Title: G-cocktail.
Author: Kidishcaresh
Pairing: 02x05x01
Word count:
Timeline: AU-ish
Author notes: A spur of the moment fanfics that hit me out of the blue at 2:16 in the friggin night. I demand plot bunnies that bite me during the day instead of kicking me outta my bed in the middle of the night…I blame my insane relatives for this.
Summary: One spiked cocktail, one gundam pilot and a nights rest; the next morning all hell broke loose when he found that he was now a she.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OC's and the idea.
Chapter 1,
He groaned as his alarm went off. The other night was vague at best. He remembered the party at Preventers HQ, talking to his friends while sipping that cocktail thing Sally said he should try and having a surprisingly good time and finally returning home and feeling strangely lightheaded and dizzy which he attributed to one too many cocktails. None of these were reason to cause him such a massive headache.
He turned the alarm off and tried to recall where he was right now. Not his home, that much was certain. Right, he spent the night at Quatre's apartment with the blonde, his lover and the other two former pilots. Curse Winner and his puppy eye technique and curse whatever caused this headache.
He groggily walked to his bag and searched for some clean clothes. He noticed a strange sensation as he bend over to grab the clean clothes; he ignored it in favor of cursing that blasted throbbing in his skull. Mulling over the previous night and dismissing several things instantly as not being a reason for his head to attempt splitting in two. He'd not been drunk enough to have a hangover and even drove the other four clearly drunk men to Quatre's apartment. It couldn't be the noisiness at the party since it was aside from some nice conversation quite dull. He didn't fall, or hit his head. His head did not pound this badly when he went to sleep the other night.
Dismissing the why of the pain in favor for raiding Winner's medical cabinet of its supply of pain medication Wufei headed to the bathroom. He went in Ignoring Duo in favor of pain relief. The braided boy however stopped mid protest and stared at the closed bathroom door.
"Oi…now I know I drank too much last night…" he sighed, heading back to his room to sleep off what he believed to be a drunken stupor.
'Chang with boobs? Yeah when hell freezes over.' he thought before going back to sleep again.
Wufei on the other hand let out a triumphant whoop as he found the painkillers and popped two of them into his mouth followed by a glass of water. He sighed relishing in the comforting thought that his head would stop its persistent pounding soon. He then closed the door of the medicine cabinet and turned to slip off his boxers so he could take a much needed hot shower.
Throughout the apartment Wufei's shocked outcry was heard. Quatre cursed vehemently at whoever shrieked like that so early in the morning. He was in hangover hell and his lover was not helpful. Trowa having his own hangover growled something among the trend of feeding whoever cried to the lions then turned over and tried to return to blissful unconsciousness. Quatre then decided that Wufei was a big boy and could handle things himself before curling up to his lover's side and joining said lover in blissful sleep.
Two doors away Heero sat up. He pushed aside the after effect of the previous night's alcohol intake and was instantly on his feet and out the door. With his gun in hand he approached the shower. Duo met him halfway there and the two prepared to apprehend whoever caused their friend to cry out in such a terrified way. Duo kicked open the locked shower door and Heero aimed his gun at the nearest person he saw.
"I-is that…where's Wufei?" Duo said staring at the unconscious naked woman in Quatre's shower and then at the rest of the otherwise empty room.
"Don't know. Find her some clothes. We'll question her when she wakes up. Warn Winner and Barton while you're at it. I'm going to confirm security." Heero said easing out of the shower and down the stairs to confirm that there was no one else who entered the house. Duo nodded and hurried off the grab the girl some clothes before bursting into Quatre's room.
Duo ignored the two dark glares that promised much pain and retribution for this intrusion.
"Wufei's gone missing, unknown girl in the shower. Heero's confirming security. Get yer hung-over asses out of bed now." Duo said calmly. He had neither time to mess around nor any mercy. He'd woken to his own hangover that morning and dealt with it just before Wufei went to shower some five minutes prior to the shriek waking him once more.
Quatre and Trowa were up and dressed in seconds their hangover all but forgotten. They followed Duo to the shower and watched as he dressed the still unconscious Asian woman that lay there sprawled as though she'd slipped and hit her head on the bathtub. Once he was done dressing the mystery girl Duo stepped aside to allow Trowa to pick the girl up carefully and carry her to the only empty bedroom of the house. Heero joined them and told them all was secure and there were no signs of entry whatsoever. They resolved that they could only wait for the woman to wake up now and settled for waiting while Quatre went to make breakfast for them and some strong coffee.
Wufei groaned as he realized he now not only had yet again a massive headache, but also a sizable lump on his head from having slipped. Instantly the memories flooded back and he shot up grabbing at his chest.
"Holy shit it wasn't a dream!" he gasped out in shock. He noticed three things in just a few seconds. One; he didn't dream and hadn't gone insane. Two; his friends were in the room with him and had apparently dressed him and three; he had actually through means beyond his knowledge and against his will become a woman.
"Uhm miss?" Quatre began awkwardly when the girl sat up raptly and grabbed her chest before exclaiming she hadn't dreamt. He wasn't sure what was going on, but one thing was for sure; that woman hit her head pretty hard.
"What do you mean a dream? How did you end up in our shower and what have you done with our friend?" Heero said immediately. The woman looked up and scowled at them.
"What are you talking about Yuy?" Wufei demanded. It didn't occur to him at all that they might not recognize him now he was somehow being a woman.
"W-Wufei?" Duo gasped stepping back in shock.
"What?" Wufei demanded annoyed. Didn't they realize he was having enough trouble dealing with this situation without them acting like complete retards suddenly? Couldn't they see he wasn't very happy with suddenly being a woman?
"Y-you…you're…is that…are you…uhn…." Duo stammered trying to form a sentence that actually made sense. His mind just wouldn't compute what he just learned and it did the only logical thing in this situation; it shut down and the braided boy passed out. Heero caught him before he hit the ground and growled.
Putting Duo down gently Heero turned back to the woman and pressed his gun to her head.
"You got 10 seconds to explain what you're doing here and what you've done with Wufei." he hissed. The woman's scowl turned into a glare as she tensed.
"Yuy you twit I AM Wufei! Now put that gun down!" Wufei hissed back angrily. To everyone's surprise Heero jumped back as though he was stung. He'd dropped his gun in complete shock and stared at the woman who claimed to be his friend.
"No way…that's not possible…you…you're… " he gasped staring at Wufei.
"A woman! Yes I know! What I don't know is how I became a woman or why!" Wufei grumbled in annoyance. This whole situation had left him quite mortified. He wanted nothing more than for this to be a bad dream and to wake up soon in his bed as a man.
Some four hours later found the five uhm four men and now one woman in the basement of Preventors HQ. Said basement was now the home of a certain group of crazy old men. Said old men were currently running all kinds of tests on the Chinese ex-pilot. Sally who happened to be on her way to her office when they arrived at HQ was standing beside her now female partner watching the five men work with a critical eye.
"Okay. We've determined what has happened." J said proudly.
"He got turned into a girl. Yes, we know that much now how'd it happen!" Duo growled in annoyance.
"Ah yes, what I meant was we determined why he is now female." J said stepping back a bit.
"His genetics were altered overnight. A complex and none too gentle method was used to do this." H said calmly.
"We can only presume based on your respective recollection of yesterday's events that he was drugged, most likely through one of his cocktails. Side effects to such a drug would be the dizziness and light headedness he err she experienced as well as the splitting headache after the changes were complete." G said remaining safely away from all 6 young people in their lab.
"So can you do something about this?" Sally asked glaring at the doctors.
"Unfortunately we'll need to first get a sample of what they used which is near impossible. So a sample of his blood will have to suffice." S said quickly. Sally had woken them and been quite vehement in her threat on their collective manliness if they didn't do something for the poor Chinese uhm girl.
"And if you can't find a way to reverse it?" Quatre asked deadly calm, though the gleam in his eyes spoke of certain death if he did not get a satisfying answer.
"I'm afraid that until we know what they used we will not know how permanent this is or if there is even a way to turn him back. If this is irreversible then I fear Wufei will remain a woman for the rest of his natural life." O said nervously.
"You had best pray to your gods that there is a cure and I will not be a woman the rest of my life or so help me I will make sure you'll never be found alive!" Wufei said dangerously calm. His eh her onyx eyes gleaming with murderous intent.
"Please calm down Wufei. We'll do the very best we can, but it will take time. We'll need to run a few more tests. We want to do a full brain scan, a psychological reading and uhm a Physical examination." G said. Wufei growled. He didn't like where this was going nor did he like the way the five doctors looked at him.
Both Duo and Heero placed a hand on his shoulder before he could react though. He watched with open mouth as G was sent flying and landed on a large machine in the back of the room. Before him Quatre rubbed his fist and looked at the other four doctors. Duo let out a low whistle of admiration and Heero like Trowa smirked darkly.
"These tests will be done. By Sally. You'll be given the results to go over and I suggest you pull your minds out of the gutter; unless you fancy following your colleague." the blonde said calmly.
Wufei laughed amusedly. He couldn't help himself. The sight of the mad 5 err 4 cowering in a corner under the steady gaze of the petit blonde was just too funny not to laugh about and after the day he had so far he definitely needed a good laugh. Never mind that his friends were treating him like the woman he'd become. He could forgive them that much for now.
The four let Sally drag him off to the Preventors' med-lab and followed closely. When they returned to Quatre's apartment it was agreed that Wufei, Duo and Heero would stay there until Wufei's problem had been solved. Wufei only knew of himself being made to stay here though as he stalked off to his room to meditate before the other two were made to stay also.
Much had happened and Wufei found himself more than troubled by it. He sighed and stared at his reflection in the mirror. His body had changed. He noted that while earlier he'd been completely panicked by the fact that he was no longer a man and it felt like they took his spirit and put it in a girl's body. His body hadn't even felt like his own body. It was quite eerie that after a full day as a woman he'd gotten used to missing certain parts; though what he couldn't get used to was that his chest had apparently grown trice its usual size. With a pained groan he'd had to admit that there was no way out of it. He would need to go shopping in the morning.
Wufei sighed as he got ready for the night. He hated this, hated being a woman, hated the way it made his friends protect him, hated that his boobs got in his way and that they were so damned sensitive. He praised himself lucky though that he was in general not a very tall person and his chest size fit his body size or at least Sally thought so. Yes she'd been quite thorough in her investigation. Wufei shuddered at the thought of the physical exam. He had a renewed respect for women though. Their physical examination was much more detailed not to mention painful. Sally insisted on giving him a full physical which included removing genetic material from every part of him and she meant every part. He shuddered again at the memory his legs pressing together instinctively. It had not been pleasant. It had hurt and he'd cursed her and probably her entire ancestry as well as all her offspring to come and their offspring for the next five thousand generations to come. The other four pilots had wisely not entered the room until after Sally came out and told them it was safe. Worst had to be the white bag Sally had given him after telling him all about the female body and the other things he already knew. He'd listened through it all simply because he didn't wish to discuss with her the intricacies that led him to be married at age fourteen, but he really already knew about the female body and everything one needed to know.
He sighed. It wasn't so bad he supposed. He'd surprisingly quickly gotten used to the lacking feel in his lower regions, though he still tended to forget about it during visits to a certain little room. He supposed he had little choice but to just get used to it all. The doctors had quite happily stated that the chances of a reversal were next to none; the filthy perverts. Luckily they'd stopped looking at him hungrily after Heero told them quite coldly that he'd test his own way of turning a man into a woman. The good doctors got the message quickly though and lay off. They hadn't even looked at him once since that day last week.
Thank the gods. Luckily Heero had sacrificed himself and dragged Quatre along to distract Relena and Dorothy from their plans of 'dressing him up and doing a make-over'. He didn't need women cooing and coddling on him and putting frilly dresses and make up on him.
Being a woman was tiring and troublesome. He had been forced spend the entire day this day with Sally, Noin, Relena, Dorothy, Marimeia and Hilde. It wasn't looking to good for him.
"Come on Wufei. You need some new clothes. Those things you call clothes are really not doing you any justice." Dorothy insisted.
"I-" Wufei tried to reason back, but was cut off.
"She's right. Those white ones are far too baggy and you can't go and wear your preventor uniform all your life. The only nice thing you have in that closet is that ceremonial outfit." Relena agreed.
"How-" he tried once more only to be cut off again.
"Seriously you could do with new clothes!" Hilde and Marimeia both commented.
"I don't-" Wufei sighed.
"Come on Wufei. You know Noin and I will be there too, we'll steer them away from anything too girly. Besides you know they won't give up until you cave in and agree to go." Sally said going with her famed 'You know you're not going to get out of it.' method. Wufei silently glared at her as the four younger women tried their ever triumphing puppy eye technique.
"FINE! But I decide. No dresses, no skirts, nothing frilly and NO PINK!" Wufei finally blurted out in an attempt to keep some control over things. He then quickly covered his ears as aforementioned four women started to squeal in delight.
Before he knew it he was in some fashion store he didn't know the name of trying on all kinds of clothes that the six other women found for him. They demanded he show them with each item how it looked and there were three piles of clothes on the chairs outside the changing room now. The smallest of which consisted of clothes instantly dismissed. Wufei sighed as he tried to pull down the tight red t-shirt that hugged his body so tightly he wondered if he could breathe in it without ripping it apart. Relena pulled open the curtain and pulled the shirt off his head handing him another of the same kind, but slightly bigger. He tried only to have it taking in the same fashion and switched up another size.
"Oh that looks good on you. Try those black jeans with that." Dorothy said peeking over Relena's shoulder the minute Wufei finally managed to put the shirt on. He'd lost count by now of what number of shirts this was. Heck he lost count after the first ten they tried in that other shop.
Grumbling under his breath about insane women buying way too much he wriggled into the tight jeans that hugged his figure snugly, but not too tight. He then made use of the few woman free seconds to look at his reflection. He had to admit that it looked good on him err her. He wondered quietly if it would look as good on him if he were a guy again, but was distracted from it when Marimeia gigglingly stole his hair tie.
"Hey!" he cried indignantly turning fast and grabbing her by the back of her shirt.
"Let go!" Marimeia cried laughingly.
"Give it back." Wufei demanded glaring at her. Marimeia gulped and meekly handed the hair tie over then hid behind Sally who shook her head. Wufei ignored it and turned back to the mirror to fix his hair.
Five hours later Wufei found himself slumping into a chair at some food court. He was too tired to care which or why. He just wanted this nightmare called shopping spree to be over with. He longed to go home and take a nice long hot bath followed by a good book or some meditation. Anything was better than this nightmare. All those shirts and pants and the dresses they insisted he try out. Thankfully Sally was true to her word and persuaded the girls to drop the dresses and skirts.
The smell of food lured him from his thoughts as the other women returned and Noin put down a wonderful looking dish before him which he thanked her for before eating it. When Sally brought him a cup of his favorite tea though he knew she was up to something. She only did him favors like that when she had to convince him to do something she knew he wouldn't like.
"What do you want me to do woman." he asked grumpily resigning himself to it that he might as well find out and get it over with because there was no reasoning with these six.
"The girls want to go shopping for lingerie." Sally told him quietly. Wufei groaned and dropped his head on the table.
'That hurt…too bad I didn't knock myself unconscious…' he thought sourly.
At seven that morning six women stormed the apartment of Quatre and Trowa. At seven all who resided there were up much to their collective dislike and at eight four out of five stared at the van that pulled out of the driveway. They pitied their fallen comrade, but thanked the gods it was him and not them. Though that was in the morning. It was now almost nine in the evening and the girls had yet to return from their shopping spree. Attempts to call and find out what was taking them failed as everyone but their friend picked up his phone. After their last ditch attempt to talk to Wufei though they were very worried for their friend's sanity as well as the safety of the six girls with him. The word lingerie had come up followed by a loud thud.
That was four hours ago though and while Trowa and Quatre kept themselves busy despite their worry, Heero and Duo were nervous enough for the four of them. This surprised them, especially from Heero who had self-destructed without so much as blinking and now paced the room because their friend was still not back from his shopping nightmare.
Trowa had spent their time waiting by observing the former pilot of Wingzero with keen interest. Following the man's every move as he paced the room and muttered darkly under his breath.
"You know if you keep pacing you'll wear holes into the floor." Quatre commented dryly from beside Trowa. Heero threw them a glare and continued to mutter under his breath as Duo stubbornly tried once again to call Wufei. Then they heard the van pull up and seconds later slamming of doors and loud voices.
Heero walked up to the door only to have it slam open and a black and red blur storm past him up the stairs where a door slammed loudly followed by many profanities in Mandarin. Heero blinked and turned to the door where Marimeia stood staring into the house. She looked as though she was about to burst into tears.
"I…I don't understand…I just asked…I…why's she mad? I just wanted to know…" she murmured uncertain. Duo was the first to react and set to cheering Marimeia up with the hot chocolate that he'd just gone to fix himself. Trowa decided to leave this dilemma to someone else and help the other five women unpack the car.
Heero and Quatre stared at one another for several seconds long. A battle of wills took place to determine which of them would be dealing with the clearly seething Chinese upstairs. Then suddenly Quatre shot out of his seat and after Trowa leaving Heero to stare at him in shock.
'That dirty son of a...' he thought annoyed as he stalked up the stairs some five minutes later; he'd decided to make some tea for Wufei first and give the other a chance to calm down. He took a deep breath and knocked on Wufei's door.
"Get lost Yuy." came the answer.
"I brought you some tea. Thought you might want some after your shopping nightmare." Heero said calmly. The silence was tense, but after several minutes the lock clicked and the door opened. Wufei snatched the cup from Heero's hand and closed the door again.
"I…need to be alone right now. I'll be down shortly." Wufei said once he closed the door in Heero's face. Heero sighed softly.
"Alright." he said quietly before heading back down.
"Well?" Duo asked meeting him halfway.
"I'm not sure. He needs to be alone for now. He promised to be down shortly. I think he'll come down in a while and apologize for whatever happened." Heero said as he and Duo continued their way downstairs.
"Yeah…from what I heard so far he'd been annoyed from the shopping and when the girls asked questions they had words and Wufei ran off the moment they got home. That was after Marimeia asked him about the hair thing." Duo said quietly.
Wufei lied down on his bed and sighed deeply. He knew he'd have to apologize for losing his temper like that. Why had it upset him so much anyway? No he knew it wasn't her question. He'd been feeling off ever since this whole dilemma had begun. He wondered if maybe it had to do with the changes. He'd have to ask Sally about that. She'd probably know. However in order to discuss it with her he had to first apologize to Marimeia.
Sigh, this is what you get when you're exposed to insane relatives for too long…
