Characters: Whale!Alfred and Sadist!Arthur

Pairings?:N/A

Warning: Mentions of Cannibalism

Disclaimer: Even though I'd give anything to own Hetalia, I don't. I also don't own the song this is based off of (I won't say in fear of spoiling it for you!)

"Hey there Alfred! Want to sing the Whale Song?" asked a cheery Arthur, walking up to the Whale Pool, holding an acoustic guitar. Arthur just adored his job at the zoo. Especially his favorite whale, Alfred.

Alfred surfaced. "You bet dude! That's my favorite song!"

Arthur started strumming his guitar and started singing.

"You're my little whale,"

"With a great big hole!

"With a great big hole, on your little head. You're my little whale,"

"With a great big smile!"

"With a great big smile on your whale-ish face, as we sit by the pool and dream of stars and the future! We will sing,"

"We will sing!"

"We will sing, this happy whale song!"

It was then an enormous sneer grew on Arthur's face. "I've been feeding you whale meat," he announced.

Alfred's smile faded, and was quickly replaced with a look of fear and concern, "W-what?"

Arthur started to snicker. "Those hamburgers I feed you every morning are whale meat! You're a cannibal!" His face switched to cheery as if he hadn't confessed the truth.

"And also, you're my little whale,"

Alfred, completely confused and horrified, still kept singing.

"W-with a great big tail?"

"With a great big tail on your fat ass. You're my little whale!"

"I think I'm gonna throw up-"

"With a great big belly, full of whale meat."

"Ohhh-"

"As we sit by the pool and dream of stars and the future! We will sing,"

"I don't wanna sing anymore-"

"We will sing, this happy whale song!~"

Arthur's face conformed to the sneer again, "You're going to whale hell you cannibal!"

Alfred's eyes welled up in tears, "NOOO!"

Ah ha, thought Arthur, I love my job.

A/N: If you don't know, this is the Walrus Song, from FilmCow. It's a bit different, but that's what I intended. Thanks for reading!~