All my life I've felt like there was some part of me missing

and I felt that everyone could tell, like there was some

hole in me and everyone could see through it,

like I wasn't finished or something.

I jolted awake to the darkness and the soft sound of music echoing though out the extremely empty warehouse from my radio.

"Black rose your thorns are cutting into me for the last time

Black rose I saw your petals wilt away I couldn't bring you back to life"

It sang to me and I looked at my radio quizzically, "Wow, ironic.' I thought kicking off my covers to reveal my almost naked, and very aroused, form. I stood up walking over to a doorway, the door mysteriously missing, and out onto the balcony. The night was cool and it felt good on my burning flushed skin, I walked up to the railing and jumped on it, carefully laying down and balancing on my back. I looked out over the buildings surrounding me and up to the starry sky, "Why do you guy's torture me so." I said to nobody in particular thinking of Renji and Ichigo.

"Who torture's ya?" a voice asks and I turn my head to see none other then Renji standing tall and wide leaning I the doorway, I blushed remembering my dream and turned my head back hopping he didn't see it. "Nothin..." I sighed, it was obvious that Renji liked me and I heard from Yoruichi that Ichigo also liked me to but I didn't know who to choose. My past lover or my new friend.

"Why you even here Renji, aren't you suppose to be watching the town?" I asked dropping my right arm so it dangled towards the ground three stories below, I heard him sigh. "Ichigo's taking his shift and watching it right now, and would you please get down from there. I don't want you to fall." he told me and I looked back at him, "My left boob is slightly bigger then my right so as long as my right arm is hangin here I'll be fine. Besides the rail is right between my shoulder blades which I'm holding on with." I told him, I saw a blush spread across his cheeks but he didn't believe me. "I don't care if you were tied to the thing get down here now!" he said sternly pointing a finger in front of him to indicate for me to get down and come over to him. I sighed and rolled off the rail, then squeezed through the doorway and his massive body, "There happy." I dead panned carelessly but was stopped when he grabbed my wrist.

"I only care about your safety Kuro." he said, I looked back at him, 'Should I tell him or not?', "Well you shouldn't. I can take care of myself and if anything did happen to me I don't want you to blame yourself." he looked at me questioningly. "What are you talking about Kuro?" he was serious now his face stern and muscles tight. "Nothin, I just want you to know that." I reassured him but he shook his head, "You're a terrible liar Kuro, you know that." I looked back at him and tried to pry my wrist from his iron-like grip but it only tightened. "I'm telling the truth, now let go." I strained pulling, unsuccessfully, on my wrist some more, "I've known you for a couple years now and I know when you're lying now tell me what the hell are you talking about." he jerked on my arm a little but I held my ground. Now when in these kinds of situations I tend not to think, and this time I didn't. Big mistake.

"Because it's my burden to bare not yours, I have to kill him to avenge my brothers!" Silence. I stood there, shocked, by what I just said 'I didn't need to worry about Kisuke telling anybody it was me I needed to worry about all along. GOD DAMNIT!' I cursed and mentally kicked myself for not thinking, I was brought back when Renji's grip tightened and he jerked me towards him again. "Avenge you brothers? Don't tell me you plan on killing Gin!" he yelled, I looked down ashamed, I never wanted him to know.

"Yes, I've been practicing with Kisuke ever since we got back from the Soul Society. I've been training with my hollow side to make sure I don't lose myself-", "AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN MENTION ANYTHING! Not a 'Hey Renji I need you help' or even a 'Hey I want you to come with me'. What the hell Kuro, I thought you were smarter than that...I thought you loved me." my head shot up to look into his brown eyes, the eyes to the man I loved. "I do love you but I didn't want to tell you cause...I didn't want you to get hurt." I said sadly, I felt his grip loosen and then he gently pulled me towards him in a hug crushing my small body against his giant one. "It's ok, I'm sorry I yelled I just got upset." he mumbled into my blue hair, I shook my head, "No it was my fault that I didn't tell you before."

Silence, again.

"Please, Renji," I said all of a sudden realizing I was still quit aroused, "I want you to take me. To have me for your own. I don't want to belong to anyone else... but in your arms, in your life again." I looked up to see his flushed face, I heard Renji sigh, a deep, deep sigh, and then he asked quietly, "I don't think I'd be able to hold back Kuro. After years of being apart I might hurt yo-"

"Take me. Stop treating me like I was made of glass or unreachable. I'm not some fucking porcelain doll..."

"... you're a fucking woman with the mouth of a street boy, and a fist like the kick of a mule." said Renji with a chuckle, I looked up at him and saw the desire, that glow of resolve again, that understanding I longed for, for so long and for some reason I started crying, he was shocked at first but then he wrapped me close in his strong arms. I felt a little lightheaded as he swept me off my feet and took me to my futon. He kissed the tears from my face, and gave me a soft kiss on the lips before saying, "Here... I need to take care of my Zanpaku-to, first..." I nodded, understanding the need. He pulled Zabimaru, in his sheath, out of his obi and set him on the floor next to us. He then shed our clothing and burrowed under my quilts, I remembered when we used to sleep together like puppies back in the Soul Society in the past. Together, the breathing, the warmth, the simple touches had always felt so safe, and lulled me to sleep. So different from the vast empty, quiet, coldness of my abandoned building.

We touched, we kissed. Gradually, our bodies came together, and I found myself crying gently again as he was so gentle for all his strength. He made me feel so loved and whole. I did my best to make him feel the same. Skin sliding on skin, lips exploring, touching, hands stroking and pulling close. We both groaned with the sensation with being this close, this connected again.

Soon both of us were sweat-covered, skin slick and sliding against skin. Renji leaned forward and put his elbows down on the futon and put his hands in my hair and kissed me as we rocked together. Each thrust, each acceptance had us sighing together, twining tighter around each other, with each other. Our reiatsus were intertwined, again, burning as we burned. Closer and closer, higher and hotter, faster and harder, and when our world burst into light and stars, he felt me come with him, finally with him as he'd always wished I could be again ever since I left him.

Dawn touched the concrete walls when we were collapsed, together, in the aftermath.

Dawn brought to truth the wishes of a new day. We laid there silent just enjoying each others company until Renji spoke, "So...are you really going to go by yourself?" he questioned using my chest as a pillow and I started stroking his hair that had fallen out of its ponytail during our 'coming together' time, I didn't answer right away thinking about the consequences then shook my head, "Sure." So softly, so closely Renji whispered, "My Rose... my love... my Kuro."

And I twined my fingers with his and whispered back, "Always."