Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or anything affiliated with it.
Collaboration project with kurononek0. We passed the story back and forth. I wrote a few lines then she wrote a few lines and brush rinse and repeat.
Bolded text was written by her.
Regular text was written by me.
It was a bright sunny day in soul society. Hitsugaya was walking down one of the many in a maze of corridors that made up Seireitei. Suddenly, someone called his name.
He looked up only to be tackled by a white fluffball. On close examination, this fluffball had eyes and a tail that wagged wildly as it tried to clean Hitsugaya's face.
"Augh what the hell!" He screamed as he tried unsuccessfully to push the pile of fluff away. His hands only sunk further into the voluminous ball of what looked like cotton candy. When he finally managed to get it out of his eyes, he saw who was behind the attack.
Ichigo was leaning against the wall, laughing outright while Rukia was trying to stifle giggles. To his horror, in her hand, there was...a video camera...that had captured every moment of the attack.
He froze in place, butt planted firmly on the floor, grasping a struggling fuzzy puppy in his arms. Eyeing the camera viciously, he tried to suppress the reiatsu threatening to explode out from his little body.
Rukia stuck her tongue out at him before dancing away happily with the camera still in hand. "This is going up on YouTube....immediately," she said with a smirk. Ichigo blocked Hitsugaya's sight of Rukia's escape with the horrible footage.
"Kurosaki," Hitsugaya growled menacingly, "get out of my way this instant!"
"Aw come on Toushiro! Don't you like him? He matches your hair!" A vein pulsed in Hitsugaya's forehead.
"Kurosaki... do not make me come over to you and freeze you senseless. And for the last time, IT'S HITSUGAYA-TAICHOU TO YOU!"
Ichigo stuck his tongue out at Hitsugaya before making a speedy getaway. Rukia had plenty of time to get away, and knowing her, the video was already posted and being viewed by every else.
Hitsugaya picked himself off the floor and skulked quietly towards the tenth division. When he opened the door, he was greeted by a very excited Matsumoto.
"OH MY GOD!!! That was SO adorable!!!!!," she squeals. She then pulls him into a tight hug and swings him around in delight at the cuteness. Hitsugaya slowly turns blue as he becomes more and more oxygen deprived.
"Ma..-tsu-.. to... need ai--r..."
"Oops! Sorry taichou!" She quickly released him. Suddenly realizing what had happened, Hitsugaya looked up at his vice captain.
"Matsumoto... please tell me... she hasn't posted..."
"Oh of course not taichou! Rukia's fast, but she can't get it up that fast! I just happened to be shunpo-ing by when it happened!"
"Although now...." Matsumoto pauses and quickly checks YouTube. "It's up, and wow...there are 598 views already. Shiro-chan must be popular ne? The girls are going crazy over the vid!" Matsumoto beams at Hitsugaya.
"Oh dear god above all gods..." Hitsugaya groaned.
"You're a god too taichou..." Matsumoto muttered behind his back.
"As long as the captains of Seireitei haven't seen it, I'll be okay." he mused. "I have to make them not want to go on YouTube for a while..."
"Well about that..." Matsumoto eyes darted from side to side. "Um, yea never mind." Matsumoto giggles as she darts away in glee.
"Oopmh, WHAT THE HELL???" Hitsugaya screams as he is once again pulled into an air constricting hug.
He looked up to see hair the color of paper. A color that rivaled his.
"Ukitake. Please.... just get off me" Hitsugaya suddenly realized who was squeezing all the air out of him and freaked out, just a bit.
"Ukitake, has there been anything... um... rather strange lately?" Ukitake, of course, knew exactly what he was talking about, but decided to play with him for a while.
"Not at all Hitsugaya-taichou!"
Ukitake danced off happily, leaving Hitsugaya rather confused. As he walks down the corridor, he hears giggles all around, but every time he turns around, he sees nothing. Growing more and more paranoid, Hitsugaya starts crashing into every room he passes.
Finally, Hitsugaya ran into the lab of Kurotsuchi Mayuri. The head of the research division snickered and then fell silent.
"Kurotsuchi."
"Hitsugaya."
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing..."
"Tell me."
"... Okay well I've managed to clone something. Something amazing! I've managed to create another Kurotsuchi Mayuri that eats everything! Garbage, cats, reiatsu, stones, undergarments....!"
"Did I really need to know that?"
"Well you asked didn't you?"
"Would you like to hear about my other wondrous exploits??? I have a clone that cleans my room! A clone that-"
Hitsugaya hastily interrupts. "Sorry I have....somewhere to be" He backtracks as fast as he can and trips over...the fluffball. Kurotsuchi stifles a satisfied grin as he presses replay.
Hitsugaya found himself sprawled on the floor for the second time that day. Unprecedented. He dusted himself as he rose from the floor. Picking up the white fluff ball, he scowled at it.
"What are you? Why are you here? Why do u love me so?!?!??!" Hitsugaya glared at it. The puppy looked at it with big teary eyes and Hitsugaya melted. "Awws maybe you're not so bad after all"
"Well duh. It's a dog. What else could it be?" Hitsugaya stiffened. He jettisoned a blast of cold air towards the speaker.
"Yo, chill! It was just a joke!" Ichigo protested.
"Ku. Ro. Sa. Ki. Why the hell did you get this cu- ... curious pile of fur attached to me?" He finished lamely. He couldn't believe he almost said cute.
"I didn't. It was her idea" Ichigo jerked his thumb back at Rukia, who was holding the dreaded video camera. The red light was on. Hitsugaya felt the blood draining from his face. "You didn't..."
The dog licked his face. Every captain came out of his or her building of residence and gathered around Hitsugaya. He screamed.
Hitsugaya sprang from his bed, the scream resonating around his room. After a moment, he sat down with a sigh of relief... only to be tackled by a white fluffball.
Author's Notes:
This was fun. It was supposed to be humorous crack. I hope it came out like that.
hi! :O
