Disclaimer: I do not own either BtVS, Transformers: the original series or the movie.

AN: This is a big AU of BtVS and Transformers G-1 and the movie. The volcano never activated the ARK and Megatron and the others never got onboard it before Earth's gravity got them.

AN2: There may be other crossovers involved in this story.

Chapter 1

Xander's road trip had taken him to Portland Oregon; he wanted to see Mount St Hilary. As he walked around the mountain he saw what looked like a massive ship embedded in the side of the mountain.

"How did this not get noticed by people?" Xander said to himself.

As he walked into the hole he saw what looked like there was damage, Xander said, "Hello?"

Teletraan 1 activated at the sound, it sensors closed in on the voice.

Its systems activated, it did not recognize the species but it could tell that it was not mechanical but organic, was it a faulty life form?

Xander called again, "Hello?"

The sounds seemed to be some sort of language; it got its vocal systems to begin to analyze the syntax and vocal patterns.

After a second of research into the creature's voice it responded with, "Hello."

Xander nearly jumped out of his skin when something responded to him.

Teletraan 1 asked, "What are you? What are you made of?"

Xander said, "I am human and I guess I am made outta flesh and blood."

It replied, "insufficient answer; all life is mechanical, you are not a true life form. You are something else."

Xander growled and said, "I am too alive you rust bucket and if that's your attitude, I am so out of here."

Teletraan 1 spoke up and said, "please don't leave, I require.....aid."

Xander smirked, "So, you need help from the fake life form?"

"Yes," the computer replied.

"What could I do for you, I am not exactly a mechanic," Xander said.

"Activate my repair systems," Teletraan 1 said.

"Okay and how do I that?" Xander asked.

"I shall attempt to aid you creature," the computer said.

"Hey, you can all me Xander," he said.

"Xan'dar," it said.

"It's Xander," Xander said.

"Xan'dar?"

"Whatever," Xander said.

"Also, how do I know that you're not going to go on a killing spree after I help you," Xander said

"My main function right now is to repair my crew, not go on a killing spree," Teletraan 1 said

"Yeah, I'll take your word for it," Xander said.

"Thank.. You Xan'dar," the computer said.

"Uhh, that was sarcasm," Xander said

"What is sarcasm?" the computer asked.

"Never mind," Xander said.

"So, what do I do to help with your repair systems?" Xander asked.

"Input this command into the terminal," Teletraan 1 instructed.

"Okay Mister Roboto," Xander said, "I am inputting."

"My designation is not Mister Roboto, it is Teletraan 1," the computer replied.

Xander smirked, "Whatever."

As Xander began to work on the system he asked, "So, what are you doing in my neck of the woods?"

"This ship is designated the Ark; it was launched from Cybertron by Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, four million years ago," Teletraan 1 said.

"Whoa, four million years?" Xander said, "Wow, so how did you crash?"

"This ship was attacked by the Decepticon ship Nemesis, the Decepticons attempted to board but were stopped by the gravity field of this world."

"So, there's nothing of these Decptity thingies here?" Xander asked.

"That is correct, none of them made it aboard. The Nemesis crashed somewhere in a large body of water to the north."

"Was their ship destroyed?" Xander asked.

"There is a good chance it was not destroyed, the Nemesis is most likely in the same state that this ship is in," Teletraan 1 said.

"Ouch, probably waiting for some sap to fix it," Xander said.

"Question: would your race fix it?" Teletraan 1 asked.

"Yeah most likely, especially if it was a government that found it," Xander said.

"Then most likely it has not been found, the computer on board Nemesis would have repaired its crew and your race would have been extinct by now," Teletraan 1 stated.

"Wow, thanks for the warm vibes you're giving me," Xander said.

"You're welcome Xan'dar."

"That was sarcasm again," Xander said.

"Oh, your race's language has so many different meanings," Teletraan 1 said.

"So," Xander said, "I got the commands inputted, now what?" Xander asked.

"We wait until the repair systems start fixing the crew," Teletraan 1 said.

"Okay then, you don't need me," Xander said as he turned too leave.

Teletraan 1 stopped Xander from leaving, "I am afraid I must ask you another favour Xan'dar."

"What? I helped you get your system online," Xander said, "what more I can I do?"

"You can aid my crew in learning about the customs of this world," Teletraan 1 said.

"Uhh okay, I guess, but you might want someone more qualified to teach you're people about Earth," Xander said.

"But right now you are the only creature I know of Xan'dar, please help," the computer said.

"Ah, I guess I could give them some pointers then," Xander said.

Xander heard a massive sound from deeper in the ship, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!!?" Xander screamed.

"That would be one of the crew," Teletraan 1 said.

Xander heard pounding footsteps coming their way, he got ready to run when he saw a massive red and blue robot with blue eyes look down at him.

"Greetings, I am Optimus Prime," it said to him.

Xander fainted.

"Will it be all right?" Optimus asked the computer.

"The human shall be alright in a few seconds," it said.

"That's good, I would hate for this to be our official first contact," Optimus said.

Xander moaned and woke up, he said, "Man, I had a weird dream that there was a giant robot here."

Optimus walked over and said, "It was no dream human."

"Oh!!"

"May I ask your name human?" Optimus said.

"Uhhhhh, it's Xander Harris sir," he said.

"Ah, then Xan'dar Harris it is a pleasure to meet you," Optimus said.

"Uhh, it's Xander not Xan'dar."

"Oh, my apologies Xander," Optimus said.

"It's alright," Xander said, "so, what would you like to know about Earth?"

"Everything you can tell us," Optimus said, "from the damage to our ship it looks like we will be here for a while."

"Uhh, okay," Xander said, "you're the boss."

"I am sure we will be good friends Xander," Optimus said.

A few months later Xander was still with the Autobots teaching them as much as he could about Earth culture, he had even helped them find vehicle forms.

Hound was with Xander driving to town to pick up the food that he needed.

"Xander, too bad you can't ingest energon like we can or else we could just give you that," Hound said.

"Ahh, where's the fun in that," Xander said, "bland fuel? I like my food with taste."

Optimus was busy scanning earth looking for signs of the Nemesis; it wasn't where Teletraan 1 calculated it would be.

He sighed; where could it be? Not even natural disasters could have moved it this far.

Perceptor came in and said, "Optimus, you must recharge. I doubt we will find out where the Nemesis is today."

"I know Perceptor, I have found out how curious humans are from Xander and I am worried if humans find the Nemesis they might activate Megatron."

"An all too real fear," Perceptor said, "but we need to start to make plans about gathering energy."

Xander came in with Hound and said, "Hey droids, how's things going?"

Bumblebee said, "Xander, stop calling us droids. We saw those movies you know and we are way more advanced than those things."

"Yeah, I know," he said and grinned.

Optimus walked down from the command center and said, "Ah Xander, it's good to see you back safely. How was your trip?"

Ratchet came in and said, "Xander, I need you to come back to medical bay for more scans, I want to learn more about your species biology."

Xander said, "You're one step from dissecting me, you know that right?

Ratchet started to get flustered and said, "I would never do that to a sentient creature."

"Chill, okay Ratchet. I know you wouldn't do that Xander said, "You're probably the nicest doc I know."

Meanwhile Ironhide was scanning, what Xander called; the world wide web when he came something across on E-Bay.

"It can't be? By Primus no," Ironside said, "this is impossible!!!"

Xander and the others heard the scream as they rushed to the room.

"What is it Ironhide?" Optimus said the worry in his voice evident."

"On this E-Bay site, there is someone selling Cybertronian artefacts," Ironhide said.

Xander looked at the pictures and said, "Who would be stupid enough to sell alien artefacts on E-bay?"

"I am not sure Xander, but some of that stuff that this person is selling most defiantly Decepticon," Optimus said.

"It's worse than you think Optimus," Perceptor said, "One of those objects might trigger the Nemesis."

"What do you mean!!?" Xander screamed, "this thing could activate the Decepticon ship!!? Oh, that sounds bad."

"It is bad Xander, this world is a rich source of energy and Megatron would suck this world dry," Optimus said.

Meanwhile at the Initiative, Maggie Walsh was looking at the latest shipment of technology from NID headquarters. It was made of some white metal and it had some menacing violet face seared on it.

"This would be perfect for project ADAM," she thought.

TBC

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