Okay. I was bored and decided to try my hand at parody. Tell me what you think will ya?


(When Harry met Sall- err- I mean Malcolm)

"Look Scarface, I don't really see what's your problem. You're practically rich, you can get all the girls you want AND you're studying magic of all things!! I mean, how hard can it be to kill a half dead wizard?"

"I am not the one with the genius IQ here! At least you have a family that cares for you-"

"Hah. Good one."

"- which you just cannot seem to appreciate for some absurd reason. And Voldermort is not 'a half dead wizard' as you put it so elegantly-"

"And whose fault was that?"

"he is the most powerful- hey, how was I supposed to know that cup was a portkey? It did not have a huge golden sign above it that read 'Portkey to Voldermort' did it?"

"I bet you would've gone even if there was a sign-"

"Are you insulting my intelligence?"

"Nope. You see, for me to insult your intelligence, you need a trace of it first-"

"I AM AN EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED PUBESCANT BOY!"

"That is no excuse."

(Ginny butts in)

"Actually it is"

(Harry and Malcolm)

"Hey!"

"I mean really. Both of you seriously need to open your eyes to what you have around you. You, Harry, have friends that would die for you, peers and adults that care for you like family. And you, Malcolm…"

"Yes?"

"…you I'm not so sure. I missed some episodes you see…"

"Well, if you had spent less time blushing over Harry to figure out how to work the TV remote…"

"Remote? Is that what that thing with the rubber bits is called? Oh my, I've got to tell Dad. He's convinced Muggles have invented an ekeltronik wand…"

(Ginny skips off)

"Okay Wilkinson, maybe you need to sort out some stuff with your family…"

"My family doesn't need sorting out. They need a bigger house with stronger walls- like an asylum you know?"

"Maybe if you actually put that brain of yours to good use, you just might be able to make that happen-"

"Hey, you saying that I'm not using my brain for positive purposes?"

"Well-"

(Reese butts in)

"Hey four-eyes, you saying something bad about Malcolm?"

"No, all I'm saying is that he needs to do more good to you and-and…"

(Reese looks miraculously thoughtful for a while before plunging back into the abyss)

"Yeah. He always finishes the cereal."

'It wasn't me you idiot. It's Dew- OWW!"

(Reese saunters off)

"Wow. He made Dudley look like an academic…"

"That moron punched me for no reason!"

(Malcolm clutching his nose which is now bleeding)

"Here. Let me help you with that."

(Harry taps Malcolm's nose with his wand)

"There. How do you feel?"

"I'm okay, thanks. Can you see what I'm trying to point out now?"

"What?"

"See. You already have power within you Harry. Power to do what you need to get done. You can make people listen and-and you can get by without an actual education because magical power doesn't need to be certified or- or tested to show if you can use it."

"But you also have a brain, Malcolm. Isn't that power?"

" I know. But the problem is I'm still a nobody! Who would listen to me?"

"Other smart people."

"Like who?"

"I dunno. Maybe the government?"

"Psshh. The Government? They aren't exactly ranking high on the smart section."

"Guess you're right there."

"You're one to talk. Look at that Fudge you have running your ministry…"

"Of sod off."

"Huh?"

"I mean- Why are we even having this conversation anyway/"

"Well. It all began a few minutes ago when a certain fic writer became bored with homework you see…."

" She really should be doing her homework now don't you think?"

"Oh well. She can just choose to blow off school tomorrow…"