It was late when Sahira got the call to go to Henrik Hanssen's office, she was exceptionally tired...the day had not gone well and she'd had an argument about the treatment of a patient with Greg which didn't help.
She had been seeing him for over a month now, stealing time outside of work to conduct an affair that both exhilarated and apalled her. The chasm that had opened up between herself and her husband, the stress of having to hold her life together was huge, Greg had grown closer to her and offered her the intimacy and passion that her husband was unwilling or unable to because of his resentment...she knew at some point she would have to address the situation but she felt so weak and powerless against her own feelings for Greg.
Still wondering why she had been summoned, she tapped softly against Hanssen's door and heard him call "Come in".
As soon as she saw the office, she knew something was wrong. Only one lamp was switched on, the rest of the room was shrouded in a soft darkness. Henrik stood at the window, black, towering and silent - staring up into the night.
"You wanted to see me?" She said, sliding into the chair opposite the desk, suddenly stricken by a sense of worry.
"Yes" He said, adding precisely "I wanted to inform you that I know, about your relationship with Mr Douglas."
Sahira looked up in shock as Henrik's head turned to meet her view - she could not see much of his expression in the gloom but his dark eyes behind his glasses burned into her and the weight of his gaze was unbearable, it made her look down suddenly in shame. "How?" She said quietly, fiddling with the edge of her scrubs.
"Perhaps you should find a more discreet place to commit adultery than in the shadows of the hospital car park, late at night." Henrik turned his head to look back out of the window, his voice turned sarcastic and cutting. "Rather ruined my evening."
Oh God, Sahira flinched and covered her mouth. "Henrik..." She murmered. "Are you going to tell anyone?"
"I have no intention of doing so."
Silence lay between them for a long moment. Sahira looked up at him in profile against the light and tried to fathom his emotions, she couldn't.
Eventually he broke the quiet, his voice softened. "I ..had feelings for you."
Sahira lowered her eyes. She'd known for years, even played on his feelings at times, occasionally not knowing she was even doing it until it was too late and she felt a sense of guilt. "I know."
Henrik seemed to accept that without question. "I knew you could never return them so I kept silent, I was content to remain your ally and help your career...but-"
"You said "had", Henrik".
He turned his head to gaze at her again. "The fact that you would throw your relationship with your husband and children and possibly your career away..for the sake of.." His tone turned disappointed and derisive .".. Mr Douglas?"
Sahira sat in silent misery.
"I have lost something far greater.." Henrik's voice sounded achingly sad and soft as he spoke. "I have lost..respect for you."
Sahira closed her eyes. The words crept into her heart and seemed to echo there in the rising emptiness taking the place of her feelings. Her mentor, her teacher, her friend, a man who loved her, the man who had pushed her to become who she was today was disappointed in her. She'd lost his respect. Tears stung her eyes, she suddenly realised - too late - how much his approval truly meant and it shocked her. She'd not expected to feel this way.
"You once said you wanted to stand on your own two feet here...perhaps it's time you did."
"Henrik it isn't like that-" Sahira began.
"Sahira..." Henrik interrupted. "I no longer care."
Sahira's head lowered.
"I only have one more thing to say to you about this matter and then it is closed until the whole thing explodes into a mess as it is bound to do" Henrik continued, his voice serenely calm and emotionless. "I think it was the Italian writer Natalia Ginzburg who wrote "No adultery is bloodless" ...bear that in mind."
Tears rolled down her face as she looked up into his impassive mask. He was wounded, probably covered in emotional scars and injuries she had caused - still he had held on to her because he loved her, because he couldn't bear the thought of letting her go and he believed in her. But this was the last injury. It must have destroyed him to see her with Greg and he couldn't bear it.
"I'll win your respect back, Henrik" She let out a breath, meaning what she said.
"We'll see." Henrik said quietly. "Good night, Miss Shah"
Sahira's shoulders dropped as she rose and took one last look at him before she left the office, the door clicking behind her, her soft footfalls vanishing into the hospital.
Henrik took off his glasses and let his mask down, he wiped his eyes and sank into his chair, turning it so he could lean back and watch as rain began to strike the glass and roll down. He closed his eyes.
He could hear soft whispers. The rain was beginning to fall harder now as he followed the sound of the murmers and saw the short deep alley between the back of a block that joined to a services area, Henrik's eyes behind the glasses pierced the darkness of the car park and saw them.
Greg kissing Sahira as he pinned her to a wall, her head tilted back - his hands all over her, hers all over him..
Henrik closed his eyes as something inside him snapped and shattered into a million pieces, he turned on his heel and walked away quietly. He sat in his car for a long time, staring at the rain running down the window.
In his office, Henrik opened his eyes and his slender fingers tapped the desk surface. He was a patient man. Most thought of him as a great surgeon but he was a lot more than that, he owned an ability to analyse not just bodies but minds too - how people thought and what motivated them intrigued him and he could manipulate them with a few bold moves like a master chess player.
He played the long game. He knew Sahira well, she was impulsive and emotional. She wore her heart on her sleeve and had a conscience, sooner or later this and his move at cutting her free, would trouble her to the point the matter would come out of its own accord. The affair with Douglas would burn out, her husband would either leave or stand by her and balance would be restored.
She would do everything to win back his respect and this time their relationship would be on his terms.
It was just a matter of time.
