A/N: Before I start, I just want to thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for giving me the idea and the motivation to write out this story. You deserve to be praised, forevermore! Amen. Also, thank you, Vulaan Kulaas, for suggesting this funny little idea.
So, a corrupt businessman, his sadistic employee, a fallen superhero, two evil overlords, a former advisor, a wizard, an assassin, the wizard's second-in-command and a mad scientist walk into a bar one evening...
That's the plot that Vulaan Kulaas came up with for this fic. She said it would be funny if the villains from my stories all met up in a bar to discuss their evil plots, their problems with the heroes and in general kind of let loose in a villainous fashion. And I couldn't pass up an opportunity to put in some humor, so that's why the story has a Humor tag.
Oh, and since it starts with Bowser, Ganondorf and Wolf as they appear in "Fiery Heart, Broken Soul", this story is mostly a Super Smash Brothers/X-over...crossover.
I hope you enjoy!
Title: Mysterious Gathering
Genre/Tags: Humor/Crossover/Drama
Rating: T
Summary: A corrupt businessman, his sadistic employee, a fallen superhero, two evil overlords, a former advisor, a wizard, an assassin, the wizard's second-in-command and a mad scientist walk into the same bar one evening, and end up in the same room. This will not end well...or will it? A crossover with the villains from (some) of my fanfics. Two-shot.
Disclaimer: I don't own the series that these characters come from, like Super Smash Brothers, VeggieTales or Hanna-Barbera. But I DO own most of the original characters in here, so that's a plus...right?
Mysterious Gathering
Part 1: So, Ten Bad Guys Walk In a Bar...
Smash Mansion
It was cold outside as Bowser made his way out of the front doors of Smash Mansion, making his way towards the gate. He knew he was breaking curfew, and quite frankly, he didn't care. Right now, after getting chewed out by nearly all the goody-goody heroes at the table, he needed some space.
Well, to be more frank, he needed a drink. A very bitter one, to be exact.
"Where are you going this late at night?"
Bowser turned, and rolled his eyes as Ganondorf walked over to him, his cape swirling around him in the cold breeze. Behind him was Wolf, who looked, as always, cool and indifferent to everything around him.
"Somewhere far away from here, that's for sure," Bowser rumbled. "After Scarface humiliated me at the banquet hall, I don't want to be anywhere near her, or else I'll end up killing her."
"Hmph. You never were one to keep your temper in check, Bowser," Ganondorf replied. "However, I do express the same sentiments about Scarlet. I can tell that she's bad news."
"So, are we going to stand here talking about that scarred freak, or are we going to get something to drink?" Wolf replied. "I don't know about you, but I could use something right about now."
"Come on," Bowser growled, turning away from the two of them. So much for a quiet night. "It's right up the street."
Donkirk's Hidden Base
"Are the prisoners asleep, Rokusaburo?"
Rokusaburo, Donkirk's second-in-command and lead assassin, took a look at the screen in front of him on his computer. The prisoners from the Galactic Federation were all sitting in their assigned positions, some of them wide awake and others curled into tight balls, asleep.
"Mostly, Boss," Roku replied. "It's dead quiet in the rest of the base."
"Good, good. I myself am planning to retire to bed soon," Donkirk replied. "See to it that everything is running smoothly before you head to your quarters."
Rokusaburo nodded, but that was when an idea hit him in the head. His features curled into a sly smile. "Hey, Boss," he said.
Donkirk was about to head out of the command deck when Rokusaburo called him. He turned, slight irritation in his eyes. "What is it now, Roku?" he asked.
"We don't have to go to sleep just yet," he said. "I for one am in the mood for some…companionship."
Donkirk sighed. "Need I remind you that we are wanted across the galaxy now?"
"I know an excellent bar that's not too far from here. And it's in a remote corner of the galaxy, so we can just take a shuttle and head there without any problems," he said. "Yutaka-san will like the place, too. I think we should all take some time to relax, since even you look beat."
Donkirk wanted to call out his subordinate on his word choice, but he didn't have the energy for it. "Alright, Roku. But if you cause any problems at all, I will make sure you never go to another bar ever again," he said.
"Got it, Boss!" Rokusaburo ran towards his boss like a kid who'd eaten too much candy. "Let's go get Yutaka-san and tell him the good news!"
The Evil Reader's Lair
Major Land
The Evil Reader's head snapped upwards as he looked up at Lexicon, who was dressing in a plain white t-shirt and wearing black jeans. The Evil Reader had never seen his partner-in-crime dressed in anything other than his battle armor, so he knew that something was going on.
"Lexicon," he asked simply, "what in the devil are you doing?"
Lexicon turned to the Evil Reader to give him a slightly condescending look. "I'm heading out for a drink," he said, his tone just as simple.
"And what would you be doing that for?"
"Well, I figured I'd need one. I won't be stopping at any bars while we try to take over the fairytale world, you know," Lexicon said. "I'm in the mood for some sherry."
"Then if that's the case," the Evil Reader said, "I'm coming along with you."
"What?!" Lexicon looked truly shocked. "What gave you that idea?"
"I get bored easily when I'm alone. And when I get bored, I destroy things," the Evil Reader replied. "And as much as I really want to stick it to her, I'm in no mood to confront Muse or Woofster today."
Lexicon sighed. "Very well. But you know I can't order a beer for you, right?"
"Of course, fool," the Evil Reader replied. He tossed his cape as he got off of the couch. "Come on. I don't have all night."
As soon as he turned to open the door, Lexicon rolled his eyes at the Evil Reader's comment. Always impatient.
Radical Animation Headquarters
"Hmmm…I like that plan, Eddie. In fact, I'll go as far as to say that it's one of your best yet," Julian Maverick said, closing his briefcase. "Big Idea will be eating out of the palm of our hands in a matter of days."
"Indeed. But after all the stuff that happened, I'm kind of beat," his employee replied. "How about going for a root beer at the Raw Onion?"
Julian thought for a moment. It had been over a few days since he had last seen his employee, ever since he had set out on this mission to destroy their enemy. Heading over to the Raw Onion would give them ample time to talk, but in the meantime…
"I was thinking of going to another place that's not too far from here," Julian said. "Besides, the Raw Onion's been hit by waves of crime lords that want to talk about crazy evil plans. On the other hand, the place I know is much quieter, and more upscale."
"Alright. I suppose I can't change your mind about the root beer?"
Julian laughed. "No. But they do serve non-alcoholic beverages there. I'd just rather have a room where it's not musty with smoke, for once."
"The Black Hat, huh?" Wolf looked up at the logo for the bar, which sported a picture of a man wearing a mask that looked like it came straight from The Phantom of the Opera. "This is where you usually hang out?"
"I come here to escape all the chaos of Smash Mansion," Bowser said. "I ended up meeting some generals of my army here."
"This isn't like that so-called 'villain's bar' Wolf took us to last time that turned out to a club for bashing villains like us?" Ganondorf asked.
"No," Bowser replied. "Anybody who's remotely evil is here. They beat the tar out of any heroes who show up." He smirked as he walked through the door. "Mario wouldn't dare come in here."
"And neither would Link or Fox, I presume?"
"Neither would they," Bowser said, walking up to the host.
"May I help you?" the host asked, surveying them over his small glasses.
"You should remember me, Sylvester," Bowser said, pulling out a card.
"Oh, right! Yes, of course I do. You're one of our best customers," Sylvester said. He looked over at Ganondorf and Wolf. "And these two are…?"
"They're with me," Bowser answered.
"Ah, I see. I'll escort you to the usual room," Sylvester said, and after snapping his notebook shut, he walked inside the main area.
The main area was calm, which was surprising to Wolf and Ganondorf. Most of the gathered villains there were chatting with each other, laughing about schemes gone wrong and sharing their views on the heroes they fought on a daily basis. Several eyes glanced over at Bowser and his party as they made their way to the back room, but they didn't lock eyes for long. Locking eyes was dangerous around here.
"Here you are, Bowser and company," Sylvester said. "The King's Suite."
When he pushed open the doors, Bowser got a huge shock. There, sitting in the large red chair, were two other people. The first person was a boy who looked to be no older than sixteen, wearing black and red. He had a purple book emblem on his chest with a red nexus surrounding it. He had a widow's peak with a few stray bangs falling over his ivory forehead. His green eyes were focused on a small book he had in his lap, and next to him was a large sword that seemed to be taller than he was.
The second person was a much older man. His hair was grey and long, draping to his back. He wore a t-shirt and a pair of black jeans. Despite his age, he had muscular definition that would rival that of a champion bodybuilder. A purple sword was next to him as well, and he seemed to be occupied with a book of his own as well.
"Who let them in here?!" Bowser roared.
Sylvester was about to speak, but that was when the boy said, "We let ourselves in." He looked up from his book at last. His gaze was cool and dangerous. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"As a matter of fact, I do have a problem with it," Bowser said. "I have this whole room to myself!"
"Too bad, Lizard Boy," the boy said. "You'll just have to share this room with us."
"Like heck I will," Bowser growled.
"Unfortunately for you, you don't have a choice," the older man said. He didn't even look up from his book as he answered. "It's a full house. We barely got past the barrier that surrounds this place."
"Are you saying I'll have to share with these two?" Bowser asked Sylvester.
Sylvester sighed. "Unfortunately, yes. They aren't lying about the place being full," he said. "If anybody comes in the Black Hat, they're gonna have to come in here."
"Wonderful." Bowser marched over to one of the tables and collapsed into the seat. The weight made the whole room shake. "Tell Dick Dastardly to bring me a Bob-omb Blaster. Make it extra bitter."
"Also, a shot of rum," Wolf asked. "What about you, Ganondorf?"
"Nothing for me right now, thank you," Ganondorf replied.
"Very well," Sylvester said. "Just don't kill each other while you're in here."
"Oh, we won't," the boy replied. "As long as they keep their mouths shut, we should have no problem."
"You should keep your mouth shut, kid," Wolf snapped. "Who let you in here anyway?"
"I am the Evil Reader. And as such, that gives me a right to be here." He looked over at the wolf with narrowed eyes. "Any more questions?"
"Yeah. How much longer are we gonna have to put up with you?" Wolf snarled.
The Evil Reader slouched back with a smile on his face. "All night, if you must know."
Rokusaburo whistled as he surveyed the place. "Geez, I didn't think everyone was going to be here tonight!" he said. "I guess we had the same idea that we did!"
"Indeed they did," Donkirk said. He turned to the host. "Excuse us, but we would like to know if you have any private rooms."
"Well, the only other room that's mostly available is the King's Suite. But it's already occupied," Sylvester said, "by Lord Bowser and his party as well as the Evil Reader and Lexicon."
"Hey, you're talking to a man who used to be a king! Better yet, an emperor!" Rokusaburo said. In a movement untraceable to the naked eye, he pulled out a pocketknife, silver and deadly. "Now, if you don't get us a room, I'll have to resort to force. And trust me, you won't like that."
Yutaka turned to Donkirk. "And you agreed to go along with his madness?"
Donkirk shrugged. "We were in need of 'R&R' as they say," he said.
"Boss...you sound weird using slang like that," Rokusaburo said. He then turned to Sylvester. "Now, are you going to get us a room, or not?"
Before Sylvester could answer, the doors opened again, and two strange creatures walked in. One of them was a cucumber with black hair and glasses, and the other was an asparagus with a dangerous expression on his face. His features became even more unpleasant when he saw the full room and the scene happening in the lobby.
"What in the devil is going on here?" he asked.
"There's just a little tension between my subordinate and the host of this establishment," Donkirk replied. "No need to be alarmed."
"No need to be alarmed? Are you blind, old man?" the cucumber snapped. "That guy looks ready to murder the host in a heartbeat."
"And I can, if you really want me too," Rokusaburo explained.
"Put the knife away, Roku," Yutaka droned. "You promised you wouldn't cause any trouble, remember?"
Rokusaburo looked at Sylvester, who was trying very hard not to swallow, and then at Yutaka, whose green eyes were boring into his. He sighed, and pulled his knife arm back.
"You got lucky this time," he said, "but if something like that happens again, you're dead meat, pal."
"Sheesh, serious, aren't we?" the asparagus noted.
Sylvester, visibly relieved, relaxed his stiff posture. "Alright, then. Allow me to take you into the King's Suite." He looked down at the asparagus and cucumber. "All of you."
"Finally, we're getting somewhere," the cucumber growled as they made their way across the main room.
Inside his head, Sylvester couldn't help but think, Bowser's going to kill me for this.
The doors to the King's Suite opened, and Bowser looked up as Sylvester came in, along with the waiter with their drinks. The look on his face told him that there was something that demanded their attention, but he was afraid of saying it. "What's going on now, Sylvester?"
"Oh, well, I came to tell you that you're going to have some extra guests in here," the man said.
"What extra guests?" Ganondorf demanded.
"Well...more guys like yourselves," the bartender replied nervously. "I don't really have anywhere else to put them, since they're causing some trouble for the other patrons."
Bowser looked over at Lexicon and the Evil Reader, who were casually cleaning their swords. He sighed. Both of them had been the silent, brooding type; if the other guys were just like him, he guessed it wouldn't be any trouble at all if more came in.
"Alright," Bowser said. "Bring 'em in."
The bartender barely opened his mouth before he was shoved aside by a long arm. A second later, an old man dressed like a street punk waltzed in, his face set into a scowl.
"Geez, I was wondering when you were going to put us somewhere!" he said. "I was about to kill the manager!"
"I don't think that would have been wise, Roku." Another man, this one appearing to be middle-aged, walked in behind the old man. He was also dressed in leather, although his shirt was a dark green instead of dark blue. "The Boss would've had us removed immediately."
"Quit chatting and get inside!" A few seconds later, they were trailed by a zucchini with a crop of black hair and glasses. "I don't have all day! I have a business to ruin."
"You'll have your chance, Eddie," said a cool voice. The zucchini was followed by an asparagus who was dressed in a silver suit with a purple tie. He looked distant as he surveyed the crowd. "Seems we have some more guests than intended."
"Indeed we do." A short, ancient man with long silver hair and milky eyes walked into the room, his expression also disinterested. "Rokusaburo, Yutaka, both of you remain on your best behavior."
"Got it, Boss!" Rokusaburo said.
Yutaka merely nodded.
"Who is this guy, their father?" Bowser muttered.
"He looks old enough to be their father," Wolf said.
"Alright, now that we're all here, I think we'd like some privacy," Eddie Russell said. "Leave, host, bartender."
Sylvester walked resolutely out of the room. The bartender ran out of there as fast as lightning, not wanting to be in the same room as a bunch of dangerous criminals.
"So..." Rokusaburo collapsed into a chair and surveyed the group of assembled villains. "This ought to be interesting."
"This ought to be exasperating," Bowser groaned.
"Personally, I find this to be no coincidence," Donkirk said.
"What are you yammering about, old man?" Wolf said.
"Look around you. I can sense through my magic that nearly all of us, minus two or three people, are very powerful...and have darkness in their hearts," Donkirk replied. "I think we were all meant to meet each other."
"Now you're just spouting a bunch of nonsense," Ganondorf snorted. "We weren't 'destined' to meet each other, old man. We're more or less stuck together since this place is packed."
"Well, since we have nothing better to do," Julian said, "I say we should introduce ourselves and at least talk for a bit, until the crowd dies down from outside."
"What does this look like, a support group?" the Evil Reader said. "Do you expect us all to find common ground with each other as we share our life stories and ambitions?"
"Well, to be honest, no," Julian replied. "But it's much better than sitting around doing nothing. I hate being bored."
"Why else do you think we're here?" Rokusaburo piped up.
For a long moment after his comment, nobody said anything. The sounds of music and other conversations drifted in from behind the closed doors. Finally, Eddie said, "I think one of us should say something."
"Like what?" Bowser groaned, taking another sip of his Bob-omb Blaster.
"Well, my name's Eddie Russell, and I'm an employee at Radical Animation," Eddie introduced, "and when I'm not working on television shows, I'm ruining the companies that make them."
There was a moment of silence, and then Yutaka asked, "Why would you want to do that?"
"Because with few companies to compete with us, we will be the uncontested best," Eddie said.
"Indeed," Julian said, "we have launched to newer heights ever since our latest show went on air."
"Well, that sounds really interesting," the Evil Reader snorted, "but also highly predictable. There are television shows about that sort of thing now, with the corrupt employees ruining businesses from the inside out."
Eddie snarled, "How did you figure out my scheme?"
"I can read you like a magazine," the Evil Reader said. "Nice on the outside, bad-tempered, raging beast on the inside."
"That is how Eddie acts most of the time," Julian noted. "I should know, I'm his employer."
"You should hire someone with more tact," the Evil Reader said, delighting in the look of fury that crossed Eddie's face. "For example, Lexicon here does tend to be inquisitive about matters, but he knows when to keep his mouth shut."
"I worked as an advisor for the king of Major Land," Lexicon said. "It's in my nature to ask questions, especially if someone asks for my opinion on their plans."
"Last time I checked, I never asked you for your opinion," the Evil Reader said.
"It matters little to me," Lexicon said. "I'm just trying to make sure neither of us get killed while we're on this mission."
"If you don't mind me asking," Wolf started, "why are you stuck with that brat over there?"
Lexicon gave Wolf a cool look before simply saying, "Revenge."
"Oh, wow, that's real original," Bowser scoffed. "I never would've thought of it."
"And taking over a kingdom and trying to force the princess to marry you is?" Wolf countered. "That's ancient history."
"People have been doing that for millennia," Donkirk said. "That's nothing new."
"If we can get back to the matter at hand," Yutaka said, trying to keep a fight from breaking out, "what is your reason for working with the Evil Reader?"
Lexicon clenched his fist, and a stream of black and purple energy burst from in between his fingers. His eyes were narrowed. "It's a reason most personal to me," he said. "That's all you need to know."
"Duly noted," said Donkirk. "I believe that everyone has a personal reason for doing what they do in life."
"The mediator speaks again," the Evil Reader replied.
"What about you, Evil Reader?" Donkirk asked.
"Me? Well, isn't that obvious, old fool? I plan to conquer the entire fairytale world, and become its god," he said, "with the most powerful items in my possession: the Sword of Sealing, and the Reader's Amulet."
"What does that do, grant you the power to read better?" Wolf snorted, and Eddie burst into laughter.
The Evil Reader's pale complexion burst into scarlet. Lexicon also looked angry. "You fools...the Reader's Amulet is no mere toy," he said.
"Yeah, with a name like that, I never would have guessed," Bowser laughed, taking another swig of his drink.
"It really isn't a laughing matter," Lexicon said. "The Reader's Amulet grants one complete control over every world that makes up the realm we live in, the Fairytale World. The Fairytale World is made up of the classic stories of literature that you use to entertain your children with."
"So, the Big Bad Wolf, Little Red Riding Hood, and all of those stories are real?" Rokusaburo asked, his tone full of disbelief.
"Yes," Lexicon said. "The Reader's Amulet grants one complete control, and also grants them the power to rewrite the stories to any way they wished. In other words-"
"Warping reality itself," Donkirk said. "Holding that alone would make the Evil Reader the most powerful villain in his world."
"Exactly what I mean. Lexicon here wishes to get revenge on the king of his country for banishing him, which to me seems rather petty," the Evil Reader said. "What about you, old man?"
Donkirk sat up a little straighter, his head held higher as he spoke. "I am seeking to reclaim what was ripped away from me," he said. "And by that, I mean the empire I had built for over twenty years. I ruled nearly every part of the Milky Way Galaxy, until the Galactic Federation sealed me away and destroyed some of it."
"You ruled a galaxy?" Wolf asked.
"Yes. My power was absolute; nobody dared to challenge me. For you see, while I look like a frail old man to you, I am in actuality the most powerful wizard in the galaxy," Donkirk responded.
"I took over the galaxy twice," Bowser grumbled, "but not for very long, though."
"And what happened to you?"
"Mario and his stupid brother destroyed my empire," Bowser said. "They always have to ruin my plans."
"There's always a Mario in somebody's universe," Wolf said. "Mine's Fox."
"And of course, in Hyrule, there's the blasted Hero of Twilight," Ganondorf growled. "I swear, one day I will have his head."
"Who's Mario?" Yutaka asked, genuinely confused.
"WHAT?!" Rokusaburo looked at Yutaka as though he'd come from the moon. "You don't know who Mario is?!"
"Should I have, Roku?" Yutaka asked, nonplussed by Rokusaburo's reaction.
"He's only the most dangerous hero to ever roam across the galaxy! This guy has pulled off some insane feats that could put Superman to shame!" Rokusaburo said. "Mention him at any table in this bar, and everyone will stop and stare at you. I'm dead serious."
"Comparing Mario to Superman is kind of a stretch, Roku," Yutaka said.
"Well...okay, yeah, I see your point. But still, it's not wise to underestimate this guy if you ever meet him, Yutaka-san," Rokusaburo said.
"I have to agree," Bowser said. "He's pretty strong for someone who's out of shape."
"Mario's nothing compared to Wario, though," Wolf said. "That guy is a pig, and yet he can beat the crap out of people bigger than he is."
"Half of the people at Smash Mansion can," Ganondorf said. "Go ask Dedede what Kirby pulls off back on Popstar."
"You should never, ever underestimate those 'good guys'," Lexicon said. "They will overpower you by sheer force of will, if necessary. That's how we lost against the Super Readers, after all."
"And how we lost to the Galactic Federation," Rokusaburo said. "Although, we don't have a Mario in our universe..."
"Or in ours," Eddie said. "And considering how everyone acted when I first arrived at Big Idea, I would say that's a good thing."
"It's only a matter of time before they come back," Julian said.
"So, out of curiosity," Rokusaburo stated, "which one of us has the best evil plan?"
"Why do you want to know, Roku?" Yutaka said.
Rokusaburo shrugged. "I don't know. I just want to know everyone's thoughts on our evil plans," he said.
"Well, judging by how powerful he is, I would be tempted to say that Donkirk would have the best," Julian said. "However, due to the greater power of the Readers' Amulet, I'd have to say that the Evil Reader has the best plan."
The Evil Reader sat up straighter, a cruel smirk on his face as he turned to face Wolf. "What do you have to say to that, mercenary?" he sneered.
Wolf didn't say anything. In fact, he seemed to be trying to restrain himself from punching the boy in the face.
"I'm pleased to discover that you think I have the second-best," Donkirk said. "I shall have to make note of that in the future."
"To be fair, though, that whole 'powerful evil old man ruling the galaxy' thing was already taken by Darth Sidious," Rokusaburo said. "I could've sworn he was here the last time...I wanted you to meet him. He's got some pretty cool powers."
"Roku, I am never going to understand what you're saying," Yutaka groaned.
"That makes two of us," Bowser replied. He looked over at his drink and saw that it was almost empty. A second Bob-omb Blaster wouldn't hurt. "Well, I'm heading off to get another glass."
"Same here!" Rokusaburo said. "I also want to check out the karaoke bar!"
"We may as well," Yutaka said. "He'll drive us crazy about it later."
"And I, for one, am not planning on being a victim," Julian said, referring to Rokusaburo nearly killing Sylvester Sneekly. "We'd better go ahead and go up. I hear the karaoke bar gets packed on Fridays."
"Just don't complain when you hear me sing," Eddie said as they all walked out of the room.
End of Part 1
And here is the first part of this crazy two-shot. What'll happen when these guys decide to have some "fun" in the bar? Nothing good, I'll bet. And don't worry, VK, Dr. Ver will be appearing next chapter.
"The Black Hat" is a hub for all bad guys, and I mean ALL bad guys; that's why Rokusaburo mentioned Darth Sidious being there one time. Poor Yutaka doesn't know what kind of company his friend keeps at bars, lol. And so far, my favorite characters to write are the Evil Reader and Roku, as they're my favorite villains.
Next chapter will follow shortly, and it's going to have the debut of our other villain: Dr. Ver. Who knows, maybe Urzur from "Future of Wuzzleburg" will show up, too.
Reviews are great, constructive criticism is even better! Let me know what you think in your reviews!
God bless, iheartgod175
