"Sera, don't let your flame die out in that arena," says LuLla, her bottom lip trembling. She may be upset but I keep a composed demeanor,as always. But on the inside, I am sobbing and wailing and screaming, and scared. But not on the outside.
"I am ready, I have been ready, I will honor our family, and if I don't return, I will have died an honorable death," I want to, but I can't believe what I say is true, since it isn't, no part of it is true. I won't return, and I will die in the blood bath, or be hunted down easily by the Careers.
"Don't say that, you will return, I know you will, there is no possible way you won't," says Talulla, ever so confident, but I know inside she feels the same way I do, I know that she knows I won't be back, these are my last, flat, inspiration-less words to her.
A shame really, that my last words are wasted on lies when I have much more articulate ones in my head that will never be shared, never be told. I won't have stories to tell my stories, or grandchildren to not tell stories to. I won't have a life to hold in my heart until I die, I'll have nothing.
I'll have a death, but no life to flash before my eyes in the final moments. I've led a pathetic life, and now it is too late to fix that, I'm being shipped off to my death, bye life, bye breath.
"Time is up," says a Peacekeeper in aver gruff voice. He leads Talulla towards the door. Inside I am sobbing, I don't want her to leave me here alone so they can drag me off to my death.
"LuLla," I say, just as she is about to leave, "Yes?" she replies, "Good bye," I say, and that moment you hear a small whimper in my voice, you can hear me getting choked up, you hear the hurt I feel inside, and you feel bad.
"I said time's up," says the Peacekeeper, you can almost hear how he feels bad for me to, how he feels the emotion jolt through him like he is being electrocuted, but not quite.
I put my head in my hands, that was my one and only visitor, but in my heart I only long for one person, mom.
"Will you except a visitation from," he pauses and looks down to read the name off of a sheet of paper, "Aura Larkspur?"
When he says the name a switch goes off in my head... Mom! "Of-of-of course!" I am glad one good thing can finally happen to me for once! This is the first time I have seen mom in years, since she tried to kill her self.
Sera, honey," she says as she walks in. You can hear the relief in her voice that I let her in, "I am so sorry I chose not to come home years ago and be with my daughters! I should have been spending time with you instead of staying in the hospital and being depressed! You have to promise that you'll be back so I can fix that, you have to," she says everything so rushed, it takes some time to process.
"I cannot promise you anything, and I am sorry I won't return," I say. She is about to cry, and it feels like I am the only one who knows how to keep my composure, even though I am worst off.
"I want to give you a token for the arena, since you can only have one thing," she says, "I hope you don't already have a token. Do you?" she asks.
"No, of course not, I was beginning to wonder if I was going to have one," I say, casually, but you can feel the tension in the room, she feels like I haven't fully forgiven her, and maybe deep down I haven't.
"Here," she says as she hands me father red- brown leather hunting gloves, on of the last things left from the ancestors. I look at them, and then look back at her. I see the hopeful look on her face and can't help feeling grateful.
Even looking crappy with dry lips and bagged eyes and pale skin, she still looks beautiful. Even through colorless hair, purple lips and tired eyes, she stills looks vibrant in my eyes, everything I wish to be.
"Thank you so much! I know how much these mean to you!" I look down at the gloves, and we sit quietly just thinking. We have half way mended our relationship, finally.
"Times up," says the gruff voiced peacekeeper, as he nearly drags my mother out of the room. She has a look that says she believes in my and I just nod my head on short quick time and say, "Good bye."
These are my real final words to her and the first ones in years. This is when I leave the safety of district eleven for the horrible capitol where you are always watched and judged.
The place where the citizens decide if you live or die, the place where 23 of 24 tributes will be prepared for their slaughter, and the place where 1 of 24 is prepped for a life of wealth and fame.
The place where I will slowly begin to die, day by day, minute by minute, second by second.
