A/N: This is my very first Doctor Who story so please be gentle. :) This is a doctor Nine(Ten)/Rose pairing. This is set after the events of Doomsday. Martha's no longer traveling with the doctor, and he's regressed back into loneliness while reminiscing and missing the true love of his long existence...Rose. For now this is rated T but could possibly increase if I do a multi-chaptered story. WARNING: I plan on using artistic liscense liberally...so if you're not up for it...don't read.
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or anything else involved with Doctor Who, although I wouldn't mind Christopher Eccleston or David Tennant paying me a visit! ;) I've included a work of mine entitled Elusive (If anyone has a better suggestion for the title...I'm listening.) :)
Finding The Way Back
By: nlightnd
Flipping switches, monitoring the progress the Tardis made as seconds and minutes passed, a brunette male stood at the console ready to see the world his next travels would take him. His eyes lit up as the cylindrical tube in the center of the console glowed green; inside the tube an upper and lower plunger-like objects pistoned toward each other vigorously as the ship worked to carry out the doctor's orders.
"Ah, yes!" he exclaimed. "This should prove interesting." His eyes glowed with a possessed light that tapered quickly into somberness.
His thoughts automatically flew to the one person who could throw a damper onto the smallest amount of excitement. Rose Tyler.. The girl he'd loved more than any other. And the one who was lost forever. She was in a place where he could never get to her, never see her, and worst of all...he could never touch her again.
Pausing to turn a knob clockwise he felt the inescapable grief well within. The grief that threatened to overwhelm and choke him with its invisible fingers. Rose. Why her? This same question he continously posed to himself. Of all the women he'd ever known and traveled with...why her? She'd brought such joy to his life. She'd brought back a part of himself that he thought buried for all time. Rose had given much more than she'd ever taken. In a way, Rose had freed him to live life again. The young blond had helped him deal with his strong, tumultous; dark emotions regarding the destruction of his entire race, leaving him as the last. The last Timelord. A slightly scary prospect knowing you're all alone, the last of your kind.
Ever since the Time War, and the death of his people, the part of the doctor which enjoyed life seemed to die, fade and his emotions dulled. Bit by bit Rose had woken him, bringing the laughter and love back to life with just a smile, a touch and the sound of her laughter. Just being near her made him feel more powerful than anything in the universe. Her presence bouyed his already overflowing confidence. The light in her eyes, the brightness of her smile made his life worth living. In essesence, he lived for her and would die for her if the situation ever required this level of sacrifice.
A light sheen of tears glistened in his eyes as he whispered her name in reverence, and hopelessness. "Rose."
Chords of sadness struck deep and he tried to shake them by remembering former companions he'd left behind including his lovable dog, K-9. Oh how he missed that dog, but his new owner was taking perfectly good care of him back on modern day Earth.
Earth. Her home. It used to be her home. Rose. Every line of thought returned to her. Thoughts raced maddeningly within every cell of his brain. Why couldn't there be any way to find her? Time could be unpredictable and volatile and he was entertaining the idea of attempting travel to parellel universes. Where one reality had the possiblity to branch off into an infinite number of paths. For once, someone could see any number of consequences, good or bad, from various decisions made at any point in time.
He'd lost her to time itself. Time and another universe. What could be worse than that? Well, at least she didn't fall into the void with the Dalek's and Cybermen, he mused. That would've been a torturous eternity, being trapped with the two metal, warring races. Despite the universe she'd fallen into...at least she was alive. That was always better than the alternative.
"The fun times we had, right, Rose?" Lifting his chin, he smiled remembering the trips they'd made, the different aliens and situations encountered. All unique in their own way. Especially a certain man by the name of Captain Jack Harkness. Remembering the expression on Rose's face as he explained to her that their new friend was omnisexual was priceless. She'd been stunned to say the least. But being the girl she was Rose quickly accepted his explanation and Jack's ways with no further questioning.
So caught up in reminiscing he barely noticed when the Tardis had reached its destination, the machinations of the cylindrical tube ceasing. All had become quiet. Even the hum ever present in the Tardis seemed quieter tonight. Maybe the age old ship had acclimated itself with his mood tonight. The Tardis had taken rather easily with Rose. It had done things for her as with no one else. It had allowed her to look inside and see into the very heart of itself, allowing her to save the doctor from harm. It had responded easily to her touch when she helped him while in flight. It was simple. The Tardis missed Rose as much as he. If only he could bring her back! If only he could bring her home.
Dropping his hands from the glowing, spherical controls, the doctor walked towards the doors leading outside, boots clanging softly against the metal floor as he moved, coat swinging slightly against his thin frame. Pushing the door open, he walked outside; breathing deeply he gazed at the blazing stars as he released the air from his lungs. Again, he pondered on his lost love. If only...
Burning stars call my name
Alluring sounds echoing through time and space
So many changes yet my pain remains
Walking alone amidst streams of time
Falling from my fingers
You, the ultimate elusive
Love left behind
Pensive eyes swept over the landscape, taking in the sweeping waves rolling over one another; crashing into the shore. His heart, and soul, had died that day. The day she'd been forced out of his life. No choice. No other way out. Her leaving had almost destroyed him. Sometimes he believed he should've grabbed the time travel device from the computer desk just in case something had gone wrong. At least he'd have been able to follow her. Then they'd have been able to be together. But what would've happened to the rest of the current world had he done so? Safe to say she'd have disapproved of his previous thought. She wouldn't have wanted him to sacrifice the world just to be with her. Not like that.
And so just like that.. Rose had been forced to sacrifice everything in the face of the rift, Dalek's and Cybermen. All for the purpose of their destruction. Rose had slipped from his fingers and there'd been nothing he could do about it. Not now and not ever. Life was unfortunately cruel at times. This lesson he'd learned too many times over the various centuries of his existence. It was his curse to be alone. And thus it would always be. Damn fate! To be alone...such a terrible burden for anyone to bear, much less for hundreds of years.
Once again finding myself alone
Contemplating paths I've taken
Remembering where they've taken me
Time and again
Alienating those closest to me
Time and again
Blades pierce my chaotic heart
Losing a part of myself
As you slipped away
"What could I have done differently?" He questioned the stars and sky in all their infinite wisdom, receiving no reply. He wondered why he had to suffer this fate over and over. Death was preferable to this aching, gnawing loneliness. The weight, so untolerable during moments like these; he occasionally he wanted to give up and give in. Surrender to the darkness surrounding him; let it sweep him into its waiting arms. Anything was preferable over the pain of being alone.
Yet still he wondered if there'd been some minute little detail or action that could've changed that fateful day's outcome.
Replaying the scene over and over in his mind repeatedly, growling in frustration as the scenarios kept building. The ones where Rose was not only alive but by his side were prominent.
You fell through my defenses promising forever
If only we could've had that and more
Only thing I've ever wanted
Someone like you to notice me
Peering deep into the heart that lies inside
Love in the purest, most selfless form
That's all I needed, you're all I needed.
Loneliness cut like a knife. Attempting to lift his spirits and give himself hope that may promptly fall, the doctor ran an impatient hand through his hair; mussing it to imperfection which still looked good on him and said, "Maybe, someday, Rose Tyler. I know I said we'd never see each other again, I'll keep trying to find you; I'll never give up."
A cool, gentle, caressing breeze lifted the tail on his coat and ruffled the strands of hair standing straight up, pointing towards the darkened skies. Closing his eyes, smiling bittersweetly, he whispered, "Rose."
You promised forever; now you're gone
Forever's a pointless river I'm swimming
Empty and shallow, drowing in memories
Fueled by my tears, stars blazing brighter
They know my pain
Giving it fiery substance
While searching endlessly for you.
Long, blond hair pulled back tightly into a ponytail, Rose Tyler, hand on her mother's burgeoning abdomen, baby kicking ferociously. "Can't wait to get out, eh? Well, I can't wait to meet you little girl."
Glancing up into her mother's blue eyes, Rose briefly smiled at the happiness her mom had finally found. Pete had come through for her mom in more ways than one, including stepping up into her late husband's shoes; giving her yet another blessing in life.
A hand lay atop hers and the voice asked, "Are you alright, Rose?" The older woman glanced down at her daughter knowing what, or who, was on her mind. It'd been the same day after day since her separation from the doctor. For months Rose had barely eaten, slept or smiled. All of it had been difficult to bear, seeing Rose in such tremendous pain. Had it not been for the baby she didn't think Rose would've snapped out of her depressive state period.
"I'm alright, mom."
An arched brow stated without words that her words were doubtful.
"Really,mom. I'll be fine." Hugging her mother quickly, then standing, Rose spouted, "I'm going to go for a walk. Be back in a bit. So don't wait up."
Nodding, the older woman replied, "Just be careful."
"I will."
Heading out the door, Rose closed it gently behind her heading to her favorite place...her special cove by the sea. The last place she'd seen him. A part of her foolishly hoped if she returned often enough that he'd somehow eventually discover her whereabouts and retrieve her, bringing her back to her place at his side. But it was nothing but a fantasy. A foolish one at that.
Standing by the rippling water the sound was faint. A male voice whispering. And he was whispering her name! Could it be? Could he finally have found a way to come for her? A seed of excitement sparked; however, she refused to allow it to take root and grow. There'd been too many failed dreams and misled hopes for her to give way to her feelings again.
"Rose..."
The voice echoed. It's sound whipping in the wind, swirling in her head as she relished in the knowledge of whom it belonged to. The doctor. Her doctor. Perhaps he really was coming at last. He was calling to her. More importantly, he was calling her. Beckoning her. A lure she couldn't resist. Her mind, body, heart and soul longed to obey his summons, fought against itself in order to find him. During all of this something changed deep inside and it couldn't be explained.
Something akin to power welled from the center of her being, flowing to her muscles, bones and other cells empowering them, giving rise to a fiery phoenix buried in the ashes of the many tears she'd shed over the loss of her beloved doctor. All the time knowing he was alive, but also the awareness that she could never touch, speak to or see him again pained her on so many levels. If only...
Suddenly, her hands began to glow. The bright, yellow light encompassed her entire body along with a weightless feeling. Slowly her slender frame lifted from the sand, arms stretched out sideways. Giving into the voice inside her head, she willingly followed his command. And with no further consciousness on her part, Rose Tyler disappeared leaving behind only footprints in the sand.
A/N: This is it for now. Hope you liked it at least a little. If you guys would like for this story to continue then if you don't mind leaving me a review and let me know. :) Thanx! Later.
