Brokeback Hospital: Reality is Nearly Always Wrong
Disclaimer: I could not own this less if I tried. I don't own House md (I have referenced at the bottom of the fanfic what episodes I have used lines from), I do not own the song iris by the goo goo dolls, I do not own the idea, I do not own Brokeback Mountain. Basically all I own is the plot.
A/N: this is a slash fanfic. Don't like it then don't read it. Comments are greatly appreciated
Chapter 1
It was against the rules. They both knew that. They went into this knowing the consequences. Both had everything to lose just for this. For this one chance to give their life meaning. For this one chance not to be alone. For this one chance to feel truly happy.
"Ah Dr Cuddy what a pleasure it is to see you on this lovely fine day"
A man with course straggly dark hair stood in the doorway of the diagnostics office. He leant on the cane with an arrogant grace that was unnatural of any cripple. A mocking smile sat comfortably on his lips. His piercing cerulean eyes were staring down the tight skimpy vermillion top of the woman sitting authoritatively at his desk.
Dr Cuddy did not look particularly impressed by this. She shook back her midnight ebony locks. She narrowed her silvery blue eyes disdainfully at the doctor before her and pursed her red lips with a frown.
"House, you have a new case" she held out a file as she stood up imperiously
"No I don't" Dr House gazed at the file disdainfully. It was far too large for his liking
"Yes you do - twenty five year old female with sleeping issues"
She handed him the file with a determined look in her eye. That look told House that she was confident that he would be interested in such a trivial case. House was confident he would not be, especially when he took a glance at the file.
"I'm guessing she's... what's the medical term? Upset. These 25-year-old females are usually completely rational. They're rocks. Really. And... my theory seems to be supported by the fact that she swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. Get her a shrink. And me some more vicodin"
He was the best doctor at this hospital. Why did Cuddy need to patronise him with stupid cases? Any fool could see it was a simple case of depression. Why did she need House for that?
"She's more than a bit upset. She hasn't slept in 10 days" she retorted
"She's lying. Without REM sleep, your neurons stop regenerating - the brains shut down lobe by lobe. She'd be insane after five days - dead by ten."
Everybody lies was his philosophy. He lived and worked by that assumption. People always lied, especially to their doctors. People were stupid that way. Stupid and fascinating.
"Give me a little credit; I know what gets you off. She took the pills to sleep, not to kill herself" Cuddy snapped
"Clever alibi" He commented disinterestedly.
"They didn't work. She stayed awake, even though she downed the whole bottle. And the longest anyone has ever survived without sleep is eleven days. Which gives you about 22 hours"
Cuddy smirked triumphantly. She knew she had finally succeeded in obtaining the grouchy doctor's interest. She recognised that look in those piercing eyes as they left her cleavage and gazed down at the file. However, he looked up noting that she hadn't moved.
"You can go now you've got me to take the case" Dr House said dismissively
"I was just going to say we've got a new oncology head" she glared at him
"What has that got to do with me? I don't work in oncology" House shrugged
"If you chase this one away - like you did the last one then I'm giving you double clinic duty for the next six months"
She turned away from him and left just in time to miss his grumbling comment about her having no evidence of him "stealing" oncology's files of everything over the last year.
