Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders
It's too quiet at night now. This was never a quiet house. Mom used to complain that she had four boys making a mess and a ruckus all the time, even without the guys dropping by, because Dad was as wild as us and twice as noisy.
The guys are here more often these days, although that's still not the same. Having Steve and Two-Bit around more doesn't make up for the fact that Johnny and Dally won't ever be here again.
Or Mom and Dad.
This what happens when it's too quiet at night; I get to thinking about stuff that makes my head and my heart hurt.
I can cope in the day, when the radio's blaring at top volume and people are shouting from one room to the next, doors slamming back and front.
It's too quiet at night.
I've learned by now that trying to sleep on a night like this doesn't work. If it's one of these nights when the silence is pressing on me, I usually get up and walk around, real quiet. I don't want to wake the other two, I certainly don't want to worry them. Sometimes I sit on the back steps, if it's not too cold, and listen to other people's lives, cars passing, neighbours arguing, whatever distracts me.
If someone's sleeping on the couch, which is often now, I'm kind of stuck in my room. I leave the blinds open; if there's a moon out it gives me something to look at. Something now.
Now is important. I have to focus on now. I can't afford to look back, too painful. And the future's too damn scary to consider.
Because...
...What if I can't do it? What if I can't keep them safe and fed and happy? Soda already dropped out and we could've lost Pony in that fire and I don't know if I can do it all, I just don't know, it's too much, I'm working all the hours I can and we still don't have enough money and I don't know how to do it...
I want my mom. I want my dad back.
It's too quiet at night.
Thank you for all your reviews. :)
