Dear Wicked Characters
Dear Elphaba,
You're a celebrity—evil, but you're still pretty famous. I mean, how many Wicked Witches of the West are there? Don't answer that. Other celebrities don't get a private life, so neither should you. And we're not perverts.
Sincerely, Fiyeraba writers
Dear Galinda,
We are not under the influence of a delusification spell. It is you who is under the influence of a delusification spell. Elphaba and Fiyero just belong together.
Sincerely, Fiyeraba writers
Dear Elphaba and Glinda,
We have very twisted minds and you two have to suffer. We are sure to keep you two just friends in some stories. You gotta be happy about that, right?
Sincerely, Gelphie writers
Dear Fiyero,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Fiyeraba and Gelphie writers
Dear Glinda,
We can't keep up with the Fiyeraba writers. They just come with more popular stories than ours. We do exist, though.
Sincerely, Flinda writers
Dear Crope and Tibbett,
We will!
Sincerely, male slash authors
Dear Fiyero, Boq, and Avaric,
We tend to shock people with what guys we pair together.
Sincerely, male slash wicked authors
Dear Liir, Sarima, Crope, and Tibbett,
Okay, Liir, were trying to speed up the novel, so you couldn't be born in Oz. Sarima, we'd decided we'd depressed Elphaba enough, and she'd really go insane, or insaner, if we included your death. Crope and Tibbett, what critical and important role in Elphaba's life did you two play?
Sincerely, Schwartz and Holzman
Dear Shell,
The story of the musical is more about your sisters than you. It is called, 'WICKED: The Untold Story of the Witches of Oz.' So, sorry, about not including you.
Sincerely, Schwartz and Holzman
Dear Avaric,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Wicked writers
Dear Elphaba,
Twisted minds—that's all we need to say.
Sincerely, Elphric writers
Dear Avaric,
Elphaba doesn't like it though. Sorry. We all wish though.
Sincerely, Elphric writers
Dear Nessa,
Okay.
Sincerely, Bessa writers
Dear Boq,
Are you insane? We're not freaks.
Sincerely, Bessa writers
Dear Nessa,
Just because you think you two should be together, doesn't mean it's true. Sorry. Besides, haven't you ever heard the saying 'Opposites attract?' That's the reasoning behind our stories.
Sincerely, Gloq writers
Dear Boq,
Okay. You're really willing to get your name messed up every single stinking day?
Sincerely, Gloq writers.
Dear Glinda,
We are not freaks!
Sincerely, Gloq writers
Dear Fiyero and Nessa,
How many times are people together, not talk to each other, and then fall in love? A lot.
Sincerely, Fiyessa writers
Dear Madame Morrible, Dr. Dillamond, and the Wizard,
Madame Morrible, you're evil. Dr. Dillamond, you get taken away at the end of Act I and we only see you one more time during Act II and this time you can't talk. Wizard, you arranged your own daughter's death.
Sincerely, writers
Dear Frex,
You hated Elphaba's guts. That's gonna leave a few scars. She doesn't know how to respond when receiving a compliment. She also had no friends until her best, and only, friend, embarrassed her. As for the question about your wife, she didn't hate Elphaba's guts to the point that it is almost an obsession.
Sincerely, Authors who are convinced Elphaba is scarred for life until she meets her sexy boy/girlfriend
Dear Elphaba,
You try unknowingly arranging your own child's death and being haunted by the guilt for the rest of your life. Lying about you is the only way to deal with it. And you were named after me.
Sincerely, L. Frank Baum
Dear Elphaba,
No, you won't.
Sincerely, Smut writers
Dear Avaric,
Okay.
Sincerely, Smut writers
Dear Dorothy,
'The Wizard of Oz' should not be more popular. It's too biased towards you—showing you as an innocent little girl who 'accidentally' killed the Witches of the East and the West. All you did was whine, cry, and say, 'I wanna go home.'
Sincerely, Anyone who calls me an annoying bratty murderer
Dear Elphaba,
Sorry, the Scarecrow is sort of the first friend she made in Oz other than Glinda.
Sincerely, Directors of the MGM movie
Dear entire damn Wicked Crew,
Fine, you come up with ways for you to die.
Sincerely, Angst authors
Dear Wicked Crew, Harry Potter, Edward, Marius, Mark, and everyone else,
Well, Elphaba is pretty powerful, so couldn't she cross between worlds? We just really, really, really, like give you people more to deal with, because we're evil like. Hehehe!
Sincerely, Crossover authors
Dear the unamused Wicked Crew,
Seriously, how picky can you get?
Sincerely, Humour authors
Dear entire Wicked Crew...except Fiyero,
We don't try to pick trashy pop songs. We try to pick songs that we think would fit your personalities.
Sincerely, Song Fic authors
Dear Wicked Crew,
We try, but you try being unable to get to the Internet or getting tired of the story-that's why they die-or because one character isn't working out.
Sincerely, authors of Dead Fics
Dear Wicked Crew,
Fine.
Sincerely, Authors
