Portal of a kind

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal. I'm not even sure why I wrote this. I think it was due to too many tacos. That sounds like a good reason. This is like some kind of weird sitcom that never should have been.

I was reading this comic about video game characters living together and I'm currently Portal obsessed. So, what if I took the most crack pairing ever, spruced it up, and put them living in a house together for some reason. It doesn't make a lick of sense, but it was oh so much fun to write. Maybe I'll write more. So yeah, this is just crack.

ooo

GLaDOS stared impatiently at the door. She was late and it was cake night. She was never late for cake night. "Where could she be?" GLaDOS sighed.

She turned to a nearby Turret. The Turret looked up at her. "I'm different!" It exclaimed. GLaDOS sighed and patterd the turret on the head with a claw arm at the same time that the door flew open to reveal a panting, brown haired woman.

"Well, it's about time." GLaDOS stared, impatient. Chell ignored this, tossing off her boots and setting her Portal device on a shelf. She then threw her lab coat on the rack and walked into the kitchen. "Where have you been? You were supposed to have been home over an hour ago. One hour, thirty six minutes, and twenty seven seconds ago to be exact."

Chell sat at the table and grabbed a plate, nodding at this information. "You know, the Turret wanted to start eating without you, but I said no, we should wait." Chell rolled her eyes, used to this. She cut herself, the Turret, her Companion Cube, and GLaDOS a piece of cake. She then dug into hers. "This cake isn't even that good. I mean chocolate frosting with vanilla cake?" Chell looked up and raised an eyebrow. She had not been the one that baked this Tuesday's cake. "Oh, blah." GLaDOS looked back down at her plate.

After cake, the turret wondered off for target practice and the cube remained in the chair. Chell went upstairs to change into her pajamas. GLaDOS appeared from the ceiling, confronting her. "You think after all the time we've been together, you would have the decency to communicate with me. I know you're not really mute. Or adopted."

Chell smiled and then motioned for GLaDOS to come over to the dresser. The computer being hesitated before allowing herself to stretch over with a discontent sigh. Chell reached into the top drawer and pulled out a book. A Garfield comic book. "No way." GLaDOS eyed the comic, grabbing it with a clawed hand. "It's the cat that eats lasagna and the guy who should use neurotoxins. But, how did you know?" Chell only smiled.

GLaDOS sighed in content and stretched over to her side of the bed, delving into a comic world where Mondays are hated. Chell laid down on her side, pulled out another Aperture invention instruction manual, and began reading, taking in GLaDOS' notes for future reference.

ooo

Chell lounged on the couch after a long day of rummaging through rubble fields for human artifacts. The companion cube sat beside her, a controller rested on top. Chell was beating the companion cube, her score through the roof. Her character threw another right hook at the cube's character, which was standing still.

GLaDOS perked up at the sounds of pained shouts. She put the dishes she was washing back into the sink and entered the living room. "What's going on? It sounds like science." She stared at the screen and watched the two video game characters fighting. "Oh. Is this how you've been curbing your murderous tendancies." Chell glanced over and then back at the screen. "Can I play?" GLaDOS asked, reaching for the controller.

Chell shook her head, pointing at her Companion Cube. "Oh come on, the Companion Cube doesn't even have arms or anything that could be used like them." Chell ignored her and continued playing.

"I hope it stabs you." She grumbled as she began to storm into another room. Chell reached out and grabbed her clawed appendage. GLaDOS turned and Chell held out a third controller. GLaDOS accepted it with a content hum and joined Chell in beating up the companion cube. The next morning, Chell noticed that one of the kitchen knives was missing. Where could it have gone?

ooo

Chell stretched as she got out of bed. She was taking the day off. Searching for remnants of civilization was taking a lot out of her. She also needed to go into town and steal some sugar from one of the stores that hadn't been smashed by those strange carniveous creatures that liked to try and eat her when she was out. Town could wait, though, as she wanted to finally be able to watch her soap opera without GLaDOS taping them with her commentary which, as much as she loved the cold, heartless computer, was grating. She had just turned on the channel and was relaxing on the couch, still in her robe, when she heard a familiar humming sound. Chell groaned.

"Oh, you're not at work today. Good, I don't have to record that horrible show. Why do you even like it? For that matter, how are we still getting television when you're the only human that's presumably still alive?" She paused, "Still alive." GLaDOS went off into the kitchen humming the song she'd made up while cooking breakfast. Chell let out a sigh of relief as she rolled onto her back, watching the opening scenes.

"Are you still there?" She looked up, watching as the Turret walked into the room. "Hello." Chell glared. "Oh. Good night." The Turret scuttled away, leaving Chell to her show.

It was getting to the good scene where she would finally find out who had killed Jefferson's son who was actually his nephew and his brother, but Jefferson didn't know that, when the doorbell rang. Chell shot a portal into the kitchen and one on the floor. She glared at GLaDOS through them. "Sorry, the eggs exploded. I guess I shouldn't have tried testing with them." The kitchen was a mess. Chell motioned to the door as the doorbell rang again. "I think you should get it. After all, you're the one who's shirking their work."

Chell ran to the door, hoping if she was fast enough, she wouldn't miss a single scene. She flung the door open and stared at the yellow eyed sphere in front of her. "Hey lady, I like earth. Don't wanna go to space."

She glared down and noticed Wheatley on the ground. "Oh, uh, hello there. You're looking good. Not fat or adopted at all. Can someone actually look adopt-" Chell slammed the door and portaled back into the living room in record time.

"Who was it?" GLaDOS asked, entering the living room with a bowl of freshly wisked eggs in a claw. Chell ignored her, straining to hear who the killer was. "Fine. Be that way." GLaDOS returned to th kitchen. The door bell rang again. Chell made no motion to get up. "Oh, you just stay there in front of that thing and rot like a potato. I'll go get it."

GLaDOS opened the door. "Oh, it's you. Umm, I didn't think you would be living here." GLaDOS picked up Wheatley in the claw that wasn't holding a bowl of eggs and glared at him. "You also look brilliant. Have you been polished recently? You're positively glowing! Yeah, you've got quite the spit shine." GLaDOS hung the nanobot on the coat rack.

"Hnnn hnng nng, Space. Don't wanna go back. Are you space? I like earth. Sometimes space. Mostly earth." GLaDOS also hung the space orb up.

"You guys need to stay quiet until her suds opera is over. There's not any actual opera singing, but if you interupt her show, I'll gladly sing you a hymn. At your funeral" GLaDOS returned to the kitchen, scrapping bacon off the ceiling onto a plate.

The space orb looked at Wheatley. "Wanna go back to space."

ooo

End for now