The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters was run over by Kitty. So how did those driving sessions go in 'X-Treme Measures'? Just remember to buckle your seat belt. You are in for a very bumpy ride!
She Drives Like Crazy
Chapter 1: Logan's Run.
Logan was bored. Things had been far too quiet. There hadn't been a decent fight for over two months. During the time he was helping rebuild the mansion he was able to put some of his frustration into working. But now that the mansion had been rebuilt for a few weeks and everyone moved in, he was frustrated. He needed some action. He should have remembered the phrase, 'Be careful what you wish for.'
He had overheard Xavier talking to Scott and Jean about some kind of dangerous mission and immediately volunteered. His first clue should have been how quickly the two teenagers allowed him to take over. "So what need doin'?" Logan asked. "Some explosives involved?"
"Hopefully not," Xavier showed him the keys to the X-Van.
Logan gave him a look. "What is that?"
"These are the keys to the X-Van," Xavier said.
"I know what they are," Logan looked at him. "Why are you giving them to me?"
"I need you to give Kitty a driving lesson," Xavier told him.
"That's what all the talk was about?" Logan felt annoyed. "Because nobody wants to teach the Half-Pint?"
"Well, she does tend to be a bit…overly enthusiastic at times," Xavier said.
"Look I admit she can be a pain but come on Chuck," Logan grabbed the keys. "It's not exactly the most dangerous assignment on the planet." He walked out.
"Famous last words," Xavier smirked.
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"This is so cool!" Kitty squealed as she buckled herself in. "I get my very first lesson in the X-Van! I love it!"
"Yeah, yeah," Logan said reluctantly getting in. "Just take it easy Half Pint. We'll just go for a slow drive around the block a couple of times."
"Aw come on," Kitty pouted. "I'm not a little kid you know. I can handle more than that. By the way you need to put on your seat belt."
Logan raised an eyebrow. "I don't need it."
"Yes you do," Kitty said. "A safe driver always makes sure the passengers have their seat belt buckles on."
"I don't need it."
"Yes you do," Kitty told him. "I'm not moving an inch until you buckle up."
"Fine by me," Logan folded his arms.
"Come on Logan. You're supposed to be setting a good example for me."
"Fine," Logan grumbled as he did so. "I'm buckled up. Now the first thing you need to do is pull slowly away from the curb."
Kitty revved up the van and pulled away with a squeal. "Yeah! Let's go get some burgers!" Kitty shouted with glee.
"Kitty…" Logan said in a very worried tone as they headed for the mansion gates. "Wait for the gate! WAIT FOR THE GATE!"
Kitty easily phased the X-Van through the gates. "Who needs the gate?" Kitty asked.
As they rounded the corner Logan was just starting to appreciate having his seat belt on. "Kitty slow down! The speed limit is 35!"
"Logan relax that's the recommended limit," She told him. "You can probably drive a lot faster! Hang on!" She sped up.
"NO! NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT IT MEANS!" Logan clutched the dashboard for dear life.
"Hey watch it!" Kitty snapped as she cut off a driver. "I had the right of way you know! Sheesh! Some people are such road hogs!"
"They set me up," Logan grumbled. "Those jerks set me up."
"Hey that's a yellow light up ahead," Kitty noticed. "Don't worry, we can make it!" She gunned the engine.
"I'm gonna kill 'em," Logan moaned. "I'm gonna kill 'em."
"Told ya we'd make it. Hang on," Kitty said as they sped around the corner. Only two wheels touched the road.
"IF I DON'T DIE FIRST!" Logan screamed. "KITTY WE'RE GONNA CRASH!"
"Uh oh," Kitty realized she was too close to a pickup truck. She phased the van right through. "Well that's one way of passing somebody," She said, not realizing that the truck had veered off the road and fell into a ditch.
"Kitty…" Logan told her. "You should not do that!"
"Why not?" She asked. "It's fun! And it's a lot faster! Let's pass this guy!" She phased through another car. "Wow what a rush! Having mutant powers rocks!"
"You have definitely spent too much time with Avalanche," Logan grumbled. "Watch the car on the right! Watch it!"
They phased through it as well. The driver screamed something at them. "Hey did you hear that guy?" Kitty snapped. "There's no need for language like that! Hey there's the burger joint!"
"Nothing for me," Logan muttered. "My stomach can't handle it. Kitty watch it! Watch it!" They squealed into the parking lot. "KITTY DON'T PHASE THROUGH THE LINE! NO! NO! STOP IT!"
"MOVE IT ROAD HOGS!" Kitty snapped. She then drove right into the speaker for the drive through. "Aw man. That's gonna leave a mark."
"Let's forget the burgers and get out of here!" Logan groaned.
"Oh all right," Kitty said as she raced out of the parking lot. "Hey that guy nearly cut me off!"
"Kitty he had the right of way!" Logan snapped.
"Hey doesn't he know it should be ladies first?" Kitty snapped. She weaved in and out of traffic. "Look at that guy! He's talking on his cell phone! Doesn't he like know how dangerous that is?" She cut in front of him.
"He's probably calling 9-1-1," Logan moaned.
"Well still it's totally irritating," Kitty snapped as she weaved through the cars, causing several of them to veer off the road. "Why don't people watch where they're going?"
"Probably too busy watching their lives flash before their eyes," Logan was now starting to sweat from fear. "Where are we going?"
"On the freeway," Kitty said. "I want to practice."
"NO!" Logan shouted as loud as he could. "TURN THIS VAN AROUND RIGHT NOW! I MEAN IT!"
"Fine," Kitty pouted. They were nearing a tollbooth. She used her powers to phase through the tollbooth and turn around. Logan could have sworn he heard the sound of money depositing somewhere in the engine.
"Hey," Kitty looked down at the floor. "I think some of the money must have phased right through and gotten stuck in the van. Neat."
"WATCH THE ROAD!" Logan screamed. "WATCH IT!" The van drove over a street corner.
"Got it! Oops," Kitty blinked when she saw that the stop sign and a street sign had been stuck into the van. "I think I mistimed my phase!"
"You think?" Logan moaned. "Just take us home! Now!"
Soon what was left of the X-Van phased through the mansion's gates and rattled into the driveway. "Whoo Hoo!" Kitty squealed happily as she jumped out of the van. "That was totally awesome! I so have the hang of this!" She kept babbling on about how rude some drivers were and kept asking when the next lesson would be. Logan ignored her and stormed into the mansion.
The first person he saw was Xavier. It took all the self-control he had not to claw him to pieces right there when Xavier asked how the lesson went. "Scott and Jean are right, I owe them one," He snarled. "And I owe you too Chuck!"
Logan stomped into the kitchen. "I need a beer. God I need a beer." He threw open the refrigerator door and looked inside. "Okay where is the beer? I need the beer. WHO TOOK MY BEER?"
"Uh," Hank looked at him. "There isn't any."
"WHAT?" Logan snapped.
"Charles thought it would be best to throw out all the alcohol in the fridge," Hank explained. "So not to tempt the children."
"Oh he did, did he?" Logan had a very dangerous look on his face. "Oh he is gonna pay. Mark my words he is gonna pay!" He started to laugh insanely.
"Oh dear," Hank gulped. "This is not good."
Next up: Scott learns the hard way what happens when he lets Kitty drive!
