DRACO MALFOY SLOWLY opened his eyes which widened impossibly as he silently took in his surroundings. To say he wasn't silent after the next five seconds would be an understatement.
"AARRGGHHH! What the-!?..." And when he registered Weasel's voice, he screamed even louder, "FUCK!"

You see, all he could see around him was crimson and gold shit. Why was he surrounded by crimson and gold? Where were his Slytherin banners? And what about the French underwear model posters?

Next thing he knew his red (Red?) bed curtains were torn open and Potter – again, Potter? Where did he come from? – thrust his face in front of Draco's. Didn't the git respect privacy? His brows furrowed, Potter asked, "Ron? You alright mate?"
What. The. Hell. Maybe it was just a nightmare. Why was Potter calling him by Weasel's name?

Draco pushed Potter's ugly face away and sneered, "Go away, you idiot." Potter's face disappeared mercifully.

"Hey! What was that for?"

If he got to call Potter an idiot, then maybe it wasn't a nightmare after all. Draco simply ignored Potter's protests, swung his feet off the bed and got down gracefully.
Bad move.

"Holy Shit!" he squeaked as he fell off the top of a bunk bed – not so gracefully.
As Draco lifted his head off the ground, a rather impressive pair of dragon hide boots came into view. Craning his neck farther up, he faced the owner of the fine footwear – Potter looked concerned for him (oh yes, it surely had to be a dream) and asked, "Ron?"

Draco scowled instantly. How dare Potter compare a Malfoy with a stupid, lowly Weasley? Were Blaise and Theo playing some kind of a sick joke? He was beyond furious.
"Stop fucking with my head. I am not-" he began, getting up, but paused as he came to face a mirror. His eyes widened, jaw slackened, and face paled as he took in a scared Ronald Weasley staring back at him, complete with the lanky frame, awful red hair and a face-full of freckles. He jumped five feet back in shock and hit his head.

"No!" He shook his head and whispered, "No frigging way." He pinched himself twice with shaking hands and howled when it really hurt.
He pulled his age old shirt up to see his hard earned abs gone AND PROMPTLY FAINTED.