Author's note: I originally planned for this to be a total AU and even though the general atmosphere is inspired by the sideway flashes, this story was not supposed to be connected to canon in any way. But I came up with a headcanon in which the sideways start all over again for Ben when everyone else moved on. In order to eventually be able to forgive himself and let go he has to live through several sideway versions (Groundhog Day style). If you like, you can consider this fic one of those sideway versions.
"Don't forget to feed Jacob!"
"What?"
Ben handed her the bowl of leftover vegetables without even looking up from his newspaper. "I said, don't forget to feed Jacob."
She took the bowl with an annoyed sigh and the typical attitude of an ever-busy, always-stressed teenager. "You know, it's your bunny, right?"
"Yes, I know, Alex. Thank you for contributing to this household by carrying a bowl of carrots every once in a while," he said. Then he put his newspaper down and glanced over the edge of his circular spectacles. "Sorry if this causes you such extreme exhaustion."
The moment he said it, he felt sorry – genuinely sorry, not in the fake, cynical way he said the word to her just now. What had happened between them to make bickering their daily form of communication? Breakfast used to be their favourite time of day, now she barely said "good morning" before inhaling her cereal and disappearing again to lead her own life in which she'd need his guidance less with each passing day.
"Have a lovely day at school," he said, hoping it would even out the sarcasm.
"Yeah, sure," she said and stormed out of the kitchen, only to come back a moment later with something on her face that almost looked like a smile, however reluctant it may have been. Ben couldn't be sure though, she hardly ever smiled at him these days – it was easy to mistake her pubescent mannerisms for something they were not.
"You have a lovely day, too, dad!" she said, her voice carrying a gentler tone, almost benevolent.
He returned the smile and waved her goodbye, taking another sip of his tea before he'd have to devote his full attention to the exams that needed to be graded. He was a teacher at Alex's school and even though they managed to avoid each other on campus most of the time, he was still fully aware that the only school day she looked forward to was Friday – his day off.
Alex had only been gone for a minute when the doorbell rang. She must have forgotten her keys, Ben thought. Obviously he was all the more surprised not to look into his daughter's eyes when he opened the door, but at the washed-out cotton shirt that clearly belonged to someone much taller. He lifted his head and was greeted by a bright smile.
"Hello there," the man said and took Ben's hand with a strong but gentle grip. "I'm John. I just moved in next door."
"Oh. Right!" Ben said, still holding on to John's hand. "Of course, Mrs. Kwon told me we'd be getting a new neighbour. I didn't think you'd move in this quickly. Nice to meet you. I'm Benjamin."
"I think I just met your daughter? She was in a hurry though. No time for a chat."
"That's a pretty accurate description of Alex," Ben replied with a laugh and the kind of eye-roll only parents of adolescent teenagers could perform with this much passion. "Do you want to come in?"
John shook his head. "Actually I was hoping you could lend me a stepladder. I want to paint my bedroom today. The previous tenant used it as a nursery but I'm not very fond of baby blue."
Ben couldn't hold back another fit of laughter. That was already more outbursts of positive emotion than he would usually experience in a whole day.
"I might keep the little toy airplane that's hanging from the ceiling though," John said.
"Good choice!" Ben had to bite his lips to keep himself from smiling like a lunatic.
"So…" John tilted his head and added a touch of a questioning frown to his look. "The ladder?"
Ben gasped. "Sure. The ladder! It's in the garage. Let me get the key-" Ben interrupted himself and thought about the ungraded exams on his desk. But it only took him a fraction of a second to decide they had to wait a little longer. "Could you use some help?"
"I wouldn't say no to that," John said, seeming pleasantly surprised by this generous offer. "But only if I'm not keeping you from more important stuff."
"You're not. Just give me some time to get changed and I'll be over with some chocolate cookies."
"Sounds great. Don't forget the ladder."
"What does it say on your overall?" John asked.
Ben looked down at himself and put the paintbrush aside to flatten the patch on his chest with both hands.
John leaned in closer to read the faded company logo, "What's a Dharma Initiative?"
"I have no idea," Ben said. "I bought this at a garage sale a couple of years ago, thought it might come in handy one day. Turns out I was right, after all."
"You were. And it suits you quite well," John said as the colour of his cheeks turned into a pinkish glow that perfectly contrasted the sky-blue walls.
Before he could react Ben had to replay this sentence in his mind a couple of times to be sure that John had really made a compliment on his looks. He couldn't remember if anyone had ever done that before. A shy "thank you" escaped his lips but he failed to say more than that.
They finished painting the room in an hour. It shined in a fresh white now and smelled of wet paint.
"I don't think I've ever seen someone who manages to stay completely spotless after painting a room," John said, looking down at his own shirt that was covered in white blots and spatters. "You wasted some good money on that overall."
"It was only 4 dollars. But you're right. I guess I'm just a very careful person," Ben said and before he could react, John had painted a thick stripe of white across the front of his overall.
"Not careful enough!" John chuckled.
Ben opened his mouth in fake shock. "How dare you?"
John's eyes watered from laughing. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist."
"I'm gonna make you pay for this!" Ben tried to act angry but he found it just as hilarious as John did.
John pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and handed it over to Ben. "That's all I got right now."
Ben couldn't remember the last time he laughed and enjoyed himself this much. His new neighbour was so delightful and would bring some liveliness to the sometimes so dreary suburban world he lived in. They found themselves sitting cross-legged on the floor when they finally managed to stop laughing.
"I need some water," Ben said, opening the zipper of his overall to cool down.
"I think I got something better." John stood up and hastened downstairs. When he came back he was holding a bottle of white wine. "Do you like Sauvignon?"
"I sure do!"
"We gonna have to drink it out of paper cups though," John said as he opened the bottle.
"I always thought that's the best way to have it."
John sat down opposite Ben and put the cups between them to fill them – full to the brim – with wine.
Simultaneously they slurped at their cups, carefully so they wouldn't drip any of the precious drink, before they could raise their cups and toast the freshly painted room as well as their new friendship.
"Do you and Alex live alone?" John asked.
"Yes. Or, no actually. We have a pet rabbit named Jacob."
John smiled. "I love bunnies."
"They're great animals," Ben said proudly.
"What about Alex's mother?"
Ben sighed. He had been asked this question so many times he had gotten weary of it, and he was tired of people praising him for the choice he made sixteen years ago while in truth it hadn't been a choice at all.
"She's adopted," Ben said eventually. "It's a long story."
He didn't want to talk about it but he noticed how John's eyes got a glassy shimmer. With any other person he would have thought it was just the alcohol but something told him that it wasn't in John's case. "Are you okay?"
John swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded eagerly. "Yes. It's just that I've had several foster families when I was a child. Adoption stories always get me. Do you know her biological parents?"
"No. I tried to find them but-" Ben stopped himself there. He didn't want to tell this story. Not yet. It brought up too many old feelings, despair and exhaustion that were too personal to share with someone who was basically still a stranger.
"I'm sorry. That's not my business, I shouldn't have asked," John said.
"It's okay," Ben replied with a wave of his hand.
"Alex is lucky to have you though."
Ben sighed. "I'm not always sure of that."
"Why not?"
He told John of how difficult his relationship with Alex had become, that he didn't know how to talk to her anymore and that he just wanted to be a part of her life but she kept blocking him out.
"She's sixteen, it's totally normal for her to behave like that," John said.
"I know. I just worry about her."
"That's normal, too." John put a comforting hand on Ben's shoulder, sending a rush of adrenaline through his veins and a smile on his lips.
What was it about this man that caused Ben to open up this quickly? He was not an outgoing person and kept emotions to himself. Alex was the only one who ever saw something other than the professional politeness he acted out in front of their neighbours and his colleagues. John's presence made him feel comfortable though; maybe he was the friend Ben needed so desperately.
