A/N: This is a parody to the movie Signs which I do not own. Oh, and by the way, to my friend A.C.L., if you wanna add more, add more. You can write some and I'll write some. This beginning part is just to start you off. ( Enjoy!

INT. BEDROOM. DAY

The credits roll and freaky music plays. We close in on Graham who shoots up in bed and promptly hits his head on the camera.

Graham: Ow! Shamylan!

Shamylan: (V.O.) Are you talking to me?

Graham: Well, no one knows your first name!

Shamylan: Right. OK, continue with your stereotypical Mel Gibson agog eyes.

Mel (AKA Braveheart, the Patriot, guy from Ransom, Graham Hess) crinkles eyes at camera.

Shamylan: That's the money shot.

Graham walks over to Bo's room and we see the shadowy outline of a cross and a star of David on the wall. He bursts through her door and the bed's are empty. A "gone fishin'" letter is left on Bo's bed.

Graham: (in horror) But they don't have worms!

Graham runs outside.

INT. BEDROOM. DAY.

Merrill Hess falls out of bed yelling "Maximus! Maximus!". He runs outside and meets up with Graham.

Merrill: Your children obviously aren't with you if you're out here.

Graham: Was that your intelligent remark for the day?

Merrill: My day doesn't start until 10:00.

Off in the distance, we hear Bo Hess and Morgan Hess yelling. Graham and Merrill start running through the cornfields getting repeatedly hit in the face. They come across Bo doing ballet.

Graham: Where's Morgan?

Bo: Off pirouetting somewhere. With the dogs.

Merrill: O.kay.

He scoops up Bo and they run to find Morgan. He is standing perfectly still looking out at the corn.

Graham: Are you hurt?

Morgan: I think God did it.

Graham: God hurt you?

Morgan takes Graham's face and turns it towards the mysterious "it" in the fields. There is a giant crop circle in their fields. The dogs are running around it barking like idiots. No one says anything for a minute, then:

Merrill: You know, I was having this glorious dream when this Indian guy comes running into my room brandishing a camera.for this?

Bo: It looks like pie.

Dog #1: I like pie.

They all look at the dog.

Dog #2: (mumbling): Idiot! We don't take over or talk until after the credits!

Dog #1: (whispers) Oh. I mean ruff!

The dogs run off into the cornfield.

Shamylan: And cut!

He walks into the scene.

Shamylan: Kieran, I mean Rory, that was brilliant!

Rory Kulkin: Really? I thought it was a bit much.

Suddenly the editor jumps into the scene waving a white flag.

Editor: Don't you know what the words "change scene" mean? I've been mouthing it for a whole minute over here.

Everyone stares at camera, then we smash cut to:

Bucks County, Pennsylvania Forty Five Miles outside Philadelphia

INT.HOUSE.DAY

Graham: (talking on phone) I think it was the Wolfington brothers. They have the skills and know-how to.know how to do this sort of thing. See, it was strange finding the crops like that.

Voice on phone: Well, no shit. Why else would you call?

Graham slams down phone and walks into the kitchen. Bo and Morgan are staring at Houdini lying on the floor.

Morgan: Houdini peed.

Bo: Again.

Graham: Thrilling.

He walks over to clean it up and the children race outside. Graham sees an officer near the door.

Graham: That was fast. What, do you live in my garage or something?

Carolyn: There are about forty-five people in this whole town with no lives. Of course I'm over here in about five seconds.

Graham: Well, let me show you the crop circle. I'll just leave the pee here to evaporate.

EXT. CORNFIELD. DAY

Graham: It can't be made by hand.

Carolyn: Or machine.

Graham: Well, dammit it was made by something.

Carolyn: Lionel whoever and the Wolfington brothers?

Graham: Those guys don't know their ass from their armpit.

Carolyn: Animals around here have been acting strangely, Father.

Graham: What, you think dogs did this? And don't call me Father. I may be converting.

Carolyn: Really? I have a cousin who's a Buddhist. You might wanna talk to him.

EXT. BACKYARD. DAY

Morgan is cooking chicken.

Morgan: These taste better burned anyway.

Bo is drinking water.

Bo: It's contaminated.

Morgan: No it's not. Give it to Houdini.

Houdini is lying at their feet. Isabel is across the yard. She locks eyes with Houdini and nods. "Execute the plan," she mouths.

Houdini: Aarrgh! (Sits up and starts growling)

Morgan: Hieyah! (Takes hamburger knife and sticks it in dogs throat)

Graham and Carolyn run out of the fields and come across the dog, Bo and Morgan who is now inhaling his puffer.

Graham: I guess we'll never be able to use that hamburger knife again.

Merrill comes out of the house.

Merrill: Mmmm.Lays. (Burps)

Graham: Tie up Isabel, you tub of ill-mannered lard.

Merrill: Yeah, yeah.

Carolyn gets rid of the dead dog.

INT. HOUSE. NIGHT.

Graham is lying on his side in bed and opens his eyes suddenly. Bo is standing in front of him.

Graham: What?

Bo: There's a monster out side my room.

Silence. Bo looks around.

Shamylan: (V.O.) Why isn't she saying it?

Editor: (V.O.) We payed her in gummies. She'll say it.

Bo rolls her eyes.

Bo: Can I have a glass of water?

Graham: There's a glass beside your bed.

Bo: Why do you talk to mom when you're alone?

Graham: Because daddy has schizophrenia, honey.

Bo runs screaming from the room. Graham looks out his window and sees a shadow of an.dare I say, alien?.on the roof. It sees Graham and falls off the roof in shock. Graham runs downstairs and slaps a sleeping Merrill across the face.

Merrill: You did it again! I was dreaming that Russell Crowe and I were fighting over Nicole Kidman.

Graham: The Wolfington brothers are on our roof.

The two brothers handle the situation in a believable and humourous situation. The alien practically kills itself not laughing and jumps gracefully into the cornfields.

Graham: (scratches head) Well, that was a pointless scene.

Merrill: Agreed.

INT. DINING ROOM. DAY.

Carolyn, Graham, Merrill and Morgan are sitting around the table. Morgan is poking at a police radio.

Carolyn: You know that can be used as a one-way walkie-talkie.

Morgan: I am ten years OLD.

Carolyn: Goo goo ga ga?

Morgan leaves the room in disgust.

Carolyn: He'll be back. Now I need you to give me a description of this possible Scandinavian. You see, I'm not a real cop, so I have to propose unreasonable yet humourous ideas.

Merrill: What???

Carolyn: Oh my God! Do you ever understand anything in this movie!

Graham: Get used to his idiocy.

Merrill winks at the camera and we faintly hear a camerawoman falling over in love.

Bo comes running into the room.

Bo: The same show is on every station. I think something is wrong with our television.

Merrill: I am not fixing ANYTHING.

Everyone walks into the living room and just stares - STARES - at the T.V. There is a special about crop circles being broadcasted live from India. In the corner we can see a faint Shamylan watching, then he is yanked off screen. Morgan takes a breath of his puffer.

Morgan: Extra-terrestrials.

Carolyn: What in God's name is going on?

Morgan: I just said extra-terrestrials. Are you deaf?

Graham: Alright it's my job to take over this hellhole and it's insane ramblings. Lets go to town.

The gang dances out of the house in typical Broadway style, singing things about the town. The door slams and we hear their car start.

EXT. TOWN. DAY.

The car pulls up to a parking lot - the only one in the whole damn town - and everyone climbs out. Merrill scampers off to the weird army regime and Graham shuffles off to the pharmacy to get Morgan's medicine.

Morgan: Book money?

Graham: I guess in small towns there's no room for manners.

Morgan just stares at him. He doesn't get the hint but walks off clutching twenty bucks holding Bo's hand.

INT. BOOKSTORE. DAY.

Man with his knickers in a twist and doesn't bother to run his own store: Damn commercials. I don't believe in all this horse manure.

Man with his knickers in a twist and doesn't bother to run his own store's wife: Can I help you dears?

Morgan: Do you have any books on extra-terrestrials?

The woman shifts her eyes around suspiciously and reaches under the desk to pull out an old book. She hands it to Morgan.

Man with his knickers in a twist and doesn't bother to run his own store's wife: We never spoke.

Bo/Morgan: Agreed.

INT. PHARMACY. DAY.

Graham: Can I have my medicine now, you filthy-mouthed sinner girl?

Tracy whoever: But I need to confess, Father.

Graham: I'm not a reverend anymore. And I hope you haven't been talking to my children.

INT. ARMY REGIME. DAY.

Merrill is staring at a pic of Uncle Sam and turns around when a strange military man starts rambling in a monotone about reconnasince groups to - check-things-out.

Merrill: I'll just take a pamphlet so you won't bomb my house or anything.

Military man: Hey, you're that baseball player!

Lionel: (who is sitting behind them and Merrill didn't even see him until he spoke, even though he was sitting in the back of the room the whole time) Guess again.

Merrill: Shut up or I'll sic my dog on you.

Lionel: I'll be good.

INT. PIZZA PLACE. DAY.

Everyone is sitting around the table which is right in front of the door, possibly blocking customers. They suddenly catch a glimpse of Shamylan/Ray Reddy/the unknown person.

Morgan: Is that him? He doesn't look so vicious.

Bo: Who?

Merrill: Yeah.

Mel continues to stare at the camera with agog eyes.

Bo: Who is he?

Ray suddenly sees the family and jumps into his car and speeds away.

Bo: Who is he?????????????

The family goes back to eating.

A/N: Review please!