Foreword: I'm wild about this franchise, so to slake my own lust, so to speak I thought I would take a crack at writing about the amazing Fantastic Four. So here goes. I hope you enjoy…
Oh, and I also realize that there are a lot of fics written about Johnny...but…he's my favorite…
Disclaimer: I do not own the Fantastic Four. I also have no rights to write about them. But I'm going to anyway. Language might be somewhere close PG-13. Or T. Whatever… I'm confused, but you know what I mean. It'll be worse if you know any Yiddish.
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Johnny Storm listened to the high pitched giggle of the most recent acquisition to the Glitter Cosmetics modeling empire as he shifted his brand new fire engine red Audi R8 into fourth gear to pass a semi that was going at least twenty miles over the speed limit like it was standing still.
He smiled as the car's engine revved attractively against the sounds of the bustling night life of the city. The Audi was a little boxier than his usual tastes, but he just couldn't deny the adrenaline that pumped through his body when the speedometer inched past 100 and the lights all around him began to blur.
He'd met the Glitter Cosmetics model; he thought her name was Jylle (Pronounced "Jill") or some other ridiculously pretentious name like that, at a night club called "Take Eight".
He'd already decided that the intention of taking her home that he'd told his sister Sue when she called earlier wondering where he was was going to stay his intention. Her giggle was starting to give him a headache anyway.
Jylle took one last huffy look at him as she disappeared into her impressive apartment building. Johnny took one last look at the Gucci clad, leggy brunette disappear into the gleaming golden doors of the eighty-story building, then pulled away from the curb.
It was well past three in the morning, but Johnny felt restless, not quite wanting to retire to the Baxter building. He mindlessly drove until found himself in an industrial park, sterile white buildings looming all around him. He looked closely at one and the silver letters lit up on the side told him that he was driving through Glitter laboratories.
It was just occurring to Johnny what an annoying name Glitter was when a mid-sized collie looking dog wandered into the Audi's headlights.
"Holy Hell!" Johnny said, stomping both his feet on the clutch and the brake.
The tires screeched in angry protest as the car's bumper came to a halt an inch and a half from the dog's fuzzy ribcage. Johnny threw the gearshift into reverse, cursing, but the dog was nowhere to be found after the car got a respective distance away.
"Huh. That's weird" Johnny said out loud to no one in particular. He put the car into first and started forward again. He took a turn out of the industrial park into one of the streets back to the city.
Schmuck
Johnny jumped in his seat. He didn't quite hear the word. It was more like he felt it reverberate around in his head. Like it was more of a thought than a an actual sound.
"What the hell?" Johnny said, confused.
Look to your right, Blondie
Johnny slowly swiveled his head toward the passenger seat. Sitting there, looking slightly annoyed, was the collie.
Johnny let out a startled yell and swerved over to the shoulder in a symphony of horns from passing cars.
"Did-did you just call me a schmuck?" Johnny said looking at the dog from as far away as he could still sitting in the diver's seat.
Yes, Johnny-boy I did. I call every moron who almost runs over a perfectly obvious dog in the street a schmuck. It means-
"I know what it means!" Johnny interrupted the explication of the word. He dated a girl once that seemed particularly fond of Yiddish. He also knew intimately the meaning of the phrase Geh tren zikh.
Now, Johnny if you're going help me, I'm going to have to ask you not to use that kind of language.
"What the HELL!?!" Johnny said, backing up in his seat even more. "How did you know what I was thinking? How are you talking to me at all? Or whatever the thought-speak crap your doing."
Keep driving. I'll explain on the way to the Baxter building. The dog told him, panting normally as dogs do.
"What a second. How do you know where I live? How do you know my name?" Johnny interjected, alarmed, forgetting half of the globe had that information anyway.
I've seen a news report or two, Hothead. Now drive. It said, pointing its nose toward the road.
"Oh, hell no." Johnny said. "I'm ending this freak show right here. And I think I know my way around freak shows You, crazy psycho dog, are getting out right now."
Drive or I'll pee on the seat. What is this? An Audi?
"Alright! Alright, I'll drive! Man, I'm just saying you probably have fleas or something."
Keep talking and your car seat is going to have an intimate mean of the term "fecal matter"
Johnny grumbled as he pulled out to the road once more.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Okay there it is. The first chapter. I hope it is well liked. I also hope that you express your like or dislike for that matter in the form of comments. Tell me what you think!
-Gold
P.S.
Apologies to those who knew Yiddish who were offended by the language. I thought it was pretty funny.
