My men are finally well enough to walk through the castle. When the royal physicians tended their injuries the day the spell was broken, they ordered most of our men on bedrest, and now they're finally able to enjoy the beauty of the castle like the other servants and the royal couple do.
I'm so tired of it all! I can barely stand anymore!
Truly, I can barely stand. My permanently fractured leg has reduced me to such a state.
I had the troublesome dream again last night. This time it proved too much. Without waking a soul, I limped outside and silently made my way through the forest.
Drawing my sword, I admired the way it shimmered in the moonlight. Now I would be free of this dreadful curse, a horrid stated of wretchedness that had begun not when the enchantress cast the spell, but before I had even become a servant. Placing the pommel of my sword on the ground, I steadied it with my healthy foot, doffing my jerkin and undershirt.
"Don't even think about it!" My sister made her way into the clearing. "You selfish jerk! You were going to end your misery and leave the rest of us here to suffer!"
"Ending my misery is ending your own!" I argued. "The cruel terms to which I am held as a servant, much against my will, state that upon my death, the contract is void! You'll be free! Our men will be free! No one loses here!"
She sighed. "We've been human again for less than a month, and THIS is how you solve the world's problems?!"
"Alright." I pretended to relent. "But if you're so convinced we should stay alive, why do you carry hemlock in your satchel?!"
"That's none of your business!"
"Why?!" When my sister didn't respond, I continued, "I'll tell you why. You tell me if I'm wrong. You and I aren't truly human again. We never have been. We never will be. Even before that accursed spell. Born to the town beggars, we grew up being treated like stray dogs. Hired to a spoiled prince, we spent our adult lives being treated like wolves. Even now, our physical disabilities are an outward sign of how the other servants already see us. We are rejects, outcasts, misfits unworthy to draw breath, so why bother fighting it any longer? I no longer have the will to live, and now that our men are well, I no longer have a reason."
She nodded. "So how shall we do it?"
We spent several minutes deep in thought. As we considered the matter, I donned my shirt and jerkin to avoid becoming a feast for mosquitos.
"We can't ask Mrs. Potts," I began. "She'll talk us out of it."
"We can't tell anyone, nitwit!" my sister retorted. "Too much of a risk they'll tell the masters!"
Again, we sat in silence for a while.
"Are we certain this is the best course of action?" she asked. "Now that we're giving ourselves a chance to think things through, do we really want to go through with this?"
"Got any better ideas?!" I demanded.
"No, but I've heard that those who seek to end their own lives don't truly want to die. They just wish their lives could be different, and they don't see any other alternative to their predicament. Do you want to die?"
I thought about sunrise in the forest when the dappled light casts lovely glows of different colors on the budding flowers, and the birds begin to wake.
"I wouldn't mind dying," I answered. "I just want to make sure it's done properly. This situation we're in…" I sighed wearily. "It's not worth dying for."
"I concur." After a pause, she asked, "What do you want most in life?"
"To be treated fairly like any other human being."
"Me too. What brought you out here tonight? I know how much you suffer because I suffer the same way, but what was the final straw?"
I described to her the dream I had about the royal physicians finally being able to cure my broken leg so I could walk properly again.
"I wish they could tend your arm," I stated. "You don't deserve a lifelong injury like I do."
My sister sighed. "I was waiting for that. You blame yourself for everything, don't you?"
"Shouldn't I?"
"Did you not hear Belle and the Beast arguing the night he saved her life?! Either we're all to blame for doing the wrong thing, or none of us are to blame because it was a simple accident, an error in communication!"
I nodded, silently agreeing, but still feeling responsible for what had happened to my men, not to mention my masters. I cared not a whit what had happened to myself, for I truly deserve such pain.
"What else do you wish the royal physicians could do?" my sister queried.
I thought for several seconds. "Prevent rabies. That would save me an unbelievable amount of work."
"That'll be the day! Is that before or after they find a way to prevent pox?!"
"Or consumption?"
"Or diphtheria?"
If we had been any other two people, we might have laughed, but my sister and I rarely change our facial expressions, preferring to use our eyes to communicate our states of mind.
"If we're going to continue living, we need a noble cause to live for," I stated, "or one day to die for so we can at least go properly."
"How about love?" my sister suggested.
I rolled my eyes. "No one is ever going to like either of us, let alone love us! We're practically werewolves, for Beaumont's sake!"
"Belle fell in love with the master while he was still a Beast," she reminded me. "There's hope for you yet. Some women like the rugged outdoorsman."
"And what about you?" I asked.
"What man could love a strong, independent woman who can outfight him blindfolded?"
I nodded. She had a valid point.
"But since I'll never be a wife and a mother, but you still have a chance at love, you can get married and make me an aunt! I promise I'll love the baby ever so dearly!"
"Let's not rush things," I replied. "For now, we're alive. We're not happy about it, but we exist, and maybe someday, I'll find some nice beggarwoman or something."
"It's a start!"
"Curse you for saving my life!"
"Don't make me regret it!"
We trudged back to the castle in silence. I was silently laughing to myself at the idea that a woman could ever love me. I have run the joke through my mind all day as I've worked tirelessly.
My job would be a lot easier if Belle wasn't after a quarterstaff. See, she couldn't find a quarterstaff when her life depended on it…This is not a penmanship error; I do not mean "if her life depended on it;" I mean "when." That's why I wrote it.
At any rate, she's the ONLY person I know who can't find a quarterstaff in one of the continent's LARGEST forests, so I've promised her I'll tell her everything about my life, including my childhood and my hidden fears, on the day she brings me a quarterstaff. This is the fourth day she's been searching for one, and she still hasn't found one I can't break easily with my bare hands, and to be honest, I'm starting to realize that even though she's our soon-to-be princess, she's even more pathetic than I am.
