Secret's Out
Quinn desperately tries to set things right when Finn learns her secret, but he has other ideas.
Rated T for language and brief sexual content.
Disclaimer I do not claim ownership of glee or any of its characters nor do I claim ownership of the lyrics of Bon Jovi, Queen, or Disturbed.
Finn walked down a deserted street, still wearing his closing number outfit from sectionals. It was about 10 at night and pouring rain. He was still traumatized by the events of the evening, and more confused than he had ever been about anything, even state capitals. He felt as if something would explode in him if he didn't let out the anger and grief quickly piling up inside. So, he did the only thing he could think to do when his emotions became too much for him to bear, he sang.
An angel's smile is what you sell Oh! You're a loaded gun, yeah Shot through the heart and you're to blame
You promise me heaven then put me through hell
Chains of love got a hold on me
When passion's a prison you can't break free
Oh! There's nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
Hey, you give love a bad name…
He tried to finish, but he couldn't, his voice broke and his eyes began to tear, so he stopped, sat down on the curb and sobbed, wondering how Bon Jovi must've felt.
***
Quinn stood in the hallway outside the choir room, anxiously dialing Finn's number over and over again, tears and mascara running down her face. Inside, the glee club, parents and friends celebrated their sectionals victory. She didn't know whether to feel upset or relieved that the other glee kids were too caught up in the joy of winning to notice her pain. As she heard the music and chatter through the door, she wished that she could be among them. She wished that Finn were there, that everything could go back to normal, and that the two of them could just be excited about winning instead of hurt and angry over everything that had spilled out after the competition. She tried his cell again, and once more he didn't pick up. Maybe if she left enough messages he'd have to listen.
"Finn please pick up, I need you to listen to me. I'm so sorry I lied to you… I-I just didn't know what else to do. I was so scared that you would never forgive me and I needed you Finn. Look I made a mistake, but if we could just talk about th-" once again the machine cut her off before she could finish.
"Damn it!" She cried, overcome with frustration she threw her phone to the ground, shattering it. Barely noticing that Puck was now standing there, wearing the reddish brown shiner Finn had given him earlier that night. She bent down to pick up the broken pieces of the phone.
"God, how stupid am I! What if he tries to call me back?"
"He's not going to call," said Puck. "Face it, we're dead to him. Can you really blame the guy?"
"No," she answered, standing up to face him. "This is all your fault. How could you tell him? What did you possibly have to gain by ruining my life even more?"
"This may come as a shock, but not everything's about you babe, Finn's my best friend. I just couldn't lie anymore."
"Bull!" She shouted, gathering the pieces of her phone and standing up to face him. "Don't stand there and pretend to give a damn about Finn. If you did I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place."
Puck chuckled smugly, ready to pounce. "God Quinn, I love how you insist on playing innocent even while you're carrying my bastard."
There were no words for how much she despised her child's father at that very moment, without thinking she struck him with the heel of her hand as hard as she could, right where Finn's fist had been a half an hour ago, sending shockwaves of searing pain through the already tender bruise. Before he could react Quinn returned to the party, leaving him alone in the hall
"Ow! God dammit Quinn! He yelled, before charging in after her"Quinn, wait a minute!"
Desperate to avoid Puck, Quinn joined Mr. Schu, Artie, Kurt, and Mercedes, who were gathered around the piano enjoying a sing along. This was no time to confront her so Puck sang along too, through clenched teeth.
I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it
But it's been no bed of roses
I thank you all -
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I ain't gonna lose –
Puck put his arm around Quinn who promptly pushed it away. He enjoyed the simple pleasure of getting under her skin, knowing there was very little she could do about it while everyone was watching. But someone noticed.
"What's going on with those two?" Tina asked, watching Puck and Quinn's passive aggressive shoving match from across the room.
"They've been acting weird all night." Rachel answered. "Finn took off and he won't answer his phone. And I refuse to believe that Puck walked into a door no matter how much he insists."
"Maybe someone should talk to them."
"I'm really worried about Finn. I just won sectionals and I'm not even excited."
"Don't you mean we just won sectionals."
"Tina don't be so self-centered, we have a crisis on our hands here. Somebody needs to find him."
"He probably just went home, this party is super lame."
Rachel glanced over to the group celebrating and having fun. Clearly not the least bit bored.
"Well, lame for him," Tina Said.
"Look, if anybody asks about me let them know that all congratulatory emails can be sent to me through Myspace. I'm going to find Finn."
Rachel grabbed her coat and left. Tina wondered silently if she should follow.
"Hey Tina, get your butt over here and sing with us!" Cried Artie.
"They'll be fine." she thought.
***
Finn sat on the curb, soaked to the bone. He'd stopped crying for the most part, but it was hard to tell with the rain.
"I always wondered why guys in movies always went out in the rain after something really crappy happened to them..." Finn thought to himself. "…If it made them feel better or something, sort of like washing the bad feelings away. But that can't be it. My girlfriend cheated, my little girl is Puck's and the rain doesn't help. Now I just feel depressed and… wet. It's like no matter how many times I replay it in my mind, I still can't believe it. Drizzle Puckerman? What kind of a stupid name is Puckerman? Maybe if I lie down long enough with my mouth open I can drown myself."
He collapsed onto the wet sidewalk, closed his eyes and opened his mouth, allowing the rain to collect. Suddenly a shadow appeared over him. Without opening his eyes he spit out the mouthful of water.
"Do you think you can go away?" Said Finn, "you're kind of throwing a kink in my plan here."
"Finn?" Said a soft voice he didn't fully recognize through the sound of the rain.
"God, can't a guy kill himself in peace?"
Finn opened his eyes and looked up at Rachel who held her umbrella over him. Somehow he knew she would come looking for him. And he probably would have been happy to see her at any other possible time.
"How did you find me?"
Rachel sat down next to him.
"You're kind of easy to spot. Not many 6'3" guys in sequins walking around in the rain this time of night."
He sat up and looked down at his outfit
"I honestly forgot I was still wearing it."
"You shouldn't be out here by yourself, why did you leave the party?"
"Rachel, it's really nice of you to try and help but… you should probably head back. I really need to be alone right now."
"So you can keep trying to drown yourself in a moderate storm? Because I don't think you can do that… I mean physically."
"Yeah, I know, and you probably can't get a girl pregnant by arriving early in a hot tub either."
"What?"
"The baby isn't mine Rach…"
She didn't answer, she just looked at him, shocked and confused.
"…It's Puck's."
***
"God, poor Finn." Rachel thought to herself as Finn sat on her couch eating ice cream straight from the carton. "I know he shouldn't be here, if my parents find out there is no excuse in the world that's going to keep me from being locked in the tallest tower on the highest mountain above the farthest village until I'm 60. But all the same, Finn Hudson is sitting on my couch… in a robe. And what kind of person would I be if I didn't comfort a friend in need? A completely gorgeous friend who just split up with his total skank of a girlfriend who previously devoted all of her time to making my life a living hell? A stupid one, that's who.
"Thanks for letting me hang out here… I just couldn't go home," Finn said interrupting her thoughts.
"Well fortunately my fathers went away for the weekend without the added formality of a no boys rule. It's kind of lucky actually. I thought it would be at least another year before they gave up the hope of a guy ever coming over altogether."
Once again Finn's cell rang with his newly adopted ring tone programmed to Puck's caller ID. It hadn't ringed in awhile. Part of him hoped the rain had shorted out his phone. No such luck.
You are
Enemy
You are my hated
Enemy
I am
Enemy
A number one rated
Enemy
As the song blared from the cell, Finn ignored it and continued eating his ice cream.
"Aren't you going to answer it," asked Rachel.
"It's just Puck. At least they're shaking it up. Quinn left me like 37 messages.
"Look Finn, I know it doesn't feel like it now, but things are going to get better."
"Do you think that we could not talk about this right now?" Finn said, putting the empty ice cream carton down on the table.
"Sure, maybe there's something good on TV."
Rachel turned on the TV, and started nervously flipping through channels without paying much attention to what was actually on.
"I don't understand why you're so nice to me. I don't deserve it," Said Finn.
She shut off the television and turned to face him.
"Of course you do. You're great Finn."
Finn got up angrily from the couch.
"No I'm not. I'm an idiot! There she was screwing my best friend and I'm just ready to believe anything she tells me, like a stupid kid or something."
He sank back onto the couch and buried his face in his hands.
"Finn, you are not stupid."
"Yes I am. I'm 16 and I still don't get fractions, it took me four years to read the first Harry Potter book… I can't even discern between the truth and a retarded lie no one in their right mind would believe."
She sat there for a second, trying to think of something to say.
"Well, you used discern correctly in a sentence." She said placing her hand on Finn's shoulder, finally getting a smile out of him.
"I watch CNN sometimes when I'm trying to sleep," he said sheepishly
"You know, sometimes when you really care about someone, you want to believe in them no matter what. That's not stupid, Finn. Everybody gets that way sometimes. But you…"
"What?"
"I just… I think it's kind of amazing how you always see the best in everyone… even me."
"Especially you Rach," he said. Then, without thinking, he kissed her, first softly, then with increasing abandon. She reciprocated, running her fingers through his hair, her heart pounding the whole time. They laid down on the couch continuing to kiss passionately until Finn began to run his hand up her body reaching for her blouse which he started to slowly unbutton.
"Finn, wait." She said softly. Barely hearing her, He didn't stop right away.
"Finn stop!"
She pushed him away, firmly but not angrily.
"What's the matter?" Finn said.
"I can't do this."
"Why, I thought you wanted to?"
"I do. I do want to. I have ever since I met you, and right now I want to worse than anything but…
"But what?"
"But I don't want you to try to have sex with me because you're feeling miserable."
"That's not why…"
"I know you think that now, but you've been through hell," Rachel interrupted. "And tomorrow when you maybe feel just a little bit better you're going to realize that you were high on emotion and you made a mistake. I don't want to be a mistake to you Finn."
"Rachel that's not what this is. I like you, I really do."
"I know… I like you too. I like you way too much to take advantage of your vulnerability. Even though I kind of invited you here hoping to… well, take advantage of your vulnerability. But I'm here as a friend first. And I'm telling you that this just… it isn't right… I'm sorry."
Finn nodded with a pained expression as Rachel began buttoning her shirt.
"I'm sorry too. Maybe I should go."
He stood up and began to leave but Rachel grabbed his arm before he could get too far.
"No, Finn please don't."
She held him tight, hoping to make him stay. He resisted at first but then hugged her back beginning to sob once more.
***
A couple of hours after the party ended and the glee kids headed home, Quinn laid awake in bed, noticeably worried. She heard a knock at the window. It was Puck.
"Unbelievable," she groaned, getting up to open the window for him.
"I can't believe you're still living here. You would think he'd have kicked you out by now." Puck said.
"Well he probably would have if I could find him. I called everywhere, nobody's seen him. I'm really worried Puck."
"Hey, it's gonna be okay. We'll find him," He tilted her chin up, getting her to look him in the eyes. This time she didn't push his hand away.
"He still won't answer his phone, I'm not even calling from mine anymore."
"I know, I've been calling too. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mess everything up. And I didn't mean what I said at the party."
"I know… and to be perfectly honest. If you hadn't told him I would have."
"Why?"
"Did you see him tonight after we won? He was so… happy. I mean, I've never seen him that happy to just be a dumb teenager doing dumb teenager things, but then when he looked at me…"
"What?"
"It's like he was remembering how temporary it all was. And he just gave me this look. It wasn't even a sad look it was more like… acceptance. Like he knew he would always be there for me even if it meant never being that happy again."
"And that's a bad thing?" asked Puck.
She began to cry for what seemed like the thousandth time that night. "That's the worst thing. He's just too good to keep giving so much of himself over to a lie. And even if I did give the baby up he'd spend the rest of his life thinking of her, wanting to be with her, feeling like a part of him is missing. What kind of person would I be to keep letting him feel that way when he didn't have to?"
"Yeah, one poor son of a bitch is enough," Puck said.
"I'm so sorry Puck."She rested her head against Puck's chest.
"We really were great tonight weren't we?" Said Quinn, still leaning against him.
"Yeah, well considering it's all going to hell Monday morning it's probably best we ended with a bang." He said, stroking her hair.
"Yeah either we'll have to quit or Finn will. Can you imagine? The end of glee? Rachel would probably kill herself."
Quinn suddenly realized where Finn was, amazed that she didn't think of it before.
"Puck, you don't think?"
"Desperate girl, jilted dude out for revenge… definitely."
***
Exhausted from everything that had happened, Finn slept soundly on Rachel's bed, she laid next to him, wide awake.
"He's so beautiful," she thought to herself. "I wonder if he knows I'm staring at him."
"I really wish she'd stop staring at me." Finn thought.
"I can't believe I could have slept with Finn and I didn't," Rachel's inner monologue continued. "I'm either a shining beacon of morality and self restraint or… destined to die a virgin."
Rachel moved in closer to him, wrapped her arm around his waist and closed her eyes, deciding she was happy just to get that far.
Meanwhile, Quinn and Puck arrived at Rachel's front door. Not entirely sure what they were expecting to happen. It was late, and even if Finn didn't answer someone was going to get yelled at. But she couldn't put off talking to Finn any longer.
"We should just knock," Quinn said nervously.She raised her hand to knock but hesitated, scared to death of what would happen. Puck rang the bell, scared of nothing.
"Too slow," Puck said.
They stood there, waiting much longer than expected. Part of her was relieved that no one answered, but a bigger part of her knew that waiting to speak to Finn at school would be unbearable.
"This was a bad idea," said Puck, but before he could turn away Quinn knocked loudly on the door not letting up until Rachel finally answered.
"What are you doing here? It's 2 in the morning," Shouted Rachel, loudly enough to get her irritation across but not loudly enough to wake Finn.
"I'm here to see my boyfriend if you don't mind." Quinn answered.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you relinquished the title of girlfriend when you cheated with that bottom-feeder. Finn doesn't want to see you."
"I'll let him make that decision if you don't mind."
"37 unanswered calls Quinn. And no, he didn't lose his cell. He's ignoring you. Now maybe if you see him at school he'll be calm enough to not murder you both in a blind rage, but tonight he's off limits. Kindly leave my property."She slammed the door in both of their faces, pleased with herself.
***
Later that morning, Finn woke up drowsy and cranky, but feeling better. He was a bit taken aback to wake up in Rachel's room. For a second he'd forgotten what brought him there. He wished he could've forgotten for good. He looked around the room. But Rachel was nowhere to be found. He climbed out of her bed and followed the sound of clanging dishes to the kitchen where he was shocked to see Rachel and her dads preparing breakfast.
"You're a heavy sleeper. You slept right through the shouting match this morning," said Rachel, glancing nervously at the angry looking man standing to her right. "They came home early."
"Our very grounded daughter told us about your situation. Are you okay honey?" Said Dad #1
"Yeah, well, sort of." Finn said
"Well as long as you're here against our wishes, have something to eat," said Dad #2, placing a plate of bacon and pancakes on the table. Finn sat at the table and began to tackle his meal, remembering that he hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon.
"Then maybe when you're done…" Said Dad #2 "…you can do something about the pregnant blonde girl asleep on our porch swing."
***
Finn walked outside to find Quinn sleeping outside wrapped in an "in case of sex" blanket taken from Puck's car. She would have stayed in the car overnight but she didn't want to take the chance that Finn would miss her on the walk home, so she snuck out while Puck slept and made herself comfortable on Rachel's front porch.
"Hi Quinn," Finn said coldly.
She awoke with a start and jumped up frantically to throw her arms around him. He didn't return the hug. But he didn't avoid it either.
"Finn, oh my God! I was so worried."
"Well, I'm fine."
"I just had to talk to you."
"So you slept here?"
"We both did. Puck's in his car."
"Well, sorry you had to sleep in the cold for nothing." He turned to head back inside.
"Could you just talk to me?" she said, stopping him in his tracks.
"What is there to say?" He shrugged.
"Anything, call me a lying bitch. I don't care. Just talk to me."
"You're a lying bitch," He said passively. Not raising his voice or even looking at her.
"I really didn't mean to hurt you, you have to believe me."
"Okay," He said. "Are we done?"
"Yeah, but I just want to say one more thing before I go."
"Shoot," he said, continuing to ignore her gaze.
"If I could go back, if I could change things. I'd have a baby with you in a heartbeat."
"Well, too bad you can't, huh?" He said, unmoved.
She continued, determined to finish the speech she'd replayed in her mind over and over. "Even though you hate me right now you have to know that I love you Finn. I made a mistake, I did a stupid thing. But I love you. I always will."
Losing her nerve, Quinn kissed him on the cheek and turned way.
"Wait!" yelled Finn.
She turned around and looked at him hopefully.
"I wouldn't sleep outside anymore. It can't be good for the baby."
She nodded, defeated, and climbed into Puck's car shaking him awake. Waking up, Puck glanced at Finn, locking eyes for a minute before he turned the key and drove away, knowing that things would never be okay between the three of them again.
Rachel joined Finn on the porch, linking her arm around his and resting her head against his arm.
"You were listening weren't you?" He asked.
"No…" she said guiltily.
He looked at her, clearly not convinced.
"…I tried but my dads had the house soundproofed after the neighbors sued."
He half smiled, unable to get mad at yet another person.
"Are you going to be alright Finn?"
"I don't know, maybe. But I should probably be heading home."
"Yeah, your mom's probably losing it right about now."
Rachel hugged Finn around the waist. He hugged her back with one arm and kissed her, just once.
"See ya Rachel," he said, and left without another word.
The End
