-1This Unavoidable Thing Between Us
Summary: Tony and Kate take some time to sort things out. Post-SWAK.
AN: This wouldn't get out of my head, after seeing SWAK for the umpteenth time. I did fiddle with the canon a bit, like the things about Kate's sister. Hope you like.
"Why did you tell me you were sick," the question sounds.
Tony DiNozzo strolls back into the office after nearly dying from the plague. He swaggers in like he has no care in the world, like he had not gotten sick. It is like nothing happened, except for the question he asks immediately.
"Welcome back DiNozzo," I reply.
My voice is as sarcastic as ever, because I force it to be. He cannot pretend that nothing happened. That he didn't almost get killed by the plague through a SWAK.
"Back to the bubble," is the response. "Why?"
Of course, he is never going to let the issue go. He is like a pit-bull on this issue, just like he is with everything else. Especially with his many girls. He is not going to stop hitting on someone until he either gets his ass kicked or gets her phone number.
"Did you really think I was going to leave you to die," I question.
Avoiding the real issue, I can be really good at that. I guess that Secret Service training is good for something. Of course, I'm avoiding the issue of avoiding as well.
"You could have gotten infected," Tony argues.
Oh right, because I had not thought about that one myself. Not before I did it, but I had plenty of internal debate about that afterwards. I couldn't seem to find the reason why I had been so careless and reckless. I could have died because of that impulsiveness.
"But I didn't," I present my main argument.
This is said both to convince Tony and to convince myself of my sanity. I can honestly say I don't know what possessed me. It sure as hell wasn't doctor Brad Pitt. The guy thought I was a complete lunatic, but then again, so did I.
"I kind of got that, Kate," is the irritated reaction.
At least we're back onto familiar territory now. We don't go a day without irritating one another at least once. I have gotten used to that after all the time we have worked together on Gibbs' team. It simply wouldn't be the same without the arguing.
"You almost died in there," I say softly. "I couldn't let you go down without a fight."
No matter what, I will not let Tony know that I cried on Ducky's shoulder when I thought he was going to die. Can you imagine what that would do to his ego? It is already large enough as it is, and he would just take things out of context anyway.
"Something tells me you're taking the easy way out," Tony remarks.
Sometimes he really is too perceptive. That makes me wish he was as dumb as I thought he was before I got to know him a little. Tony DiNozzo is many things, but not dumb or ignorant. He sees too much sometimes, and that isn't good in this scenario.
"Well, that something is wrong," I respond petulantly.
I see myself as a mature person, but once Tony is involved I can act like a spoiled child. It is the same for him, only he pretends to be immature. I have gotten looks of the Tony behind that façade of the skirt-chasing playboy. He's more than that.
"Why are you being so stubborn," he asks in annoyance.
It's like there's a voice inside my head telling me to avoid the subject as long and as much as I possibly can. Even though I really don't know why I did it, I really don't want Tony to know that for some reason. It sounds wrong to say, but admitting to wanting to be there for him would sound like a weakness in my eyes.
"Why do you need another reason besides the one I just gave you," I ask him.
Why do you need to know more, Tony? As my sister the shrink has noted, I don't like admitting to my weaknesses. And especially not in front of DiNozzo.
Not that my sister knows anything about him. Besides him being my work partner.
"Because Probie or Boss wouldn't have done that," Tony makes his case.
He may have a point there. I don't think anyone else on the team would have pretended to be infected, no matter the reason. That just makes me even more confused about the reason why I did stay with him, even when it could have gotten me killed.
"Gibbs would have slapped you and ordered you to get better," I state.
As long as I can make Tony believe that it was simply a colleague thing, or something like that, I will be fine. If he doesn't buy it - and he probably won't - I will have to tell him that I don't even know why I stayed with him in that room.
"No playing the concerned colleague, Kate," he scolds.
Let me put aside the fact that he is actually scolding me long enough to give him a reasonably honest answer to his opening question.
"I don't know why I did it," I finally admit to him.
He just looks at me after that. A long and awkward stare, as if he is trying to read me, trying to find out if I'm telling the truth. He's using his agent-abilities on me. After a while interrogating suspects, you start to know when people are telling the truth.
"Glad to see that that's sorted out," Tony says in that sarcastic way.
I'm not sure if he believes me. He could just be annoyed by the lack of a real reason for what I did. But I'm not sure why he would be so put out. I don't know what he was hoping to be the reason why I was so careless and reckless.
"I don't know what you want me to say Tony," I respond in annoyance.
I am too tired to discuss this. Ever since that close call with the SWAK-case, I haven't been sleeping that well. Because in my dreams, Tony dies. Sometimes because of my stupid cold, sometimes just because of the plague.
Sometimes I dream of my own death. It's always Ari who kills me, shooting me in the head from a distance. Sometimes Tony tries to jump in front of the bullet, sometimes I jump in front of him, to save his life. Someone always dies.
Tony is always featured in those dreams. I fear to find out the reason for that. I just let myself think it is because I had that SWAK-scare, and that reminded me that the people close to me can die, just like that. The SWAK-case was just a wake-up call.
"Just give me a reason, Kate," Tony is starting to get frustrated. "Just tell me there was a reason for the stupidity. You could have died, because of me."
So we're both stuck with the guilt of what could have been. We could have killed each other. It seems so different from the usual going of things, even though we can still get the other killed by making certain mistakes. It is different this time. We both made mistakes, but I couldn't see Tony dying in a hospital bed, from a genetically mutated disease. If anything, Tony would die in the line of duty.
"I don't know," is all that I can get out of my mouth.
I can feel it, that wave that is going to take me in. I'm falling asleep, or I'm fainting. After a long amount of time without sleep, the body just shuts down.
And then the world turns black.
I wake up in my own bed, and I'm not alone. I can feel another presence in the room, something I haven't had the pleasure of getting used to lately. So waking up with someone in my bed is a strange experience for me.
"Good morning Katie," the voice of Tony DiNozzo sounds.
Give me a few minutes to wake up, a few more to get rid of that content feeling I seem to be having at the moment, and then I'll kick him out of here. And if I happen to find myself naked when I kick Tony out, he can have a kick where it really hurts.
"Good morning Tony," I say with my best Brady impression.
Looking down at myself, I can see that I'm not naked. But I'm not wearing the same outfit as I remembered wearing before I fell. Tony's in big trouble.
"Abby changed your clothes," he says. "Don't worry. Your virtue is still intact. At least, it's exactly the way it was before you fainted."
Well, that at least saves Tony a kick in the balls. It still leaves me to wonder why Abby isn't here, and why Tony DiNozzo slept in my bed, apparently.
"That doesn't explain you in my bed," I tell him, mildly annoyed.
This is definitely not the way I imagined the empty side of my bed being filled. I was hoping for it to be filled by a date in the upcoming future, and not by my work-partner after I pass out at work because of a lack of sleep.
"You wouldn't let me leave," Tony comes with the explanation. "You kept telling me not to die. I wasn't planning on dying, but staying with you seemed to help."
I am suddenly glad I don't remember that. If only it had been Abby, or my sister, or just pretty much anyone besides Tony. I wouldn't want it to be Gibbs or McGee, though. So actually not anyone but him, which is what I would have said before.
"Everything I said never leaves this room," I threaten.
I'm not sure if I want to know what I said, but it's probably something embarrassing, which Tony is going to have a field day with if I don't stop him. I know enough ways to kill people, and with Abby's help I can do it without leaving forensic evidence.
"But we can discuss it in the room," Tony asks with a smirk.
I might have to go for the not knowing option. If he is that happy about what I said, there is the potential of him hearing something blackmail-worthy. Not that I am easily embarrassed, but some things are still better kept private.
"What did I say to make you so happy," I ask him in return, confused.
My sister has told me many times about the things we say in our sleep, that they are the thoughts of our unconscious. I am kind of nervous to find out what my unconscious truly thinks. In particular about Tony, since I keep dreaming about him.
"Let's just say that you care a whole lot more than you let on," he responds.
This is the moment where I just don't have anything to say. Do I ask Tony what he is talking about? Do I want to know what I said and risk humiliation? If the things Tony is insinuating are true, I'm not sure if I want to know the truth. That would probably cause some extensive therapy with or without my sister.
"What did I say," I then blurt out without thinking about it.
Oh great job Kate, now he's going to embarrass you. Now if I can only stop him from letting these things get out of this room. No one can ever know about this, if I have even the slightest idea how bad this is going to be.
"You don't really want to know, Kate," Tony says in his usual annoying way. "You like the denial too much. You need to figure it out for yourself."
That is both scarily true and very patronizing. The big strong man knows everything and the woman just has to figure it out for herself. And this woman will.
I think I already know what he is referring to; something that would explain both the dreams and why I stayed with Tony and pretended to have the plague in the first place. To be honest, the idea is kind of scary. That's the denial part.
I have started caring too much, that is what my dreams have been telling me. And that is bad, because it's Tony. He doesn't do that sort of thing. He has one-night-stands, and is happy to get rid of them the next day. I can't be that kind of woman.
"I never said anything," I order to Tony.
This has never happened. I will repress and store these thoughts somewhere else. It's just all wrong. He is DiNozzo, my skirt-chasing annoying work-partner.
Oh God, Gibbs would kill the both of us. He has rules for this sort of thing.
"Let go of the denial, Katie," Tony replies with his infamous smirk.
All of these thoughts, and it has never even occurred to me that he might not even feel that way. Maybe he's just humoring me because he's bored or between girlfriends. I am such an idiot for even thinking about all of this.
"You've gone completely crazy, DiNozzo," I tell him.
As long as I can make it out okay. It's all self-preservation in the end. I cannot believe that I could have been stupid enough to care. He's the guy who has annoyed me since the day that I met him. There must be something wrong with me.
"But you like me that way," he says, teasingly.
He knows and I know. This is the point of no return. I guess I will have to make a choice now. It's probably going to be something like kiss or kill.
Oh God, Gibbs is going to kill the both of us.
The last stray thought before I just let go and kiss Tony. This could be either an amazing thing, or something really bad. I'm leaning towards amazing right now. Apparently, he has had enough practice with those stupid bimbo's.
At that, I remember why I have been denying it all. I have been denying it because it is DiNozzo, and because of these bimbo's. And because he's my partner.
"This is a mistake," I tell him as I break away.
He has the nerve to still look smug, and that only strengthens my belief that the whole kissing thing is just a stupid mistake I made, probably because of the recent stress and Tony's near death-experience during the SWAK case.
"Come on Kate, we both know it wasn't a mistake," Tony responds.
It wasn't a mistake, only it was. It is just too confusing. It was nice - once I stop avoiding I will have to admit that it was more than nice - but it's Tony! He's my colleague, and one of the worst players in history. It's bound to end up wrong, which is just going to ruin the entire atmosphere. Gibbs would kill us, and - oh crap. It's time for work.
"I need to get to work," I say, in full avoidance mode.
Tony will understand that this means it was a mistake, and it never happened. No one can know about it. I'm not sure if I'm going to tell Abby about it. She is just going to think that all kinds of things are going to happen between Tony and me.
"Gibbs ordered us to stay home," Tony answers. "Ari's back and on the warpath."
And with that, I can't breathe. Am I still dreaming? Have my dreams just simply shifted in rating to incorporate some kissing? I'm going to die.
"He's most likely coming after the women," he continues.
There is nowhere I'm going to be safe. He found me the last time, so he can find me again somehow. Ari Haswari has held me hostage twice now, and I don't know what creeps me out most about him. Maybe it's the fact that I could never kill him.
Damn it, I was in the Secret Service! I'm a federal agent! I'm not supposed to be scared, not about this! I'm supposed to shoot before he can even try.
"So I'm supposed to stay with you," Tony speaks up again.
The moment you know that things are really bad is when you feel much safer with your annoying skirt-chasing partner around in your own house. I am supposed to feel more comfortable here when I'm by myself. Tony wasn't supposed to set foot in here. Ever.
I'm not the helpless damsel in distress, and still Tony's presence is oddly comforting, which is freaking me out more than the kiss. If it is just a kissing thing, I could get over it easily. But if it's more than that, my heart might not be safe.
That was just way too corny for words. Me, Tony, and corny. Now those things I never would have connected to each other. Tony and corny might actually be possible, because he is usually corny to the degree of lame. I, however, am usually not a love-sick sap. And I did not just use the word love in connection to Anthony DiNozzo.
Move me to Egypt because I like denial!
"I was expecting loud protest by now," Tony teases.
Well, so was I. And I'm still not sure why I don't. Not even for pretense. I should be telling Tony that I can easily take care of myself and that I certainly don't need him to help me with anything, and especially not with this. But I don't.
"It's okay to be scared Kate," he continues.
Scared? I'm not scared. How dare Tony insinuate that I'm scared! He is being so incredibly patronizing, and I could so kick his ass for that. Don't worry Kate, Tony is here to protect you. Well, he's going to have to deal. I'll protect myself.
"I'm not scared," I say in my I'm-angry-at-DiNozzo-again voice.
"Well, that's good Caitlin," the voice of Ari Haswari sounds.
AN: Had to put in a cliffhanger. Sorry. Will update soon. The next part will deal with Ari, and will actually have a bit of the other characters in it.
