Notes: Keeshe Kal'daka, this is just for you^^
Pairings: Ran x Ken
Warnings: AU, Ran POV, yaoi thoughts, angst, language
Disclaimer: Now honestly, these aren't mine. They're all crazy. Like me^^
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In My Eyes
1
I was gazing at the stars. It seemed that humans live and die by the stars and at this point I didn't care. I was alone. I wonder where Ken had gone. I wonder if he thought of me. I wonder if he missed me.
But he wouldn't miss me if he couldn't love me.
The thought was bitter, tinged with anguish and I felt tears gather in my eyes. I blinked them back, willing the bright points of white in the velvet backdrop of the night sky to focus once again.
"Ran." The voice was soft, faint, maybe even timid but I knew who it was. I couldn't move. I didn't want to move, only to be held in his arms.
"Ken?" I sat up from my recumbent position in the grass. I couldn't see anyone. "Who's there?" Maybe it had been my imagination. Ken wouldn't have come back. He didn't love me. Why should he love me? He hadn't wanted to be kept.
I heard footsteps and for a wrenching moment I thought the dimly lit figure that approached was Ken but it was not. Omi stood in the place where my love would have been centered had it been the being I craved for. I settled back into the grass, gazing at the sky once again.
"Ran?"
"Omi?"
"Are you all right?" I was quiet. Of course I wasn't alright. There wasn't any need for me to be fucking all right. Why couldn't he understand that? I wanted to be alone. It felt like it had been years since I've seen Ken last. But truly it had only been several months. I wanted to sleep.
"Yes."
"Are you sure?" Am I sure I'm not all right? Yes. Am I sure I will kill you if you don't leave now? Yes.
"Yes." Silence. Then Omi turned to leave and I relaxed again. I hadn't relished the thought of spilling his innocent blood upon the new spring grass but then again I hadn't relished the thought of him staying. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to be vulnerable anymore. I didn't want to be anything. Just alone.
A chill wind blew and I shivered. I was getting cold and it was getting late. I got to my feet slowly, giving one last look around me, almost expecting Ken to jump out at any moment but knowing he never would. He would never come back to me. He didn't love me.
I love you Ken.
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