A/N: You've never seen me around, have you? But the truth is, I absolutely love this fandom! I've been reading Artemis Fowl for who knows how long. Well, today's my first fanniversary, so I'm doing this.

The thing I really like about this series is the variety of pairings you can make. So I've written a short drabblish thing for all the non-slash ones I could think of. (Oh, the slashes would be another fandom by themselves! Not that I have anything against them, I'm just not bothered or crazy enough to do them all.) I believe I screwed up a lot of them in this story. Half of them aren't even fluffy, just little reflections on what the two people or People have done. And if the chapters are totally stupid, then the pairing I'm trying to write about could be a little screwy. Don't one hundred percent bash one chapter because of the pairing then review another with love, because I'm probably doing your favourite pairing as well! But if you review briefly saying that you like the pairing, then that's fine. I'm okay with normal reviews.

In this there are pairings involving our two main characters, Artemis and Holly, as well as a few side pairings. Although I chose not to do a couple of pairings, like Chix/Lilli. I haven't got enough information for them, such small characters they are. I previously included HollyxButler, but after rereading it I deleted it in terror of my own work. It wasn't pretty, trust me.

Disclaimer: Oh how I fervently wish... I'm not Eoin Colfer. Simple as that. But why couldn't I have come up with it? Darn.

Dedication: This whole story is dedicated to a friend of mine. It's been over a year since I've seen 'im. Do you remember me? Do you even know who I am? It's for you. All of it. So sorry I didn't lend you my Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony book back in Year 6! Hope I can see you again! Really hope I can see you again.

Not Ready Yet

A new suit. That's what he needed. A fresh suit.

Beige, maroon, a powdery grey that reminded him of Qwan and No. One; he sifted through them all, dust from the past three years floating up in gentle clouds to his nose. Artemis could still fit in everything within his wardrobe. He chose a red tie instead of black, usually reserved for his business meetings with criminals and business partners alike.

Instead he was meeting Minerva Paradizo for dinner.

The girl had squealed and exclaimed in rapid French over the phone (Artemis Fowl understood perfectly, of course).

"England, Artemis. Just a British Isle away for you and across the English Channel for me. We can meet at the London Eye, I know a fine eatery near there. Oh Artemis, I'm so glad! I'll try and be there by 6p.m. See you there, Artemis Fowl."

Butler hadn't forgotten how to fly the Lear, Artemis found. Lucky for that. The man had shaved for the first time in two and a half years. He insisted it was a momentous occasion. Artemis going out with a girl, and all that. Artemis flew over the Irish Sea in his jet, contemplating whether or not to ask Butler about Minerva. He decided against it. Male teenagers go through a time when everything they say involving the opposite gender is excruciatingly awkward and embarrassing.

Minerva was a lot or a bit taller, that was the first thing Artemis had noticed. Inside white boots and a beige coat and gloves, she looked pretty tall. Her face had gotten a little longer too. And she was as, well...as blonde as ever. She shook hands with him formally, then grabbed Artemis' arm and pulled him into a quick hug. The fifteen year-old girl shook off the awkwardness at once and led Artemis to a restaurant a short walk away. Minerva had the manners to ask whether he'd like to eat first or get straight to the defeat he was bound to receive in chess.

They spent the night half-ignoring their spaghetti and glancing at each other over cups of orange juice. The owners of the restaurant were sticking to the under eighteen alcohol law. Although if Artemis Fowl went by his birth certificate... But then Artemis didn't feel like explaining how he had only spent fourteen years alive to anyone at the moment.

Somehow, twelve short conversations later, mainly comprising of Minerva keeping Artemis up to date with the current state of Stephen Hawking and handful of new Prime Ministers and Presidents, Artemis had ended up in a park bench with Minerva next to him. Cuddling very close. Sighing softly every now and then. The next moment Artemis was fully aware of, Minerva's face was very close to his. He jerked back instinctively. She had been about to kiss him! Minerva drew back, inquisitive.

"Quelle affaire?"

Artemis suddenly felt incredibly weary. He was only fourteen, and a half if you want to get precise. He wasn't ready for this. The world thought he was almost eighteen, Minerva including. The human race had left him behind. Artemis Fowl was struggling, struggling, to catch up. For the first time in his life the world expected something of him that he wasn't ready for. He had always been ahead of average people his age, always. Now he was straggling, he had missed out on three years of living, of experience and knowledge. He had been caught off guard, he hadn't heard the starting pistol. Artemis felt like screaming right there in public, I'm only fourteen!

For the first time in his life, Artemis Fowl II wasn't ready yet.

There's a wee little pretty button down that-a-way...