Author's note - This is my first SGA fic and am quite nervous about it. Currently without a beta so all mistakes are my own.
Disclaimer - anything you recognise, its not mine.
Spoilers for everything through the Lost Tribe (season 5).
Prologue
Amelia POV
She loved him.
Some days she wishes she could hate him. It would be so much easier that way, so much easier to move on, to pretend it didn't hurt quite so much. She knew when they had started out that he still had feelings for the Doc. But she had really liked him and she had hoped that in time he would see her, see the woman in front of him who loved him.
That was six months ago and she now had to admit that it hadn't worked. She still saw his eyes follow the Doc in the mess, heard him whisper her name softly in his sleep, crying out her name when he came. He didn't know he did it, she was sure of that, and she never mentioned it; hoping that one day it would stop, that it would be her name he would call out in ecstasy.
And now she was late, the kind of late that sends women across several galaxies into a tailspin of excitement and fear, hope and nervousness. She was in the bathroom off her quarters pacing, waiting the necessary five minutes for the little stick to change colour.
As she paced, she thought, did she want a baby? What would Ronon say? Would he stay with them, even though she knew he didn't love her? Would she have to leave Atlantis?
Ronon would never abandon them, if there was a them, she was sure of that much. With his Satedan family lost to him, he took the people of Atlantis as his own and the chance to have a family would not be one he could just let go of. But could she live like that?
She tried imagining her life with Ronon and a baby. He would care for and protect them both, he might come to love her for giving him a real family, they might even end up bonded. But he would never be in love with her, not like he still was with the Doc. She tried imagining a house, a picket fence, a home quite unlike the one she had been raised in, in the Bronx. But her home had been filled with love, her parents love, the love of her siblings and she wouldn't have changed that for anything.
Abruptly, the timer dinged and she froze. It was done. Scared silly, she slowly walked over to counter and looked down.
Chapter 1
It was blue.
What the hell did blue mean???
Panicking she grabbed for the packet, desperately trying to find the instructions that were written in English. Spotting them she took a deep breath and read out "if the lines on the test are blue then you are not pregnant"
Not pregnant … no baby…
Sitting abruptly on the edge of the bath, Amelia let out a deep breath, part relief, part despair and then, squaring her shoulder as if for a fight, she stood up, tossed the test in the trash, splashed some water on her face and went to down to the mess for a late lunch which she had been too nervous to eat before.
Living at the edge of the city had its perks and the long peaceful walk to the Mess was occasionally one of them. While she walked, she thought, baby or not, this mornings scare made her ask some pretty serious questions about herself and her relationship with Ronon. She was so deep in thought, in fact, that she didn't actually hear the shouting until she had reached the mess doors. Opening the doors, the sounds got much louder and she realised that it was actually Dr Keller yelling and at Dr McKay!
"How could you Rodney! I don't get it! I could have… we could have… how could you!?!"
"What … what are you talking about?" Rodney sputtered.
"Damn it Rodney. I can't take this anymore. This thing with us is done." Keller whispered, as she set her tray down on the table in front of him and stalked out of the room. Silence filled the room after her departure. No one knew quite what to say or what had actually happened.
Walking over to one of the tables on the left, Amelia approached Major Lorne and some of his men, "what the hell was all that about?" she asked.
"Hey there Banks, just catch the end of that performance did you?" Lorne asked.
"Yeah"
"Apparently Dr McKay abandoned the Doc at the last moment when she was supposed to be going off world… again. She's not happy. And I suspect that a little bird may have told her about McKay's flirting with the new head of botony. Apparently she is quite a looker."
She laughed, "and by little bird, I presume you mean you?"
"Maybe" he said smiling as he got up to leave.
Settling in quietly with her lunch, Amelia's mind wandered again to her thoughts from earlier, the possibility of a future and a family with Ronon. The more she thought, the more sure she was, she didn't want a life and a home without love. Devotion and affection was all well and good, but she wanted more, needed more than Ronon was able to give.
Now all she had to do was tell him …
