Chapter 1
Something happens and I'm head over heels
I don't think I am that kind of person who prefers locking herself in her room when everything feels strange, thoughts pile up and create a lot of noises in head. It's much better to take a walk cleaning your mind or distracting in any other way. Like reading a book, for example.
One of the lessons I learned since I was a little girl is that thinking too much doesn't bring any good. Not that I'm often used to find myself drowning in my own feelings, lying down on my bed with my eyes fixed on the ceiling. I am a girl far too busy within school, friends, training with the Cheerios and my hobbies. I have a lot of things to do and not so much time to stop and ponder.
Yet tonight I can't avoid it and here I am, staring at an undefined point of my room. And, before you ask me… No, I haven't any will to dress and go to the Autumn fair.
Unfortunately I have no choice. I have to take pictures for the local newspaper. Damned the moment I accepted! Since when I decide to take on other tasks? As if I didn't have a lot of other things to do.
But then again, it's possible that next year I won't be here. I mean, with college and everything else.
I hear a knock and I quickly grab a magazine on the bedside table.
"Your dad and I are leaving now, honey. Do you need something?" my mom says as she peeks her blonde head inside my room.
Mom and dad are both blond. So clearly I'm blonde too. But I have undoubtedly taken my eyes from my mom.
"No, I'll see you later at the fair" I reply distractedly as I pretend to be interested in my reading.
"Are you going to have dinner with us?"
"Yeah. Wait for me, please. I won't be late."
"Okay." She smiles. "I love you, honey."
"Love you too, mom."
And then she leaves closing the door behind her.
Snorting, I get up from my bed and I throw myself under the steaming gush of the shower. The heat of the water helps me clear my mind, at least a little. It would be amazing to stay here and being caressed by this warm, but I think I allowed to myself more time than I should have.
I step out the shower stall, I pick up a pair of dark trousers and a white sweater and I lay them out on my bed. Even getting ready to go out feels so mechanical today. My gesture comes automatic, without my actual control of it.
I hurry to the bathroom to brush my hair and put a light make up on. I look at myself in the mirror one last time to see if I'm okay. It seems like I am.
Oh, I forgot! Smile Quinn! Yes exactly like that!
Okay, now it's better.
I grab my bag, my Reflex and a denim jacket, to be sure. It's an autumn with unusually mild temperature for this period, but it could become colder during the night and I prefer not to risk.
I leave my house and I let the air full of nice smells overwhelm me. I decide to walk to the fair and leave my car parked in the driveway. I'll come home with my parents later. Also, even if it will sound pathetic, I like to feel the creak of the dry leaves under my feet.
At this time, there is nobody in the streets, everybody is already at the fair probably. The sun is setting behind the houses and its last rays, warm and intense, touch my cheeks. It would be wonderful to stop a little more in this moment.
The Autumn fair is held in a big garden behind the city hall. I don't spend too much time reaching my destination. In fact, I see the first groups of people chatting and laughing, the Ferris wheel in the distance and the gastronomic stands. In a while I found myself absorbed in the feisty atmosphere, making my way through the crowd.
I glance around to look for my parents. As soon as I see them, I make a gesture with my hand and I decide to wander through the benches and take some pictures. I don't see anything that wasn't there last year, and the previous one, and the previous again.
Maybe this is the reason why I would have stayed gladly at home? Knowing that I wouldn't have found nothing new?
Yeah, maybe.
I take some pictures around: kids chasing each other on the grass, the school band… And what is that? A stage? So it seems like this year something new has been inserted in the program.
A poster nearby catches my eye. At 11 p.m. a firework show is expected. Oh, that's amazing! I love fireworks! I can't keep from smiling at the idea.
I come across some of my friends from school in the meantime. I haven't already figured out why their head lowers when they greet me. I mean, I don't bite. On the outside school is exactly as in the hallways: I read terror mixed with respect in their eyes and here they are, running off scared after they have done their subject's duty.
I don't think that this is the effect I want to have on people. At least not anymore. I begin to feel uncomfortable in this situation and maybe being nominated for two consecutive years Homecoming Queen doesn't help. No, I think it doesn't.
The rumble in my stomach reminds me that I haven't eaten yet. I get in line at the first stand I find and I wait for my turn, then I join my parents and some of their friends.
Usual questions. How is school going, the cheerleading team, college, "how beautiful you have become!"
I rapidly eat and I speed away before my mom asks me why I'm there alone. I want neither to put up with her questions nor to answer her. To be true, I wouldn't know how to answer and I should explain a lot of things. A minefield to absolutely avoid.
I stop to talk with my teammates. Usual gossips. Who broke up with who, who is dating who, who cheated on who. I turn around just in time to see Finn who is coming with his friends. He sees me too, but he instantly turns away.
Suddenly the girls fall silent and it all feels awkward. Santana hurries in finding a new topic. It's not hard to understand that he is still mad at me for breaking up with him. I would like to get to him and explain again that he is not the problem, that I care about him, but we weren't meant to be.
He still stares at me with those wounded eyes. It hurts me, but I've done the right thing. Only affection was tying us. And routine. I hope we'll still be friends one day, when his rage will be gone and he'll understand that it was the right thing to do.
I now realize that the stage is filled up and a different kind of music has started. I try to catch some note from the distance. Maybe later I should get closer and take some pictures of them too.
Meanwhile Finn keeps staring at me and I begin to feel uncomfortable. Why everything has to be so hard?
I try to get involved in the conversation again, but I'm not sure of what Santana is talking about. Not even chatting about some rival in love of someone I-don't-remember-the-name helps me to not think about Finn looking daggers at me. I certainly need to take a walk and ride off from here. So, I say goodbye to my teammates with the excuse of having to take pictures and greeting someone.
I come near the stage while a song is ending. The guy with a guitar says something that I don't grasp and starts playing.
I know this one, I think by myself satisfied. It's Smile by Charlie Chaplin.
For now, it has achieved his purpose because I am smiling indeed. One of that smile that comes in the right moment. I get the lens closer to my eyes, but I immediately lower my Reflex because what I see is definitely not worth to be filtered through lens.
One of the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen is right in front of me. Time and my heart stop. I only hear her voice, warm and velvet, that caresses my ears. Words come to me directly and I realize that it was exactly what I wanted to hear today. Heaven couldn't choose a better messenger to carry out this task.
She sings with her eyes closed and I wish she opened it, even if I know deep down in my heart that I run the risk of getting lost in them.
The song ends and the magic with it. I come back to reality, I look around to make sure that I am exactly where I think I am. So I was not dreaming. When did all these people arrive by the way?
That tiny girl disappears from my sight. I spend the following half hour taking pictures and asking myself if she will come back. And then she comes back. She sings another song and then one again. I don't know any of them, but she can sing whatever she wants. A voice like that should never be turned off.
I take some other pictures. I really think that I will make a copy of this roll when I come home.
The concert is over and the musicians and the singers are introduced. I didn't understand anything of what they said because I've been lost in her smile.
Maybe I should have paid more attention.
Has that man already said her name? No, I don't think so. He is following the order of their disposition on the stage, so she hasn't been introduced yet. Right? Yes, it has to be like this, without any doubts.
There, he says it now. Rachel. Her name is Rachel. I think it has become my favorite word.
Rachel Rachel Rachel.
I see her coming down the stage and running to hug two men. They must be her parents. Well, nothing strange on having two dads. I think I have already met them somewhere. She looks thrilled and they seem so proud of her. The taller one is crying.
I barely hold back a smile in front of this scene. I can't stop staring at her. She's like a magnet for my eyes.
Suddenly I come to my senses, I take a look around and hope that nobody is watching me. I could look like a stalker right now. I'd laugh, but then I would look even more crazy.
It sparks to my mind the idea of going to talk to her. But her parents are there and I don't want to bother, that's it. And I don't even know her.
Oh God, they are hugging her right now and going away. She is completely alone now. Should I go and say hi?
I don't know from where this bravery is coming from, but I'm walking towards her. My legs move on their own way, as if they were driven by a mysterious force. I'm a few feet away from her.
What the hell are you doing, Quinn?
I'm still in time to switch away.
No, there is no time. She has seen me and she is looking at me with that breathtaking smile. I could think up an excuse and ask her about what time is it. Yes, just to know how much time is left until the fireworks show starts.
Problem solved.
No, kidding. That's not solved at all. I have a watch on my wrist. I'm an idiot.
What do I do? It's too late now, I'm screwed.
"Hi!" I say suddenly.
I can't believe I said it. I crack a half smile, trying to be as natural as possible.
"Hi!" she says back, with that beautiful smile printed on her face. And that voice... Even when she talks she seems an angel.
Well, now? Make up something, come on!
"Uhm… congratulations! I-I heard you singing a moment ago. You sing wonderfully" I improvise.
I can't look myself in a mirror, but I bet that I just blushed.
Try to control yourself, Fabray! You did not ask her out.
"Thank you. You are very nice for telling me that" she reply, faking embarrassment.
I think she knows very well that she is an amazing singer.
But wait… Did she just say that I'm nice or am I dreaming? She said it, right?
I must have an incomprehensible expression because she is scrutinizing me with a questioning face. Also, she seems a little amused.
I need to calm down, now!
She stretches out her hand to me looking right into my eyes.
"I'm Rachel, by the way."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Quinn."
Well, at least I said something that doesn't make me look like a little girl at her first day of school. That's an improvement.
She turns around to somebody who has just called her and she nods. Then she turns again to face me.
"Sorry, I need to go and take my stuff. If you are here after the fireworks, we'll see each other around, okay?"
"Oh. Yeah, sure…"
I don't hide a bit of delusion, but I eventually put on one of my best smiles.
She waves and goes to the backstage. I watch her going away and, for the second time tonight, I wish I'll see her again.
