as she did, but I am so relieved that she's not really sick. The one regret that lay the heaviest on my heart was that I was going to die knowing that Kate would be close behind me – knowing that I had infected her too. I was willing to live with – well, die with – the knowledge that one impulsive, irresponsible action led to my demise. But to think that I took Kate with me? That was too much to handle. If I was feeling stronger, I'd Gibbs-slap her for scaring me like that. Of course, if I was feeling stronger, she wouldn't have done it.
Gibbs just came in. I don't know what I expected if he happened to visit, but I didn't see that coming. I guess I should have, though. If there is one person on the face of the planet who would order someone to live – and actually expect that order to be carried out – it's Leroy Jethro Gibbs!
But, now I've got an even bigger dilemma. Dying didn't really bother me that much. Of course, I'd rather live than die, but I've accepted it. But, disappointing Gibbs? Now, that bothers me. If there was one thing in my life I never wanted to do, it was to disappoint Gibbs. Now, the last thing I do in my life will disappoint him.
I really don't know if I have the strength to follow his latest order. I answered that I understood it, and I will try my hardest to follow it – after all, I've never disobeyed one of his orders before. I find that I had consigned myself to the fact that this was my time of dying, but, maybe – with Gibbs inspired strength that I didn't know I had – maybe, this is just my time of fighting.
End.
