Dean's Guide to Survival
"No! No, don't go out there by yourself!!" Dean yelled at the television screen.
"Dean why do you watch that shit? You know it'll just make you mad," Sam said from the bed. Dean was watching the new Friday the 13th and like usually, was pissed off by the stupid people that get everyone killed.
"Seriously dude, everytime you watch movies like this you get grumpy and pissed," Sam put aside the magazine he was reading to look at Dean.
"Well that's because everyone is stupid! No one has the common sense to survive something like that. No! Don't go upstairs by yourself!" Dean again yelled again as one of the girls gets skewered on a pair of antlers. "That's it, I've to do something about this." Dean said, getting up from his place at the couch and grabbing Sam's computer off the desk.
"Do? Dean what are you doing?" Sam asked suspiciously.
"I'm going to write a survival guide. As hunters its our duty to make sure people survive things like this." Without a moments hesitation Dean started to type furiously on the key board.
How to survive a horror film
1. Never go off alone.
2. Never go off alone!
3. Never assume something is dead. Shoot it lots, not just once, then run like hell or else it surprises you and you die.
4. Never say there's nothing out there, you're just jinxing it.
5. Never go out to check if something is there, you'll die.
6. Never have sex in the woods or in a scary dingy place, the horny ones always die first.
7. If you're a guy, be aware while your peeing, things always come after you while you're peeing.
8. Always listen to the guys who seems to know what's going on, or that seems to have the most common sense.
9. Don't argue and never split up the group.
10. Don't tell ghost stories around the place that the story is based and then joke around about it (that seems to really piss them off and the story teller always dies.)
11. If you have a gun, don't shoot it at every thing that moves but don't just stand there and monologue for ten minutes. Confirm the hit, then kill the damn thing!
12. Don't give in to panic. When you panic, its just plain annoying for those trying to save you and you usually die.
13. Don't go into the scary building that is supposidly haunted or that a serial killer was said to have lived. (It may seem like fun at first, but trust me, getting haunted/killed sucks!)
14. Don't be a doubting Thomas, everyone hates those people and they usually die.
15. Don't try to sacrifice people for the "common good." That never works and then you die.
16. And never try to save the dog, it isn't worth your life!
17. Most importantly, NEVER GO OFF ALONE!!!!! YOU WILL DIE!!!
"There. Finished." Dean set aside the computer and flipped it shut.
"Satisfied?" Sam asked his overly dramatic brother.
"I'm sure there will be more installments."
