Author Suggestion: Listen to Dreams and The Moment by Yiruma when reading this.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or the story line. It's Stephenie Meyer's.
I could barely function without her. I don't believe I had. The days that Alice had been in Volterra, I was on the porch. In my head, I think I was just ready to run straight to the car or the airport or even run to Italy myself. The car would take too long. The airport would take longer.
Somewhere I knew that she was right. If I came to Italy with Carlisle and Esme or Emmett and Rosalie, Edward would work even faster. Although there was no chance in this situation for Bella to truly save him – or a very little chance – I had to respect her for trying. Then again, did she know what I felt? Completely unattached from the world! I could barely breathe. I didn't hunt and knew that when – if I met her at the airport I would be utterly dangerous!
"Jazz, relax."
No, I would not relax. I had no intention of relaxing. I had no way have relaxing. My body was a numb bomb of rage and anguish. If anyone even spoke to me, I would explode. I began planning my visit to Italy as soon as we were sent her ashes – if we even were! Perhaps they would want my talent as Maria had. No, I wouldn't take it. I'd ignore the 'hello's and moronic 'how are you's and just go straight to the square.
I'd lift a car over my head – no, a train – no, maybe I could murder. I could go straight there! Maybe murder the woman at the desk that they always kept handy until the last possible second. Maybe I could make a run toward Aro, though I know Jane would catch me before.
I heard Carlisle soothing Esme in the other room. Esme had been dry-sobbing this entire time. Carlisle never left her side, but instead sent Rosalie or Emmett to retrieve updates from me. When I had no update, I said nothing. When I had an update, I'd be as short as possible. Only once did I have an update.
"They're going to Volterra. They have a plan. Everything will be fine."
Alice practically said those words, not me. I regurgitated them monotone. No one knew what to say to ease my whirlwind of pain and mixed feelings, so I was left out here. Not that I would've moved if I were offered company.
Edward was selfish! Bella was selfish! Jumping off a cliff for fun when you are already a complete danger-magnet! Then again, Edward wouldn't have allowed that if he didn't make us leave… Then again, we wouldn't have had to leave if it weren't for the birthday party incident.
I know, he told me it wasn't my fault. Even Alice said he was muddling around the thought of leaving her since James, but I still believed I was the last straw. Perhaps all of this anguish was karma. I mean, if I had a better control of my bloodlust, then none of this would've happened. Suddenly, my emotions changed from rage to self-hatred.
The phone buzzed on my lap and I shot upright. Carlisle was already behind me.
"Alice," I muttered a sigh of relief.
"Jasper," I could tell she was smiling. "We're on a flight home," she immediately informed me.
"We're?" I questioned.
"Bella is getting some sleep—eventually. Edward is with us as well." And Carlisle was gone. I could hear Esme choke on words and let out a murmur of relief as well.
"Are you—"
"I'm all right," she said, again I could picture a smile. "We get in early tomorrow in Seattle."
I couldn't speak. I was in a mere state of shock, or relief, of utter joy. Nothing could break me from this state, but I would need more. I would need to see her. I couldn't tell if she was lying to me on the phone. I could tell in person. If everything was completely all right, I would know tomorrow.
"Jasper?" she broke me from my trance.
"Tomorrow then," I muttered back.
She sighed and laughed without humor. "The hours don't move fast enough."
We took two different cars. Rosalie, with utter guilt plaguing her, stayed in the car. I rode with Emmett and Rosalie only because I couldn't take Esme's heartbreak. Carlisle understood.
"Just an hour and the big happy vampire family is back together," Emmett boomed with a grin.
"Plagued by a clumsy brunette," I muttered. No one responded. I knew it was harsh, but truly, life was fine for the rest of us when Bella wasn't around. Then again, I have to accept her. She made Edward happy. Obviously she wasn't going anywhere. Even when we all tried to make an effort to leave her, she was still involved in our lives.
The car pulled up and before it stopped, I was out of the car. With sunglasses, long-sleeves, and a hat I was already in the airport. Carlisle seemed disapproved by my inhuman speed being used in public, but no one noticed. I tore off the hat and sunglasses, only waiting for her. My eyes were glued to the door as I saw the plane land. Carlisle said nothing to me and I savored the silence.
The bloodlust was nothing I needed to worry about. My mind was preoccupied on Alice. I may be pushing my control by saying this, but even if a child with a bloody nose came running past me, I may not even flinch.
The doors opened and my breath caught. My eyes were glazed, only looking for her. Everyone else seemed insignificant – blurred. I didn't notice when Edward came through the door with Bella in his arms. I only noticed Alice as she flitted right to my side.
No words were exchanged; no embrace was initiated by either of us. I looked at her and she looked at me with pained eyes as if saying, "I'm sorry."
I answered with a minute shake of my head and took her hand as if asking, "are you all right?"
The corners of her lips twitched as if saying, "I am now."
I didn't notice Carlisle and Esme moving toward the parking garage. Alice tugged at my hand as Edward and Bella were behind them and I followed reluctantly. I felt like a zombie from the way I was being guided so easily to the parking garage without a glance toward anyone, but Alice.
Still, she wasn't telling me something. A pang of love shattered my curious apprehension and my lips twitched just slightly as she tightened her hold on my hand. I didn't notice anything until I opened the car door for Alice and she went inside without letting go of my hand.
"Do I want to know what happened?" Esme murmured.
"There is no need to worry," Alice said with a forced smile. I glared at her and she noticed this before letting go of my hand, her atmosphere becoming shielded… numb. I felt nothing.
I wouldn't take this. I quietly leaned my cheek against the top of her head and took her hand in mine again. She leaned her head against my shoulder in the crook of my neck and played with our fingertips. I sent a wave of reassurance toward her reflexively. I didn't want to force her to say anything, and yet I would know sooner or later if she were in fact leaving a large part of the truth from us.
Surely something was wrong, but I would allow her to keep it to herself until utterly necessary.
"Surely it wasn't a mere 'sorry for the misunderstanding'… was it?" Esme asked worriedly and Carlisle took her hand.
"Alice," I whispered, but she shuddered away from my voice, shaking her head. Her eyes closed and she let the discomfort, the pain, the agony of whatever she had seen leak out. "Please, Alice," my hand ran down her arm.
"I don't—" we were home already and Carlisle and Esme hesitated to stay or leave the car. I looked up, staring at Carlisle with pleading eyes. He nodded once, shared a glance with Esme, and the two left the car. We were alone in the garage, we were alone in the car, and we were alone in ourselves.
I pulled her into my lap, squeezing her hand. "Are you all right?" my voice came to a hoarse whisper as her ear; she twitched at the abruptness of it. Keeping her eyes closed, she nodded once.
"She knows too much—they want to check up on her… to make sure she's changed before she lets our secret out. They can't persecute her for telling our secret, but they can us and because of Carlisle's attachments—"
"They don't want to slaughter a friend's family…" my choice of words probably wasn't the best, but she nodded and shook her head at the mental image I had just given her.
I felt her hand grope my chest to find something to hold onto. Balling up a clump of my shirt, she nuzzled her face into my chest and wouldn't let go. Her emotions were still under lock-down, only seeping out in small fragments.
"Feel what you have to feel, Alice," I whispered.
"I don't want to—"
"You won't overwhelm me," I assured her. "Feel what you feel."
And after a moment her hand tightened on my shirt, the fabric underneath disintegrating at the pressure. I focused on deciphering each pain. Pain, agony, fear, and anguish that killed me to feel coming from my wife. My hand took hers and I allowed her to grip and squeeze without destroying shirts that I knew she'd be upset about later. She curled in that small defenseless ball she had time and time again when we had been running solo looking for the Cullens. The only difference was, she had felt annoyed and useless. Now there was guilt, remorse, and blame.
I tilted her chin so she was looking at me. "Alice, no," and with one deep breath each negative emotion emanating from Alice was cured with serenity. "Never feel guilt—this was not your fault."
"If I hadn't the vision then—"
"Then Edward would have never been reunited with Bella and we would continue to live in Denali," I quickly finished. "You saved them both from a lifetime of hell and unhappiness. You do realize that, don't you?"
I cupped her cheek and brushed my thumb along her cheekbone, watching her saddened topaz eyes gaze into mine, but then her eyes twinkled with a smile that didn't meet her lips. "I am a matchmaker, aren't I?"
oh HALE no has been busy. oh HALE no has school. oh HALE no is in her most important year of high school. oh HALE no has some free time and would like YOU, the fans/readers, to help me out.
I am going to write either a huge fanfiction of Jasper's human life to Jasper's point of view ending with either Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. Or I am going to do another spin-off. What would you like more? Shall I stick with Jasper's point of view or dabble in a few more?
Oh! and review this, too. :) I wrote it a long time ago and never posted it.
PS. Anyone excited about The Host being turned into a movie? I am. I loved that book.
