Okay, I know what you're thinking: why would a long forgotten boy band from the nineties reunite just to buy me pizza? Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. The whole story is a whole lot bigger and weirder than that. Let me start from the beginning.
It was the weekend after thanksgiving and I was still stuffed like a turducken. You see, my mom just loves thanksgiving—any holiday really—and she always goes all out. I guess it's her way to make up on lost time. When Mom was fourteen see lost her mother and her home. For years she grew up homeless and lived off fish that she and my grandpa caught. That's part of the reason that I hated Poseidon when I found out he was my father.
Oh, that may be confusing. See, my father is Poseidon, the Greek god of the sea and— oh, you already know that? You know the whole back story? Well then, moving on.
Mom cooked enough food to feed an army twice over. Stuffing, pound cake, ham, cranberry sauce, a turkey the size of a SUV, yams, pie—you name it, my mom cooked it. I was sure that I gained ten pounds, and it was totally worth it.
The Saturday after Thanksgiving I was heading to Camp Half-Blood— my home away from home. I left the subway terminal and headed to the streets, my hands buried in the pockets of my camp jacket, my eyes peeled. My sword was strapped to my belt. Luckily, the Mist concealed it so I wouldn't get arrested for carrying a weapon around. My family thought I was on the lacrosse team; Mom would have a heart attack if she knew I was in possession of a deadly weapon.
Thankfully, nothing too serious happened over my vacation break. Just a dragon spotting and an unfortunate (for them) run in with a few Telchines when we went to the beach. Trust me when I say that is a different story for another time.
While on the street, I spotted a hot dog stand lined with customers. My stomach growled. I didn't sense anything out of the ordinary with the guy who manned the stand, but I kept my hand close to my sword, just in case. I figured camp dinner wouldn't be for a few hours, and I wanted the calories.
I stood in line behind a boy around my age, wondering if Percy was coming to camp this weekend or staying with his parents for the rest of his break. My half-brother on the godly side of things lived in the city with his mom and step-dad most of the time and came to camp on the weekends. I haven't seen him in a while, and I sort of missed him.
The line crawled ahead as people lined up behind me. The boy in front of me was just about to pay for his hotdog when a sudden wind rushed by and blew his money out of his hands.
"Hey!" the boy protested.
"Sorry, kid," the guy behind the counter said, not sound very sorry. "But I'm still going to need full payment."
"But that was all I had."
"Not my problem."
Now, the people in the line were getting impatient. I felt sorry for the guy.
I pulled out the money I hid in my sock. I had enough for a hotdog and maybe a taxi to camp, if I was lucky enough to pick a cab that never hit any of the lights.
"Here," I said, putting the money on the counter. "I'll pay for his."
The vender shrugged. Money was money.
I counted my remaining money as I headed down the block. A hand on my shoulder made me jump. I would've punched whoever the hand was attach to if I hadn't seen who it was.
"Hey," the guy from the hotdog line said with a smile.
I nearly had a spaz attack.
This guy was seriously hot. Messy dark hair framed his perfect face. He had gorgeous brown eyes (I'm a big sucker for brown eyes). I wondered if he was a movie star or something, because he looked kind of familiar…
You're mouth is open, the still functioning part of my brain told me.
I know. Shut up.
"What about you?" The gorgeous guy asked.
"Ab—abo—me-me?"
Nice, Kai. Make him think you're a mental case.
I swallowed. "What about me?"
"Aren't you hungry?"
"Oh." For some reason, I felt a little disappointed. "Yeah, I'm okay."
"Let me repay you."
"No, it's fine. Really."
"I insist." His smiled turned me into a puddle of salt water.
"Okay," I whimper rather pathetically. Something about this guy was making my brain shut down.
"You like pizza?" he asked.
"I love pizza."
"Good," he said. "So do my brothers. They're probably already there by now."
"Okay. That's great news."
Snap out of it!
"Wait," I said, finding my thoughts again. "What brothers?"
"Don't worry," he said casually. "We're not going to eat you."
"But—but—wha—"
"You're cute when you're flustered, you know that?"
I closed my mouth so fast that I almost bit my tongue. My face burned. This guy, whoever he was, noticed that and seemed to take that as a sign of submission. He smirked
He grabbed me by the hand and steered me towards the opposite direction.
Before you ask, let me just say that I know I shouldn't have gone off with a complete stranger who promised me food. I saw the after school specials. Not only that, but this guy could've been a monster in disguise.
But this dude turned my brain into a puddle of mush. I couldn't think straight. All that existed was him, his beautiful eyes…
"You…" I said, trying to defog my mind. "You haven't told me your name."
He stopped in his tracks and looked down at me. He was about six inches taller than I was, give or take. "Huh?"
"Your name?"
He smirked. "Tell me yours."
"I asked you first."
"Are you sure? It's a mouthful."
I crossed my arms. "Humor me, would ya?"
After a moment, he said, "Hedylogos"
I blinked. "Say what?"
"My name is Hedylogos. And no, I'm not a monster."
"You're a god then."
"Perhaps."
"Can I have a straight answer?" I huffed. "Or are gods incapable of cutting to the chase?"
That seemed to amuse him. Hedylogos looked up at the building we stopped in front of. "Oh look. We're here."
Without even realizing it, he'd led me to my favorite pizza place in the world: Lonardo's Pizza. My stomach growled happily.
Hedylogos led me inside towards a corner booth occupied by four other guys.
"Kai," Hedylogos said. "These are my brothers. Guys, this is Kaia Fischer."
I was so stunned that I didn't even realize that I never told Hedylogos my name. His brothers looked nothing like each other. They all had different hair colors, eye colors, and skin tones. But they were all attractive.
Hedylogos introduced me to all of them:
First was Hymenaeus, the god of weddings and marriage. He was Asian with blond steaks in his black hair and thick rimmed glasses. Out of all of his brothers, he seemed the youngest; maybe thirteen or fourteen. He shifted in his seat, fidgeting his fingers, like he was nervous.
Besides him was a Hispanic looking guy with close-cropped dark hair and a scowl on his otherwise handsome face: Anteros, the god of mutual love. He wore a leather jacket, which reminded me of a greaser from a fifty's movie.
His next brother was a black guy in a dark blue hoodie with warm, gentle eyes. He was big, but his smile was kind and sweet, like a teddy bear. His name was Pothos, the god of longing and yearning.
Next was Himeros, the god of desire. He had light brown windblown hair and blue eyes like the sky. He looked like any other boy I'd see at school who was way, way out of my league.
Pretty much, I was standing in front of a godly boy band. I had to remind myself to breath.
Come on! My brain yelled. Even you don't gush this badly.
Uh, have you met me?
I am you!
Whoa. That got uncomfortably meta…
No problem, I tried to convince my galloping heart. I was just surrounded by five love gods. Their godly auras or whatever was messing with my brain. Or heart. Both? Whatever.
Back at my old school, and even at camp, cute guys paid no attention to me. If they did, I was their friend, and by that time I was in the dreaded Friend Zone. Hayden used to joke that I was cursed.
I wondered if my obsession with the opposite gender was just puberty, or something that I inherited from Poseidon. It wouldn't really surprise me if the latter were the case.
"Well," I said, "you guys are… wow."
Pothos and Himeros chuckled under their breath. Anteros rolled his eyes.
Hedylogos grinned. "Don't you love her?"
Hymenaeus, who was blushing, perked up. "Fischer?"
"Yeah," I said.
"Your parents are David and Lanakila, correct?"
I nodded. "You know them?"
"I was at their wedding," he said dreamily. "They were married on a yacht; a white and silver theme with dove napkins and a marble cake." He sighed. "So elegant."
I stared at him. He had to be at least my age, how was he at my parent wedding? I reminded myself he was a god. They could look s old or as young as they wanted and be thousands of years old. Appearances didn't matter.
"Oh," I said. "Makes sense."
Hedylogos waved for me to take seat. I sat on the edge next to Hymenaeus. He sat opposite of me.
I plucked a bread stick from the basket and looked at Hedylogos. "So, what are you the god of? The god of whisking girls away to magical pizza parlors?"
Himeros spoke for him. "Hedylogos is actually the god of flattery and sweet talk."
"Oh. So you're the god of flirting?"
Hedylogos chuckled under his breath. "Guilty as charged." Somehow, he made that lame line sound smooth.
The waitress came over with three trays of meat-lovers, veggie, and extra-extra cheesy pizza. I've always liked Lonardo's because the slices were pretty big. I grabbed one of each.
The other guys joked around and acted like normal, everyday high school guys (and had the appetite of a normal, everyday high school guy). Other than their combined auras, you could past them on the street and have no clue that there was anything different about them.
Hymenaeus talked about my parents and grandparents wedding, which was till weird coming from a person who looked my age. I was pretty sure my family had no clue about gods or anything, so I joked that Hymenaeus was a wedding crasher. He blushed.
Around my fourth or fifth slice of pizza, it had finally sunk in that I was having lunch with a band of gods. This couldn't have been normal, even if I was a demigod child of one of the big three. As far as I knew, gods just didn't treat you to lunch… unless they wanted something.
"Y'know," I said. "As fun as it's been I have to ask: why'd you drag me here?"
They looked at each other, as if deciding who would deliever the bad news.
"We actually have a task for you," Pothos said.
I sighed. "Of course you do."
He fished something out of a backpack and placed it on the table.
I gasped.
It was the most beautiful necklace I've ever seen. It was solid gold, inlaid with rubies, amethysts, sapphires, and emeralds. It sparkled and glittered so brightly that everything around me was faded in color and flat. Something stirred inside me. I wanted that necklace. I needed to have it.
"We want you to destroy it," Himeros said bluntly.
"Why?" I heard myself say. "It so pretty…"
I reach for it, my hand an inch above it before Anteros grabbed my hand. "Don't!"
I frowned. "Why? What's wrong with it?"
"It's cursed to mortals. As soon as you put it on…"
"You're life will go to Hades in a handbasket," Hedylogos finished.
Anteros rolled his eyes. "Thank you for that."
I stared down at the necklace, a little confused. How could something be so beautiful and deadly at the same time?
"Why is it cursed?" I asked.
"That's all Hephaestus's doing," Himeros said. "Old fire beard made it himself. It was a gift to our sister, Harmonia"
I nodded. The story sounded familiar, although I couldn't put my finger on it. "So why did Hephaestus curse it?"
"You probably know that Aphrodite isn't the most loyal wife," Anteros said, scowling. "The curse was her fault, ultimately."
Pothos shot him a glare. "Don't talk like that. She's still our mother."
"Anyway," Hedylogos interjected. "To make a long story short: Hephaestus eventually realized why all of us looked like his brothers rather than him and put two-and-two together. He wanted revenge and decided to take it out on Harmonia and her descendents. He made the necklace and gave it to her on her wedding day with Cadmus."
"I wish I could've attended that wedding," Hymenaeus sighed sadly. "I heard it was absolutely gorgeous."
Hedylogos went on. "After the happy couple were turned into snakes—"
I blinked. "Wha—"
"That's another story. The necklace went to Semele, Dionysus's mother. When Queen Hera found out that she and Lord Zeus were having an affair, Queen Hera tricked Semele into asking to see Zeus's true form… and that was her fate. "
"Then it went to Jocasta," Himeros said. "The mother of Oedipus…"
My stomach churned. I already knew the story of Oedipus, and how messed up it was. It wasn't my favorite story.
Pothos said, "The necklace has been pasted between multiple families over the centuries, taking a different form each time. It makes the wearer forever young and beautiful, but it also causes chaos, misery, and death upon the family of the woman who wears it. It has a highly attractive power, making mortals and monsters alike do anything to get their hands on it."
"Monsters want it, to?" I asked. "Why not give it to them, then? So what if it harms them?"
"The necklace will always find its way back to mortals," Anteros said, grabbing a few more slices of pizza and taking a bite. "That's a part of its curse, and we don't want this thing destroying anymore lives, got it? The last woman who owned it went insane drove her and her children into a lake."
I bit my lip and stared back at the necklace. Its aura no longer seemed enticing, but hateful and cold.
"It resurfaces in different antique and jewelry stores after the owner dies," Himeros explained. "We found it on a trip to the Jersey beach—"
"Proving that there truly is nothing good on the Jersey shore," Hedylogos said.
"Obviously," I said.
"So we agreed to dump it off on the next demigod they came across," Himeros finished.
"Which just so happened to be you," Hedylogos said. "Excited?"
I grabbed another breadstick, and resisted the urge to beat him with it. "Hardly. But I doubt I can just deny such a straightforward request, am I right?"
Hymenaeus smiled sympathetically. "Sorry about this."
Not as much as I'm about to be, I wanted to say.
"Why can't you just destroy it yourselves?" I asked. "You're five gods."
Pothos spoke up this time. "The only fire that can destroy this is the same one that it was crafted in. Unfortunately, it's the forges of Hephaestus."
"But luckily for you," Hedylogos said, "there is another way. The fire in the forges at your camp."
"What's so special about the fires at camp?" I asked.
"The forges at camp have the blessing of Hephaestus. They're the next best thing to his forges."
"Okay. Makes sense, I guess."
I picked up the necklace and stared at it. I was just given the task of escorting a cursed and highly sought after necklace to camp by five hot guys who turned out to be gods… I can honestly say I didn't see my day turning out this way.
I slipped the necklace into my bag. "One last question. What if this doesn't work?"
"Pray that it does," Pothos said.
"I'm talking to five gods. Doesn't that count?"
They all looked at each other, as if they never considered that before.
"Well, this was fun," Hedylogs said, that grin still plastered on his face. "If you guys will excuse me, I'll walk the lady to the door."
He stood made a big show of offering me his arm, like I should hook my through it. I ignored the gesture.
Hedylogos led me back over to the entrance. He handed me a roll out cash.
I frowned down at it. "What's this for?"
"For a cab back to that camp of yours," he said. "Trust me. You'll need it."
He was right. I was low on dough, and I wasn't about to decline a monetary present.
"Thanks." I put the money in my sock. "I gotta ask you this. If you were planning on meeting your brothers here, why were you in line at a hotdog stand?"
He grinned that mischievous grin of his. "I have my secrets."
"So now you're the god of lame secrets?"
He chuckled. My ears burned.
"I hope you survive today," Hedylogos said, almost sounding genuinely sincere. "I'd like to see you again."
And with that, he left to go rejoin his brothers, leaving me more flustered than ever.
Things went south almost immediately.
The quest (if you could even call it that) was simple enough in my head: all I had to do was catch a cab to camp. Easy. I've done in the past.
But what fun would easy be? Easy is for chumps.
As soon as I left the pizza parlor, a woman in a business suit and on a cell phone started eyeing me. She didn't seem like a monster, but I couldn't be sure. I hefted my bag onto my shoulder and kept walking.
The woman followed a few car length behind me. I looked back and could tell that she was confused, like she didn't know why she was following some lacrosse player down the street. It was the magic of the necklace, making her act unreasonably.
I approached a female jogger heading in my direction who immediately turned around when I past her. A group of high school girls seemed to take a sudden interest in me.
Soon I had about a dozen hypnotized ladies on my trail who thought that they were inconspicuous. It took everything in me not to turn around and say, "Look. You guys aren't subtle! Knock it off and go home already."
"Hey!"
Like a dummy, I turned around.
The business suit lady had caught up to me. She had a daze look on her face.
"You… " she said. She grabbed for my bag, but I stepped back.
I turned to run, but the high school girls somehow snuck up on me. I was surrounded.
I did the only thing I could do. I ran like the wind.
In a blink of an eye, I rushed past business lady and my pursuers; flying down the street and dodging pedestrians.
I didn't look behind me to see if they were following me. I didn't need to—I could practically hear the stampede of desperate ladies behind me.
"Get her!" one called.
"Why?" asked another.
"Who cares!"
"I know I don't!"
I ran through crowds, running through alleyways and doubling back, but I never managed to shake them off for longer than a minute or two. I knew they could never catch me at this pace but eventually, I would start to slow down. I could run probably faster than anyone else and had great endurance, but I wasn't the Flash; I couldn't run anywhere close to the speed of light and I couldn't keep this pace up forever. I was pretty sure if I pushed the envelope too much I would explode mid-run.
This power had come in handy when fighting the Telchines. After that (and after I "explained" why my clothes where shredded to my parents) I realized that running make me crazy hungry. I was grateful for the pizza that the love gods bought me. I wondered if they knew I would need it.
People on the street stopped to stare at the strange spectacle. While it would take a lot to phase the average New Yorker, I doubt any of the expected to see a dozen crazed females chasing one kid with a lacrosse stick down the street.
I noticed that not all the women I past joined the brigade to hunt me down. I figured that it was part of the necklace's power: it granted youth and beauty, so if you were a woman who pursued that, you wanted that necklace, big time.
I saw a blur of blue and brown off to my left, and before I could react, I hit the sidewalk and skidded into an alley, shredding my shirt and scraping up my arm in the process.
A wrinkly clawed hand invaded my sight, grabbing for my bag. I tried to roll away, but there were now two wrinkly, liver spotted hands pinning me down
"Givit ere!" The toothless harpy squawked. "Givit—"
I cut her off with a face full of my converse sneaker.
The harpy shrieked, spreading her wings before she could hit the ground. I scrambled up, drawing my sword.
The harpy hesitated, hovering a few feet in the air. She snarled. "I know you have it. The necklace! Hanit over!"
"Oh, you want it?" I taunted, which wasn't too bright. "Come get it!"
The harpy lunged. I leapt to the side, bringing my blade down on her. She rolled away faster than what should have been possible with her plump body. She clawed at my right arm, cutting me and nearly ripping my bag off of my shoulder.
"Aaugh!" I grabbed my injured arm, feeling wet, sticky blood. The cut wasn't deep, but I could tell was going to need a bandage along with some ambrosia.
I slashed at the monster, successfully shearing off a few of her feather. She squawked and hobbled in the air. Her good wing fluttered frantically trying to keep her up in the air.
This time, she was too slow to dodge. I drove my sword into the harpy's belly. She disintegrated into yellow sand.
When I emerged from the alley, pedestrians gave me a double take. I was bleeding and my clothes were ragged, so obviously I'd just killed a homeless man, or I beat him with a lacrosse stick and stole his meat. Either way, they weren't about to question it.
I managed to hail a cab without any more incidents. I got in and told the driver where I wanted to go.
"That's pretty far," she said. "There's not a lot up there. Are you sure, kid?"
"I'm sure," I said.
I caught her giving me a look in the rear view mirror. "What happened to you?"
"I, uh, got in a fight." It was technically true. "You should see the other guy."
"And where are you heading in your condition?"
"I'm just visiting family." Still true.
The woman gave me another look before finally giving up and driving down the street. She didn't seem to be as bothered as the other women who were chasing me. She seemed weary of me, but I didn't feel as though she'd jump me and steal the necklace, which was a good sign. I guess she didn't have that many vanity issues. I made the mistake of actually feeling hopeful.
We got down a few blocks before there was a ba-thump on the hood of the cab, and a spear head came through not an inch next to my head.
I yelped like a sissy. The driver's scream wasn't much more dignified.
"I sssense it! Imenssse power."
Hissing. Oh, gods. Seriously?
"What the heck?" The cab driver said.
In one harsh move, the roof of the cab peeled away like the lid to a can of sardines, revealing two green snake trunks crafted to the torso a fat lady in a muumuu. A dracaenae.
I cursed in ancient Greek.
The driver looked as if she was going to have a conniption. "What the world—"
"Pigeon!" I said, praying that the Mist would lend me some help. "An ugly, aggressive, mutant pigeon. With a knife?"
"Give me the necklace!" the dracaenae roared. "I know you have it. Where isss it?"
I pulled out my sword. "Nice pigeon. Back away nicely."
The snake woman lunged for me with her spear. I managed to block her blades before they connected with my chest.
We fought, if you could call it fighting. The backseat was too tight of a space to do much of anything. All I could do was block her blows (she was pretty quick for a snake lady of her size) and kick her repeatedly, which made me feel like a little kid fighting on the playground, but it annoyed her, which distracted her, so that was an advantage.
But the dracaenae was easily 300 pounds and she was pushing all of that weight onto me. There was no way I could push her off. And it didn't help that the driver started whipping her red cap into the backseat blinding, sometimes hitting the monster, sometimes hitting me. I was too distracted to noticed that she'd let go of the wheel completely.
I got a cut on my cheek and a pretty bad gash on my arm and stomach before I finally managed to decapitate her with my sword. She erupted into yellow sand, leaving behind only her spear and purple muumuu. Worst spoils of war, ever.
Grimacing, I pushed the muumuu to the floor. "Well," I said. "That was—"
The cabbie shrieked, and the car swerved. I fell onto the back seat, nearly impaling myself with my sword.
The cab skidded and slammed into a light pole, passenger's side first. The crunching of wood and metal rang in my ears. I shook the stars in the corner of my vision away and rubbed my head.
The cab driver muttered something unintelligible; her shoulders were shaking.
"That's it!" she moaned. "I can't do this."
She got out of the damaged vehicle and marched down the street. I climbed out after her.
"Wait!" I called. "I have to get to my family's house."
The lady was shaking her head. "Drive yourself. I'm out of here!"
"Drive? I'm fourteen! What about your job?"
"I don't care! I'm sick of this happening to me!"
Then she left, muttering to herself about mutant pigeons and horrible customers. I hoped she was going to be okay.
I inspected the damage to the cab. It looked like Hades, but it was probably still drivable. We'd crashed into a light pole outside of a McHales. Pedestrians stopped to stare at me before shaking their heads and moving along. That had to be the Mist's doing. There was no other reason why mortals didn't see this mess.
The people inside the restaurant ere all staring out of the window, curios and a little confused.
I smiled and waved, like Nothing to see here. Carry on.
A few of them left the window and went on about their business. One customer rushed out of the restaurant, a panicked look on his face. They probably saw through the Mist and wanted to be the first to snap a picture and Tweet about the wreck.
But when I saw who it was, I gasped.
"Percy?"
"Kai?"
His eyes darted between me in the busted cab, trying to make sense of the scene. "What happened? What happened to the cab driver?"
I laughed—partially because this whole situation was insane and I was lucky to still be alive, partially because I was just happy to see him. "It's a long story. I'm being chased and I have to get to camp five minutes ago and the cab driver sorta… fled. I think she had a nervous breakdown."
Percy's brow furrowed, and I could tell that he was thinking.
"Okay," he said finally. " Okay. I can help you. You can explain everything later."
I was far too tired to turn his offer down. More monsters were coming. I needed all the help I could get, and Percy Jackson was the best help I could think of.
"All right," I said, staring back at the cab. "But I gotta warn you, there are more monsters and women coming after me, so we have to go right now, but I don't want to endanger any more mortal cab drivers. So how—"
Just then, my bad idea light bulb popped over my head.
I looked up at Percy. "You got your driver's license, right?"
